Disclaimer: I don't own Hikaru No Go, but this is my own plot even if it concerns HnG.
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Wow! I received quite some reviews for the last chapter, that's a first time. So happy—was encouraging so I thought I should write the chapters at a faster rate. But my examinations are coming, so it would probably be another one month (or maybe earlier) before I update the next chapter. And I thought I should complete the story soon. Thus, I will be writing the last two chapters after this. And yes, if you're thinking that the story's finishing, you're correct! And I hope you're looking forward to reading the ending. By the way, this chapter might have weird expressions here and there, and it might sound weird and lacks feelings. But I hope that other than these, it's still a good chapter to you all. Well, I should stop all my talking and go on with the story now, so, here's it, hope you enjoy.
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My Heart Within
VII. Lost the Way
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I see light approaching... Bringing with it hope, love and warmth...
Has it specially come for me? To bring me out of this misery...
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"Akari-chan, wake up..." someone was shaking me gently to rouse me, but my eyes were feeling heavy, I just didn't feel like opening them. "Akari-chan, wake up..." the person continued to call.
"I think she's coming round, look at her eyelids... Poor girl, fainted even before the news could get to her." the second voice said.
"Help me get some warm water, I think she'd need it," and the first person continued to shake me.
With all my might, I raised my eyelids slowly and light streamed in. There was the teacher who brought me to the office, and she was holding me.
"Akari-chan! You're finally awaked." She smiled at me and tenderly got me up to a sitting position. I looked around and saw almost all the people in the office looking at me. I lowered my face and tried to recall what had happened, just as a lady walked to me and gave me a cup of warm water, "Drink it. It'll make you more energetic."
"Thank you." I obeyed and received the cup. Raising it to my mouth, the teacher whispered, "I know you're trying to recall what'd happened, but don't try too hard." I nodded my head and forced a smile.
I drank down the water slowly. As I finished it, the teacher made a move to stand up. Upon seeing that, I immediately asked, "Teacher, may I know how to address you?"
She raised her eyebrows in surprise but lowered them as understanding dawn on her, "You can call me Ms. Minamoto. Now, get going," and her tone once again, turn softer as she said, "I'll drive you to the hospital..."
Hospital?...
I stood frozen for a moment as a strange flow of memory flooded my mind. I remembered the phone call, Dad's voice, he said something too... but... what was it?
"Akari-chan?" a soft voice called.
"Huh?" I pulled myself out of the memory and looked in Ms. Minamoto's direction.
"Follow me... we'll need an umbrella..." she motioned for me to follow her. Dreamily, I stepped out of the office, and was greeted by the sudden drumming of the rain falling on shelters. It was still raining heavily.
"Come on, get under the umbrella and I'd get you to the car." Ms. Minamoto raised her voice slightly, trying to overcome the noise the rain was making.
I followed her and with quick steps, we were soon outside her car. She opened the door and I went in. It was much warmer in the car. I dried myself and waited till Ms. Minamoto come in through the other door of the car. "Do you want to have anything? I've got a few pieces of chocolate if you like..." she asked.
"Oh thank you, but I don't think I'll have it." I looked at her while she smiled, but her expression gradually became serious and worried. "Did you hear everything that your father wanted to say?"
I shook my head, "maybe I'd heard, but I just couldn't remember it." She started the car and it was soon traveling at a constant speed.
"Akari? Remember, running away just won't help... I've got to tell you what had happened, because understanding is important, and there might not be too much time left. I don't want you to be too shocked or anything. So remember, what will come would come, and we'd have to face it when it did... and even if facing it is difficult, we still have to try. If we don't, we'd just be giving up hope entirely and that's not good—we'll never be able to solve any problem that way. We've got to face it. This is life. This is how we grow..."
I listened to her words; I know what had happened, maybe not exactly; I know what I was doing, but I was just trying to run away... I took in a deep breath and felt my heartbeat quicken; I know I'd have to receive the news, no matter how difficult...
"Akari-chan... your mum is in the hospital now—I'm driving you to meet her. I think she was hit by a car. I'm afraid... I'm afraid she's not going to live long..." she said these words clearly and slowly so that I caught each word she said.
As the words hit me, a bizarre feeling seemed to rush through me. It was difficult to hold it back. I shivered uncontrollably as I forced back the tears welling up in my eyes. I turned my head to face the window, afraid that Ms. Minamoto would see my face...
I looked at the images that flashed past me—they were just blur images, or maybe I was already crying. I'd no conscious of it. I don't want to feel too much, because the sadness would become overwhelming. I...want to stay strong. I don't want to break down in front of anybody.
Mum won't die. She's strong and promised me to stay by my side forever. She said that, she won't go back on her word... will she?
