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alive
It was 28 hours ago that he had received Sara's call. He had tried his best to get to San Francisco as fast as possible, now he was on his way to Tomales Bay. It was night, almost two AM, it was raining and the streets were dangerous outside. He should have worried for himself, but all he could think about was her. In his mind he saw her lying on her bed, tears running down her cheeks, and she was all alone. He wanted to hold her in his arms, he wanted to be there for her, he wanted to take care of her, he wanted to kiss her tears away and he wanted to make her smile.
He reached Tomales Bay after a while and he soon found the address Sara had told him. He pulled the car into the parking lot and stopped it. He almost jumped out of it and ran over to the entrance door. He knocked trice and waited.
One minute later the door opened. He looked at Sara, her eyes were red, she must have cried without a pause for hours, she wore a beige velour track suite, her hair was in a ponytail. Oh my God, she must feel so horrible, she must have cried all night, I wish I could have been here before, I shouldn't have left her here alone. I should have stayed in Frisco although she had told me to leave…now she had to go through this alone. I wish I would have been here earlier!
Without saying anything she twined her arms around his neck. She pressed herself against him. He slipped his arms around her waist and caressed her back. She buried her face in his wet jacket, he softly kissed her on her hair. Then he lifted her off her feet, she twined her legs around his waist, his hands slipped under her thighs to hold her. Now she was facing him, looking deep into his eyes. He's here, he's finally here…I have missed him so much! Her right hand caressed his cheek. He really loves me…he came all the way from Las Vegas to Tomales Bay, just to be with me…just to be there for me. Sometimes actions say so much more than words…he just knows what I need. And I so love him for that.
He entered the house, carrying her on his arms. She leaded him to the guest room. They entered and he let her down on the bed slowly. Then he took off his soaked wet jacket, he let it drop to the ground. He kneeled down on the mattress next to her. He never took his eyes off of her. Although tears ran down her cheeks, she looked so incredible beautiful. His hands caressed her cheeks, she leaned up o him and their lips met. First they shared a couple of soft kisses, then they deepened the kiss. His hands slipped down her arms and than he softly massaged her hips. Her arms were twined around his neck. She moved against his chest, pressing her breasts against him. When their lips loosened they shared another soft kiss, then he pulled away from her, she laid back on the bed, he leaned over her, he stroke a strand of hair out of her face, softly kissing her cheeks.
"I am so glad you are here.", she whispered, breaking the silence.
"I told you that I'd always be there for you, no matter what happens, through good and bad times…and I will never break my promises…I will always be there for you Sara.", he whispered softly into her ear.
"Your clothes are all wet…I'm so sorry that you had to wait in the rain all the time."
"It's okay…really. I have dried clothes in the car…it's okay." He rolled on his back, now lying next to her. She snuggled against his chest, his arms holding her close to him. She buried her face between his head and shoulders. He could feel her tears on his skin. He wished he could do something to comfort her, but he knew nothing he could do would comfort her enough to ease her pain.
"Gil…I…I want to be with you. I love you and I need you…I need to be with you. I am sorry that I hurt you with saying that I am not ready for a relationship…I was afraid…afraid that something similar to my mother's nightmare could happen to me…I had to think about…why I am scared and…I realized that…", she was shivering, her voice was shaking and her heart was running fast.
"…Sara…Sara it's okay…we can talk about this later.", he said softly, stroking trough her hair. I hate it when she is sad, I hate it when she is hurt and I can't see it when she cries. I don't want her to feel this horrible. There must be something I can say or do to make her feel better! There must be something!
"No Gil…I have to talk to you about this…I have to explain this to you…I realized that there is nothing that I have to fear. As long as I am with you I am…save…you can give me what I was searching for…for all my life…you can make me happy…you are the only one who can make me happy and who can give me the feeling to be safe and…salvaged…I know that I can trust you…I was so stupid to…to not realize this immediately…I'm sorry…I know I hurt you."
"You could never hurt me Sara.", his thumbs caressed her cheek, wiping the tears away.
Her hand stroke over his chest. She snuggled closer against him. "I miss her so much…I had lost her years ago…and now when I found her back…she is taken away from me…that's so unfair.", she whispered.
"I know…I know.", he softly kissed her on her hair.
"I never had the chance to tell her how much I loved her.", she cried out.
He twined his arms around her, holding her close to him.
"I feel so…so guilty…She will never know how much I loved her."
"But she knew that you had forgiven her…she knew that you had realized that she hadn't been responsible, she knew that you didn't blame her for what had happened anymore…and I am sure that she knew how much you loved her…don't feel guilty Honey, don't feel guilty. You don't have to feel guilty. Sara you did anything wrong."
"I wasted so much time…I should have tried to forgive her before…I wasted so much time of my life hating and blaming her…I should have tried to forgive her…I should have been there for her….she had cancer for years and I never knew about it…I should have taken care of her! But what did I do?…I left her alone!…and I have not even been there for her when she died. She was alone, she was all alone.", she was crying even harder.
Oh my God. I wish I could do something to comfort her. I don't want her to cry. I don't want her to feel guilty. She is not guilty…she is not guilty.
"I left her alone when she needed me the most!"
"No Sara…that's not true! Sara that is not true…you were there for her, she needed you to forgive her and you did. You have been there for her…you did more for her than she ever expected you to do. I am sure you did everything you could and even more…Sara you are not guilty. You are not guilty of anything.", he felt tears running down his cheeks. He had known that it hurt him to see her that unhappy…he had never expected that it would hurt him so much that he'd start crying too. "Sara…Sara you are not guilty."
Is he crying? Did I make him cry? Oh my God he is crying because of me. She looked up to him, she was shaking, she caressed his cheek, trying to wipe his tears away…he reached for her hand and squeezed it softly. "I love you so much.", she whispered softly.
He turned to her, now laying on his side as like she did. They lay face to face. He laid his arm over her, pressing her close to him. His hand caressed her back, then it slipped under the track suit jacket, he caressed her soft skin. She kissed him softly, her hand stroking through his hair. It feel so right to be here with him. Melissa was right…I don't have to be afraid. And I just proved myself wrong. A man who cries for me would never able to hurt me…he loves me. He really loves me. And he feels so good. I wish this moment would last forever. I want him to hold me close to him for the rest of my life.
"I wish I could do something that would make your pain go away…Sara I wish I could do something to ease your pain…but I don't know what else to do than holding you. I'm sorry…I wish I could do more."
"You do so much for me! Gil you…you do more for me than you think. Gil…you don't know how much you comfort me…what you do for me is…is totally right. Gil…you comfort me so much. The fact that you are here, lying next to me, holding me…crying with me…Gil that comforts me more than anything else could."
He took a deep breath. "Sara…Sara I wish I…I could do more."
"You don't have to do more.", she kissed him softly. "I love you…more than anything else."
They snuggled against each other, they both fell into a light sleep.
She woke up by the sound of the birds in the garden. His arms were still twined around her. She softly pulled away from him and left the bed. She walked downstairs and outside the house. She sat down on the veranda, the rain had stopped, the sun had already risen and the air was fresh and clean. She took a deep breath, feeling the air filling her lungs. For the first time since days she felt as if new life was running through her veins. For the first time in days she didn't feel empty, she didn't feel totally lost, she felt alive.
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