Things were beginning to look hopeless. A huge rusty iron grill had been dragged out from the woods, pulled by many cave trolls. A pit had been dug and was filled with wood and charcoal briquettes. A small orc was running around spraying the hole with lighter fluid. Large picnic tables were set up with black table clothes. Some of the orcs had managed to make menus with choices such as High Elf Flambé and Silven Steak.
Arwen and the elves were starting to feel very uncomfortable with the situation they were in.
Suddenly a small skinny creature leapt out of the woods crying. "We has barbeques sauces preciousssssssssssss." It was Gollum pulling a cart full of bottles of barbeque sauce. "Yes, yes." He cried. "We shall roast the nassssty elveses."
The grill had been placed over the pit and Uglûk came running up holding a torch. The orcs gathered around, cheering and licking their lips. Uglûk tossed the torch on to the wood and with a roar, a huge fire sprang up. Then Moria orcs ran up and began to dance around the flames, chanting and casting ominous looks at the elves. Grishnahk got carried away and began to spray Galadriel with mustard.
"You're ruining my nice white gown you horrible mutant!"
"Whose first?" Uglûk shouted.
"The know-it-all one!"
"The wannabe queen one!"
"The one that spat at me!"
The orcs finally agreed that the know-it-all one (Galadriel) who was covered in mustard should be thrown in first.
Aragorn, being troubled by premonitions had looked into the palantir or Isengard and was very upset about what he had seen.
"How dare they roast my girlfriend and not invite me!" He complained to Gandalf. "I mean I'm the one who's had to put up with her all these years! If anyone was to cast her into a bonfire, it should be me."
"Well," Gandalf replied. "Let's go join them. I for one would dearly love to see Galadriel finally put in her place. She's always gloating about how she came from Aman and survived the wars with Morgoth."
Aragorn as well as many others mounted their horses and rode north. The hobbits were coming too, as well as Legolas and Gimli. Poor Legolas was completely unaware that Gimli intended to toss him on to the grill as soon as they arrived.
Galadriel was untied from the rest of the elves and was held over the flames by a cave troll.
"Throw her in. Throw her in." The orcs chanted.
"Throw her in. Throw her in" muttered Celeborn under his breath.
"She's your wife!" exclaimed Arwen. "You WANT her to be barbequed?"
"She's always bragging or nagging me." replied Celeborn. "I've been waiting for something like this to happen for thousands of years."
"Wait!" cried Gollum. "What about my homemade barbeque sauce?"
Galadriel was dunked into a huge bowl of Gollum's homemade barbeque sauce and was lifted once again over the fire. Her nice white gown was now a funny red colour and she was very upset.
"Put me down this instant you foul creatures! Or ... or I'll sue you!"
The orcs began to count down from 10.
"10 ... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4..."
Galadriel began to scream. Everyone was watching. Celeborn began to count too, laughing at his wife dangling over the fire with barbeque sauce dripping from her dress.
"3... 2... 1!"
A/N- please review! I'll try to finish a chapter more often. Tell me if this start to get to gory.
