Title: All That Is Left
Notes: Here it is, finally. Thanks to all those who emailed me, wondering when I was going to update. Glad to know that people want to read this! Hopefully it's worth the wait. Mix together some writer's block with a weekend of overindulgence and you can guess why this took so long. I promise that anymore updates will come in a timely fashion...unless I get the chance to overindulge again! Enjoy!
Chapter 8
Grace leaned against the wall of the church foyer and watched as the wedding party had its photos taken. Her father was still inside talking to the priest. A "professional courtesy" he'd called it. "A rabbi and a priest are talking at a wedding...sounds like the beginning of a bad joke." Grace thought to herself.
The ceremony had been rather sweet, Grace had to admit. Both had written their own vows and Grace had been hard pressed not to cry as she heard her two friends declaring their love for one another. Others had not even attempted to stem the flow of tears. Helen had wept non-stop from the beginning of the ceremony and both Mr. Girardi and Mr. Rove had been seen wiping their eyes. Against all predictions, Joan herself had not cried during the ceremony, although it had been close a couple of times. It was, in fact, Adam who broke down half-way through the vows and had to pause to collect himself. Grace smiled as she thought of her friend's tears of joy. Kevin had been running a pool on who would be the first to crack and Grace had bet heavily on Adam. She knew her friends.
As enchanting as proceedings had been however, Grace's thoughts were not entirely on the wedding. She'd tried to focus on the ceremony, but her mind kept coming back to what Penny had told her last night, that Luke might still have feelings for her. As she mulled over this rather doubtful but marvellous possibility, Grace had found her eyes wandering across the aisle to where Luke was seated with his family. The thought that he might still think of her with some affection caused a hopeful tightening in her chest. At one point, as she glanced over at him, Grace caught Luke staring at her. Their eyes had locked briefly and she saw something in his gaze, she wasn't sure what, but it had caused her pulse to quicken. He'd then turned his eyes towards Adam and Joan and she hadn't seem look in her direction again.
Now, standing here, Grace tried to make sense of what she thought she had seen and how she felt about it. On the other side of the foyer, the photographer was snapping away with his camera. He seemed to be putting everyone into a myriad of poses and combinations.
"It's getting ridiculous over there." she heard a voice behind her say. "How many different photos of a wedding do you need? Now the wedding night, there's a time when a good camera would really come in handy."
Grace turned to see Luke standing a few feet from her. He was trying very hard to be nonchalant, but Grace could see that he was somewhat nervous. "That's an improvement" she thought to herself, "At least he's not acting all cool and distant like before."
"Perhaps in your opinion Girardi." she told him, a smile quirking her lips. "Besides, the photographer would probably charge quite a bit extra for that."
"Probably." Luke agreed. He stopped, seemingly at a loss as to what to say next.
Grace could see the indecision and confusion in his eyes and it seemed to lend even more credence to what Penny had told her.
"Look," he began tentatively. "About last night..."
"You don't have to say anything." Grace told him quickly. "I pushed things and...well...quite frankly, I probably deserved some of it. Besides, at some point we've all said things we regret...things we wished we could be forgiven for." She gave him a sad, yet hopeful smile.
Looking at that smile, Luke felt his insides melt. There was a look of such hope and longing in Grace's eyes. The girl whom he had loved for so long, but who he'd been denied, was right in front of him. He just had to forgive her. Then, if they wanted to, perhaps they could start anew. All Luke had to do was say the words.
"Grace..." he started, his voice thick with emotion.
"There you are!" Rabbi Polonski called, coming towards them. "I was looking for you Grace and...Luke! It's been a long time." Grace's father reached out for a handshake.
"Rabbi Polonski." Luke said, shaking his hand. "Good to see you again sir."
Grace wanted to scream! She could tell from his eyes that Luke had been on the verge of telling her something important before her father had interrupted. She'd been holding her breath, waiting for what he had to say, hoping it was what she most wanted to hear. Then her dad had blundered in and ruined everything with useless pleasantries.
"It was a beautiful ceremony." the Rabbi remarked, oblivious to the glare he was getting from his daughter, "A bit different from the way we do it, but still wonderful. They make a beautiful couple."
"Adam and Joan will be pleased to hear that." Luke told him, trying to cover his dismay at the interruption. It had taken so much willpower to actually walk over to Grace and start talking to her, Luke wasn't sure if he could manage it again.
Looking between his daughter and her ex-boyfriend, Rabbi Polonski suddenly became aware of the tension in the air. Realizing he had interrupted something, he attempted to extricate himself from the conversation. However, before he could frame his excuse, the three of them heard Luke's name being called.
