Chapter 1: Muggle Apparatus in a Magical Class
The bell rang loudly, signaling that another period has passed. Not concealing an audible groan, Harry, Ron and Hermione headed from Transfiguration towards the dungeons for their Potions Class.
As they entered the grey stone-laid gallery, they heard whispers and the Slytherins tightly bunched together. This was rather unusual behavior coming from them, because their favorite Professor didn't mind them talking in his dungeons before class (Though Gryffindors were another story) and they usually talked in loud gloating voices.
" That's right. That's exactly what I heard. Today's class will be most peculiar. But why, I have not heard. Care to fill me in, Draco?" They heard Blaise Zabini, several decibels lower than usual.
" Peculiar?" scoffed Malfoy in return, " I'd say words would fail to express this. Dumbledore must have forced this upon us. Obscene is an understatement of it all!"
" What do you think they are talking about?" asked Ron, his face in a thoughtful mode.
" No idea. But definitely something that will upset the Slytherins very much. Hermione?"
" Only hypothesis"- catching Ron's quizzical look- "Unproven theory, Ron. I think Snape must be planning something unusual for today's class. Since Potions is the last class we've got today, Transfiguration being second last."
They edged into the dungeon where Snape seemed to be examining a set of laboratory equipment with disdain. He didn't seem to be in an absolutely joyous mood, so they made the smart decision of sitting in the back rows, closest to the exits.
The cold dungeon began to fill with students, all of whom were staring at the apparatus around them before casting a curious eye on Snape.
" Blasted indignity! A confounded insult!" He was muttering under his breath as he headed to the front to face his restless class. He added a few colorful curses too, quietly but still loud enough for the Slytherins and the brave few Gryffindors in the front row to hear. This was most alarming…
" Today, we will make the Amnesia Antidote. Before we start, you would have noticed strange apparatus around the dungeon. We will be using them to take measurements for our ingredients because the Amnesia Antidote requires precise measurements." The Potions Master hissed, "I expect no accidents" –eyes pausing pointedly at Neville- "And no comments from anyone."- His lips curled into a snarl at all of them.
" This is the pipette and it measures a fixed volume." Said he, levitating the pipette, "Do not, I repeat, do not shove it in. You must not be so rough with it when you attach it to this…this…orange ball thing."
" You must twist it in, slowly and cautiously because it is very delicate."
Ron dove under his desk, pretending to pick up his fallen stationary, stifling his traitorously loud snigger as he did.
" What is wrong with you? Honestly!" hissed Hermione as she kicked Ron under the desk. "Nothing, nothing you should know of." He grinned. He mouthed to Harry, however, " Shove it in, Harry! Shove it in!"
It was Harry's turn to snort deliriously. Placing a death glare upon them, Snape inquired "Something wrong, Potter and Weasley?"
They shook their heads, knowing full well that if they said his instructions sounded wrong, they'd get detention faster than anyone could say "Explicit!"
" Now that we can continue. You must not suck it up, it's bad for you." He realized that sounded twisted and quickly added " In Pot-
Too late, Parvati had punctuated him with a sharp crescendo of giggles. Unable to hold her grin, Lavender also collapsed, letting a howl of laughter like a hyena.
" Of course," Draco thought, "I know what they are thinking about. How dirty. But who is naughtier than I?" Unable to resist his action temptation, he winked at them all and thrusted his hips about under the desk. From behind, Pansy started swooning about Draco and stared glassy-eyed at him.
" Terrible, this class," muttered Snape, scowling to himself. "Alright," he bellowed to his goofing students, "To prepare its use, you must press upon the part marked 'A' and squeeze the um…ball."
His words were met by another round of sniggers and some students making squeezing movements with their hands. Being much wiser this time, he ignored them. Picking up a longer piece of equipment,
" Now, this is the barrette…no…erm, brunette…well, whatsits-rette…"
"Burette, Professor, it measures accurate volumes."
"Right you are, Granger," said the Potions Master before regaining his composure and " Five points from Gryffindor for pinpointing me. I know what I am doing. I expect pin-drop silence from you."
Hermione put down her hand, her shocked face frozen there like she had been slapped. But her decent composure was not regained. Ron and Harry supposed this was one time too many from Snape but that did nothing to prepare them from hearing her cursing Snape under his breath. They caught a few phrases that sounded like "Shag to hell", " screw with Peeves", "jerk" and "with his bloody potion flasks". What was happening to the world around them?
Snape was now giving out instructions. Ron got up and brought a burette back. He placed the tall apparatus on the table and swung the flask of flobberworm mucus in front of Hermione.
" We need 36 cubic centimeters of this and I-
" You need me to measure it out? I knew it, Ron, you are too predictable."
Ron grinned sheepishly. Hermione got up on tiptoe and attempted to pour the contents in. Next table, Neville was doing the same. Then, it all came at once to Snape about how dangerous this could get.
" If you can't do it on the table, bring it down to the floor!" He yelled like there was no tomorrow (There wouldn't be, if Neville spilt anything, he thought cynically.)
" What it, sir? Do what it?" Zabini cheekily asked.
"Tipping the bloody flask, Blaise, are you implying something else?"
" Just wondering, sir!"
The long day came to a close and Snape stepped into the Head Master's office.
" It's been too long a day, Albus. Spare me this insult of using the Muggle apparatus, please! I can't take it anymore what with students making twisted irrelevant comments in my class!"
" Dear me, but I do trust it was an interesting day? Besides, I heard positive comments from the students, largely from the Gryffindors. You wont' disappoint us?"
" Oh crap!" was the last thought Snape had before sinking to the warm floor.
