Songs of Power
Chapter Five
A/N: This is for MuggleBuddy for being a great reviewer who appreciates my sense of humor! Actually, when I saw the review about the crazy bits in one chapter I immediately thought, 'Now, what is the epitome of my sense of humor?' and lo and behold, I was answered: squirrels. This is the inspiration for this section of my crazy (and pretty lousy) fic. Have fun!
Shout-outs:
MuggleBuddy: This chapter is for you! Happy holidays as well! And that goes to all my other loverly readers out there!
TheLegendaryManHimself: You're right, I should go into it. So: because I am an insane, yet all-powerful, author, I decided that Magneto nevercaught chicken pox in his childhood, meaning he has no immunity. He did catch it, however, later on in life, meaning he went through a severe infection that killed him. Therefore, he never went for world domination, the brotherhood was never formed, and Xavier found everyone.
Animejunkie1008: Why thank you! At first I was sort of worried that she would be mixed up with Banshee or they would just be too similar (nothing bothers me more than OCs obviously based on another character; I see it as a way that people get away from finding any originality in the story. Grrrr... ::glares angrily at people who do so::) but I'm glad you think I didn't connect them too well! Thanks again!
LalaithCat: Yes. Squirrels. Funfun! And please spare me the rubber chickens… ::nervous glance at ceiling::
hehehaha: Why thank you! She'll meet them… very very soon. Yes, in the next section, which I already have written, so I can post it within the day. Probably.
Disclaimer: Don't own it. All of it. Excluding Mia and Ally and the squirrels and the shattered remains of the plot. Mattb3671 owns Mally. Somebody else owns everything else.
Now for the actual thing!
As Mia sat in second period English that day she was phenomenally bored. The teacher, if you could call her that, was so utterly stupid and close-minded that she managed to take the fun out of even free writing. She also had a severe inability to make what she was talking about even minimally interesting; the lady was one of those people with an innate talent to put people to sleep within five sentences.
This was why Mia paid no mind to the high shrill voices that started chanting "Burn them, burn them!" off in the distance. She had had auditory hallucinations before; this would be fairly mild compared to what her mind normally concocted during yet another rant under the guise of a lecture. However, when it started to get louder and other students started staring about themselves, she started to give them more credit.
"Whoever that is, stop that infernal chanting!" snapped the teacher. "You sound like deranged squirrels!"
And that was when a shrill, high-pitched voice spoke up from her desk. "How interesting! You see, I AM a deranged squirrel! This school is next on our slate for world domination! Cower in fear of my flame-thrower chipmunk army of doom!"
"Next?" asked a student somewhere in the back of the room. He was remarkably unworried about talking squirrels attempting to attain dictatorial control of his English class. This may have had more to do with the several dubious concoctions he had purchased prior to the period than with the situation itself, however. Everyone else was shaking in their seats or, in the case of the Institute kids, merely worried. Except for Forge, who had his head in his hands and was muttering, "Oh no, not again."
"We have already gained control of the capitol!" announced the squeaky voice, its owner scrambling into view on top of a stack of vindictively graded papers. It was indeed a squirrel; it had on a little crown carved out of acorn shells and covered with discarded gum wrappers, the silvery kind.
"Well, that accounts for the recent election," sighed a random student in the class.
"Get off my desk you rodent!" snapped the teacher.
"RODENT!?!" Yelled the squirrel. "How dare you call me rodent, inferior human! You have insulted me, and you shall pay! Get them, troops! You heard how she insulted your glorious leader! Now cower, humans, cower in front of my majesty! Feel my ultimate power!"
"I'm feeling something, all right,"whispered Mia to Ally as several squirrels in camo gear jumped from the ceiling. They were holding miniature machine guns.
"This is... surreal..." muttered Ally back as several Nutka ground squirrels (1) dressed entirely in black holding miniature weapons launched themselves onto the teacher from the ductwork in the classroom.
"But better than 'The Catcher in the Rye,' you must admit." grinned Mia. "Wonder what's happening in the other classes?"
Principal Kelly was an unhappy man. And, as unhappy men are wont to do, or at least of his breed, he had decided to drown his sorrows. Currently he's in his daily session with the school counseler.
"But I'm a good person!" he blubbered. "What did I do to deserve this? What? What!?"
"Shhh, it's okay," soothed the counselor, who then took a surreptitious drink himself from the bottle he had inside his desk. Ever since the sessions with the principal had started he had started drinking earlier and earlier in the day. He really didn't need these sort of pressures.
The counselor was alerted to a change in the proceedings by a few seconds of unprecedented quiet. "What?" he asked, unused to a blessed reprieve from the ceaseless moaning of his immediate superior.
"There's a squirrel on your shoulder," said Kelly. "It has a gun."
The counselor gave the principal a worried glance. It was obvious that he had been under a lot of pressure recently, but this was ridiculous! The man hadn't drunken that much yet, had he? And it was too early for a total mental breakdown of this level, complete with hallucinations, wasn't it? He certainly hoped so, but now he wasn't too sure...
And then his train of thought was interrupted by a squeaky voice saying, "We have your secretary under our control and your coffee held ransom! Surrender, fools!"
