Chapter 7

The Point of this Story is Lost and Never Returns!

" We finally made it back to the mansion after fifteen years!" Tidus exclaimed. Just kidding. It was just two months. You can just assume they had many misadventures and sidequests we won't go into in this story. You can also just assume that while this was happening, AURON'S storyline was… in a time warp, so it froze whenever TIDUS'S storyline wasn't progressing fast enough!

CRAZY!

" I hope Ifrit didn't get too tired of waiting for us!" Wumba said.

" He's an Aeon, so he's probably USED to long periods of time spent waiting for things!" Tidus chuckled like Kureno.

" So true, Taijou, SO TRUE." Gumba and Wumba said.

" But this still doesn't change ONE thing, though." Tidus said, even though it hadn't changed anything to begin with. " We didn't get Ifrit a BONNY cookbook. We got him a SIBERIAN cookbook."

ARGH! And Siberian and Bonny just AREN'T the same thing, no matter how you cut that crazy cake. Tidus, Gumba and Wumba sat there and thought about what they would tell their crazy aeon friend.

" I know!" Tidus said, jumping up and smacking his hand with his fist.

" WHAT!" Gumba and Wumba gasped.

" Lemme see that book." Tidus said, and grabbed it. Then he took out a red magic marker, put an x through the word 'Siberian' and wrote in big letters above it, 'BONNY.'

" Now everything is A-OK!" Tidus said with a big cheesy Kenji smile, flashing the thumbs up to no one in particular.

" OH MY GOD! YOU'RE A GENIUS, TAIJOU!" Gumba exclaimed, looking at the magic marker as if it were some sort of… holy magic marker.

" I would have NEVER thought of that!" Wumba said, which is true.

" That's why I'M the Taijou and you guys are… not Taijou." Said Tidus who had already forgotten why Wumba and Gumba were even following him around for in the first place. " Now let's go make Ifrit's crazy scottish day!"

And so they paraded into the mansion. Ifrit was there waiting for them obsessively because he had no other purpose in life! When he saw the cookbook, he let out a big cheer and started doing a little scottish jig.

" ACH! I canna' believe ye' actually found me a Bonny Cooking Book! I canna' wait to try out all the recipes! BONNY!" Ifrit cheered, taking the book and ignoring that Siberian was crossed out. " SNOW muffins! Ah want to make that!"

" Well, you make those crazy snow muffins, Ifrit! And ENJOY!" Tidus said, and then watched Ifrit frolic off to try and make Siberian delicacies which would ultimately prove impossible as he's the fire Aeon and everything involved ice.

" Now, back to what WE were doing… let's get the supplies we bought for our game and make some magic happen, captain!" Tidus said as Gumba and Wumba pushed a cart in with the tons of gatorade Wumba had got.

" So… gatorade…" Tidus said, trying to make it sound like gatorade was actually something you could make a game with.

" It's…HEALTHY!" Wumba said.

" That's right. I want my game to be healthy, unlike most sports." Tidus replied.

" It comes in many different flavors!" Gumba said, not about to be undone by Wumba.

" That's right too! Come on, let's all try one and FEEL THE RUSH!" Tidus said, and they all took a gatorade. Tidus had the yellow stuff, Wumba had the strawberry, and Gumba had Ice Blue or whatever it's called.

They all took a big swig, then sat back.

" …what did yours taste like?" Tidus asked Gumba.

"… I'm not sure. Water… with some sort of strange taste? But I couldn't identify a flavor."

" Me either." Said Tidus. " Although it's supposedly supposed to have flavor."

" Mine didn't taste like strawberry at all! It tasted like the GHOST of a strawberry!" Wumba whined because he had been looking forward to tasting STRAWBERRIES! HE LOVED STRAWBERRIES!

" And look at the bottle! So clunky, and the paper part is loose! I don't want the paper part to fall off until I FEEL like it falling off!" Gumba whined.

" GOOD LORD! How is anyone supposed to PLAY a sport when they can't enjoy the sport drink!" Tidus yelled, throwing his gatorade over his shoulder. " Tell me THAT!"

" What will we do Taijou! We can't play a sport without a sport drink!" Gumba and Wumba cried, throwing their own gatorade bottles over their shoulders.

" I'll tell you what we'll do. We'll make sport drinks even BETTER than these! HAH! Gatorade! More like… SEE YOU LATER GATORADE!" Tidus scoffed like Carson, and with that, took a case of gatorade. " Come on! TOGETHER, we'll turn this bland watery sports drink into a tasty but still nutritional sports drink!"

" YEAH!" Said Gumba and Wumba and so they set off to do that. As they were busy mixing various things together to try and make a better drink, who should walk up but… Ifrit. Who were you expecting?

" Ach! I have finally been able to make ye bonny Ice Cream!" Ifrit said. " I jus' canna serve it to ye or it will all melt away!"

" That's okay Ifrit. We're busy making a drink." Tidus said as Gumba and Wumba stirred away at a big pot with steam billowing from it for no apparent reason.

" Oh! What are ye makin' laddie? Do ye have a recipe?" Ifrit asked.

" No… but we SHOULD! Gumba! Start writing down what we're tossing into this big pot!" Tidus ordered.

" YOKAI!" Said Gumba, and whipped out a pen and pencil and began writing down everything they had tossed into that random pot.

