Title: All That Is Left

Notes: I'll be honest, I do not like this chapter, but I can't seem to fix it. Writing it felt like the creative equivalent of rubbing broken glass into my eyeballs. Hopefully, reading it will be a slightly better experience, but I make no guarantees. I hope you like it and the next chapter (with an L/G confrontation and a lot less introspection) will be finished soon.

Chapter 4

Penny stepped out of the shower and began towelling herself off. She felt somewhat refreshed, but a good dose of hot water could not make up for the fact that she'd had a lousy night's sleep. Due to the Girardis' misconception about her relationship with Luke, and the fact that the house was full, she and Luke had been forced to sleep in his bed last night. Although Penny wasn't accustomed to sharing her bed with a guy, she didn't mind because it was Luke. She'd figured it wouldn't pose a problem. However, she hadn't counted on Luke's nocturnal turmoil. Her bedmate had spent most of the night having one seemingly bad dream after another. He'd woken up at least four times by Penny's count, and when Luke wasn't waking up, he was mumbling or crying out in his sleep. All of this activity had meant that she had gotten very little actual rest.

Putting on her clothes, Penny thought about the night before and what might have caused Luke so much turmoil. For her part, Penny had actually quite enjoyed the little gathering. The food had been good, especially the lasagna, and she had enjoyed meeting Luke's family. They had all greeted her warmly and she hadn't felt like too much of an outsider. She'd had a good time and, for the most part, she thought Luke had as well. Despite his lack of enthusiasm for being home, Luke had seemed to be enjoying himself. She had seen him talking and joking with various old friends and family members and occasionally, she even thought he seemed relaxed.

Thinking back over the evening, the only seemingly odd occurrence had to do with that blonde woman that Penny had seen with Luke's sister. She had only caught a brief look at her before she went into the backyard, and again when she came back in, right before she left in quite a hurry. Penny didn't know what had gone on in the backyard, but after the girl had left, Luke had come in from out back and she'd noticed that he'd seemed to have slipped into an even icier demeanor than usual.

Penny wasn't a fool. She might not have a scholarship to MIT like Luke, but she it wasn't like she got in on her looks either. Her mind was well practised at taking facts and observations and positing theories to explain them. She'd known Luke for years and although they never talked about their pasts that much, it had become obvious to Penny that some girl had hurt him badly. From his behaviour in the past and what she'd seen at the party, Penny had a pretty good idea that it was the blonde from last night who'd done the damage.

Walking back into Luke's room, Penny grabbed her brush and began working it through her long red hair. Sitting on the bed, she brushed her hair and waited for Luke to come back from the other bathroom.

It had been a long-standing tradition in Penny and Luke's friendship that neither would pry into the other's private life. If one of them wanted the other to know something about themselves, they simply volunteered it. Twenty Questions was not a game that either one of them had ever been comfortable with. Despite this, Penny decided that, just this once, she might step over that line and broach the subject with Luke. She'd learned a few hard lessons about heartbreak herself and thought she might be able to help him gain a bit of closure. Besides, she was going to have to share a bed with him for two more nights. If she didn't find a way to get him to sleep quietly through the night, then she'd probably end up kicking his ass onto the floor and that wouldn't be good for their friendship either.

Luke walked into his bedroom a few minutes later, carrying a wet towel and a list of errands. Joan had given him the list on his way up the stairs, asking him to help out with some last minute preparations. Staring at the slip of paper, he barely registered the intent look that Penny was giving him as he came into the room.

"Pretty rough night last night." she commented, "I think you and I have matching bags under our eyes."

"Sorry about that." he mumbled, going through the list, "I had a bit of an upset stomach, kept me up."

Ignoring his excuse, Penny took a deep breath and forged ahead. "Luke, who's Grace?"

Luke pulled his eyes away from the list of errands and fixed them on his friend. "Who told you about Grace?"

"You did." she replied, "You talked in your sleep last night. Most of it was mumbled and incoherent, but you definitely said that name." She paused before continuing, "Several times."

"She's someone I knew in highschool." Luke's voice was impassive, but Penny could see the muscles tightening in his jaw. "I have some errands to run for my sister." he said, changing the subject, "What are you doing today?"

"I told your mom I'd help with decorating the reception hall." Having responded to his deflection, Penny continued her line of questioning. "Was Grace at the party last night? Is that who you were talking to in the backyard?"

"Yah, it was." Luke responded reluctantly. Grabbing his car keys and wallet off the desk, Luke started towards the door. "I'll see you later. Call my mobile if you get bored of hanging decorations and want to do something around town."

He was obviously putting an end to the conversation, but Penny decided to push a little further. "Were you and Grace ever a couple?"

Luke stopped at the door. Pausing for a moment, he turned around and fixed Penny with a rather cold gaze. "Who's Michelle?"

Thrown by the sudden change of topic and the mention of that particular name Penny was momentarily unable to respond.

"It's just that I've noticed the tattoo you have on the back of your shoulder, 'Michelle' with an infinity symbol underneath." Moving towards her, Luke kept his voice low, but with a pointed intensity. "I've never heard you mention anyone named 'Michelle' before, so I thought I'd ask. Where is she now? Were you and her ever a couple?"

Understanding the purpose of his questions, Penny just shook her head and looked away. Michelle was a topic that she was not ready or willing to open up. "I don't want to talk about it."

"That's okay," he said coldly, "because I don't want to talk about Grace."

