As promised, Joseph picked me up from the hospital yesterday morning, but strangely I am now back in here again. We had a fight. A BIG fight. I am never going to speak to him again. He can crawl into a gutter and die for all I care. Here's what happened:
Dinner was the same as always, he started off by saying, "How was your day?"
And then I said, "Fine thankyou, yours?"
Then he said, "Mmm, it wasn't bad," while trying to consume his food at the same time. Then we sat in silence until we'd finished.
After dinner was a bit strange, we went into the lounge to watch the television as usual, but he didn't sit next to me; he sat in the armchair.
Then we went to bed, which is where it all started. He was drawing back the sheets and fluffing the pillows and I asked him one innocent question and all hell broke loose. All I asked was, "Why aren't we sleeping in our room?"
He replied, "Because, I haven't disposed of the mattress yet."
"Why not? You had all week to do it!"
"No I didn't, I became pre-occupied with something I found underneath it."
"Oh, you're still upset about the murder thing even though it has nothing to do with you?"
"Of course it has something to do with me. You killed them because they said something about me that you didn't like!"
We slid ourselves under the covers and I heard him turn off the lamp.
"There were more reasons than that! You're not the center of everything, Joseph. Besides, I'm not the only person in this bed who's ever killed anyone…"
"Clarisse, you know very well that if I didn't do it, we'd both be dead!"
I kept quiet and stared into the darkness that had been surrounding me for the past couple of weeks. Joseph stayed quiet, too…I figured he was trying to get to sleep. I however couldn't get to sleep and that's where it REALLY began. I got out of bed and grabbed my cane and cardigan. Joseph moaned, "Mmm…where do you think you're going?"
"I'm going for a walk."
"Clarisse, get back in bed, I'm too tired to go for a walk."
"Funny, I don't remember asking you if you wanted to come."
"You know very well I have to come. It's dark outside and you might get lost."
"Darkness is of no importance to me."
"Just get back into bed, please?"
I walked out of the room, down the stairs and out the front door, slamming it behind me. Joseph was yelling at me from the bedroom telling me to come back, but I kept on walking. That's the good part about having a large property; the neighbours can't hear you when you're fighting. After I'd walked about a hundred meters, I heard Joseph's footsteps heading towards me, so I walked faster. He caught up to me and grabbed my arm, "God, Clarisse, if I ask you to do something, you do it!"
I shook my arm free and turned around, "You're not the boss of me."
I then started walking off, but he grabbed me again, "Get inside now!"
"Joseph, if you don't let go of me right now I'll…"
"You'll what? Kill me?"
I didn't take kindly to that remark and neither did my cane. I swang at him until I heard him yell, "Ahh!"
I started walking again. I heard him running up again and I tried taking another swing at him, but he caught my arm and ripped my cane out of it. I then heard it flying through the air. Joseph then muttered some cursed words and stormed back to the house. I bent down and felt around for my cane, but I couldn't find it. I thought that was very mean of him. I HATE him taking advantage of my not being able to see! How was I supposed to find my way back? The answer? I didn't. I tried for a long time to find my way back to the house, but I wasn't sure what direction to walk in. Eventually I just gave up and leaned against a tree. It was an unfamiliar tree, too, so I couldn't exactly tell where I was. I put my arms around my legs and my head on my knees and started crying once again.
Later into the night, I felt something fall gently onto my nose. No, it wasn't bird droppings, it was a snowflake. That was not a good sign.
I remember just sitting there with the snow gradually building up around me singing:
I see skies of blue,
Clouds of white.
The bright-blessed day,
The dark sacred night.
And I think to myself,
What a wonderful world.
I was shivering so much and I wished for Joseph to come out and find me, but he didn't. I figured he had either been drinking too much and passed out like he always does after we've had a disagreement or he just didn't care about what happened to me. The tears that fell down my cheeks were the only things that were keeping me warm. I was out there all night wishing someone would find me, but by morning, it was too late. A funeral was held for me under the same tree I passed away under and everyone from all over the land came and…
Alright, I'm lying! What really happened was that Joseph found me THE NEXT MORNING and took me to the hospital, which is where I woke up and is also where I am right now. Mia came in earlier today when she heard the news and I apologized to her for ruining her wedding. She told me to forget about it and to just get better. I'm glad that's all sorted out. She brought in my tape recorder too. When we were having a chat, Joseph came into the room and said the same thing as last time, "Clarisse! Oh, darling, I'm so happy you're finally awake! How are you feeling?"
I quietly said to Mia, "Get him out of here, I never wish to speak to him again."
I heard her get up and repeat what I said to her. He said, "What?"
I shouted out to him, "You heard her! Go home, pack your things and get out of my life. I never wish to speak to you again!"
"But…"
"OUT!"
"Just let me explain!"
"Explain? You mean explain how you stole my cane and left me out in the wilderness with no hope of finding my way back? Or explain how you left me out in the snow to die? Or explain that once again, I'm back in hospital because you couldn't take proper care of me?"
"Don't be stupid…"
"Is that what you want to explain to me!"
"Clarisse I…"
"Mia, would you please leave the room for a moment or two?"
"She already left. Clarisse, will you please let me explain? I was very tired last night and it didn't help that you wanted to go out walking at midnight. It's my job to take care of you! It always has been and it always will be."
"You didn't take very good care of me last night."
"You didn't exactly make it easy."
"Oh, here it comes…"
"What exactly were you trying to achieve by whacking me with your cane?"
"I'm sick and tired of having you follow me wherever I go."
"I only do it because you could get lost or injured!"
"But the chances of that happening are highly unlikely."
"No, the chances of that happening are highly probable."
He put his hand on mine, but I pulled it away, "Why didn't you come and find me?"
"Because when I got back to the house I started drinking in order to relieve my stress and…I passed out."
"What a surprise. While you were sitting in my house all nice and warm drinking your brandy, I was sitting under a tree shivering to death with no food, no water and no warmth at all."
"It was your own fault. I asked you not to go walking so late."
"No, you TOLD me not to go walking."
"As if it makes a difference!"
"It does to me."
"You know what? You are impossible! I've tried so hard to help you settle into this new lifestyle of yours, but I'm finding it a real struggle to keep going. Every time I try and help you, you just push me further and further away. Perhaps it's time I just gave up altogether."
"Well, they do say that when the going gets tough, the tough get going."
"I'll be out of your house by Thursday."
He got up to leave and I said, "After you walk out that door, you are never to speak to me or my family again."
"Fine!"
"Goodbye, Mr…umm…what's your name?"
"Goodbye, Mrs. Renaldi, it's been…well, time consuming."
With that he left, never to be heard from again. I tried to fight the huge lump that was forming in my throat, but I just couldn't. I had lost Joseph again and all because we're both too stubborn to admit when we're wrong.
After Joseph and I said goodbye, Mia came back in and saw the tears streaming down my face. She asked me what the problem was and why Joseph had hugged her and said goodbye in the hall as if he was never going to see her again. I told her that when I was ready to talk about it, I would.
