AN: A lot of thanks for all the reviews! Thank you so much guys! Reviews always make my day! I know I probably torture you with my English, it's not my first language and…it's actually not easy for me to write in English. And I am glad that, although my English is not perfect, so many people like my story.

For those who thought chapter 11 was the last chapter…nope it wasn't : ) There will be 14 chapters.

Thanks to everybody who encourages me, especially to inlya and Sara Sidle Grissom.

Disclaimer: I own neither Sara nor Grissom, but I do own Melissa, Ben, Joanna and Hannah.

Dedicated to: Everybody who still reads my fic you guys rock!


The right memories

Her heart beat fast, she walked through the dozens of people that had been invited to the funeral, …now she stood in front of them. I can't do this! I can't talk about her in front of all these peoples! She took a deep breath, staring in the faces of all these persons. They were strangers to her, she realized once again that she had never known her mother. How can I do this? They all knew her so much better than I did…it's so ridiculous…just because I am…I was her daughter, I am supposed to say something…that is…ridiculous…they all know her so much better than I did!

That is so hard for her…She was afraid of this for the last three days. I wish I could stand next to her, I wish I could hold her hand…I wish I could be with her. He stood in the front row, not taking his eyes off of her.

"I am…glad that you all came to…to say goodbye to my mother…seeing that she had so many friends…so many persons who loved her…this spends so much comfort…I am sure she would be happy if she'd…if she could see us all here…", Hell…this was bad…I'm not made for such stuff…I am so bad in this…oh what would I give for a hole in the ground in that I could simply jump and disappear! "…I would lie if I would say that I don't think that it's unfair that she was taken away from us…but…I know that…it was a salvation for her, now she is free from her pain, she is freed from the torture she has been through…now she is free…I will miss her…I had just found her back and then she was taken away from me…but I am…I am so thankful for the time I could spend with her…because no one will ever be able to take this away from me…and…and as long as we think of her, as long as she will remain in our memories she will always be a part of us, she will always be in our hearts, she will live on in our memories….we all carry a part of her in us…she had an effect on each of our lives and…this is something so…valuable…I will never forget her and I will never forget what she did for me.", tears were running down her cheeks, she had tried to swallow them, she had tried to not sound weepy, she knew she had failed both, but she didn't care about this anymore. She turned to her mother's casket. "I will miss you Mom.", she spoke softly, wiping tears away from her cheeks with the back of her hand.

She walked to Grissom, he twined his arms around her. She buried her face in his shirt, twining her arms around his neck. Now she let out all of her tears, she wanted to cry, she didn't care about the peoples around her, she didn't care if people were staring at her, her mother was dead, she had the right to cry for her, …as much as she wanted to cry.

I wish I could do something to comfort her…but I can do anything but holding her…only time heals wounds…but I so wish I could heal all her wounds right now.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The funeral was over, Grissom took Sara's hand and they walked down to the beach. They walked in silence for a while, then he laid his arm around her waist, dragging her close to him.

"How do you feel?", he asked softly.

"Better."

He nodded softly. Then he stopped, twining his both arms around her waist, leaning forward to kiss her softly on her lips. Her hands caressed his neck, one hand slipping up into his hair. She deepened the kiss, pressing herself closer against him. He laid his right hand on her cheek, caressing her softly, then his hand slipped down to her shoulder. She softly pulled away from him, looking into his eyes. "Thank you.", she whispered.

"For what?"

"For being here for me…for caring for me…just for everything. You give me so much comfort…you…you do so much for me…and I am so thankful for this."

"Sara…You don't have to thank me…"

"…this is not a matter of course…Gil you do so much for me…you…you are saving my life."

He stroke a strand of hair out of her face. "You are saving my life Sara Sidle…you made me change, you made me realize that there is so much more to live than only work…I love you.", he whispered into her ear.

She kissed him passionately. But his words wouldn't stop her tears.

"Hey…what's wrong Angel?"

