Title: Letting go.
Summary: Mac finally lets go.
Disclaimer: I don't own JAG or any of its characters. Simple plan owns the song.
A/N: Again I should be updating Strange and Stalking, but I can't seem to find the inspiration lately.

°°°

Mac stands with her eyes closed in a brightly lit room. She can hear people talking but nothing registers in her mind. She's in her own world, a world where everything's perfect, but in reality nothing is. Everyone thinks she's moved on, but she hasn't. She just hides behind a beautifully decorated mask.

She feels the familiar closing feeling in her throat and wills it away. It leaves, only to returns a few minutes later, along with an aching heart.

'Oh no,' Mac thinks. 'Not now, not here.'

She pushes herself from the wall she was leaning on and walks to the bathroom. Once she gets there she looks at herself in the mirror. Her eyes are already red and she watches as her eyes fill with water. She closes her eyes as the tears begin to fall.

A few minutes later, she could finally contain the tears and she turned on the cold water faucet. She splashes handful after handful of water on her face. She looks at herself in the mirror again, satisfied that she doesn't look like she'd been crying and she returns to the party feeling like screaming.

Everyone's still talking, and Mac can hear the occasional clinking of glasses. She can't remember why she said she'd go to this gathering but she had. A soft, small body collides with her and she looks down to find little AJ scurry off.

"Sorry Auntie Mac!" he called as he ran off.

She swallowed heavily and walked out the front door, in hopes of catching a cool breeze. She sits on the porch steps and breathed in deeply. She bit her top lip until it bled, but that didn't stop the fresh wave of tears that filled her eyes. She wiped away each tear as it rolled down her cheek. She got up began to walk, in hopes of slowing down the tears. It had no effect and she kicked a tree, only to cling to it a spilt second later as her tear began to come down quicker and sobs began to wrack her body.

After a good fifteen minutes, the tears subside long enough for her to be able to go back inside, grab her coat, hop into her car and drive off without saying goodbye. She turns on her radio, in hopes on finding a song that'd cheer her up. Her hopes where dashed a second later and she had to park as her sight was clouded by tears.

I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light
I can't remember how
I can't remember why
I'm lying here tonight

And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain

How could this happen to me
I've made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again


So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No I can't

How could this happen to me
I've made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

I've made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

As the song finished she looked up to see where she had stopped and laughed bitterly. She got out of the care and walked into the cemetery. She walked until she found his grave and collapsed in front of the headstone. Her tears fell on soft earth, making it softer still. Her sobs echoing in the empty cemetery. She reached and began tracing Harm's name with her fingertips. She slowly sat up as her tears began to fade. She softly bit her lower lip as she re-traced his name. She kissed her fingers and brushed them softly on the headstone.

She picked herself off the ground and left the cemetery determined to let go, determined to have cried the last of her tears. She entered her car and sat there, hands on steering wheel, for a few minutes. The car roared to life and she drove off into the night.

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Ah crap. I can't stop crying. Damn song makes me feel so sad.