I was feeling so tired that even my eyes were painful. The random thunders and the horrible feeling made me feel cold despite the warmth in the car. I hate this feeling. I want a rest. I'm really sleepy. Maybe after a sleep, I will wake to find out that this, was after all, just a bad dream...
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I know I was only deceiving myself, but all I had left was this little hope. Nevertheless, this little hope seems to be faltering—even it appears to be insecure. I want to pull through everything, to face everything no matter how tough... But will I really be able to?
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"Here we are," Ms. Minamoto told me as she stopped and carefully parked her car. The rain had stopped. All that was left from the storm were just puddles of water and a chilling breeze. I shuddered as it slapped against my face, and saw, at the same time, sinister dark clouds floating in the sky.
As we entered the hospital, a nurse clad in a white uniform approached us. She had long hair tied up as a bun behind her head. "Is anyone of you here named Fujisaki Akari?" she asked with a good-natured expression.
I nodded and waited for further instructions. "Please follow me then, to see Mrs. Fujisaki." We followed her into a lift. "...Is she okay?..." I asked uncertainly.
"I'm sorry, I'm not sure about the details, but she'd just come out of the operation room." And looking at me, she added, "She'll be fine, don't worry too much."
I wish I could, but it was too unconvincing.
"This is it." The nurse stated. We stopped outside a ward after a short walk from the lift. "I'll take my leave here." The nurse bowed and left.
I had no idea why my heart was thumping so fast just as my hand reached for the handle of the door. Two hands squeezed my shoulders lightly and Ms Minamoto said, "Stay calm, Akari."
I pushed back the door and looked around the room, my heart thumping faster than ever. I was afraid of seeing her with serious wounds, I was afraid of facing her; even so, I was also afraid of losing her.
My eyes rested on first, a man—Dad, then a woman—a patient. Mum? My eyes stared transfixed on her. She was lying down on the bed, her eyes closed. A bandage was wrapped around her head.
"Akari, I'll have a word with you. Please excuse us, teacher." Dad said, his expression solemn, and started to lead me out of the room. He was walking as though lifelessly and didn't utter a single word until we were finally out of the room.
"Akari, your mum..." and he sighed helplessly as I watched. I was beginning to feel sick. Softly, he said, "You may think that she look alright, but... but the operation wasn't successful." And he finally gave an irrepressible sob of which followed incoherent words that were blurted out, "the doctor said she could only live for the most...the most... a day. And if she doesn't wake, she'll...she'll just past away in her sleep. The doctor also said that she was hurt at the back when the car crashed into her... and her head...when she hit the floor...."
Looking on the floor, Dad's eyes widened in horror and he continued, "I saw it all happened... I wanted to call out to her..." He mumbled to himself.
I stood there—stumped. The surrounding feels exceptionally deserted so that every little noise made then, was amplified. I heard Dad gulped, but more to that, I felt my heart stopped, my legs weakened... and my body crumpled down as my knees gave way.
"You saw it happen?" My voice was filled with anguish, but was I feeling angry towards Dad then?
Just as my mouth opened, there came a cry, "Mr. Fujisaki, Akari-chan, Mrs. Fujisaki, she's...she's..."
"What?" I was feeling impatient and couldn't bother about what she wanted to say. Strength came to my legs and I bolted into the ward, heaving a sigh of relief when I saw that Mum's still breathing. "What's wrong?" I turned to face Ms. Minamoto, and found that Dad was just behind me. His eyes worried and he looked pale.
"I'm sorry, I was... about to say she's moving." Ms. Minamoto panted as she clarified what had happened, pointing to Mum.
True enough, Mum's fingers moved and her head slowly turned. Taking the nearest seat to Mum, I sat down and held her hand. It was cold. "Mum, wake up. Please wake up, we need you badly." Her eyelids quivered as I continued to talk to her, "Mum, wake up."
I stopped when her eyes began opening, thought slowly but definite. "Mum..." I didn't notice the strength of my hands on hers increased as I held on.
Her eyes slowly moved from me to Dad, then to Ms. Minamoto. "Akari, Dear..., you're all here... and you must be Akari's teacher..." her eyes stopping on Ms. Minamoto.
"Yes, I am. Glad to see that you've awoken. I shall take my leave here." And she bowed and left, just like the nurse.
"Akari, can you get me something?" Mum asked. I could see that it was taking her a great deal of energy just to talk.
"What is it, Mum?" I quickly answered.
"Get me the kind of tea I've always enjoyed drinking. I've got this sudden urge of consuming it." She said as her voice got softer.
"No problem, I'll get it." and she smiled, the smile I've always love to see, but it felt different this time...
