Why The Nazguls Are Not Overly Obsessed And Screaming Fangirls

Sophie looked at her bookshelf criticisingly. Why, why couldn't she have a better copy of The Tales of Legolas? She subscribes to Modern Wraith magazine, but she doesn't know why she bothers, as the pictures just make her depressed. On page 56 of issue 86749, for example, shows Ringwraith #4, her cloak so dark and her hood drawn over her face so artistically, in her hands were copies of The Tales of Legolas books and DVDs in perfect condition.

Sophie sighed again and pinched at the hems of her robe. Oh well, she thought, it's not too big a loss, just as long as I have my dearest Frodo to stalk…

The Wraith grinned a faceless grin and drew her hood over her head. She thought about taking her scythe with her, but thought that her Morgul blade would be enough to scare the Ringbearer.

After all, even though she's one of the Nine, she's still a fangirl. And fangirls will never scare their favourite characters. Much.

~~~

The Nazguls are not overly obsessed and screaming fangirls because of many reasons, most of which I will list below, and otherwise prove to you in a life-like situation.

How do I know this fact, not being the writer of the LotR books; not being the lucky owner of these characters; not being a Nazgul therefore not being able to know if they really are overly obsessed and screaming fangirls.

The thing is, I know that the Nazguls are not overly obsessed and screaming fangirls despite the fact of me not being JRRT or a Nazgul because the Nazguls are old. Very old; unnaturally old; too old to be fangirls. Of course, there may be some very old fangirls of JRRT from when the books first came out, but since they are quite subdued now in their old age, they are not overly obsessed and screaming.

A typical overly obsessed and screaming fangirl would be someone like me, or someone like Shelly-The-Great, or Ri, who, when high, talk about nothing but how cute Legolas/Aragorn/Frodo/Merry/Pippin/Sam/Haldir is, and throw in an occasional high pitched squeal.

I am sure that many of you who are reading this are actually overly obsessed and screaming fangirls (if you are, say 'ay' in a review), and when you look at yourself in the mirror, you will probably not see a Nazgul staring back. Of course, if you do, then I think we can safely class that as a symptom for watching the movie too many times, therefore resulting in hallucinations.

Being dark creatures of Mordor, and being very important secondary characters in the story, you will see the Nazguls many times. You will not, however, see overly obsessed and screaming fangirls many times, unless you were again, hallucinating.

One of the Nazguls has succeeded in stabbing Frodo. Now if it really were a true fangirl, it would never have done it to poor Frodo, who is already suffering enough because of the Ring and all.

This brings us to the next question… if the Nazguls really were fangirls, would they really want to slave around for Sauron and try to kill the good guys, who are probably the sole purpose of fangirls' existence? This is, of course, taking into account that many of us may have tendencies toward evil (who me? No, not me… *shifty gaze*). But, if you are a true blue overly obsessed fangirl, would you really work for an oversized eyeball?

~~Frodo stumbled around in the dark, trying to protect the Ring from the prying eyes of his enemies. Strider was not here, and it was up to him to see that the Ring was protected at all times from the grasp of evil.

"Oh, Frooooooodooooo!" The Black Rider cooed, "oh, Frooooooodooooo! Come out come out wherever you are!"

"It has caught sight of me!" Frodo gasped, and tried to slow his breathing so the Nazgul will not find him. He forgot, of course, that the Black Riders had that… sniffing thing.

"The air is rich of your scent, Frodo. I can smell you… do not try to hide from me, Ringbearer, for I know all…"

Frodo could do nothing but sit there, paralysed with fear, as the hooded figure loomed over him. "What- what do you want?" Frodo asked, trying to brave, even though he was just about scared to death (poor little guy).

"What I want?" The Nazgul asked with a throaty laugh.

Frodo was surprised to find that its voice was pleasantly female, and surprisingly melodic. "Yes… what do you want?"

Instead of replying, the 'Nazgul' threw back its hood to reveal a heart shaped face, framed by long black hair. It was indeed a she, and if Frodo remembers correctly, then she should not be a Nazgul, rather, an overly obsessed fangirl.

