Okay...I know, this update was due weeks ago! Don't stone me for that...I had an essay to work on and a couple of exams (that I failed...lol) okay, so here finally is the update...read it and tell me what you think of it.
Disclaimer : I own nothing
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just to hold you again
She looked like an angel…but also like a ghost…why, why could this happen? What had happened to make her so desperate. He held her hand, it was cold. He caressed her cheek, and he felt that there was almost no life in her anymore.
The doctor had told him she wont make it. There was only a five percent chance, she had lost too much blood.
Grissom felt more than desperate, never would he have the chance to be with her, never would he have at least the smallest chance to show her his affection.
There was a tube in her throat to support her breathing, there were tubes and blood transfusions, the sound of the ECG was the only sound that broke the heartbreaking silence.
"Sara…wake up…don't leave me alone. GOD don't let her die. I can't live without her. Don't take her away from me when I just realized how much I love her!", he pleaded, never had he thought he might feel that way, never had he allowed those feelings to him, but now it didn't seem to be important to him anymore. All he wanted was her, alive. He wanted to be with her, for the rest of their lives. He felt tears running down his cheeks, he didn't care. Once he had started to feel for her, once the tears had begun to run down his face, he had stopped caring about what ever anybody could think, he had stopped caring about what he thought of himself, the only thing he cared for was her.
He reached for her hand again, he caressed it softly, his thumb stroke over her fingers softly. Then he dragged her hand to face and kissed it. His lips were warm and they let her hand seem to be even colder. He kissed her hand several times, more and more tears followed the ones that were already running.
He opened his eyes, it was dark, the nurse must have placed something over the monitor of the ECG when he had been sleeping. His back ached, but this was nothing compared to the ache in his heart. Five percent, yes five percent at least…but five percent are only five percent. She'll only have a chance if she's a real fighter. The doctor's words ran through his mind again and again, it just wouldn't let him go.
He wondered what had woken him up…it couldn't have been the ECG, he was used to that sound, he had spent about two weeks at her side here now, never leaving her, hoping she would wake up…if only for a few seconds, he wanted to be there.
He didn't remember he had been holding her hand when had been asleep…he was surprised that it felt warmer now, happily surprised. He dragged it closer to his mouth and kissed it softly. "Why can't you wake up Sara? I need you so badly. Sara…please wake up. I need you….damn it you have to be strong! Please my sweet angel…be strong. I need you.", he whispered.
All of a sudden he felt her hand moving a little. Had this just been an illusion? "Sara?" He jumped up and turned the lights on. He didn't take his eyes off of her. She still lay totally still on the bed, not moving, breathing supported by machines, it broke his heart every second that he had to see her like this. He remembered her smile, that bright smile he had loved to see, what would he give to see her smile again? His own life, he would do everything to change roles right now, he wished he would be the one on that bed, struggling with death. What the hell had driven her to do that? What had hurt her so much, why did she feel that desperate?
He knew asking himself these questions again and again wouldn't make it any better. She was the one he should ask, she was the one who…had he just seen her moving a finger?
"Sara…Sara can you hear me?", Grissom sounded desperate.
Tears were running down his cheeks, re kneeled down next to her, holding her hand, kissing it. He cried. Suddenly she opened her eyes. "Oh God thank you!", he whispered. "Sara…Sara, my sweet Sara…Sara I love you so much! Don't leave me!"
He held her hand, he leaned over her, he brushed a strand of hair out of her face, then his free hand stroke over her cheek and caressed it softly. "Sara…I need you. Don't dare to leave me.", he whispered.
A nurse and a doctor entered the room, they must have seen what had been going on in the room. The doctor took the tube out of her throat, the nurse helped her drinking some water.
Her breathing was heavy, her eyes were glistering, tears were close to run over her cheek.
Why? God why do you want to put me through that hell again? Why can't you just let me do what I want to do! I don't want to live this life anymore! Why do you want to put me through another hell?
