" Help! My wife's turned me into a fruit bat! Won't anyone help me return to my true form?" Regent Cid cried, but by now he's too late to be an important staple in the plot.
Chapter 5
The Many Wonders of Grocery Shopping
" Taijou!" Gumba exclaimed.
" Yes?" Tidus replied.
" Which way do we go to get to the grocery store?" Gumba asked as he, Wumba, and Tidus walked through the… PLAINS. Why were they plains? I DUNNO. They just are.
" Well, Gumba, I'm glad you ask, because I don't know! I've never been to the grocery store before. But I'm sure if we believe in ourselves and walk around for long enough… we will find that grocery store!" Tidus said as inspirational music began to play in the background.
" TAIJOU!" Gumba and Wumba cried. " We're so inspired!"
And so, the three of them wandered around the plains, until suddenly… they found a hurt baby bird! AWWWW! Tidus picked it up, and cast Cure, and then flung it into the air and it flew away and a rainbow came out.
" Live and let live!" Tidus said in the same voice he uses in battle because the game producers were too lazy to change it.
" You're the best Taijou!" Wumba said, easily impressed by the healing of the bird.
" BECAUSE OF YOUR NOBLE SPIRIT, I WILL GRANT YOU ACCESS TO THE GROCERY STORE." Said a random deep voice from nowhere, and the ground opened up and suddenly the Grocery Store for Noble Goody Two Shoes appeared out of nowhere.
" Hurray! How did you know that if you did something noble we'd find the Grocery Store for Noble Goody Two Shoes?" Wumba asked Tidus enthusiastically.
" I just did, Wumba, I just did." Tidus said sagely even though he had had no indication that healing the bird would bring such a grocery store. Together the three of them walked into the grocery store and got ready to go SHOPPIN'!
" It's a good thing Ifrit gave us this massive list of things he needs! Let's see… ' A bonny cookbook and ingredients.'" Said Tidus, holding up a slightly charred list that Ifrit had given them.
" Okay… we need that… but we ALSO need to get supplies for our game! So, Wumba, I'm assigning you to take care of that." Tidus told Wumba.
" ME? You're giving ME that much responsibility!" Wumba cried, trying not to faint. " Thank you Taijou!"
" No problem. Gumba, you take this, ' bonny cookbook' buisness on." Tidus told Gumba.
" Will do, Taijou!" Said Gumba, and saluted.
" As for me… I'll look for ingredients." Said Tidus, and then pointed VERY overdramatically at the aisles of the grocery store. " We'll meet by the magazine rack! TEEN TITANS, GO!"
And then the three of them ran off like fools. And then they knocked over a Cookie Crisp display. Then they cleaned it up. THEN, they continued shopping.
Okay… well, if you haven't read my other works, you must know, for transition purposes, I use the word HOOONK! So I won't warp your fragile mind. So when I say…
HOOONK!
…that means the scene changed. Okay? Think you can handle it? Are you sure? Okay. Let's go.
HOOONK!
" A BONNY cookbook…" Said Gumba. " I wonder where I can find a cookbook like THAT."
Little did Gumba know that bonny just means… good. He thought it was the title, brand, or author or something like that! HA! That crazy Gumba!
" Excuse me!" Said Gumba at some random employee who just happened to be strolling by.
" YEEES?" Asked the random employee who we will call Random Helper Harley.
" I'm looking for a cooking book! A BONNY cook book." Gumba said.
" Hmm… I know we have some cooking books, but I don't know if we have some BONNY cook books." Random Helper Harley said, stroking his chin. " But if you want to, we can go check."
" Thank you so much!" Gumba exclaimed as if that were to much to ask from an EMPLOYEE or something.
" No problem!" Said Random Helper Harley, and together they walked over to the cook book section. Don't worry, it's not that big of a section. It's smaller than your cook book section. Don't get jealous.
" Bonny… bonny… nope! I don't see bonny anywhere." Random Helper Harley said.
" AW, MAN." Said Gumba. " I've let down taijou."
" How about this SIBERIAN cook book?" Random Helper Harley offered, since he felt bad for not being all that helpful.
" Uh… okay!" Said Gumba, since he felt bad about making Random Helper Harley look for no reason. He knew that this wasn't what he was SUPPOSED to be getting, but he was doing it anyway. That's okay, Gumba. It's your life. Do as you will.
