Author's note: So so so so sorry for the long delay of this chapter! I had something like a writer's block and had to wait for Olivia to get back from vacation. But here it is :) woohoo!
You didn't get all the references, but I'll give you the cookies anyway. I'll have to think about the JD clones ;)
these were the references:
-- 'we really need to get that squeak out of there' - from Chocolat itself :)
-- 'THAT'S IT! I CAN'T TAKE IT!' from Ed Wood
-- first breakfast, second breakfast, elevenses, luncheon, afternoon tea, dinner and supper - Hobbit meals, LotR.
-- As Vianne tries to wake Armande up - she does it the same way as Jack tests if Mr Brown if fast asleep in PotC.
-- The rude awakening comes from From Hell
-- Ronald, the weasel - from Harry Potter. (Malfoy calls Ron 'weasel' because his last name is Weasly)
-- "How sick is he? - He's plenty sick. - But it seems to me that - i mean except for being a little mentally ill - he's pretty normal..." from Benny&Joon (Benny and Sam talking about Joon)
-- "They had two bags of grass, 57 pellets of mescaline, ....." from Fear&Loathing in Las Vegas
-- "Tell Ronald to worry about his own fortune" from PotC. Remember, Jack in Jail, two guys from Barbossa's crew show up?
-- "You know nothing of hell!" - same as above.
-- " the story where the woman has the garden and then the guy has the shovel... - Not one of my favorites." - from Secret Window. Conversation between Mort and Amy.
-- "I'm in trouble." - Mort in Secret Window. Ted wants to talk to Mort.
-- "I don't believe I know you. - That doesn't matter, i know you Mr Rainey that's what matters. You stole my story." - John Shooter, Secret Window.
-- "What a useful detail. Thanks for that." - Mort, Secret Window
And last but not least, the one from the book:
-- "You bet your fur" from It, by Stephen King.
So, off we go.
--Reynaud walks through the village and puts his hat on--
Voiceover: The mayor was a student of biology and therefore a constantly horny man -- is this supposed to make any sense?? -- Like his ancestors, he gawked at women - and guys, occasionally.
--Reynaud sits at his desk, reading a porn magazine--
Voiceover: Hismost important features were sex-obsession and horniness.
--Reynaud walks up to Caroline, who is typing something--
Reynaud: I have completed the November issue of Playboy. (pause, Caroline says nothing) Madame Clairmont?
Caroline: (sniffs) (touched) Your letter to the editor, Monsieur Le Comte... This paragraph about sex toys, it's... quite a turn-on, if it's not too bold to say.
Reynaud: (giggles) Thank you. (winks at her) If you ever need any... (winks again)
--dog-barking outside. He walks over to the window and sees Vianne greeting some Afro-American. A wagon is on the street.--
Reynaud: May I ask, have you been in contact with your mother recently?
Caroline: No, we fell out with each other. You see, we fight over the smallest things. For instance, she always leaves the toothpaste tubes open. Apparently she doesn't realize that the toothpaste is gonna-
Reynaud: (rolls eyes) (interrupting) The reason I'm asking is, she seems to have rented up the pâtisserie.
Caroline: Oh? Well that doesn't change her bathroom habits. She also never hangs the towels back on the hook. Always leaves them lying on the floor all wet and dirty...
Reynaud: You know, that's a little more information than I wanted.
Caroline: Believe it or not, she doesn't use the toilet brush, either! Not even when I bought her one of those (Reynaud rolls his eyes and walks out of the room, slamming the door shut) with the spiffy dolphin design...
--spiffy music starts--
--cut to Vianne painting a wall (in the shop) pink.--
--cut to the church entrance. Reynaud greets the people. The woman from before walks past him in safe distance--
Woman: I heard she was some kind of alcoholic.
--cut to Vianne decorating. She paints teddy bears on the wall and puts teddy bears on the shelf.--
--cut to two boys running to the window and peeking through the hole in the newspaper-layer.--
Boy #1: I heard she's on addictive substances.
