All Seadog - All chapter Long
Kade hummed softly, off-key as usual, as he picked up his room. He wasn't normally in the habit of cleaning, but he felt this odd need to impress Mei, and he had the feeling she was the type of woman who kept her shit straight.
He tucked in the last corner of his sheets into his matress, then looked around. Really, he hadn't done that bad of a job. Smiling to himself, he lit up a cigerette. Hell, he deserved one after that.
Mei took a quiet breath and then let it out slowly. She wasn't nervous. She was preparing herself so that she wouldn't slip up. Well, she had to play nice. Mei reached out and knocked on his door, a couple supplies in her other hand. "Kade? Are you in there?" she asked, already knowing that he was in there.
Kade took a long drag of his cigerrette and then heard a knock at his door. He blew the smoke out slowly, then turned around, "I'm here. Come in, it's unlocked." He walked a few steps towards the door, anticipating he would get there just as she was opening it.
True to his anticipation, she stepped through the door just as he had reached it. "I heard you had a little scuffle," she said and peered at the bruise on Kade's face. "And I can see the evidence plain as day. What happened?"
"Jin punched me," Kade said, smirking. "He likes to use me a punching bag whenever he's got pent up frustration. It hurts, but it's nothing I can't handle."
With a small smile, she held up a bag of ice. "I brought some help," Mei teased. Then she took a look around. "So this is your place, hmm? I must say... it's not what I expected. Not the usual male habitation."
"I uh," Kade stuttered. Had cleaning his room been the wrong thing to do? "Yeah, I occasionally pick it up." He took another drag on his ciggarette and smiled at the ice. "I like I might like the help."
"Here, go sit down," she said, pushing him toward his bed. When he'd sat down on the edge of his queen-sized bed, Mei knelt down beside him--probably a little closer than necessary--and held the ice against his bruised face. The scent of cigarette smoke didn't bother her. While she wouldn't admit it, it was actually a turn on sometimes. It depended on the person though. Like Kade. Definite turn-on.
Kade tossed the cigarette into a nearby trashcan and turned to face her as she applied the ice. He could feel her body touching his, and he wondered if she had purposefully sat so close to him. "So how does it feel to play doctor?"
"This is more like 'nurse'," Mei said with an amused smile. "So your friend punched you... to which you weren't really surprised. Is that really a healthy relationship?"
"It's a guy thing I guess. Jin and I are like best friends. We can read each other's moods. I knew he had pent up frustration. It's hard to explain." Kade reached over and took the hand Mei wasn't using to hold the ice. "But let's talk about something more interesting. Where are you from?"
"How is that more interesting?" she asked, clearly amused. Her dark eyes were somehow not able to meet his own gaze. Mei didn't want to look him in the eye while in such close vacinity. Her thoughts and emotions were always well-guarded. But some people had the uncanny knack of seeing the truth in a person's eyes. Luckily, she'd mastered the art and was able to pass it off as shyness. "Why don't you just tell me about yourself?"
Kade shrugged, "I'm just a bounty hunter. There's nothing interesting in that." He cocked his head a bit as he noticed her reluctance to look at him. Mei didn't seem like the shy type, but he could have read her wrong. "I just like to go with the flow."
"Oh sure there's interesting things. Like... the most moronic bounty you've ever caught. Or the most interesting situation you've caught a bounty in. It can't be boring," Mei admonished, looking him in the eye for a brief moment. She laughed softly and shook her head, giving herself the opportunity to look away. "Honestly, I thought you'd be the kind to have stories."
Kade smirked, "I have plenty of stories, Mei." He tilted her chin up, forcing her to look at him, "I just think they are better suited for another time."
"Why not now?" she asked softly, automatically pulling her chin away from his touch. "Is it too cold?" Mei asked, changing the subject as her gaze drifted to the homemade ice-pack she was holding against his face.
Kade frowned, "No, it's not too cold." He could sense hesistation in her, and he was curious as to why. "I don't feel like telling stories. I feel like getting to know you better." She wouldn't tell him much, he already knew that, but he could try.
"Why?" came the question again. Her dark eyes--the natural cool look to them never fading--held his gaze now. Lightly she chewed on her lower lip and got up without warning. "Anyway, I just came to bring ice. I figured it would take the sting away," Mei said, putting the pack into his hand as she pulled away from him. The long black hair was again pushed over her shoulder and she stood. With that said, she turned and left the room, leaving him in his solitude.