HOOONK!
" GO DREAM… GO FIND INGREEEEDIEEEENTS… NO REI ATAMA NI ETO…!" Tidus sang outloud in his obnoxious japanese singing voice. " I'LL FIND… THE INGREDIENTS! LAH-LAH-LAH… LAH-LAH…!"
Luckily, he eventually had to THINK and since Tidus can't think and sing at the same time, he quit singing. PHEW! Thank goodness.
" Now what kind of ingredients should I get?" Tidus wondered outloud. " I know! I'll get all MY favorite ingredients!" Well, that's logic for you! Of course… Tidus's favorite ingredients were things like MILKY WAYS and Garlic Salt, which you can't really mix together, but oh well. Tidus also got the basics, you know, sugar, salt, that kind of thing. Then he threw it all into his bag and decided that he had gotten enough ingredients and began to sing again.
" GOOOO DREEEEEEAM! BLAH BLAH BLAH… INOU SAAA….!"
HOOONK!
" I'm so nervous! I hope I can do this right!" Wumba stuttered as he stressed over getting supplies for… the GAME. A very daunting task. He didn't even know where to start! Or end! OR CLIMAX!
" You look like YOU could use some help." Said Random Helper Harley appearing randomly from nowhere.
" Oh, YES SIR." Said Wumba appreciatively.
" Well, what can I help you with, sonny jim?" Random Helper Harley asked.
" I need to get supplies for a game we're creating." Wumba said.
" What kind of game? A video game? A board game?" Random Helper Harley asked.
" A SPORTS game." Wumba corrected.
" OH… a SPORTS game. Well, you know, there's one thing you need for EVERY sports game you ever play." Random Helper Harley said, stroking his chin.
" RULES?" Asked Wumba.
" No. GATORADE." Said Random Helper Harley.
" Oh! Gatorade!" Wumba said because he was easily convinced that he needed Gatorade even though he didn't know what it was. " Where can I get that?"
" Right here!" Said Random Helper Harley, pointing to the conviently placed Gatorade section. " I assume you'll be getting a LOT of gatorade?"
" Oh yes!" Said Wumba, and got fifty packs of gatorade and managed to fit them all in a small shopping cart. He REALLY wanted to feel the rush. Then he reasoned that he couldn't fit anything else into the shopping cart, so THAT must mean that he had gotten everything he needed for game supplies! Even though he had only gotten gatorade! AWK!
" THANK YOU Random Helper Harley!" Wumba exclaimed.
" No, Wumba, thank YOU." Said Random Helper Harley and then they both chuckled like Kureno and walked off into the sunset, then walked back into the store.
HOOONK!
" Did everyone get what we set out for?" Tidus asked as they all rendevoused in front of the magazine rack. Well… at least Gumba and Tidus did. Wumba got lost.
" I got this SIBERIAN cook book." Gumba admitted.
" There wasn't a bonny cook book?" Tidus asked.
" No…" Said Gumba, hanging his head in shame.
" Oh well! I'm sure it'll turn out okay somehow." Said Tidus. " Hey… where's Wumba?"
" I'M SO SORRY TAIJOU!" Wumba screamed, pushing his shopping cart of Gatorade that must have weighed at least three times his body weight towards Tidus and Gumba.
" Hey Wumba! What do you got there?" Tidus asked.
" Gatorade!" Said Wumba.
" Good job!" Said Tidus, not even knowing what gatorade was. " Well, I got the ingredients, so I guess it's time to check out!"
And so… THEY DID. And who was running the checkout but Random Helper Harley! Hurrah!
" Oh, NO, you don't have to pay for anything here." Said Random Helper Harley.
" Why not?" Tidus asked.
" This is the Grocery Store for Noble Goody Two Shoes. We don't take money from people like you!" Said Random Helper Harley.
"… so what do we do? Just walk out?" Tidus asked.
" Shucks howdy! Yes!" Said Random Helper Harley.
" Wow! THANKS RANDOM HELPER HARLEY!" The three of them cheered, and ran out the door. " Bye!"
" Bye!" Said Random Helper Harley and exploded.
" Now we can get back to Ifrit!" Said Tidus as the Final Fantasy Victory theme played in the background.
