A/N: And here I thought that I'd never write another chapter of WTAN again. Most likely from now on I'll update whenever I feel like. Damn school.
So anyhow. I am back! Enjoy the new chapter!
Why Galadriel Is Not A Pair of Smelly SocksEveryone knows it's like a rule of the universe to find a pair of really your smelly sock underneath your bed just after you finish doing the laundry.
Essentially, Galadriel is not one of those annoying socks. Unless you are so obsessed with the Elf Queen you have started hallucinating.
To be Galadriel is to be noble, elegant, wise and be doing a film negative freak out at the sight of the Ring. She is also very cool.
Smelly socks are not cool. However they can be cool lookin' smelly socks, but that's besides the point, because smelly socks cannot be noble, elegant, wise, and they cannot do a film negative freak out at the sight of the Ring.
Galadriel and smelly socks are two polar opposites. They shouldn't be in the same sentence together. In fact, I'm not sure why the hell I put them on the same line. Bad ZenZen!
I think I have rambled on enough and have not yet reached the centralised idea for this rant: why? The question will prove tricky to answer.
First we must study the compositions of the two separate entities.
Well, Galadriel is made up of flesh and blood and magic. I'm sure if someone tries to kill her, before you even get within 20 metres, you'll be blasted into oblivion and spend the rest of your life in hundred of tiny jars wondering why you were so stupid.
On the other hand the smelly socks have no way of defending themselves. They are made up of wool, which comes from sheep. If they were a pair of lucky smelly socks, they may have different patterns, and perhaps colours other than 'white'. That makes them considerably more complicated inanimate objects, but they cannot match the wonder that is Galadriel.
Secondly lets look at the different lifestyles of the two.
Galadriel, leader of a whole lot of elves, wife of Celeborn, immortal creature with pointy ears. Considerably taller than Hobbits. Able to reproduce by means of… something. (Sex, most likely. But you never know how these elves have sex… anyway, moving on.) Most importantly, we assume that Galadriel take baths frequently and try her best to look Queenly, and that includes not to smell (bad). She could smell good. Yes. In fact, it's probable that she smells good.
Smelly socks, not the leader of a whole lot of elves, not the wife of Celeborn (it could, in fact be the husband of Celeborn, if Celeborn was into that sort of stuff…), could be immortal (but it's doubtful) without pointy ears. Considerably shorter than Hobbits. Unable to reproduce. Period. And of course, where would smelly socks be if they didn't smell?
~~~
Celeborn woke up in the wrong side of bed that morning. He looked everywhere but he could not find his wife. Perhaps she has gone off somewhere doing something mystical, as they do. He just hoped it wasn't another one of her psychotic film negative freak outs.
It was all Frodo's fault, Celeborn swore. Ever since the Fellowship passed by Lorien, Galadriel would have a freak out every time anything small, round and ring-like in shape was presented. He had to get rid of their wedding ring, because every time Galadriel's hand passed her eyes she would have a freak out. It scared people.
Celeborn pulled on a pair of his warm woolly socks and his spiffy leather boots. The boots had been a present from his daughter. He had always fancied leather, but was too embarrassed to admit it. After all, only gruffy rangers like Aragorn and lowly human kings like Aragorn wore them. Of course owners of Elvish jewellery like Aragorn wore them as well, but just because they owned Elvish jewellery doesn't make them all upper class and sophisticated. And everyone knew that being upper class and sophisticated was the first step towards being a true elf.
It was the first day he was allowed to wear his boots, after that incident Galadriel wasn't too happy about a couple of thousand years ago. But he had kept the shoes in good condition. He even polished it every second day, just to keep its shine.
Anyhow. He was getting distracted. He should go and find Galadriel to discuss… matters. She had only bore him one heir in thousands of years. It was ridiculous. Even his prick of a son-in-law had three children.
Plus, he missed the sex.
()()()
Well, one whole day with no sign of his wife. Celeborn felt dejected. It was like she was avoiding him. Everywhere he went, he felt that Galadriel was just there a moment ago.
Ah well. She would have to come back to bed sometime.
Celeborn kicked off his shoes and laid in bed, resting his legs. He really was getting old (of course, we all know that's not possible), just one day of walking around, he sweat enough for his feet to stink really, really badly. And his feet never smelt before.
Celeborn closed his eyes and rested. He heard a little squeaking noise coming from the other end of the bed. It sounded remarkably like someone yelling something like 'buggerityoustupidbastardtakemeoffthisinstantori'llblastyouintooblivionyoudaftbuggeryoui'mthesock!I'mthesock!onyourfeet!'
Celeborn jolted awake. Crap, he thought, hurriedly getting up and taking off his socks, Gladys' not going to like this.
When he was finally able to peel his socks off, he was relieved to find that it wasn't his feet after all… it was the sock, all along…
His relief didn't last long. Not long at all.
But at least he was right about one thing. Gladys did not like it one little bit.
()()()
That night Haldir went to find the Queen. He had some important things to tell her. The enemy land was invading. And knowing her weakness, every one of them was covered in rings. Rings, earrings, eyebrow rings, nose rings, lip rings, nipple rings, toe rings… you name it, they've got them all.
The captain stopped in front of the King and Queen's hut and listened before he knocked. And it was a good thing that he paused, too.
"You daft bugger! You were wearing me on your feet the whole day!" came a little squeaky voice Haldir recognised as the Queen.
"Sorry, Gladys."
"Sorry? Sorry? It that all you can say after me being trapped all day in your bloody stuffy leather boots? And didn't I tell you to get rid of them anyway? Don't you remember the last time you mistook me as a pair of normal clean socks? I've been shouting at you 'I'm down here! Take me off!' for the whole bloody afternoon!"
"Well, it was my first day in my boots… I got a little excited…"
"Excited? At the expense of me? Well that does it, Celeborn. You are now banned from wearing your leather shoes ever again."
"Oh. Well, that's quite reasonab-"
"And no sex for 2,000 years. That should teach you."
Even from outside, Haldir could feel Celeborn's pain. It radiated off him in gallons.
Ah well, he thought, and raised his hand to knock the door. But he checked for any ring-shaped things on his first. Wouldn't do for Galadriel to have another one of her film negative psychotic freak outs.
~~~
And with the conclusion of that story, our point is well and finally proven.
~End
Disclaimer: if I didn't own anything at the start of the series, why should I own anything now? Though, I s'pose that I could've won the lottery and bought the rights to LotR and all of its characters and- hey… this is giving me an idea… *goes off to buy a lottery ticket*
A/N: that wasn't so hard. Finished that in a quick 30-minute session. I'm on fire! ^_^
Also, please note that it's my birthday in a week and some! So. Reviews as B'Day presents are very welcomed. Reviews as just reviews are very welcomed too!