Kade watched as she left as quickly as she came, "Because you're this engima that just walked into my life - and I want to know why..."
---------------------
Jin had gotten to the bar early. He had tossed a few woolongs to a musician at the front, and had continued inside to save a booth in dark corner in the back where he could still see the door, but would be given enough privacy for the conversation he wanted to have. He carefully arranged a single white rose on the table where Cloria would sit. Now he just needed the girl.
Cloria sighed softly as she walked into the bar. She didn't want to do this, but she couldn't make herself stay away. She felt like her whole world had turned upside down since that night under the stars. Had she just kept her mouth shut, things might have been different.
She spotted Jin in the back, and slowly made her way over to where he sat. She made no move to join him in the booth, nor did she say anything to him.
Jin had stood the moment he saw her walking into the bar. A sudden wave of relief struck him just at the sight of her. "I'm glad you came," Jin said smiling brilliantly at her. "I hate to drink alone."
Cloria looked down, "I couldn't not come. Not when you asked me too." It was the truth. Even in her anger, she still cared for him. Even so, she couldn't look at him.
"Please sit down," Jin said. It was the first time he'd ever been nervous before, and somewhere in the back of his head it registered that this looked very much like a date. Somewhere else it triggered that as much as he had Rua had loved each other, they had never really 'dated.' This was his first date...ever, and the very thought increased his nervousness.
Cloria glanced down at the table. There was a white rose there, obviously for her, and she wondered why he had gone to the trouble of bringing it. She smiled slight. White stood for friendship. She wondered if he realized that. After a moment, she sat on the table, but made no motion to take the rose. "I supposed I'd like a drink, Jin," she said softly.
Smiling Jin called over a bar maid and after gaining a strange look from her managed to order a bottle of wine. It wasn't a classy place and the wine wouldn't be of the greatest vintage, but Jin knew he couldn't have talked to her anywhere on the SeaDog uninterrupted, and currently they couldn't afford any place nicer. "You look like you're ready to run, Clory," Jin said sadly.
"What if I am, Jin?" Cloria replied. She hadn't expected him to say it, but it had been on her mind all day. She glanced at the rose again - it seemed to be taunting her. Still, she left it alone. She didn't want to invite more heartbreak.
Jin placed his hands on the table on either side of her and leaned in until there noses were almost touching. "The I'll chase you," he said simply. "I'll chase you as far as I have to until you listen to me."
"I'm right here, Jin. You can speak right now." Cloria replied. She did not wish to draw this out any longer than she had to.
"Will you at least sit down?" he asked backing off. "You make me feel like a wolf cornering a little rabbit."
Cloria sighed, and moved down to the seat across from him. She had liked the position above him - it made her feel more in control.
"You know that I never meant to hurt you, Clory," Jin said running a hand through his hair. "The last thing I would ever do was intentionally hurt you."
Cloria sighed, "Whatever your intentions were, Jin, I'm still hurt. I can't change that." This was going to be hard.
"I know, but I want to make it right, Clory," he said but was interrupted as the bar maid brought the wine and two glasses for them. Jin took the bottle from her and filled a glass for each of them. He swilled the wine in the glass and smelled it before takinga small sip. It wasn't the best vintage, but it wasn't vinegar and anti-freeze. "I just don't know how. I'm more confused than you can imagine and I don't know how to straighten things out. I want you to help me make right again."
"How can I help you Jin?" Cloria asked. Despite her pain, she still genuinely cared for the man sitting across from her. She took a small sip of the wine - the flavor wasn't bad, and watched him carefully.
"I want to know what I can do to make you smile again," Jin said smiling at her again. It was going a little better than he had thought. "I miss your laughter, I know Kade misses your chili. The SeaDog isn't home without you."
Cloria looked down at her hands. "Jin, I don't know how to smile anymore or I would. And I don't know what would make me smile." She looked up, but she was not looking at him. "I remember another time in my life where I had forgotten how to smile. You gave that back to me. Ironic that it was you who would take it away again..."
