The Oatmeal Mission
By Pikachu Hunter
Part Two Of Two: The Chaos, The Mutant, and The Reinforcements
Author's Note: I am pleased to present the second half of this slightly insane fiction, and hope you will all find this part as entertaining as the last. I had some complaints about the level of comedy in a recently updated chapter of another of my humor fictions. I might be getting a little rusty...forgive me, readers?
Vegeta was running down the street, as fast as his powerful, stubby legs would carry him. Amazingly enough, his Saiyan strength granted him the ability to actually pass the cars on the main drag, going maybe 90 clicks an hour.
The Saiyan gave a loud, maniacal laugh, and threw his arms in the air as he ran. "YES! NO OATMEAL THIS MORNING, NO OATMEAL! NO OAT" He'd suddenly found himself doubled over, clutching at his throat, and coughing wildly. "Oh, God! Swallowed" he coughed some more, and spat on the grass beside him. "Swallowed...a fly...God..." He groaned, and held his stomach. "This can't be good for my digestion track..."
As soon as he'd mentioned what had happened, a piano had appeared out of thin air, and a little man with wide, round glasses perched on his pointed, skinny nose jumped up on the piano stool. "Swallowed a fly, you say?" The man seemed very interested in what had just happened. He sat abruptly on the stool, and began to play a very annoying tune on the piano.
"I know an old lady, who swallowed a fly," he sang loudly, his voice cracking several times.
Vegeta glared at the piano man, and in a burst of rage, reached out, and grabbed him around the neck, picking him up, off of the ground, and suspending him in the air with one hand. The piano man struggle a little, but soon gave up, and let his limbs hang uselessly in defeat, as Vegeta swung him in a few circles.
"You're going to help me kill the oatmeal!" Vegeta stated. Then, he grabbed the piano under his free arm, and blasted off back towards Capsule Corp.
"So, Trunks..." Bulma let the spatula in her hand make a gentle, yet intimidating slap on her palm, as she walked in circles around the lavender-haired boy. Trunks was duct taped to a wooden chair, and his mouth was taped shut as well. Bulma had pinched his tail before securing him, so she was almost sure he had no chance of escape.
"Want to tell me why you lied to your own mother?" The woman made this sound like the most evil deed ever to occur in human and Saiyan history. She spat, as though it were a poisonous thing to even think about.
"Mmf—mff mff mumph!" Trunks said behind the tape, trying to knock himself over in the chair. He was too weak, though, and only managed to get a few strands of hair on the back of his head stuck onto the tape, leaving his neck interestingly exposed.
Bulma tip toed over to a hat that lay in the corner. "Eheheh..." she gave an evil laugh, and grinned at what was inside the hat. Trunks looked at it in worry. What could possibly be in
Bulma pulled out a white, fluffy rabbit by its ears.
"BASTARD!" The rabbit was no longer cute, but very angry looking, and seemed to be willing to do anything to get away. It was now gnawing on Bulma's fingers, and the woman winced in pain.
Trunks would have shrieked at the horror of possibly becoming this creature's next meal, or victim, but his mouth was still securely shut.
"C'mon! This way!" Vegeta landed in the yard with the piano man, and the large piano. He set them down next to Bulma's apron, which was squirming towards the door suspiciously. Vegeta eyed it, then tore the apron off the ground to reveal a horrifying sight.
The oatmeal monster had been squished, and now, it was forming into many smaller, but deadlier versions of the evil oatmeal grasshopper.
"OH MY GOD!" Cried Vegeta, jumping into the piano man's arms. The piano man, unaccustomed to such weight upon him, collapsed, and Vegeta was sent tumbling backwards.
Then, the oatmeal mass jumped on top of the little man, and consumed him wholly, absorbing his form.
"I KNEW AN OLD LADY WHO SWALLOWED A FLY," the new creation bellowed to Vegeta, walking towards the piano with slow, heavy thudding steps.
Bulma looked out her window, to see what was making such a noise. In shock, she dropped the rabbit, who decided to run, and become the oatmeal monster's sidekick. "BASTARD!" It shouted to him, making himself known.
"Holy, that's some rabbit," mused Vegeta. "Must be from the petting zoo. All those years with five-year-olds patting him on the head in a cage must have gotten to him."
The oatmeal monster accepted the rabbit's "offer," and picked him up to rest him on his shoulder. "I KNEW AN OLD LADY"
"We KNOW!" Shouted someone from the further point of the backyard.
Everyone turned to see who had spoken, and gasped. "COLONEL SAUNDERS!" Everyone bowed as low as they could, Trunks simply falling over in his chair, as the man in white strode towards the oatmeal monster, a trail of Kentucky Fried Chicken left everywhere he walked.
Colonel Saunders gave a pose familiar to those in the Martial Arts, and squinted his eyes. "C'mon, I can take you. You're no match for my powers of chickeny goodness..."
"I THINK NOT! DON'T TOUCH THAT OATMEAL!" In flew another person, this one for the opposing party. It was...
"The man off the oatmeal box?" Bulma's jaw dropped, comparing the cardboard oatmeal box picture to the man in the hat, and white, powdery hair.
"That's me." The Oatmeal Box man's teeth glinted as he gave a wide grin, before posing to attack Colonel Saunders. "Get ready to rumble, Saunders, I've got the power of oatmeal on my side."
Colonel Saunders smirked. "Well, we'll see how well that stands against my powerful, tasty chicken skin, and my home fries for only two ninety nine on Wednesdays!" He reached to his back pocket, and pulled out a weapon he'd been saving for this duel for a long, long time.
"Paper?" Vegeta wondered, seeing what was in Colonel Saunders' hand.
"Not just any paper," the KFC Founder smiled at the Saiyan.
The Oatmeal Box Man gasped loudly. "NOOOOO! NOT"
"Yes! I have..." a reign of trumpets howled before Colonel Saunders continued. "COUPONS!"
"NOOO, NOT SAVING SEVENTY FIVE PERCENT OFF OF OATMEAL! HOW WILL I MAKE A PROFIT NOW! NOOOOOOOOOOO!" And, as Colonel Saunders threw the coupons at the man in the funny hat, he dematerialized, and turned into a mass of smoking ooze on the ground.
"No, go, counterpart of the Oatmeal Box Man, before I show you the same fate as your master!" Saunders pointed at the oatmeal monster, who fled, tossing the rabbit at a house nearby. The house was destroyed in minutes, but all was well again.
"Thanks, Colonel Saunders, how can we ever thank you?" Bulma shook the hero's hand heartily.
"You can...come to KFC on Toonie Tuesday, and buy yourself some hand prepared, greasy, cholesterol filled chicken from your local franchise!" Colonel Saunders gave Vegeta a thumbs up. "Remember kids, the chicken way is the right way!"
Okay. This might as well have been...one of the stupidest things I've ever written in my entire LIFE, but I was just so BORED! Lol—be grateful I didn't throw in Lucky Charms, somewhere...