Starting once again for the door, Luke stopped at the threshold. He looked back at Penny and she could see a vulnerability in his eyes that she'd never encountered in Luke before. "The truth is," he told her in a quiet voice, "where Grace is concerned, there's nothing left to talk about." Giving her a small smile to show that he wasn't mad at her, Luke ducked out into the hallway.

Listening to the sound of his footsteps as he made his way down the stairs and out the door, Penny wasn't so sure his comment was true. She'd told Luke how he'd called out the name "Grace" in his sleep, but she hadn't mentioned the other phrase he had repeated. Over and over again, said almost as much as her name, he'd spoken the words, "I love you."

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Four years ago...

She sits at the windowsill, watching him as he sleeps. They had made love earlier and afterwards he had drifted off, holding her in his arms. Now, Luke sleeps while she watches. She often does this, keeping a vigil over his slumbering form, thinking about all that had happened to bring them together. Not tonight though. Tonight, as she watches him, Grace does not think about the past, she considers the future.

Listening to the soft sound of his breathing, Grace can see in her mind's eye the possibilities of their future together. These are things she had never really pictured for herself: a marriage, a home, the possibility of a child...of his child. Their were numerous different scenarios and combinations, each one involving him and her, together.

Those fantasies however, were as strange to her as they were beautiful. It was certainly not the life she had envisioned for herself. To do that, to join her life to someone else's, and then possibly to children...it is not an idea that comes easily to her. Still, as she pictures herself in that life, she feels an overwhelming need for it, a desire so intense that it scares her.

It scares her.

She pulls her eyes away from Luke and looks out the window. Out there are so many other possibilities. Possibilities for adventure and experience. There are places to see, things to do and a whole world to explore. So many possibilities...possibilities that don't frighten her.

These thoughts had been circling in her head for a while. Tonight however, staring at Luke, imagining their future, the fear panics her. She needs to get out; get of the room, get away from him and away from the possibilities he represents. Dressing quickly, Grace all but runs out of his room and quietly slips out of the house.

Shaking her head at the memory, Grace continued to walk towards the reception hall. She could have easily driven the distance from her house to the rehearsal dinner, but Grace had wanted some time to clear her head before she arrived and a walk through the brisk night air gave her that opportunity.

Grace remembered that night with Luke so clearly. Leaving the Girardi house, she had run all the way home, as if she was being chased. She didn't sleep at all that night, just kept going over things in her head, unable to stop. Her fear and confusion had built to a fever pitch until all she wanted was for it to stop. So, in the morning she'd called Luke and had him come over to her parents' house. And there, on the porch, Grace had put an end to the possibilities that had caused her so much anxiety. She had put an end to their future together.

Now, four years later, Grace wondered what that decision had cost her. She remembered the things she had told herself at the time, that there was a whole world of things waiting to be experienced and she shouldn't let herself be held back. Being tied to Luke would limit her and keep her from reaching her full potential. How could she just settle for the first guy that came along? Grace was an independent woman and there was no way she was going to let her attachment to some guy interfere with her plans. That was something those mush-headed girly girls did, running moon-eyed after some boy, marrying him and spending the next ten years pregnant, giving up their own dreams. She needed freedom.

Secure in her reasons and arguments, Grace had broken it off with Luke and rushed to meet the adventures of a waiting world.

And she'd had them. In the last four years Grace had done some amazing things. She'd been on two study-exchanges to foreign countries, graduated university, travelled, gone wherever her will took her. There had been adventure after adventure. She had met tons of interesting people, had wonderful experiences and lived the free life of someone who is accountable to no one. There had been men as well. Over four years she had dated several, none seriously and none that had lasted long, but each had been an adventure. Looking back at it all, she should be able to say that it was all worth it, that she wouldn't have done anything differently. If anybody asked, that's what she did say.

Tonight however, as she walked towards the Joan's rehearsal dinner, Grace admitted to herself that she might have made a mistake.

In four years, Grace had never been able to fill the emptiness that dumping Luke had left in her life. No matter what she did, adventures she undertook or successes she had, there was always a nagging feeling that they would have been better if Luke had been there by her side. She had taken to ignoring these thoughts, hoping they would go away with time, but they never had. A part of her always longed for the boy who had known her completely, good and bad and who had loved her anyways.

That was perhaps why last night's encounter with Luke had been so devastating. Grace could only admit it to herself now, but deep down, she had always believed that Luke would never stop loving her. It seemed totally irrational, but she had never thought that she wouldn't be able to go back to him. Were she to show up on his doorstep one day, he would wrap his arms around her and take her back into his world. It had been that secret fantasy that had kept the emptiness at bay all these years. A fantasy that had crumbled last night in the harsh face of reality. Luke hadn't opened his arms to her, he hadn't taken her back or spoken words of forgiveness. He had spoken irrelevant pleasantries to her and acted as if she was just one of the many other guests that he had to endure that night.

The hope was gone and although Grace had never even realized it was there before, she now could feel the hollowness that it left behind. Grace saw her life stretching out before her and despite all the possibilities she once thought she had, it now seemed to hold nothing but loneliness.

The reception hall loomed before her and Grace summoned all of her will and strength. She had to get through the next few days. After that, well, she'd figure out something, but she'd keep it together until after the wedding, for Adam and Joan.

Squaring her shoulders, she opened the door of the hall.. "C'mon Polk," she muttered to herself, "lets see that tough bitch that you've always been." With a grim laugh, Grace pasted a smile on her face and stepped into the foyer .

TBC