Jin could feel his heart twisting at that last comment she had hit the mark. Jin was silent, he couldn't for the life of him think of anything to say to that. After a moment he just nodded at her and downed the rest of the wine in the glass. "Than I should leave," with that Jin stood up and slowly started to make his way to the door.
Cloria was silent. She wanted to call out to him, but a part of her stopped herself. He was leaving her and that's the way it would be. She glanced back down at the rose, and went to brush it to the floor, when she noticed a small flower necklace inside. She pulled it out, and a small tear formed in her eye. "Jin," she said softly.
Jin allowed one small glance at the booth, but he couldn't see Cloria. He pushed the door open so hard it slammed against the wall outside. He'd go back to the SeaDog, pack up a few things, maybe talk to Kade if he was around. Jin was good at running away, it would just get easier each time...right?
Cloria looked up. He was gone, just like that. She stood, and tried to see out the window, to see if he was really leaving. She looked back down at the necklace, and then back up at the window, but she could not decide what she wanted to do.
Jin hesitated when he got the street, he looked up to the window where he had sat and saw Cloria there with the necklace. For some reason he was more hurt than he thought he would be, and he couldn't understand why he felt so miserable.
Cloria slowly put the necklace on. She fingered the rose, closing her eyes for a moment. It was hard to believe that he had bought it for her. Finally, though it seemed like forever, she stood, and made her way out of the bar. "I should have gone after him," She thought, as she stepped out into the street.
Jin saw her in the doorway and for a moment felt like bolting, but his feet were frozen to the ground. He just stood there and waited to see what she would do. His eyes hadn't missed the necklace around her neck, it suited her well.
Cloria felt someone watching her. She turned slowly, her eyes locking on Jin. "I thought you left," she said softly, her gaze resting comfortably on his features. Pain crossed her eyes, for a brief moment, before they hardened again.
"I did," he said. He turned to look out over the calm waters of the port. "I'm going to leave the SeaDog, Clory."
Cloria felt her expression fall, "You can't leave, Jin. The SeaDog is your ship. Kade and Sam, they need you!"
"Nah," Jin said trying to brush it off lightly. "I'll leave the ship to Kade, he's a good guy and he'll treat the old rust bucket well." "I never wanted to be a bounty hunter anyway."
Cloria clenched her fists. "That's not fair, Jin," she replied. "You would do that - leave them - just like that." She stared at him. "Did you even consider how they'd feel about it? Or do you just make all your decisions without consulting others."
"You forget," Jin said smiling back at her over his shoulder. "I'm not a nice guy, that's what I tried to tell you that night under the stars. All I can ever manage to do is fuck things up. So if I go, I won't be able to make things worse anymore, and you'll find the right prince to teach you how to smile again."
Cloria shook her head, "You're just running away again, Jin. Just like before." She walked up behind him and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Jin, why did you buy me this?"
"I bought it because I wanted to see your smile," Jin said sighing as he stared out at the SeaDog moored to the dock. "Throw it in the sea if you like. But I am running away again. Maybe I'm running because I'm selfish, but one day you'll be happy I left."
Cloria fingered the necklace again. "Jin, how much does my smile mean to you?"
"I honestly don't know Clory," Jin said finally turning to look at her. "But if my presence means that you can't be happy anymore, then I'll leave."
With that Jin turned around and began to walk back towards the SeaDog. He wouldn't just leave this time, he was going to say his good-byes properly, they deserved at least that much.
Cloria watched him go. She turned back, and stepped into the bar. She needed another drink and she needed it now. She touched the necklace again, and nearly ripped it off her neck, but something stopped her. Maybe because it was the last thing he'd ever give her.
---------------------
Jin stepped slowly across the threshold into the SeaDog, he'd grown up on this ship, found love, and now he'd walk away from it again, only this time he knew if he left he wouldn't be coming back. He needed to find Kade, they'd been friends for almost three years now, and Jin knew Kade was going to hate him after this...if he didn't already.
"Kade are you here?"
"Yeah," Kade called out. He was attempting to make dinner in the kitchen. "Jin?"
"Kade, I've fucked up again," Jin said quietly leaning against the doorframe to the kitchen. "And I can't fix it this time."
Kade turned around, "Jin, what did you do?" he asked, knowing already this had to do with Cloria.
"I'm going to leave," Jin said unable to look up at his friend. "Take care of Cloria and the SeaDog. And try to keep Sam out of trouble and away from anything expensive or breakable."