"It's my dad." said Luke, pointing over towards where the photos were being taken. "I think my presence is required for some family portraits. Oh joy."
Turning to Grace and her father, he gave a quick smile. "We'll have to continue this conversation at the reception I guess." The comment was made to both of them, but the way his eyes caught Grace's showed that it was truly meant for her. Shaking the Rabbi's hand once again, Luke walked off in the direction of his parents.
"Damn!" Grace fumed in her head as her father gave her an apologetic look, "What was he going to say?"
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
The reception was in full swing as Helen Girardi surveyed the crowd. The food had been cleared away, the speeches and toasts made, and everyone seemed to be having a good time. Helen watched with a contented smile as the guests danced, talked, laughed and cried (in a good way of course).
Joan and Adam were standing among a group of well-wishers, making idle conversation. Actually, it was really Joan who doing most of the talking. Adam seemed too preoccupied with staring in awe at his new bride to make any significant contribution to the conversation. Helen's smile broadened as Joan, finally aware of Adam's attention, leaned over to give him a quick kiss.
Turning away from the blissful newlyweds, Helen caught sight of another happy couple. In the far corner of the room, Kevin and Lily were deep in conversation with Will. Those two were a combination that she would never have predicted, yet there they were. They'd been married for over three years now and just by looking at them, Helen could tell they'd be together for the long haul.
Catching her eye, Will gave Helen a smile that probably matched her own. There was no feeling quite as wonderful for a parent as seeing one's children truly happy. Her husband's smile, and the knowledge of what inspired it, created a warm glow in Helen's chest. That warmth was slightly dampened however as Helen's gaze fell on her youngest son.
Things hadn't been right with Luke for a long time now. Ever since his break-up with Grace, Helen had watched him retreat into himself. She'd told herself it was a phase, that he'd bounce back, but over things had only seemed to worsen. Over the years Helen had attempted numerous times to speak with him about Grace and what had happened, but he would never talk about it with her.
Watching Luke now, as he spoke to some of Joan's friends, Helen noticed that his eyes kept shifting to another part of the room. Following his gaze, Helen saw that it was Grace who kept grabbing his attention. She was seated at a table, picking at a piece of cake with little enthusiasm.
Knowing that it was probably far from the realm of possibility, Helen still prayed that they could find some sort of understanding. Two out of three might sound good to some, but Helen would not be satisfied until all of her children had found happiness.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"...and all that lace! Her gown was just so beautiful!"
Luke smiled wanly as the girl continued to gush about his sister's wedding dress. His mind really wasn't on the conversation at hand. "Not that you need much of a mind to participate." he thought to himself. Joan's friends seemed pleasant enough, but they weren't exactly the deepest bunch he'd ever encountered. In fact, he'd only met one of Joan's university friends that he'd found interesting and Penny had whisked her off some time ago. The two of them were now sitting at a table, talking rather intently. He never thought himself much of a fortune-teller, but from the way that the girl kept leaning in to touch Penny's arm, Luke predicted that he wouldn't have to share his bed tonight.
Allowing his eyes to wander past Penny and her new friend, Luke stole a glance at Grace as she sat at a table on the other side of the dance floor. He kept replaying their earlier conversation at the church over and over in his head. It had seemed as if they were on the cusp of some sort of revelation, but it had been cut short. Before Grace's dad had interrupted, Luke had begun to speak, but in truth, he didn't know what it was that he would've said. He'd been acting on instinct and now that instinct was lost in a jumble of fear and emotion.
Sitting over at that table, not thirty feet away, was the possibility of a new beginning. All he had to do was walk over there. Staring at her now, Luke wanted nothing more then to do just that. He wanted to take Grace in his arms and press his lips against hers. For years he had fantasized about just such a scenario and now the opportunity was finally here. However, he just couldn't seem to make himself do it. For all the reasons that he could come up with for trying again, there was one that kept holding him back: what if it didn't work?
Love is not like science, there are no set rules or laws governing the outcome. Everything is always in flux and you can never be sure of how things will turn out. What if after all this, it didn't work out? It had been four years since he and Grace had been together, perhaps they'd both changed too much. Luke could remember the absolute joy of feeling Grace's love and he wanted that again more then anything. However, he remembered with equal intensity the black pit of despair that accompanied losing her. Luke wasn't sure he could endure that again. His fear kept whispering to him that it wasn't worth the risk. Reaching up, Luke touched his breast pocket and felt the outline of the two titanium rings inside. Was the possibility of a new life with Grace worth the consequences if he was wrong?