" Once ye are done, let me give it a try! And once ye have done that… ye kin come with me to the bonny Cooking Show!" Ifrit said, doing a random scottish jig.

" Bonny Cooking Show?" Tidus asked in a voice that suggested he hadn't known such a thing had existed.

" It's BONNY!" Said Ifrit.

" You're going to enter a cooking show Ifrit?" Tidus asked uneasily.

" Why no'? I now ken how to make BONNY food! Why should I no' show off me bonny talent?" Ifrit said proudly. Tidus secretly hung his head in shame, knowing Ifrit was still under the false delusion of making bonny food when he was secretly making…SIBERIAN food. Argh!

" Well, Ifrit, if that's what you want to do with your long, unatrual life, then go ahead, by all means, go ahead!" Tidus said.

" AH WILL!" Ifrit said as the American Flag dropped out from nowhere behind him.

" Taijou! It's done!" Wumba said, still churning away.

" Excellent." Said Tidus like Mr. Burns. Then he turned to Ifrit. " If you'll do the honor's then?"

Ifrit walked over to the pot, took the giant ladle, then took a sip. After he did, all of a sudden… nothing happened. What? It's a drink. Not a potion. GEEZ.

" Ah kin FEEL the rush! What is ye bonny drink called?" Ifrit said in awe.

" Uh… we don't know yet." Tidus said. " We can't think of a good name."

" Ye should call it… BONNYRADE." Ifrit said.

" Okay!" Said Tidus because… Ifrit was the smartest person in the room.

" HURRAY! WE MADE BONNYRADE!" The team of three cheered, as confetti fell around them.

" I can't wait to start selling it!" Wumba said excitedly.

" Let's sell it at Ifrit's cooking show!" Tidus decided.

" OH-KAY!" The three of them said and gave each other high-fives.

" That's just bonny! Good thing the Cooking Show be today, hosted by Buddy Barn Cooking Convention Center!" Ifrit chuckled like Kureno, gathering together his burnt cooking utensils.

" Ifrit! Are you sure you're prepared to enter a bonny cooking contest after just ONE day of cooking bonny food?" Tidus asked. And actually, Ifrit spent ONE day cooking Siberian food, so it's not like he even had THAT much practice!

" Ah believe in mahself! That's all ah need to become the top champ!" Ifrit said. Everyone was so inspired by this that they believed in Ifrit too, even though they probably shouldn't, since he'll let them down.

And with that, Tidus, Gumba and Wumba hired illegal immigrants to start producing mass amounts of Bonnyrade, took some in a giant barrel, and set off to the Buddy Barn Cooking Convention Center! BY PLANE!

But before they could get to the Buddy Barn Airport, who should randomly walk up but…. WAKKA AND KIMAHRI! YAAAAAY!

Wakka was wearing a Santa Claus costume! And Kimahri was wearing antlers and a shiny red nose! You MAY even say it glows!

" Ho-ho-ho, MERRY CHRISTMAS!" Said Wakka in a jolly, accented voice.

" Hi Wakka! But it's not Christmas!" Tidus chuckled like Kureno.

" It's NOT!" Wakka said, then there was another one of those awkward silences. Kimahri's red nose made that annoying sound that Rudolph's does in the claymation.

" So, where are you going?" Wakka asked, attempting to change the subject.

" To the Buddy Barn Airport to fly to the Buddy Barn Cooking Convention Center!" Tidus answered all in one breath.

" AIRPLANE! NOOO! ANCIENT MACHINA!" Wakka cried and dropped to his knees. " Don't do it! That's the same way Chappu died! IN AN AIRPLANE CRASH!"

" No he didn't." Tidus said slowly.

" Yeah, you're right. BUT STILL!" Wakka started to say something, but then found there was nothing for him to say. So he and Kimahri went running in the opposite direction, with Wakka yelling, " AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!"

" That crazy Wakka… you'd think he'd get a holiday RIGHT for a change!" Tidus chuckled like Kureno.

" Ah sure do, laddie!" Ifrit laughed, and then everyone shared a long hearty laugh at that crazy Wakka.

And that just about wraps it up for THIS time. Why? Because I don't feel like writing this chapter anymore. Don't like it? TOUGH COOKIES.

Seriously, I'm gonna end the chapter. Don't believe me? Huh? Huh? Wanna FIGHT, punk? Huh? Huh?

…that's what I thought.

OMAKE!

Wow… this chapter gets less and less long, more and more… it's obvious that the author just wants to finish it… and less and less questions! But THAT'S okay. Two questions from my homecat draped in duct tape.

What would happen if a blitzball pool got REALLY hot? Would it melt... or boil?
And I have a question for Mega-Pool-Don...
Do you like fish?

I don't know! As I don't have a Blitzball Pool, much less a POOL… I assume that it would… EXPLODE! BECAUSE NOBODY LIKES BLITZBALL AND WE'LL NEVER PLAY IT AGAIN!

WELL, Mega-Pool-Don?

Mega-Pool-Don: I like fish that play POOL!

Hayley: She means fish that you eat.

Mega-Pool-Don: I'm a robot. I don't eat.

Hayley: Oh.

ANYWAY, two more chapters to go! Are you excited? You're not! (slap) Well that's okay. I myself am more excited about the new episode of Lost this Wednesday! But we'll pretend I'm more excited about writing.

Ja!