A/N: I am so so so sorry that it's been so long since I last updated, and I absolutely hate this chapter so maybe it doesn't really matter. I don't know if anyone's getting upset at me or even if I have new reviews because I haven't been able to check my email. Yes, I still have that virus on my computer and every time I try and get on the internet it starts making funny grating noises inside and crashes. Needless to say, this will be posted from another computer. I've been having an alternately awesome and horrible summer so far. Hawaii was cool, but when I got home I kind of started falling apart. I was in New Orleans, Louisiana a week or two ago and we put on a big puppet show at church. Now I'm getting ready for some of my friends from where I used to live who are coming to visit for a week before I go to Charleston on Mission Tour. And on top of that, I have a sinus infection. On the bright side, we finally got a Hot Topic here, and I'm planning to try and go to the mall with my friends who are coming to visit and my friends Evan and Suzanne.
Important Note: 1. I have done chapter outlines for the remaining part of the story and I believe the number of chapters should end up being 15. I can't guarantee how long the chapters will be, they could be long and good or short and awful like this one. It depends. 2. I'm thinking of renaming this story "Forget Tomorrow". I don't know if I'm really going to do that, but I'd like some input (hopefully I'll be able to get it). I just feel like this title doesn't fit, because midway through I completely reworked the ending, coming up with a whole new plot twist. Ana's self-esteem issues turned out to be bigger than I planned, so I think the title should change to fit that. Just thought I'd let you know.
Disclaimer: I GOT THE RETURN OF THE KING ON DVD!!! I own something!!! But, the fact remains, I did not create any of the characters that you recognize from anywhere besides this story. Any plot that you recognize is probably Tolkien's. The songs I use in here are both Avril Lavigne. The first one is "Nobody's Home" and the last is "Slipped Away". (They lyrics just seemed to fit amazingly well) Right, well, please don't sue me, because I'm kind of broke right now due to the Hot Topic run Suzanne and I made so all I have worth taking is my computer, and you don't want that because it's seriously messed up.
I couldn't tell you
Why she felt that way
She felt it every day
And I couldn't help her
I just watched her make
The same mistakes again
What's wrong what's wrong now
Too many too many problems
Don't know where she belongs
Where she belongs
She wants to go home
But nobody's home
That's where she lies
Broken inside
With no place to go
No place to go
To dry her eyes
Broken inside
Open your eyes
And look outside
Find the reasons why
You've been rejected
Now you can't find
What you've left behind
Be strong be strong now
Too many too many problems
Don't know where she belongs
Where she belongs
She wants to go home
But nobody's home
That's where she lies
Broken inside
With no place to go
No place to go
To dry her eyes
Broken inside
Her feelings she hides
Her dreams she can't find
She's losing her mind
She's falling behind
She can't find her place
She's losing her faith
She's falling from grace
She's all over the place yeah
She wants to go home
But nobody's home
That's where she lies
Broken inside
With no place to go
No place to go
To dry her eyes
Broken inside
She's lost inside lost inside
She's lost inside lost inside
Her breath came in short, shallow gasps, barely visible to the human eye. At first Aragorn was afraid she was already dead, but then he saw Ana's chest rise slightly.
Trying to keep his cool, Aragorn looked around and saw Kyle and Aimee running towards them. Not that he knew them, but it was a fairly safe guess. The two skidded to a halt above the inert form of their friend, and Aimee dropped to her knees beside Ana, quickly assessing the damage.
"Hurry," she gasped. "We have to get her inside; they must have bandages and such. I'll have to use all my skills to save her. Let me try and make a tourniquet to stop the bleeding. Kyle, give me your tunic."
Hastily he pulled off his outer garment and Aimee slit it with her dagger. Picking a long flat stone off the ground, she placed it along one of the cuts and tied it tightly with the strip of cloth. She then repeated the process with the other wrist, finally securing her arms together so they wouldn't me jostled any more than necessary.
At the young girl's nod, Aragorn gently scooped up Ana, cushioning her head with his shoulder. Painstakingly he made his way to the caves where the women had set up a makeshift healing room.
Behind him, Aimee flitted nervously, trying to keep an eye on her patient. Kyle watched the scene, his stomach churning from the remembrance of Ana lying limp on the cold ground.
Kyle was fairly certain he was in shock. Though he had only known her for a short time, already he was incredibly attached to Ana. Would he be able to take losing her? Not easily.
'But I won't lose her,' he told himself. 'Not if there's anything I can do about it.'
When they reached the hall, Aimee went straight to work trying to close Ana's wounds. As Kyle hovered about the mat Ana was reclined on, a sudden thought struck Aragorn. Turning to Kyle he demanded, "Tell me your names."
"I'm Kyle and this is Aimee. My twin sister, Morgaina, should be here, but I haven't seen her since after the battle. Wait a minute, who are you?"
"Some call me Strider or Estel. But my true name is Aragorn. Truly? I'll answer to almost anything."
At Kyle's intake of breath, the man turned his eyes back on the Sensor beside him. "Did I just say something unusual?" Aragorn inquired.
"We were told you had died," Kyle began slowly. "Ana was heartbroken at the thought she had lost another beloved friend. That is why we came here in the first place. So she could avenge your death."
Aragorn's suspicions came back full force when Kyle explained to him what had happened, and what they had learned of Ana's past. Suddenly it all began to fit together. He had all the pieces, except for perhaps the most important.
"If you'll excuse me, I believe I know why all this happened. Maybe I can even make sure nothing like this has to happen again. I leave her to Aimee's skills, which seem to range far beyond my own."
