I am so annoyed with Joseph. I cannot believe him of all people would invade my privacy the way he did last night and after that whole speech he made the other day or week or whatever it was, he still did it. He is such a hypocrite.

He came in to visit me early this afternoon and he seemed a bit frightened and in shock.

"H…how are you?" He asked.

"I'm good, thankyou, yourself?"

"Mmm…"

"What did you get up to last night?"

"Oh…not much. Just…reading…"

"Has my package come yet?"

"I only ordered it yesterday."

I sensed he was upset about something, usually we had plenty to talk about and usually he was happy to see me. I stayed silent and waited for him to speak. I heard him sit down on a chair and clear his throat. Then he spoke, "If I ever upset you and I mean REALLY upset you, would you…uh…"

"What?"

"Would you kill me, too?"

"WHAT? What do you mean kill you, too? I would never kill you unless I was possessed! Where did you get an idea like that from?"

He cleared his throat again.

"You read my diary."

He let out a loud sigh.

"You read MY diary."

"It flipped open when I lifted up the mattress."

Oh, I can't believe this. I knew I shouldn't have hidden it there! But where else should one hide something as private as that?

"Is it true?"

"What?"

"Did you really kill your parents?"

"They deserved it!"

"And you weren't caught?"

"No and I don't regret doing it either!"

"So would you?"

"Kill you? No, I love you too much."

"I must admit this is making me very nervous."

"Joseph, I am not going to kill you!"

"Alright, alright."

"You're not going to tell on me are you?"

"Why did you do it?"

"I thought you read my diary."

"Yes, but not all of it. I know you hated them, but murder, Clarisse? That is so unlike you."

"Which is why I didn't get caught. Nobody would expect the loving daughter and queen of Genovia to do something like that. It was un-think-able."

"You sound as if you're…proud of what you did."

"Well, they deserved it! How would you feel having to live your life being watched by someone who's just waiting for you to screw up? To live every minute of the day trying to live up to somebody else's expectations for fear that they'll spread something about you if you make one tiny little mistake? Somebody who spreads lies about you for no reason at all? I don't think you'd like it at all, Joseph. Remember when she spread that rumour about us sleeping together?"

"That was her?"

"Yes and it was the icing on the cake. If you involve someone I love, you can expect horrible results because that's when it gets personal.."

"So you killed her? But what about your father? He was in the fire too!"

"He was in on it! He always supported my mother! Even if he knew she was lying! And…can we please stop talking about this now, I'm getting angry."

"Alright. I have to go anyway, I have to teach some of the men up at the palace about security. Are you coming home tomorrow?"

I sighed, "Yes."

"Good, then I'll pick you up at ten thirty. Goodbye."

"Goodbye, Joseph."

He didn't bend down to kiss me like he usually does, he just touched my face and left. I don't know what his problem is. It's not as if I'm going to kill him if he upsets me. He needs to understand that my parents put me through hell and that I had to find a way to repay them for the pain and suffering they caused me. I don't know why he's being so scared about this whole thing, it's not as if he's never killed anybody before. I remember the night he dragged me out of bed and rushed into one of the many secret passages because somebody who was after Rupert had somehow gotten into the palace. We were sitting still in this tiny space in one of the secret passages where he thought nobody would find us. He had one arm wrapped around me shoulder and I was leaning against his chest thinking about how safe I felt, especially since he had a rifle in the other hand. It would have been such a romantic scene if somebody down the end of the passage didn't so rudely interrupt. Joseph whispered to me to be quiet while he aimed at the man and pulled the trigger. It was very loud and it only took one shot for him to fall to his knees. Joseph was very good at handling rifles.

After that, he pulled me closer and whispered, "I'm not going to let you go," which I thought was sweet because I didn't want him to. We stayed crammed together in that tiny passage until morning came. I had fallen asleep on Joseph's shoulder soon after the shot and he stayed alert all night just in case somebody else came to find us. It was nice to wake up in someone else's arms for a change, especially since that someone was Joseph.

Eventually we were given the all clear and I thanked Joseph for taking care of me by kissing him on the forehead. He stared into my eyes, smiling and I stared into his. I think that must have been the moment we realised we were in love. Well, it was the moment that I realised we were…oh goodness, I've been rambling on.

So anyway, he killed that man and he's giving me the cold shoulder just because I did the same to my parents? They were far worse than that man who tried to kill Rupert. Much worse! I wonder why I didn't mention this to Joseph before. Isn't it strange how you always think of the perfect thing to say AFTER the conversation has ended?

I'm sort of panicking about this whole thing now. I fear that he might go to the police and I'll get locked up and have no one will visit me because they'll stop loving me after they find out what I did. Ooh! Why did he have to read my diary?