Chapter 2: Gay Misfortune and Quidditch
Their first week passed by so swiftly, it gave Harry's firebolt a desperate run for its money. All the Gryffindors were getting used to using the muggle apparatus for Potions (" Ironic" as Ron commented to Harry and Hermione) and of course, getting used to Snape's incessant muttering. The Slytherins predictably were still in shock.
"Today we will be making the Sticky Solution. Sticky Solution is one of the most powerful potions for sticking things together as it can seep through any material and bind it with another material."
"I don't want any accidents at all today, because it takes a month to brew the Separating Solvent to separate anything stuck together. If you have any spilt on your hands, wash with warm water and avoid touching anything until you have it washed off completely unless you wish to find yourself in a hellish situation. Instructions on the board, muggle equipment on the sides and supplies at the back. Begin." The Potions Master was grouchy again.
The Gryffindors scurried to work, afraid of incurring Snape's wrath. Seamus and Dean discussed football as they set to work. Snape snapped and exploded at them like a triggered dungbomb.
"Since you can't shut your mouth while working, Finnigan, you can move over to Zabini's! That will teach you not to think you can climb over anyone, lest of all, me!"
Surprised by this outburst and being among the closest to where Snape was, Neville accidentally struck his simmering potion with his elbow. The potion went onto the palms of Zabini, who sat in at his desk observing the progress of his potion. He started to get up but it was a sure mistake.
Seamus was already moving towards the chair next to Zabini and tripped over Zabini's chair, which had moved as Zabini made to get up. He landed ungracefully, face first into the seat Snape had commanded him to move to. Seamus attempted to stand up, but found himself unable to.
Blaise Zabini realized with unwanted realization that Finnigan had toppled over his hands. "SIR! FINNIGAN HAS COLLAPSED ON ME AND I GOT STICKY SOLUTION ON MY HANDS! HELP!"
Snape marched over to the unfortunate two. "Stand up, both of you, and let me see how terrible your predicament is."
What the class and Snape saw next was horribly obscene. Zabini's hands were now glued to Finnigan's groin. "Bless my eyes, Merlin shag it!" swore Ron. The class murmured in agreement.
"You better go to the hospital wing and have Madame Pomfrey take a look into the matter. Go quickly before the bell rings," Snape suggested. The bell rang, as if on cue.
"It's bad enough to have someone's hands on my virgin nuts and you are saying I should have a woman take a look at it too!" yelled Finnigan.
"She will think I am gay to be touching a Gryffindor's nuts! The whole school is out there now, in the corridors! I don't want them to think I am a gay with a Gryffindor!" howled Blaise.
"Well, it's too late and unfortunate, I should think. Get up to the Hospital Wing and be done, Finnigan and Zabini." Shrugged Snape.
The class exited out of the dungeons, with the unlucky pair trailing behind them slowly. It couldn't have been easy to get up the stairs when you have both hands on someone's delicate anatomy, but they managed and entered the bustling corridor.
The Hufflepuffs, being sweet and caring, whispered "Congratulations Seamus, Zabini, for getting along better than anyone can expect. Though we didn't need to know you were this intimate!"
The Ravenclaws, being supposedly clever and smart, debated on this curious sight, pointing and arguing over views about being gay. The rest sniggered loudly with undisguised glee "Never knew you two had it in you to get so kinky!"
The rainy season of September passed by quickly, blowing itself out with countless storms that flooded the Quidditch pitch. As dry old October came, the Quidditch season began, with euphoria running high.
"Welcome to the first match of the season! Presenting the Gryffindor team! Seeker Potter, Keeper Weasley, Chasers Bell, Ginny Weasley and Parvati Patil, Beater Colin and Reserve Beater Dennis Creevey! Finnigan has been replaced for this month's games due to his inability to ride a broom or straddle anything for now. "
"Jordan! I am warning you!" bellowed the dignified Head of Gryffindor.
Lee proceeded to name the Slytherin Quidditch team. The two teams finally out, Madame Hooch started the game, warning them to keep the game clean.
"Don't worry, Madame Hooch! So proceed with the blowjob on the whistle ("JORDAN!")…um, I mean, START THE GAME! Professor, if your job was to blow on the whistle, it is right to say it's a blowjob, right?" Jordan laughed at his own joke.
"So with the players in position-" Jordan was interrupted by a loud whoop ("Hell yeah! Goyle is on top of Creevey!") from some sixth years, "When I said position, folks, I meant their strategic spots not THAT kind of position
"Bell to Spinnet, smooth pass there, to Ginny, reverse pass to Spinnet, who throws it like she wants to kill the Slytherin keeper and YES! She's got it in! Keeper passes to Warrington, the beater turned chaser…intercepted by Ginny who passes it to Bell…Ouch! Crabbe just banged the daylights out of her…ok…that sounded wrong…Malfoy looks like he's seen something…tails after Harry…who takes a sharp swerve…Malfoy abandons follow-the-opponent strategy, you got to say, Slytherins are not noted for their length…(The crowd hoots) I meant length of attention, not THAT length! How should I know if they are noted for THAT length, you perverts!"
"Ouch that is going to hurt plenty… Dennis Creevey of Gryffindor collides into Crabbe…who bangs Goyle…("Jordan!") wrong, sorry…who hits on Nott because he's gone crooked ("JORDAN!")…I meant he went off course, erm, meaning his broom swerved…that still sounds wrong…who spanks Patil off her broom," Jordan seemed to be getting worse by the minute, "I meant Nott crashed into Patil." Jordan finished, giving Professor McGonagall a guilty grin.
Just then, Harry saw a glimpse of gold. The Snitch! He had to grab it before Malfoy noticed. He hesitated, because the Snitch was millimeters from Malfoy's arse. A victory is more important than whether you grab your archrival's butt in the process, he reasoned.
He dove for the Snitch, heading straight at Malfoy. The Snitch fluttered and went in between the flaps of Malfoy's robes. Harry could do nothing else but to shove his hand into Malfoy's robes and draw out the Snitch.
"What the bloody blazes do you think you are doing, Potter-" Draco broke off, realizing in his horror that he's lost another match to Harry. But there was more.
Harry raised his hand in glory and roared for the crowd "I got the Snitch!" he realized he got something else too- A black thong with green lace.
"Care to explain the black and green thing you got there, Harry?" Jordan shouted back.
"I think I got Malfoy's lucky charm!"
Malfoy's face could have been the new mascot colour for Gryffindor.