Fangirl? Frodo gulped. Strider had warned him about these mythical creatures. They were the oldest beings in Middle Earth, and liked to dress up in strange clothes. Strider had said that he was unfortunate enough to have encountered one of these creatures once, one went by the name of 'Ri'; it was this creature that had fainted at the sight of Strider, and when she revived, she had thrown herself all over him until another one of the fangirls appeared and dragged Ri away with much effort.

The Hobbit winced as he recalled Strider's very words. "It was this creature," he had said, "that stole my very first kiss. One kiss I will have preserved for the Evenstar. Beware if you ever stumble upon the path of one of these, for they are unpredictable, and their stealth and cunning can only be matched by those of the Nazguls. Sometimes I wonder if these 'fangirls' are much more dangerous than the most fearsome of Sauron's warriors."

"What do you want?" Frodo repeated, as he tried to edge away from the creature, only to find his path blocked by a tree. "Who are you?"

The girl did not reply, instead she let out a squeal that scared away any bird within a 70-metre radius. "You are just SO cute!"

Frodo yelped in fright, and tried to get out of the way as the girl rushed forward to hug him. He ducked one second too late, and was wedged in between the girl and the tree.

"Well, ahem…as for the formalities," the girl seemed to recompose herself, and let go of Frodo to fix her hair, "my name is Shelly, and I want… you!"

Frodo detected an evil glint in her eyes, and dreaded what this 'Shelly' was about to do to him.

A scream shook the otherwise silent woods as Shelly pounced…

Now, if this overly obsessed and screaming fangirl was a Nazgul, something very different will happen…

~~Frodo stumbled around in the dark, trying to protect the Ring from the prying eyes of his enemies. Strider was not here, and it was up to him to see that the Ring was protected at all times from the grasp of evil.

"Ringbearer," the hooded figure hissed.

"It has caught sight of me!" Frodo gasped, and tried to slow his breathing so the Nazgul will not find him. He forgot, of course, that the Black Riders had that… sniffing thing.

"The air is rich of your scent, Hobbit. I can smell you… do not try to hide from me, Ringbearer, for I know all…"

Frodo could do nothing but sit there, paralysed with fear, as the hooded figure loomed over him.

With a roar, the Nazgul raised his blade, and plunged it deep into Frodo's heart…only to have it blocked by a heavy shield, slipped between flesh and sword just in time.

The Nazgul stumbled backwards on impact, and looked at Frodo's saviour. "Fangirl!" it hissed, "what is your business here?"

"If you know what's good for you, never mess with a fangirl who's also a fanfic author!" hissed the black haired girl with just as much ferocity, "no one messes with the mighty ZenZen and the subject of her fics."

The Nazgul looked scared, (that is, if you could see his face) and turned around and fled.

As ZenZen also turned around to go, Frodo scrambled to his feet and grabbed her arm. "Are you really a legendary fangirl, mythical and ancient creature of Middle Earth?"

ZenZen looked at Frodo and muttered something that sounded suspiciously like 'do I really look that old'. Nonetheless, she smiled and nodded. "Yep, that I am."

Frodo's eyes widened. "Oh, please, please will you come with me to Rivendell? Come and see the elves?"

"Uh, I'd really like to…" ZenZen looked at the faraway mountains, calculating the time for them to reach Rivendell, with Frodo about to be stabbed and all, "but, no, sorry, takes too long. I'd rather go stalk Legolas and- uh, never mind, you didn't just hear me say that…"

This, of course, is the main difference between the two subjects of our discussion. It is commonly known that the unwritten fangirl code no.1927, clearly states that under no circumstances whatsoever, is the fangirl to harm any main characters of any books/movies, whether it be physically, emotionally, or mentally (This code excludes trying to maul the main character due to strange sexual desires). The Nazguls have no such rule (of course they also have no strange sexual desires about any of the main characters… or so we hope), proving that we fangirls are much better and more superior to them in many ways, thus we (overly obsessed and screaming fangirls) are not they (Nazguls), and they are not we.

Well, I have all the evidence that the Nazguls are not overly obsessed and screaming fangirls. So, to believe or not to believe, that is that question!

Disclaimer: own nothing, all JRRT's, Legolas still not mine…

A/N: thank you all for your nice reviews! I'm now aiming for 150… hint hint. Well, this is the last repost chapter. Next week we'll have why Aragorn isn't an onion II (by request and constant badgering of Ri, of course).