"It's…all these people…they were all friends of my mother and…they were all strangers to me…they…I knew not a single person except for you and Ben's family…I didn't know my mother at all…and …this eats me up…I mean…I had the chance to get to know her…but I always blamed her for everything that went wrong in my life…I thought I would know her…and I was so damned wrong about that…I thought she was evil in person, I thought she…I thought all she ever wanted was, destroying me…she killed my father to save me, but I thought that she killed him because she wanted to get rid of him…I thought she …it doesn't matter what I thought because it has been all proven wrong…and…this makes me feel so bad…I always thought the worst of her…but in fact she must have been a great person, she had so many friends, so many people that loved her, Joanna and Hannah loved her, she must have been a great grandma…I feel so horrible because I never gave her a chance, I never gave her a chance to be in my life, I never gave myself the chance to let her in my life. She called me…each Christmas Eve, each birthday, each Thanksgiving….I never answered the calls, she spoke on my answering machine, and I would delete the message immediately without paying attention to what she told me…I threw all the letters and post cards she sent me into the trash can without opening or reading them…she came to Vegas trice, trying to talk to me…I locked myself into my apartment, I turned the music on as loud as possible so that I was sure that I wouldn't hear her words….I didn't want her to have a place in my life, I thought she wasn't worth it…and I blocked all my memories of her out of my mind…I thought I wouldn't need them, why should I remember the woman who killed my father? Why? I know so much of my father, although he was the real bastard, he was evil, he was the one who shouldn't have had a place, neither in my life nor in my memory…why did it take me so long to …to understand the truth…to find the truth…why?", she spoke softly, tears running down her cheeks, her voice was shaking, her whole body was shaking. Grissom caressed her softly, trying to calm her down.

I wish I could do something for her…I wish I could help her…but she can't change it…and I will not be able to change it…we can't change the past…God knows that I would do everything to change her past! I would do everything to make her forget about all her pain.

"…I remember that my father brought me to Sea World one day, I had so much fun…he bought me tons of ice cream…and…and afterwards…afterwards he did what he always did with me.", her voice got bitter. "I remember so many moments that I spent with my father…moments, that I thought were great…and…I just started realizing that they were nothing more than…I mean he was just nice to me to…to pretend he was the perfect father…that he took care of his daughter…and…and he wanted me to be nice to him….GOD, I mean….how stupid have I been to not realize this! I always blamed my mother…for all my life and…Gil I feel so horrible…she didn't deserve it to be hated, or blamed by me…she risked the death penalty to save me from him…and I never realized this! I must have hurt her so much…and…and she never gave up fighting for me…she fought for the daughter that didn't want her, she fought for the daughter that has not even one single memory of a 'happy' moment with her…all I can remember is that she was stern, never let me do what I wanted to do, her work was the most important thing in her life…this is what I thought…Why did it take me so long to realize that we, Ben and I were the most important things in her life…she…she risked her life for us…I…I feel so horrible…I did her wrong and…I will never know if she forgave me…I hope she knew that I forgave her, that I realized that I was wrong about her, that I loved her, that I still love her…but I will never know if she forgave me."

Grissom could do nothing more than holding her close to him. She was still shaking, her face was buried in his shirt. She cried a long time in his arms, when she looked up to him her eyes were red, her tears were lightly coloured black by her eyeliner and mascara. Her upper lip was trembling, she looked into his eyes, he caressed her cheek with his thumb. He leaned forward and kissed her softly. He softly nibbled on her lip, she deepened the kiss, brushing her hands through his hair. Suddenly she pulled away from him. He threw an asking look at her. "Take me home…take me home to Vegas, please.", she said softly.

Grissom nodded. "I will Honey,…I will." He caressed her back, his hands slipping under her blouse. "I will take you home."

She sighed softly. "…I…we…we have to talk about something else Gil."

He looked at her. What does she want to talk about? Does she want me to…to leave her alone again? Does she want me to…leave completely? But why did she ask me to take her home then? What…what does she want to talk about? Did I do something wrong? Did I hurt her? Oh my god…maybe it's all too fast for her…his hands loosened from her, he stepped a foot away from her.

She could see the panic in his eyes. She reached out for his cheek, caressing it with her thumb to show him that there was no need for him to worry. "It's…it's just that…we should decide where I am going to live…I mean…I don't have a job anymore and…if I am not going back to my apartment then…you know it's expensive to…"

"…I want you to live in my house. Move into my house, completely, please."

A soft smile flashed over her lips. "Are you sure about this?"

"Yes…more than sure…and…and I…okay actually I don't know if these are good news but…I talked to Ecklie and…he said…if you…if you would agree to work for Catherine's shift and…if you would agree to have counselling sessions to control your …like he said… 'uncontrollable fits of rage'…then you could get your job back."

Sara swallowed hard. This is going to be the hardest decision in my life…I already know the answer…don't I? …working for Catherine? Never. But he…he talked with Ecklie…that must have been…horrible for him, Ecklie…he talked with Ecklie! I mean…this is so…this must have been abasing…if I'm telling him that I can't do this he…all he did was in vain and…he will be so horrible disappointed.

"Sara?…Sara…do you want your job back?"

She swallowed hard, laying her hand on his chest…she caressed it softly with her thumb. "I…I don't know…if I can do this…I…need time to think about this."

"But…but I thought this job was your life."

"You are my life.", she whispered softly and kissed him.


TBC

Thanks for reading, I hope you liked it...although the end was a little 'blah'...would be great if you'd write a review, I'd apreciate it