I know she wanted to tell Dad something, privately, but I'm afraid that leaving her would be the last time she's going to see me. Even so, I retreated from the room and sprinted to get her favourite drink.
Thoughts flooded my mind as the air brushed against my face. I know where I should go just to get the perfect drink. Nevertheless, my mind was in a twirl.
I stopped at the shop and carefully chose the drink. Within seconds, I found the right one and ordered it.
As I secured the drink with both of my hands, I ran towards the hospital as fast as I could.
Mum, will I be able to see you again? I don't want you to die. Don't leave us yet. You promised to be with me forever. Mum...
She was looking sick when I left. I was afraid she might disappear from this world. I ran top speed back to the hospital and took the lift, following the path the nurse had previously showed.
Dad was standing outside, in a daze. "Dad!" he raised his head in my direction. "Have you bought it?" He asked dully.
"Yes. Here's it... who's inside with Mum?" I asked wishing that it was why he was standing outside.
"Hikaru's mother and Hikaru himself are inside. His father is overseas, so he won't be coming..." He stated without interest.
"Dad!" he looked shocked at me shouting at him, "Please, look happier, Mum will be sad too, if she sees you like this..." I knew I was in no position to tell him that. But I wanted Mum to be happy, even if she leaves...it's only a 'if'... I gave Dad a smile and he returned it.
I must stay happy as long as Mum's still around. I want her to be happy, even if I was feeling in a mess.
The door of the ward opened and Hikaru walked out. "Uncle, Akari, please go in." The way he talked sounded different form which I last heard him. There was something else different too...but I couldn't tell, for my mind was on Mum.
"Akari, come nearer to your mum, she has something to tell you." Mrs. Shindou called out to me.
"I nodded and went forward. "Mum, here's your tea." I arranged the drink and the straw so that she could have it conveniently.
Was I imagining it all, or was it really true that she was getting paler by the minute?
Mum took over the drink and whispered to me, "Akari, I'm really feeling tired. I really wish to sleep. But I've got so much to tell you..." she paused and breathed in a deep breath, "Akari, you're the only one I'm worried about. Don't be too affected by my death-"
"No! Mum, you won't die!" I retorted. I can't accept it, even if I really must...
She sighed. "Akari, don't be stubborn. This isn't the Akari I know. You must continue life as it was before this, just usual days, and don't reproach yourself or blame others for anything. Just be strong, promise me..."
"Mum, you won't die! You will live!" but she was already shaking her head. Just then, her eyes suddenly widened in shock as though a jolt of pain had surged through her body.
"Mum!" Many other voices were heard besides mine. She coughed and I saw more blood draining away from her face.
"Akari, promise me..." she choked. I can't stand to see the pain shown on her face, and I don't want her to be disappointed.
"Mum, I promise you, I will stay strong and continue life." Tears were already flowing down my cheeks—I just had no control over them.
Then, she smiled—a smile filled with many meanings that I could suddenly feel.
Lying down after she'd finish the bottle of drink, she put it aside and said, "I thank all of you for your concern and love. Now, I'm really tired. Please let me rest." She smiled to every each and one of us and closed her eyes, "Akari, maintain your smile, be bright and cheery, forever..."
She seemed to have fallen asleep immediately. So soon that all became quiet almost at once, until I noticed that she wasn't breathing...
"MUM!!!" I flung myself on her and held her as close to me as possible. "Mum! You promised me never to leave me!" My vision was a blur; my thoughts were a total confusion.
I felt two warm hands on my shoulders, trying to consol me. But all I yearn for was to be with Mum, for as long as possible......
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"Mum? Mum, where are you?" I reach out my hands uncertainly into the darkness, and frantically felt about for something to hold on to. But there was nothing---empty, just thin air. I felt my heart sink; I was feeling so helpless, lost in the way, lost my guiding light...
My unbalanced body staggered and tripped. I collapsed onto the cold hard floor, and a surging pain rushed up my limbs. My body was totally exhausted and I had lost the determination to get up anymore. My eyes were hot and feeling weary, I know something was flowing out of them; I know they were tears, but I took no notice of them. All I know was that my heart was very painful. Breathlessly, I lifted my hand and clutched my chest, trying to stop the pain.
I wished it will go away... just disappear... and miraculously, it did.
There was neither the presence of pain in my heart nor my legs. And I didn't feel the coldness from the floor. But I remained where I was; there was no change in the surroundings, yet I felt different...I felt...empty...
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That's about it. Please review. Thank you.
P/s: Akari might become very OOC in the next chapter, whereas Hikaru's importance of the story will soon be revealed in the coming chapters. Please continue to support the story by waiting for the next chapter. Thanks again. Bye.
