Elrond was next. A handful of Uruk-hai ran over to untie him. Then Gollum made sure he was coated in barbeque sauce.
"Release me!" Elrond cried. "I have done nothing against you! Please Aragorn! Take Arwen instead! She's younger and juicier!"
"Father!" Arwen exclaimed. "How could you?"
"How should we cook him boys?" Uglûk asked the orcs.
"Medium-rare!"
"Well-done!"
"Boil him in a pot!"
"I likes it r-r-r-raw and wiggling." cried Gollum.
"Put him on a spit!" suggested one orc.
Everyone liked that idea. So Elrond was tied to a large thick rusty spit. Merry and Pippin were given the special task of turning the spit around slowly so that Elrond was evenly cooked.
When Elrond was done, Grishnahk wanted to make a salad! So the Uruks found a large bowl and soon Elrond had been diced into what Uglûk called 'Elrond bits.' Croutons and other salad necessities were added and everyone lined up for salad.
"Father!" wailed Arwen as she chewed a large portion of 'salad' that Aragorn had given her. The orcs were now sharing their food with elves because Gandalf had complained that the elves were to skinny and everyone agreed that they should be fattened up.
Sam was busy making chips out of taters and Gollum was brewing a new flavor of barbeque sauce (vinegar based). More wood was thrown on the fire and Merry and Pippin, who had too much to drink, began singing and dancing on the tables. The orcs began to sing along. It was a song that dear old Bilbo would have recognized from one of his own adventures.
Bake and toast 'em, fry and roast 'em...
Then the orcs decided it was time to make Silven Steak. Celeborn and many of the Lothlorien elves were untied and dunked in barbeque sauce. As they were being cooked medium-rare, Sam served up his chips which were a huge success. The orcs dipped them in Gollum's new honey mustard barbeque sauce while they waited for the steaks.
When the steaks were finished, almost everyone was full. Frodo and Sam felt like they could burst; Sam almost did.
"You know Mr. Frodo," Sam was saying. "I didn't think I'd like foreign food but this Elvish stuff ain't all that bad."
Arwen, by this time, was feeling a bit vulnerable, as she was the only elf left. Everyone seemed to be full so she thought she would be safe (until breakfast at least.)
Suddenly Pippin piped up "What about desert?"
A/N- Ok this is getting kind of gory. Sorry about that. I actually think this is funny though...