Kade dropped the pan he was holding. It clattered for a moment before coming a stop. "Jin, don't fuck this up worse," he replied. "Besides, where would you go. This isn't about Rua is it?"
"No," Jin said up the pan and placing it gently on the stove top. "This isn't about Rua. She doesn't know yet either, I've only told Cloria so far. I'm just going. I don't know where yet, maybe I'll find another band. I was never a good bounty hunter anyway."
Kade sighed, "You know Jin, I can't tell you want to do. But I'm going to tell you this as a friend. You're making a mistake, running away, thinking that things will be better when you're gone." Out of no where, Kade decked Jin. "And that's for the bar and for being stupid."
Jin landed gracelessly on his ass, rubbing his face he began to laugh. "You know Kade, if this situation wasn't so sad, it would be funny."
Kade rubbed his fist. "Maybe so Jin. Maybe so." He looked down at his friend. "Is there anything at all I can do to convience you to stay?"
"I don't know," Jin said standing up again. "To tell you the truth I really don't want to go. But its going to be better this way. The funny thing is...I finally figured out what I felt for her, and I lost her. You didn't see how she looked at me Kade, what she said. I can't stand to see her this way."
Kade walked up to Jin and placed a hand on his shoulder, "And did you tell her, Jin, what you felt for her? Or did you just blantently assume that she should have figured it out on her own?"
"I can't tell her," Jin said exasperated. "She'll be better off with someone else. I'm not good enough for her Kade. She deserves some guy who will never let her cry."
"Jin, are you so thickheaded? What is so wrong with you that you think so little of yourself?" Kade shook him softly, and laughed. "Maybe it was meant to be this way." He let go of Jin and turned back to the dishes. "You won't fight for her and she won't fight for you. Chalk another love lost up to foolish pride."
"Fuck off, Kade," Jin yelled. "I hurt Rua by running away, what makes you think I wouldn't do the same thing to her?"
"Are you listening to yourself? You hurt Rua by running - WHY are you making the same mistake with Cloria?" Kade retorted.
"Dammit!" Jin balled his fists, but instead of hitting Kade, he slammed his hand into the wall, leaving a large dent. He could feel his knuckled bruising as he pulled his hand back and collapsed against the wall. He didn't know what to do, he couldn't stay and he couldn't go. He was essentially caught in his own trap.
Kade felt pity for his friend. He couldn't solve their problems - they would have to do that themselves. He could only offer advice, "Jin, stay. Give yourself time to sort this out. You're so lost in your emotions you can't even begin to make rational decisions."
"And what about Cloria?" he asked his voive nearly cracking with emotions.
"Cloria lost as well. I don't know how to bring her back. But this, you running away, it's not the right way." Kade said softly. "She's like the little sister I never had. Big brother can't stand to see her cry, and as much as you're making her cry now, she'd never stop if you left."
"Kade," Jin asked sighing as he hit his head against the wall with a light thunk. "Why do you have to be so sensible all the time? You're making me look bad."
"It's easy to be sensible when you're looking at it from the outside in," Kade replied. "I'd be just as much of a mess if I was in your shoes"
"Then here," Jin said tugging off one of his big black leather boots. "Take this and at least look a little frazzled."
Kade laughed and took the shoes. He danced around for a moment as though he was crazy. "Yup, they sure have an effect on you."
Jin managed to smile at Kade's attempt to bring humor back. "Will you go pick up Cloria?" Jin asked practically yanking the boots from Kade. "She should have made it back here by now. I'm afraid she might have gone back into the tavern to drink."
Kade nodded. "I will, if you promise to be here when I get back."
"Yah," Jin said climing back up to his feet. "I have to talk to Rua and clear a few things up that have been left hanging for three years."
"Good," Kade said. He whiped his hands on a towel. "Which bar did you say she was at?"
"Prancing Pony," Jin grabbed the towel and filled it with ice. Both his hand and his eye were throbbing now. "Its just off the docks."
Kade nodded. "Alright, I'll see you when I get back."
Jin nodded, "If I'm still in one piece."
---------------------
Cloria sat at the bar and took another shot. She was drunk, worse than she had been a few days before, and finally the bartender would no longer serve her. "Whatever," she muttered, as she walked towards the door. She stepped out onto the sidewalk, and nearly tripped over a woman playing the guitar.