Under a strange compulsion he turned his head. There was a furry ball of fluff on his shoulder. Sure enough, it had a gun. 'Well,' he thought, 'Kelly won't be alone in the high security ward.' And that was when he passed out.
Let's take a moment to recap: the home ec room is on fire, several classrooms of children have completely and totally panicked and made successful bids for freedom and fresh air, several other classes have barricaded themselves across the room from the invading fluffballs, several classes are waging war with chalk board erasors, pencils and paste, the anger management support group is currently burning a few would-be invaders and doing even worse things to the others, and the x-men are internallly debating whether or not to defend the school from, of all things, squirrels. Not sentinels, or other-dimensional demons, or power-crazed megalomaniacs, but squirrels. With chipmunk sidekicks. Riding on bunny rabbits and crows.
Back in second period English with Ally, Mia and Forge, (who needs to pass the class to graduatefrom it legally but doesn't need to learn anything from it because he already knows it all. I mean, he is a 30-odd year old genius.) Mia is currently grilling Forge on his remark.
"What do you mean, 'again'?" she asked, a dangerous glint in her eye.
"Well, I sorta created another dimension-crossing device a while ago," he said.
"And let me guess," she said, her voice icy. "You summoned demon squirrels bent on world dominance?"
"Um, well, no. I summoned a really stupid demon who decided this world would be more interesting if the wild life was a bit... inventive."
"I can see where this's going," said Ally with a sigh.
"So he installed parts of himself in all the squirrels. This is the second time this has happened."
"So, how do we hold them off?"
"Those birdfeeders designed so squirrels can't eat the seeds out of them. We dig a pit down underneath them, dangle them from a tree branch, and watch the little creatures fall to there doom."
"Why would they do that?" asked Ally.
"Something about how their "improved intelligence" would prevail over our "idiotic human ideas". I think its something to do with what they call "smarmy feather-faces" lording it over them how they get fed sunflower seeds and suet while all they get are stale peanuts."
"My life is sooo in need of a reality check," sighed Mia.
Soon the school has been evacuated, though the x-men are left on the scene to save the day from the hands of villainy! Or at least the Bayville highschool from the hands (paws?) of squirrels. Either way, they are not happy about it.
"Why on earth are we needed to defeat squirrels?" demanded Amara on the ride over in the x-van.
"I don't know; that's a good question," said Jean, a dangerous look coming into her eyes. "Professor, why are we required to defeat an army of squirrels, pray tell? And don't tell me that it will improve human-mutant relations, because the only 'improvement' will be to make us a laughing-stock instead of a so-called 'menace'."
"Because there isn't any one else to do it," said the Professor with a sigh. "Will you please just do it, Jean? There really aren't any other options."
"Looks like we're here," commented Bobby. Slowly they disembarked, glancing about.
"You know, the sudden lack of squirrels has me at least worried," said Mia. "Seeing as there was hundreds in the trees earlier this morning."
"A remarkably astute observation," said Hank, glancing over the trees. "Perhaps they are in the school building?"
"Nope," said Jean. "I've done a mindscan and I can't seem to sense anything anywhere near here..."
Suddenly, with a screaming warcry hundreds of squirrels leaped from the trees. "How the hell did squirrels come up with telepathy-blocking devices?" demanded Jean. "I mean, they're only squirrels!"
"Only squirrels! Only squirrels!" huffed a squeaky voice. "How dare you call me that! Bow before me human!"
"Shut up, hairball!" she screamed, throwing the rodent into a tree with her telekinesis. It hit with a sickening crunch before falling to the ground with a final squeak.
"That was gross," remarked Tabby. "That sound it made when it hit the tree."
"Don't talk about it," squeaked Jean, her hands over her mouth.
And with a sudden pop all the squirrels disappeared.
"Somebody tell me that was all a dream?" asked Kitty plaintively.
"I'm still bleeding from where one of those little bastards bit me!" exclaimed Lance.
"I don't think hallucinations draw blood," commented Mia.
"My theory is that the lead squirrel was the one dependent on keeping all the other squirrels here in this dimension after they were altered by the demon," said Forge, "therefore, his death causes them to be dragged back to the demon's reality."
"Thank God," put in Jean fervently.
"I am going to have nightmares for weeks," moaned Kurt. "I mean, demonic squirrels…"
At this point Principal Kelly stormed back onto the school grounds. "I hate you freaks! And because I hate you, you're going to school for the rest of the day no matter what! Somebody start getting the kids out of the school broom closet and off the fields! It's only fourth period! God, I need a drink."
And classes soon resumed. Except for that Mia's class needed a new teacher, as the old one is currently experiencing squirrel-related difficulties.
(1) I went to Yellowstone once; our campground was overrun with these little devil-squirrels called Nutka Ground Squirrels. And they were suicidal. Let's just say they've had a major impact on my life and leave it at that, okay?
A/N: And that's the end of the madness! Only for you, MuggleBuddy! Or anyone else who reviews frequently and asks nicely, but that's besides the point.
Anyways, more is coming soon, and huge changes happen! Dun dun dun…! You're not expecting this! Probably. And you're certainly not expecting what happens after that, unless you're even more of a lost case than I am…
