Why Legolas Is Not A 'Mad' Magazine

A/N: Thank you to all those who reviewed! I'm getting encouraged… since no one volunteered to be in this chappie, I think I'll guest star again…

Note To:  Im_A_Brandybuck, thank you for your v. nice review. I was going to put you in this chappie, but I thought you'd be better off with Merry ñ_ñ

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ZenZen sniggered at Legolas' half naked body as she read all the contents of the magazine.

"What's so funny?" he asked indignantly, "is there any reason why I am stuck in a strange world; half naked; have words all over my body and have a teenage girl telling me to 'flip' every few minutes?"

"Mmm, nope," ZenZen replied absently as she read the comics on the elf's bicep. "Flip," she commanded.

Legolas sighed and flipped over so he was lying on his stomach. ZenZen scooted nearer to him so she could read better.

"Wow," the girl raised an eyebrow as she eyed the elf's body, "nice ass."

Legolas shrugged, the picture of Alfred E. Newman on his shoulder hidden by a strand of blond hair,  "I work out."

~~~

There are many reasons why Legolas is not a Mad magazine, yet I will only take the finer points.

First off, physically:

I see no way how Legolas and a Mad magazine resemble each other. A Mad magazine is flat and square, and is very flip-able. While Legolas is not flat nor square nor flip-able (unless he had some strange metamorphic power, but we weren't assuming that!), he is not a Mad magazine.

Mentally. Legolas thinks. In fact, he is quite an intelligent elf, and he thinks everyday. A Mad magazine, on the other hand, does not think. It may contain the thoughts of a few people (editors and artists), it does not, and cannot think for itself… unless, of course, it is a smart Mad magazine, but then it wouldn't be a Mad magazine, because Mad magazines are not smart, so because Mad magazines are not smart, but Legolas is, therefore Legolas is not a Mad magazine.

Third, emotionally. Our beloved elves have many emotions, and I don't see why Legolas should be any different. As he has emotions, he should not be a Mad magazine because a Mad magazine does not have feelings. It does not cry out in pain when you stab it with a knife (try it, it doesn't work), it does not bow in respect when it sees Galadriel… that takes us to out next point…

Movement. Ah, yes, many readers now will say, "ha! A Mad magazine can move! Its pages will be flipped if you put it where there is wind!" Yes, my readers, I cannot argue with that, yet I would be very surprise if a Mad magazine will move by its own accord, in fact, I am guessing that you will be very much surprised too. Yes, I am sorry to disappoint you, readers, but Mad magazines do not move on their own. Legolas, however, does and will move on his own, so please do not yell in fright if he moves, it's what he does.

And yes, readers, we have come to the conclusion that: Legolas is not a Mad magazine!

~End

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Absolutely nothing. Except the concept, that I own, but only because it's really stupid…

A/N: *Bobs head up and down to Tenacious D* wha- oh, right, sorry, got distracted…

Anyway, liked it? No? Well, tell me in a review, and the offer of you appearing in this fic still stands, just tell me. The first person who volunteers can be in the next chappie, "Why Aragorn Is Not An Onion". (Come on, Ri, this is your big chance)