Disclaimer: Not mine, never were, never will be.
A/N: Okay, no Joan in this one. It's Luke/ Kevin bonding. The end of the scene kind of broke my heart, so I had to continue it and make it better. I hope you like it. Please let me know what you think.
The Devil Made Me Do It
Proud again
(A scene inserted after the K/L scene in which Kevin gets rid of his toys)
Luke went to his room, Kevin's words still in his ears. You're going to be proud of me again. He sat down at his desk, continuing to work on his experiment, but somehow he couldn't concentrate. Luke Girardi, the geek, the genius – unable to concentrate. He shut down his computer and lied down on his bed, staring at the ceiling. Kevin's behavior, yesterday and today, really bothered him. Yesterday he had been angry, because his brother had really tried to steal something and had only given it back because he made him to. That he'd been yelling at the clerk didn't make things better. He wasn't used to fight for Kevin. His brother had been right, the natural order had been reversed. He hadn't realized it, because he had been too confused with everyone's behavior, but now he saw it too. It hadn't been Kevin who'd been defending him, who'd been fighting his fight like he'd always done when they'd still been in High school together, yesterday he'd fought Kevin's fight, telling the clerk about his embarrassing behavior.
Apparently something like that had happened to Kevin before, 'cause otherwise he wouldn't have tried it, at least not so obviously.
Luke suddenly realized that he knew nothing about his brother. Kevin hadn't told anybody anything about something like that happening before. He wasn't complaining about other people's behavior, ever since he got the job at the newspaper he had seemed to be fine again. Yesterday night had shown that this wasn't true. Kevin wasn't fine again and maybe he'd never be.
What Kevin had said earlier, so much of it was true. His older brother had always been stronger, faster and better-looking. There had never been a doubt about it. Luke sighed. He had gotten used to it, that had just been the way it had always been. Kevin had been the star, the sports guy, the one everybody loved. The only ones who'd loved him at Jefferson High had been the teachers. Back then he'd complained about it, but then he'd gotten used to it and now he wanted nothing more than to turn back time and have that life back again. The life of Kevin Girardi's younger brother.
You're going to be proud of me again.
The words clanged in his head again. Yeah, he had been proud of Kevin, like everybody had. It had been good to have him on his side, but honestly… he'd often enough wished things to be a little harder for Kevin. Everything had been so easy for him and he'd never seen him struggle – until that fateful night of the accident.
Luke rubbed his palms over his face and let his thoughts spin further. Nobody could ever say that Kevin hadn't struggled then, 'cause he had, like everyone after such a life-changing accident would have had. Luke had seen him struggle, had seen how hard it had become for him to perform all these everyday acts you just forget about because you're so used to doing.
Kevin had paid for all that he hadn't had to pay for during High school and the price he'd paid was high. Still he'd fought his way back to life and was leading a life everybody paid deference for to him. That had definitely been the hardest fight he ever had to fight and still he'd won. Luke sat up, knowing there was something he had to say to him, something he deserved to hear. He wondered for a second if it was a good idea, because it meant reversing the natural order once more, but after that second he felt it was right.
Kevin looked up when he again heard a knock on the doorframe. Surprised to see Luke again he stopped packing his figures away and asked, "What's up?"
This time Luke entered the room and sat down on Kevin's bed, facing him over the table. "I am proud of you, you know," he said slowly.
Looking at him even more surprised, Kevin put the figure he'd still held in his hand back on the desk and asked, "What?"
"Earlier you said that I was going to be proud of you again and I wanted you to know that I am proud of you. Well…" he hesitated, "not because of what you did yesterday because that was really weird, but I think you must have had reasons for it, so…" Luke shrugged, suddenly feeling very young and stupid again, so he decided to go back to his room and stood up.
Kevin, who hadn't said anything yet, released the brakes of his chair and wheeled towards him, blocking his way out. "You really mean what you just said?"
Luke felt even more uncomfortable now that Kevin was confronting him, but he shrugged and nodded. "Yeah, I do."
Shaking his head Kevin looked up to Luke and said, "Do you know how crazy that is? I can't even look in the mirror right now and you…"
"Different point of perspective," Luke said.
"Point of perspective?" Kevin asked. "What do you mean with that?" He watched Luke inhale to start an explanation, then stopped him and said, "A science-metaphor free explanation, please."
Luke nodded. "Okay, science-metaphor free. It means exactly what I said. I have another point of perspective, not only because I'm standing and you're not, but also because I'm the younger brother who was never the one anybody looked up to, so I think it's fair to say that I kind of live in another world than you and that's why I have another perspective."
"And from your perspective I'm not a moron? Luke, I really tried to steal that stuff. Only you being there made me give it back." Kevin was gesticulating to emphasize what he was saying and added, "I don't know what got into me."
Luke hesitated, then sat down on the bed again. "I don't believe that. It would have been a completely illogical and you're usually not that illogical."
Kevin looked at his brother who was now back on eye-level and scratched his head, trying to figure out if he was supposed to tell him. Finally he decided to do it and explained about the events in the music store. "I was so angry and there was nothing I could do. I wanted him to take that CD back, maybe even yell at me because I tried to steal something, but he didn't. I had hoped it was an exception, but yesterday evening it turned out to be the rule."
"But you can't steal something just to make your point. Why didn't you confront him?" Luke asked, wanting to understand.
"I heard you doing it," Kevin said. "You were right, he could as well have spit on me. But do you really believe it would change anything? Will he treat the next wheelchair driver differently? I know I should fight and I promise I will, I'm just not sure if it's worth it, if it'll change anything," he admitted.
"If you don't try it, there isn't even the chance of changing anything. Life's all about fighting and only the strongest are going to survive. You've fought so hard and I believe you're stronger than most of us. That's why I'm proud to be your brother. I'm prouder now that I've seen you struggling and fighting than I have been back when you were in High school and everything just flew to you. I guess we all are." Luke hadn't looked into his brother's eyes during his confession, but now he looked back up and faced Kevin, who smiled embarrassed.
"I guess I really needed to hear that," he admitted. "And I do owe you an apology for yesterday, even though I'm not good at that."
"No, it's okay, it's…" Luke started, but Kevin interrupted him.
"No, it's not okay. You were there seeing me behave like a complete moron and you even had to fight my fight. That's just not okay. I'm sorry it happened, I really am. And I promise it won't happen again."
"Thanks," Luke smiled. "I'll go back to my room, I just wanted to let you know, so…"
"You could stay," Kevin said immediately. "Really, I think it would be cool if we could… you know, just hang out."
Luke smiled even wider, proud that he'd risen in his brother's respect that he'd actually hang out with him. "Yeah, sure, I could do that."
"We could go and have a milkshake or something, if you want to."
"Milkshake?" Luke asked, even more surprised that Kevin wanted to hang out in public. "Yeah, cool."
"Then let's go. I can get rid of my toys later."
Luke nodded and followed Kevin who was already wheeling out of the room. Milkshakes with Kevin. Who'd have thought?
A/N: I know I haven't posted in a while, but I wasn't sure if this is worth being continued. I'd appreciate it, if you could leave a small review, telling me to stop or go on. Thanks.