" Oh-kay!" Said Gumba and Wumba and they started to make their way through the plains across the overworld back to the mansion. And just as they did… the screen suddenly shattered into glass-like pieces in front of them and all the music dissapeared and there was a blinding light!
…
" Oops! My glasses broke!" Said Gumba.
" My CD player quit playing." Said Tidus.
" And my flashlight exploded!" Said Wumba.
Then they all chuckled like Kureno and continued on their merry way. After a little while, suddenly two people suddenly came rolling really fast down a hill and landed in front of them randomly.
It was Wakka and Kimahri! YAAAAAY!
Wakka was dressed up like a pilgrim. Kimahri was dressed in a strange, rodent-like costume.
" Happy Groundhogs Day!" Said Wakka.
" Uh… Groundhogs Day was a couple of weeks ago." Said Tidus.
" It was?" Wakka asked.
" Yep." Said Tidus.
Then there was an awkward silence. Kimahri shifted uncomfortably in his giant groundhog costume.
" Your friends look just like Chappu's friends!" Wakka said randomly, even though they looked nothing like Chappu's friends.
" Cool!" Said Wumba. Then there was another awkward silence.
" Well… see ya!" Said Wakka, and he and Kimahri ran back up the hill and dissapeared.
" BYE!" Said Tidus, Gumba and Wumba, and continued on their journey. And they eventually reached home, but this chapter is called The Many Wonders of Grocery Shopping and since there were no more wonders at home, you'll just have to wait for another chapter about what happened THEN.
OMAKE!
Wow! That took a long time! But you'll just have to get used to it! BWAHAHAHA! I have more IMPORTANT things than this stupid fanfic. So PSHAW! Anyway…
The infallible Lazy Kitsune returns with even MORE crazy questions! Even CRAZIER than this crazy story! WOWZA! Of course I'll be answering them ALL. Why? It makes the chapters look longer! DA-HUCK!
have seymour's lackeys ever thought of QUITTING and finding NEW JOBS?
Hayley: Well, if they did THAT, they would explode! AWK!
2. is lulu the head of the VooDoo Mafia?
Hayley: No. God Sith is. But I thought that was obvious!
have you ever told yuna that you hate her? sometimes talking things out works.
Hayley: I did but nothing happened. (sob) I think she couldn't hear me.
why is lulu's theme so creepy? (shudders)
Hayley: My soundcard is broken… (sniff) so I have no way of remembering her crazy theme. But if I did, I'm sure I would agree. Unless it was a happy theme and only you think it's creepy…
5. what is up with wakka's weird obsession with tidus looking like chappu!
Hayley: I DUNNO! WHAT IS UP WITH THAT CRAZY HAM-HAM MAN! ARGH!
6. it's a little late, but WHO THE HELL IS KURENO!
Hayley: That's KIND of an inside joke… but it's one of the many running jokes in the Shoopuf Dude series along with Fruit Bat turned Cid, IMPOSHIBIBBLE! That Buddy Barn Guy and Hayley's theory of explosion. You have to have read Shoopuf Basket to understand it, and you have to have seen the anime FRUITS BASKET to get THAT. EXHAUSTING!
7. does wakka have a calendar?
Hayley: I don't think so… poor guy.
8. is kimahri working for wakka?
Hayley: Yes… Kimahri is Wakka's FLUNKY! WHY! I HAVE NO IDEA!
9. why does brother have a crush on yuna, his COUSIN? (ew next thing you know he has a crush on his sister)
Hayley: For more on Brother… stay tuned to the next chapter!
why does tidus like yuna at all? i don't get it...you could've done so much better, tidus!
Hayley: YEAH, TIDUS! You could have liked… ANYONE ELSE! Oh well! At least he doesn't like… Shelinda…
DON'T SPEAK HER NAME, IT'S THE ANTICHRIST!
Shucks howdy! Now I remember Bartello! And his crazy summoner. " I'll never wash this hand again!" INDEED! Imagine what it would have been liked if he had shaken the CHUNKY ARM'S hand, however…
Bartello: AHHH! CHOP IT OFF! (chops off his own hand)
Heh-heh. Anyway, remember to send questions and wait patiently for the next time. Or not so patiently. Since you can't actually influence me by your threshold of patience… IT MAKES NO DIFFERENCE TO ME! HA!
Ja!