Boy #2: What's that?
Boy #1: Drugs, of course. There are, for example, ether, cocaine, mescaline, heroin, marijuana, and adrenochrome - which makes pure mescaline seem like... ginger bear, man.
--Later: Vianne removes shop sign. People give her shifty looks. Vianne arranges teddy-bear shaped chocolates in the shop window. Then she removes the newspaper sheets. Two women stop in front of it and try to get a look into the shop. One of them approaches the window too closely and hits her head on the pane. It leaves a grease mark. Vianne smirks.--
--cut to Vianne hanging up her new shop sign with a teddy on it. It says 'Chocolaterie Pooh'. As Reynaud walks by, he tries to get a look under her skirt.--
--Vianne opens the curtains.—
--spiffy music stops--
--cut to outside of the chocolaterie. Everyone stops to look at the shop window. A tyre comes rolling and hits Caroline on the head. Luc bursts out laughing.--
Caroline: (to boy) You should be more careful! Dumbass! (throws tyre back at him)
--Luc is rolling on the floor laughing--
Caroline: (to Luc) Stop it! Remember when you broke my favorite vase? Do you want me to do what i did then? (Luc stops laughing)
--Vianne and Aunouk come out of the chocolaterie--
Vianne: (to Caroline) You okay?
Caroline: Yeah, thanks. Well, not entirely – you see, I have these problems with my mother and—
Luc: Maman! Do you have to tell that to everyone?
Caroline: What?? She asked me!! And it really bums me out that—
Luc: Maman...
--Vianne and Anouk exchange glances--
Vianne: Anyway... I'm Vianne Rocher, and this is my Anouk. (makes an attempt to kiss Anouk on the cheek but she ducks away with a disgusted look on her face)
Caroline: Nice to meet you. I'm Caroline Clairmont, the daughter of your landlady, whose bathroom habits I hope you will never have to become familiar with—
Luc: It's enough now, really!
Caroline: All right, I'll stop! (to Vianne) This is my son Luc, by the way.
Vianne: That so. Anyway, come on inside.
--inside the chocolaterie. Vianne puts two pink cups of hot chocolate on the counter.--
Vianne: I bet you've never had hot chocolate made from a 2000 year old recepee.
Caroline: (casually) Did you come up with it? (Vianne glares at her) That must've been some tough piece of work. (Vianne continues glaring) (Luc takes one of the cups to drink) Luc!!
Luc: What?
Caroline: ...
Luc: (rolls eyes) Right. (gets down on his knees and folds his hands) Dear Lord, thank you for this meal that-
Caroline: (rolls eyes) That's not what I meant, blockhead. Does the word 'lent' ring a bell?
Luc: (considers this for a while) Oh yeah, right. (gets up again)
Anouk: (spins pink patterned plate-thing)
Frida i don't know her name so i'm just gonna call her Frida: ?
Anouk: What do you see in this?
Frida: ?
Vianne: (rolls eyes) Why do people never get this? (to woman) What does it look like to you?
Frida: (looks at it and quirks an eyebrow) A pink sort of plate with weird drawings on it.
Vianne: So nothing fanciful for you, I guess... Some milk chocolate will do. (hands it to her)
Frida: (takes it) Pffft. whatever.
Anouk: (spins plate again)(to Luc) What do you see?
Luc: (looks at it) Hm. I see... (tilts his head) ... a half-naked Chinese girl! Woah!
Vianne: (gives Caroline a questioning look)
Caroline: (shrugs) I'm used to that.
Vianne: All right, well, there are some kids (excoriating glance to Anouk) who even talk to imaginary weasels.
Anouk: (obviously not aware that Vianne is talking about her) Come on, Ronald, let's go upstairs and do something completely pointless! (they do so)
Caroline: My heart goes out to the parents of childs like that.
