Title: I'll be right here waiting for you
Summary: Harm's dead…now what?
Disclaimer: I don't own JAG or any of its characters. I don't own the song either.
A/N: The other 2nd chapter was really, really crap. I think this one is one million times better, if I do say so myself. LOL, cookies to those that review!
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I'm sitting in the middle of Harm's living room floor, dressed in a black dress. Harm's been gone for two weeks now and today was his funeral. All the tears I've shed and all the tears to come won't be able to compensate the pain in my heart. The pain seems to be getting stronger as every second passes. The memory of my Flyboy still fresh in my broken heart.
Oceans apart, day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice on the line
But it doesn't stop the pain
If see you next to never
How can we say forever?
There's a message on my answering machine. I played it when I got home from the hospital on that fateful day. I remember the pain as Harm's voice drifted from the machine. It's the same pain I feel every night I play it, the machine clutched at my heart, as I fall asleep. My dream's filled of Harm and all the good things we've been through.God I miss him.
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
Iwill be right here, waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here, waiting for you
I know it's foolish…thinking he's going to walk through that door, see me crying on his floor and come running to me to try and make me feel better. I know it's foolish…to knock on his front door and hope he'd open it for me. I know it's foolish…to feel like I'm intruding when I finally use my key to enter his home. I wipe the tears that fall from my eyes, and try to breathe…it's a task I have to remind myself to do every day.
I took for granted, all the times
That I thought would last, somehow
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears
But I can't get near you now
Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me goin' crazy
I found a box of videos in Harm's closet the other night. As I watched them, I couldn't stop the tears rolling down my eyes. All the beautiful moments captured. Most were of Harm and I, but there were also a few of Harm and his family. There was one particular tape which made me cry uncontrollably. It was recorded at one of the Roberts' Christmas gatherings. Harm and I were dancing. My arms around his neck and his hands on my waist. I could practically see the love. I wonder how I couldn't have seen it before. I haven't been able to bring myself to watch it again.
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here, waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here, waiting for you
I get up from my spot on the floor and walk to his bedroom. I lie down on his bed and hug his pillow tightly to myself. I breathe in this scent and the tears slip from my eyes, roll down my cheeks and land on his pillow. I close my eyes tightly and can almost imagine him next to me. Almost. The ring on my finger digs into my skin and I look at it. His mother Trish gave it to me right before the funeral. She said that it belonged to me. That Harm wanted me to have it, he just couldn't bring himself to give it to me. I remember staring at it, very much like I'm staring at it now. Straight away I could tell that it was his mother's engagement ring. What I wouldn't give to see him put it on my finger. What I wouldn't give for him to be alive!
I wonder how we can survive
This romance
But in the end, if I'm with you
I'll take the chance
Oh, can't you see me baby
You've got me goin' crazy
The only reason I haven't turned to drinking is because everytime I hold that alcohol filled glass, I can see Harm's disappointed face. The same disappointed face I saw when I turned to drinking last time. Even dead he won't let me do anything irrational. It's unbelievable the effect he had on me. How he changed me…for the better.
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here, waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here, waiting for you
There's a knock at the door but I don't bother getting up to answer it. After a few minutes of knocking I hear a key turning in the lock, then footstep walking in my direction. I still don't bother getting up. Someone walks into the room and sits carefully on the bed next to me.
"Sarah?" I hear a motherly voice ask. It's only then that I look up and see Harm's grandmother sitting there. A sob wracks my body and she pulls me into a tight hug.
"Shhh," she whispers. "It'll be alright. Everything's gonna be okay."
She holds me until I fall asleep. Tomorrow's going to be another day more. One less day 'till I'm together with Harm again. Until then, I'll live with the pain.
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Now I happen to think this is a million times better…so review and tell me if you agree! Cookies to ya if ya do ;)
