Disclaimer: I don't own Hikaru No Go and the characters from it are used without permission.
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Thanks for the reviews for the last chappie!
The last chapter was quite boring so I thought of trying to make this better, but failed again, well, at least I've tried. Anyway, this chapter contains sections from the fiction itself but of course, I've had them edited, and hopefully, the climax will be present in the next chapter. So, hope you enjoy this chapter .
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My Heart Within
IV. Knowing
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In front of me, I see the faint light goes, when I didn't in the least hope so.
But will it return, I now can see, that only my heart shall determine it.
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I don't usually see Hikaru in school for the last few months. But these few days, I always thought I'd actually seen him around. I didn't believe myself until this afternoon, during lunch break. He was in the corridor. I didn't manage to stop myself before calling out, "Hikaru?"
He turned around and looked with a bit of surprise, "Oh, Akari, it's you..."
"How had you been?" I looked at him uncertainly and saw him lowered his head, as a gloomy look dawned on his face. He muttered an unconvincing "Just fine" and turned away, suddenly interested in the passing students.
"Hikaru, if you are free one of these days, you should visit our Go club. Then - then we can all play Go together again."
"Again?" He mumbled, and turning to face me, he said in a tone that sounded a little hesitant, even though his face shown a determined look, "I'm not going to play Go anymore."
I thought of what he had just said as just another excuse for not playing with us and started, "Hikaru! I know we're weak opponents to you... but... we're going to have competition soon, could you just... help train us ... just for a bit..."
"I'm sorry... but I've said I'm not going to play Go anymore..." and he walked off, leaving me standing there.
It must have been my fault, I must have said something terribly wrong. But what could I do now, even if I think he's facing an obstacle all by himself. What could I do?...
==
There was Go club activity in the afternoon. Everybody was concentrating on their games whereas I, was fully occupied by what happened hours ago. The result was loss of three games in a row.
"What's on your mind?" I remembered somebody questioned, "Akari, now it's the time where you have to work harder in Go." I couldn't help it.
It seemed as if the whole day was then disrupted. I couldn't do anything and fell into a sleep in the midst of thoughts...
==
More Go practices were held as we neared the competition. I was looking out of the windows of our Go practice room when I saw someone, "Touya Akira?"
At hearing his name being called, he spun around, "You're Hikaru's friend, aren't you?"
"Yes, and did you come to look for him?" I asked, remembering the incident which happened about one year ago.
"Yeah, do you have any idea where's him?" He asked politely.
"I-I'm not in the same class as him -"
"If you're looking for Shindou," a voice behind me said, and I immediately recognized that it was Kaneko's, "he should be in the library."
"Oh, thanks." And Akira walked off in the direction which I thought was the opposite of the one towards the library.
"Now, let's start our practice!" Kaneko exclaimed.
I pushed aside all my thoughts about the possible reasons Akira had come just to look for Hikaru, and started a game with Kaneko.
==
Perhaps the presence of the final year examination had added stress to me, causing me to have an increasing number of restless nights. This was worsening the situation as I found that I've yet again, unable to focus when I needed to. And the Go activity in the afternoon just didn't help.
I had entered the practice room when Kaneko was reading the Monthly Go Magazine. She saw me and beckoned me over. "Look at this, isn't this Shindou? Why'd he been giving up his games without even playing, I'd thought he was a Go fanatic..."
At her words, I stared at the book she was holding onto, "could you lend me this after you'd read it?"
"Oh, sure! You can borrow it for as long as you want." She said as she continued to read the book.
==
I saw what Kaneko had said that night. Printed on one of the pages of the magazine --- it showed Hikaru's performance. But I couldn't believe it. Nevertheless, the magazine couldn't have been wrong and I've decided, after much thoughts, to asked him personally.
==
I caught him staring out of a window in a classroom corridor about a week later and went forward to ask him. "Hikaru, what does this mean," I showed him the Monthly Go magazine, "why had you been surrendering your games?"
"Where'd you get this, Akari?" said Hikaru as he gazed at the magazine.
"From Kaneko, she subscribes them, I think. But again, what's wrong with you?..." I asked gently.
"I've told you," he said as he turned away, "I'm not going to play Go anymore." Hikaru hadn't been able to face me directly, I noticed, since the time he'd first said this phrase.
"I'd thought you were thinking that we were too easy to win against..." I said softly.
"Nevermind that, anyway," turning back to look at me, he asked, "do you think you'd have time after school to help me revise schoolwork?"
"Fujisaki won't have time for that now! We'd be having the Go competition soon!" I turned around and saw Mitani, glaring at Hikaru.
"Go competition..." Hikaru turned back to look out of the window yet again, staring into space, his eyes suddenly filled with depression. Or, had I just imagined that?
"Don't you dare look down on us! Don't you forget how you'd come this far!" Mitani shouted, his temper rising in him.
"Mitani..." I started to say something but was cut short by him.
"Fujisaki, why'd you care to help him. Don't you see that he despised us?!"
I moved towards Hikaru and spoke, "Hikaru, I know you don't but... would you at least come and visit us during our Go practices?"
"Yeah, you really should." I recognized again that it was Kaneko's voice.
"Both of you -" Mitani started, but Kaneko voiced out again, "You see, Shindou could really train us, he's a Pro player, and I'm not up to the standard to play against you, Mitani, and you need to improve your skills. Really," she faced Hikaru, "Shindou, drop by our club when you're free. We'd really appreciate it."
After much silence, Hikaru finally said something, though he repeated what he had earlier told me, "I'm not going to play Go anymore."
"See?! He'd really had something against us!" Mitani retorted and stormed off.
"Sorry, Shindou, Mitani's like that. But you really should consider coming. We need help, to tell you the truth. Anyway, Akari, we've got Go later, don't be late." Kaneko added to me and walked off.
"Hikaru, don't mind whatever Mitani had said, and even if you're not coming to our Go practices, I hope you don't mind going to the Go competition to support us?"
I started to turn away but Hikaru whispered, "Akari, I'm sorry, for not helping you all."
I spun around and looked at him. He looked so much different from the Hikaru I used to know, his eyes shone with sadness, and he had himself in a position that seemed as though he lacked so much confidence. What exactly was happening? I really wished to find out.
Pausing for so long, I finally told him, "Hikaru, you're not hurting me in any way, so, don't say sorry. It's also your choice, to decide what you want to do." Then adding on as I thought of something, I spoke as gently as I thought it was, "Hikaru, I know you're facing something , maybe depressing, could even be the loss of something precious, but don't forget that you're not alone, you've still got me as a friend, and I'm sure I won't mind sharing some things with you." Smiling at him, I continued, "You have me to talk to when you want... moreover... I really hope you could return to the cheery self you used to have... well, I've got to go, so, bye and see you soon, Hikaru."
As I started to leave, I caught the startled look on his face, and smiled to myself, knowing that I'm correct, knowing that I've at least got a clue about what's happening, about what he's facing... ...
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Hmm... I haven't got too much to say this time round, but, just hope that this chapter is not too bad. Give me your comments, and that's all, jya =)