Allison had been in front of the Prancing Pony all day. She had settled into a comfortable position, leaning against the wall with her ankles crossed. This turned out to be a bad idea as the blond woman exiting the building nearly stumbled over her. Allison had no doubt that she had been drinking a few too many. She quickly moved her feet towards herself again. "Sorry about that," she said, continuing to play the song she was in the middle of.
Cloria turned back around slowly, "What is that song you're playing?" she said, slowly, as though the words took her some measure of effort.
Glancing at the blond a second time, Allison recognized her. She was the lady that had had the little argument with a man just outside the pub's door earlier today. She pretended not to notice, however, as she was sure the woman wouldn't want to know that a total stranger had witnessed the whole thing. She looked down at her guitar, even though she didn't need to. She knew the song as well as her own name. "It's called 'A Distant Dream,'" she replied, "It's about a selfish man...."
Cloria's eyes widened, "I know a selfish man." She turned and sat down next to Allison. The movement took effort - Cloria's balance was not very good at the moment. Once she was finally in the seated position, she turned to Allison. "Will you sing it for me?"
She watched Cloria as she sat beside her. She wasn't entirely sure if the woman needed anymore sad words today, but imagining herself in her shoes, Allison decided that she deserved to hear them. Looking towards the nearby bay, she began to sing. The song spoke of longing and loss. Although much of it was metaphorical, anyone could understand its meaning. She closed her eyes, reciting those words that she had uttered hundreds of times before.
Cloria listened, silently until a tear rolled down her cheek. She was convienced that she'd lost him for good this time. As Allison finished the song, she smiled. "It's a beautiful song - so fitting. I think maybe I won't be going home tonight."
She glanced at the woman before leaning the old guitar against the wall next to her. She began to pick up the money that she had collected in her case, including what Jin had thrown in. "I don't know your story, but I wouldn't recommend staying away from home. It's a nice thing to have, if I remember correctly..."
"You don't have a home," Cloria asked, blinking a few times to try and clear some of the haze that was forming in her brain. "I don't think I like mine much anymore..."
"That's a shame," Allison answered, stuffing the woolongs into her shoulder bag. "If it were me, I'd try to make it better for myself before just leaving it. Then again, I'm not too picky about where I live, so I wouldn't really know any better." She smiled slightly, laying the guitar into its now-empty case.
Cloria looked down at her hands. "I think that was the last chance to make it better. Besides, I can't stand to be around... her... and she seems to think it's a good idea to try and be my friend." Cloria looked back up, her eyes dancing as she tried to focus on something.
"Friends, huh?" said Allison, giving Cloria a somewhat bewildered look, "You must really not like this person when she wants to be friends... did she do something bad to you?" She paused, shaking her head quickly, "Sorry, that's none of my business..."
Cloria smirked, "I suppose it's just who she is." The stars were swirling, and Cloria felt inclined to talk. "She is his former love and possibly still is. He told me he'd never love another - and then the next day, she was back in his life." Cloria smiled up at the stars, "At least the night is beautiful."
Allison grinned herself, following Cloria's gaze to the sky, "See? As bad as some things seem, some things never change... It's kind of comforting, don't you think?" She shut the lid of her guitar case, snapping the latches closed.
Cloria nodded, "The stars are always comforting. They will always be there for you - they are the one link to the past, present and future that you can count on."
Allison looked to the blond woman once again. "Don't forget yourself. You can count on yourself," she said, offering a wink, "We shouldn't depend on everyone else to keep us happy. That's our job."
Cloria turned to the woman, "You speak wise words. And I think that's why I must leave. I won't find happiness here anymore."
Allison stood, slinging her bag over her shoulder and clutching her guitar case in her hand, "Hey, they're just words. Sorry that I can't help you. We all have different songs. None of them have the same ending." She started off down the walkway, but not before pausing to look back to Cloria and offering a kind smile, "Good luck to you." With that, she turned again, heading towards the city. She needed to find a place to sleep tonight.
Cloria watched the woman leave, and found it interesting that while they had only met, she had felt comforted by her presence. "I hope we meet again," She whispered, as she stood up and wandered to a hotel. She would sleep away from the SeaDog tonight.