She closed her eyes, hoping that if she pretended to sleep Grissom would leave. She didn't want to see him. She couldn't stand it if he was there, she had wanted to end it, she had been so damned sure about that and then he showed up, destroying her plans, then telling her he'd love her, and for what? Just to rip her heart out once again. Just to destroy her even more, just to make her life more of a hell than it had already been.
She felt he was still there. Why to hell didn't he leave? She hadn't said anything to him, why did he think she wanted to see him anyways?
"Leave.", she said softly, her throat hurt, she desperately needed some more water, but she wouldn't ask him for help, she'd rather stay in pain.
"No Sara….didn't you understand what I told you?"
She sighed. "Leave.", her voice sounded weaker than before.
"Sara, don't send me away. I spent the last fourteen days and nights next to your bed…don't send me away, I …I don't want to ….I don't want to leave. Sara I…"
Now tears ran over her cheek. "Leave. Damn it Grissom, leave!"
He leaned over her, that pleading, desperate expression in his face broke her heart. She didn't want to feel sorry for him. Not after all he had done to her.
"Sara…I love you. Can't you understand that."
"What I don't understand is why you can hurt me for all these years, when you, like you said, love me. If that should be love, I really don't want to know what hate is….leave. Grissom I…" , he cut off her sentence, his lips pressed against hers. She would have pressed him away if she'd have the strength and will to do so. Why, Why do I give in now? If you give in now he'll destroy you even more!
His hand caressed her cheek again. She wanted to turn away but she couldn't. Tears of anger and pain ran down her cheek.
"Sara…I know I have been an asshole…I have been a real bastard…but…you have to believe me. I can't live without you. All the time I sat next to you all I wanted was just to hold you again. I wanted to see that bright smile on your face again, I want to hear you laugh, I want to…"
"…my smile died in the second that you ripped out my heart and tore it into pieces."
She hates me. He stood up and went over to the chair. He took his jacket off from it and out it on. "Okay…I'll leave…if you really want me to leave I will leave, but you can be sure that nothing will ever change the way I feel for you….I will always love you Sara."
"Leave."
He felt as if she had just ripped his heart out of his chest, she had ground it into the dirt with her heels. Somehow he damned himself for thinking she would forgive him what he had done. He knew how much he had hurt her, why had he thought it could be that easy. He knew if he'd leave now he might never have the chance to talk to her again because she might not let him…but he felt that leaving was the only thing he could do, she wanted him to leave, it hurt her to see him. He didn't want to hurt her anymore, he had done this way to may times.
He left the room, he shot the door behind him, he walked down the hallway. That feeling that he should still be in that room was growing more and more. When he had reached the parking lot he turned around, went back in and entered her room again.
"Sara, listen to me, you can't send me away! I was here for weeks, I sat there next to you, I was more than just concerned, the fact that you tried to take your life because of something I did was killing me…and it still does. Sara all I need is…you are the sense of my life, I realized that in the second I saw you lying on the floor in that pool of blood. Sara, I wont leave."
She swallowed hard.
"Sara I love you and I know you love me too. I want you to promise me to stay strong, don't dare to leave me, you will promise me that you will make it…I wont take 'no' as an answer!"
They were both crying, he sat down on her bed, close to her. She couldn't help it, denying that she wouldn't need him was ridiculous, he knew she needed him and she knew she'd be lost without him. He leaned down to her, she twined her arms around his neck and he leaned closer to her. He softly kissed her lips again. His hands softly slipped down her waist to her hips. "I just wanted to hold you again my angel.", e whispered softly into her ear. "Don't leave me. You are the only person I ever loved…don't leave me. I need you. I need you to be with me. And I promise, I swear, that I will make you happy…if you let me."
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okay…it was short and it's kind of a cliffhanger (only kind of) I hope you like that story at least a little…I would love to r
ead some reviews!
Thanks to everyone who reviewed the first chapter!
I promise the next update will be much sooner than this one.