Vianne: (quirks an eyebrow)(sarcastically) Does it.
Caroline: Alright, we must run along. It's been nice to meet you.
--Luc is still staring at the plate, spinning it occasionally. His eyes widen more and more. He's drooling a little.--
Vianne: (appalled look)
Caroline: Luc, let's go. (takes his hand and drags him to the door. He follows reluctantly and looks back over his shoulder at the plate.)
Vianne: See you later alligator!
Caroline: For a while crocodile! (they leave)
Frida: Okay, I have to go now, too. (turns to leave)
Vianne: Wait, take these. (shows her the legendary awaken-the-passion-bean-thingies) I'm just gonna put a ribbon on it.
--Frida sees Joséphine walking up to the shop window. She breathes on the pane and draws a smilie on it with her finger. It makes a squeaking sound as she draws the mouth. She smiles dully. Then she presses her nose against the pane. Her smile widens. Suddenly she notices Frida and Vianne observing her and runs off.--
Frida: Joséphine Muscat. She lives in her own world.
Vianne: Apparently. (hands her the bean-thingies) For your husband. Things haven't been going so well lately, and I can't just stand by and watch your marriage kick the bucket. I know it sounds silly, but these awaken the fleshly desire for the satisfaction of his sexual needs. Authenticated by the Food and Sociology Organization of the United Nations and me. (winks) that Organization doesn't exist, btw
Frida: (quizzical look) (takes bean-thingies) Hm. Thanks. Bye.
Vianne: See ya later alligator!
Frida: For a while crocodile! (leaves)
--In Frida's house. She enters the living room carrying two buckets of milk. She puts them on the floor and sees the bean thingies on the table. She grabs them.--
Frida: (looks at her snoring, ugly husband and then back at the package.) I just don't get it. (throws them in the direction of the waste basket, but they end up on the floor)
--Luc sits in his room on his bed, drawing Manga - the kind with the half-naked Chinese girls. He hears kids playing outside and walks over to the window. He looks outside with a sad expression on his face.--
Audience: Awwwwwwww.....
--The door opens and Caroline enters.--
Caroline: Luc?
--He turns around. His toupee is the wrong way round on his head.--
Caroline: Oh, Luc! You glued your hair on the wrong way! (pulls a comb out of her pocket and tries to rearrange the hair.)
Luc: Mother... The new teacher wants us to take care of our hairstyles ourselves.
Caroline: I didn't glue it on. I'm just trying to add to your natural sex-appeal. (coughs) (she goes to leave the room and sees his drawing lying on the bed) Luc, why do you still draw these?
Luc: Well what choice do I have?? You won't allow me to watch real porn!!
--Frida's living room. Ugly Husband wakes up. He walks around looking for something to eat. He opens a cupboard to reveal a huge, complete Schwarzwälder Cherry-pie I hope you know what that is. I don't know the real English name.... Indifferent, he shuts the door. He goes on searching and sees the legendary Awaken-the-Passion-Bean-Thingies.--
Strange voice which seems to be coming from the bean-thingies: Eeeeeeaaat usssssss..... Yessssss, preciousssssss..... Eeeeeeaaaat usss.....
--He walks towards them as if hypnotized and picks them up.--
Strange voice which seems to be coming from the bean-thingies: Yessssss, preciousssss.... We knows you wants to eats usssss.... Precioussss...!
--He opens the package and eats them all. He burps.--
Strange voice which seems to be coming from his stomach: Yessssss, preciousssss.... Digesssst usssssss!
Ugly Husband: Alright, now shut up.
--Frida is cleaning the toilet. Ugly Husband walks up and gets a nice view of her butt. She looks back over her shoulder and sees lust flickering in his tiny, ugly, pig-ish eyes.--
Frida: (ponders)
--After a while--
Frida: Now I get it!!
--Wide-shot on the outside of theirhouse. We see them making out through the window. Frida closes it.--
--Screen turns black.--
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