Why Gandalf Is Not The Superglue Of DOOM

Pippin was confused. Sure, he was usually confused, but this time, even more so.

He scratched his head in confusion and looked at the great wizard Gandalf, lying on a chair with Frodo sitting on top. The image was very… disturbing, to say in the least.

"Uh," he started uncertainly, "why are you sitting like that? Are there not enough chairs?"

Gandalf scowled. "Fool of a Took!" he bellowed, "Can you not see? Some prankster used me to glue the Ringbearer to the chair, seeing as I am the superglue of DOOM!"

"Mweep," Pippin squeaked, cowering under the wizard's wrath.

In a dark corner of the room, an unseen Merry giggled. Gandalf was useful, yes, very useful…

~~~

I am sure that there are many similarities between Gandalf and the superglue of DOOM, but since they are not as apparent as the couple's differences, I will work hard to prove to you that Gandalf is indeed not the superglue of DOOM.

I believe that we were first introduced to the superglue of DOOM in 'why Merry is not a CD case', where in the second scenario; Merry is secured to Treebeard's hand by the 'superglue of DOOM'. The superglue of DOOM is one of my many inventions and aids in my world domination plans as the general of my Mutant Coconut troops.

Unlike the superglue of DOOM, Gandalf is not one of my creations, he does not aid in my world domination plans as the general of my Mutant Coconut troop. If anything, he will try to stop me from taking over the world, thus proving that he is not the superglue of DOOM.

My superglue of DOOM also does not have long white hair and beard, and comes in a tube. The only tube I can imagine Gandalf in is a boob tube, and that brings horrible images to my head, so I'd prefer not to discuss this topic any further.

Gandalf has a pointy hat, which he uses to do the pointy hat trick*. The superglue of DOOM has not yet acquired a hat, and when it does, I presume that it will not to be used do the pointy hat trick.

Gandalf was the Grey wizard, but after falling thousands of meters into the depths of hell but ending up on top of a mountain, he somehow obtains a white cloak, and is now known as Gandalf the White.

Nothing like that will ever happen to the superglue of DOOM.

The superglue of DOOM is loved by me, and most likely by pranksters all around the globe, but Gandalf, although he is also very much loved, attracts a whole different crowd. Bilbo, Frodo, Aragorn, Legolas, Merry, Pippin, and so on. These people range from very short to very swift to very noble. I am evil, and the pranksters around the globe just want to have a good laugh, so we do not have anything in common with the Gandalf crowd… (Except maybe that we all love Legolas/Aragorn; and that Bilbo is evil under the influence of the Ring etc.)

The superglue of DOOM's general uses is to fix objects together in an unwilling union (most of the time), and to annoy the hell out of cleaners as they will have to clean the residue off desks and chairs etc. Gandalf's 'uses', however, is not to fix two things together or give the cleaners hell. His guidance is very useful to the Ringbearer and some other dudes, and his pointy hat trick benefits many fellowship members*.

Some other very strong points are:

Gandalf is a wizard; the superglue of DOOM is not.

Gandalf has a cool looking staff; the superglue of DOOM does not.

Gandalf is a dude; the superglue of DOOM is asexual.

Gandalf is played by an actor; the superglue of DOOM requires no such thing.

Gandalf has a funny looking nose; the superglue of DOOM doesn't have a nose.

Gandalf can understand many languages; the superglue of DOOM is illiterate.

Gandalf is smart; the superglue of DOOM has a negative IQ.

I am sure that these arguments will have convinced you, my friends, that Gandalf is in no way the superglue of DOOM.

*Referring to Cassandra Claire's 'Very Secret Diaries of Gandalf The Grey'.

~End

Disclaimer: I own the superglue and the Mutant Coconut troops, but Gandalf and co. belongs to JRRT, the pointy hat trick belongs to Cassandra Claire, as does the Very Secret Diaries, and I hope they won't sue me for not asking permission to use these stuff… don't sue me! I'm poor! Sue… *points at GELD*… her instead! ~-~

A/N: the superglue of DOOM feels very privileged to be compared to the great wizard Gandalf, and threatens to glue ZenZen to the chair if she does not post 'why Pippin is not indigestion' soon.