Sighing, Luke tried to refocus his attention on the conversation going on around him. He needed more time. This wasn't something he could decide tonight.
"...so I said, 'put that in your pipe and smoke it mister!' " the girl on his left recounted with a grand wave of her hand. The others in the group all burst into laughter and Luke feigned a chuckle to pretend that he'd been listening. Suddenly, Luke heard a familiar tune come pouring out of the DJ's speakers.
"Oooh!" cried one of the girls, "I love this song!"
The entire group, minus Luke, made their way excitedly to the dance floor as "Celebration" played across the reception hall.
Luke wondered if this was some sort of sign, but dismissed the idea rather quickly. Wedding DJ's are notoriously cheesy and Luke figured that the chances were pretty good that this particular song would have been played no matter what. Still, hearing the familiar beat, he couldn't help but feel a certain stir of emotion.
Deciding to go with his instincts, Luke started walking across the dance floor towards Grace.
"Thank you Kool and the Gang." he thought to himself as he moved past the swaying bodies of the other guests "I just hope my judgement is better then your musical talents."
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Grace stared morosely at the half-eaten piece of wedding cake in front of her. She'd taken it to be polite, it seemed like bad manners to refuse a person's wedding cake, but she was in no mood to finish it. After their brief encounter outside the church, Grace had been waiting expectantly for Luke to continue the conversation. All through dinner and during the rather lengthy speeches her mind had raced, going over all the possibilities of what he might say to her. Of course, she wasn't exactly sure what Luke had been about to say, but Grace held the hope that he might forgive her. If that happened, then it was possible that she and Luke could begin again, take up where they had left off all those years ago. The odds of that might seem slim, especially when you took into account their recent history, but there was a small chance and Grace clung to it.
However, as things were going, it seemed as if she was hoping in vain. The speeches had ended well over two hours ago and still, Luke had not attempted to talk to her. She'd seen him circulating around the room, mingling, but he never seemed to move in her direction. What the hell was he waiting for? He'd approached her before, but now it seemed as if Luke was back to avoiding her.
Grace could see him now, across the room, standing with a bunch of Joan's ditzy friends. While she was sitting over here waiting, he was chatting away with a bunch of twittering, giggling girls!
"I swear," she fumed, " if he doesn't stop screwing around and finish what he started at the church, I'm going to go over there and make him talk to me...even if I have to beat it out of him! Hell, I'll beat him anyways, just for the fun of it!"
Grace's inner rant was interrupted when she noticed an elderly couple at the next table staring at her. Looking down, she realized that in her frustration she'd used her fork to mash the piece of cake into a fine, messy paste.
"Not a big fan of coconut." she told the couple lamely. The two septuagenarians just looked away, probably in fear.
The truth was, Grace wasn't going to go over and force a confrontation with Luke. While she held out the hope that he would forgive her and perhaps they could try again, she feared that, in fact, he was actually going to destroy that hope. Grace didn't think she could handle that. In the last little while, she had come to realize how empty her life had become without Luke. The idea that the emptiness might be permanent was too much for her. That was why she was sitting here, making as mess of her pastry, instead of going over to speak to him. Grace wanted desperately to know what he had to say, but at the same time, she feared what it might be.
Listlessly, she scooped a bit of the cake-paste onto her fork. Lifting it to her mouth, she paused as a familiar, yet annoying, tune started up. Dropping her fork onto the plate, Grace put her head in hands.
"Of all the damn songs!" she whispered to herself, " 'Celebration'? This DJ should be shot."
As the all-too-familiar sounds of Kool and the Gang permeated the reception hall, Grace's mind flashed back to her and Luke and the special meaning that this odious tune had for them.
"A shared experience of dissonance creates its own harmony."
With a sudden resolve, Grace stood up from the table. She was going to walk over to Luke and finish the conversation he'd started earlier. She was afraid, but let that stop her. Four years ago she'd let fear drive her away from the best thing she'd ever had, there was no way that Grace was going to let it prevent her from correcting that mistake. Looking over to where she'd seen him standing, Grace noticed that Luke was no longer there. Turning to search the crowd, Grace found herself to-to-face with him.
"Grace," Luke said, his tone belying his nervousness, "Would you...would you like to dance?"
A/N: I'm already well stuck into the next chapter so I hope to have it up in a few hours. (Crosses fingers and hopes it's not a lie) There will be resolution soon, I promise! Thanks to all who've reviewed, it's kept me going!