A small smirk played on Kyle's face as he replied, "Her talent is not so much skill, but an ancient magic. Love magic. Good luck on your mission. At least you can do something to help her."
Deciding to ignore the bitterness in the boy's voice, Aragorn glanced quickly at Ana's pale form and quietly took his leave. His focus was on finding a certain Elf who needed sympathy and a severe lecture.
'No matter what she said to him,' he thought, 'he should never have left her there to die.'
While he was looking for Legolas, Aragorn spied the body of a young girl lying in a pool of blood, ebony hair streaming like dark flames. Quickly he made his way to her and dropped to a crouch beside the body. Up close the resemblance was painfully clear. This had to be Kyle's sister, Morgaina.
Looking at the ground, Aragorn determined the girl had been killed in one on one combat. As he examined the footprints one pair stood out. They were very small and left barely a mark in the fine dust.
"Ana did this," he breathed. "But… why?"
Aragorn closed the girl's eyes and stood, continuing with his search. It took him another half hour to locate his friend. Finally he saw him standing motionless on one of the remaining sections of the wall.
For once Aragorn's gentle tread went unnoticed by the Elf's sensitive hearing. But he showed no reaction, not even when the man lay a hand on his arm. "Legolas, talk to me. Tell me what happened."
Finally the Elf turned; his face was a mask of pain, sorrow, and regret. Several times he opened and closed his mouth, obviously trying to find the right words.
"I left her, didn't I? She… she told me to, and I was just so made, and upset, I felt so guilty already…"
Sighing, Aragorn laid a hand on his friend's shoulder.
"Mellon, I think I know what happened to her. I think I understand what went wrong."
Legolas whipped his head around so he was facing the man he had labeled as friend since childhood. Searching his face, Legolas's eyes pleaded for answers to questions he couldn't bring himself to ask.
"It's a rather long story, but I'll try and make it as simple as possible. The trouble started back when she was just a kid. She accidentally killed her father and…"
He broke off abruptly as Legolas gripped his arm, looking as though he might enjoy throttling him.
"You must be lying. She couldn't… Ana wouldn't…"
"I'm sorry, Legolas, I know it's hard to accept. But that's where her fear of loss stems from. Ever since then, all people have done in her life is leave. Then she got here and met you. As she started getting closer to you, all her instincts screamed to pull back. Just as she began to trust you, Boromir died and Merry and Pippin were taken. And we can't forget Gandalf. She didn't know he was still alive."
"That's right; she had already gone when we found him."
"Ok, so then on top of that she heard that I had died. So she came here, and watched Haldir die. It wasn't that she doesn't care about you. She was scared. Scared that she would lose you."
When he heard that, Legolas seemed to turn to jelly. Slowly he dropped to the ground, leaning his back up against the wall. Closing his eyes, he let his head fall back and rest against the rough stone.
"Aragorn, could you maybe leave me alone for a while? I need to think about things for a while."
The man nodded, and turned to go, but was stopped by his friend's call.
"Oh, and… where is she? Just in case."
"She's down in the caves with the other wounded. The Sensors are taking care of her."
Legolas nodded miserably and let his head fall back again. As he listened to Aragorn's retreating footsteps, waves of guilt began crashing over him unceasingly, threatening to sweep him from his sanity. It was his fault, all his. He should have seen what was happening, should never have left, no matter what she had said.
There was no way to fix this, no way to go back in time and stop himself from making the fatal move. If she died he could never forgive himself. Could he forgive himself now?
As Ana had recently found out, grief is one of the most consuming emotions of all, eating from the inside out. Joy and pleasure are its sustenance and its appetite is amazing. It will not cease until it has been driven out or has succeeded in destroying its host, reducing them into a shell of bitter remorse and regret. Tomorrow seems like a bleak idea when all it promises is more pain.
And in one moment, Legolas knew what he had to do. Separation was the only way to make sure that Ana would never put herself in such danger again. There was a remote chance she would live. If she did, it would be in happiness, without him to haunt her.
Standing up, he quickly made his way to the caves before he could change his mind. If he was going to stay away from her he wanted to say goodbye before she awoke. If she ever did.
Upon entering the caves he was met by a boy about Ana's age, who eyed him warily. Looking over the young man's shoulder he caught a glimpse of Ana lying immobile, barely alive. Unbidden a hand rose to his face, shielding his eyes from the unpleasant sight.
The gesture did not go unnoticed by the young man. "I see you know her, too. It's sad, isn't it? That man, Aragorn, said he thought he knew what had happened. He didn't happen to tell you, did he?"
Shifting uncomfortably, Legolas replied, "It was my fault. I left her there, knowing what she was going to do. My intentions here are to say goodbye. I don't plan to trouble her anymore. She doesn't deserve that."
The moment the words left his mouth, Legolas sensed a change in the other's demeanor. Just in time the Elf flung himself to the side as the man lunged at him. Before things could get out of hand, however, a younger girl stepped up and lay a gentle hand on his neck.
"Kyle," she started soothingly, "it's not worth it. This must be one of her closer friends; otherwise his betrayal would not have hit her that hard. Just let him say goodbye and leave."
Though the words soothed Kyle, Legolas felt worse than ever hearing his actions voiced in that simple sweet tone. "Thank you. It will not take long. This is something I must do. If I could have a moment…"
The two stepped aside and let the Elf pass through, and Aimee turned to Kyle. "I've done what I could to stabilize her. Her wounds are sealed, although fragilely. The rest is up to her; if she hasn't got the will to live there's nothing I can do about it."
Meanwhile, Legolas was just standing over the body of one of his best friends. All the feelings inside, everything he wanted to tell her were bottled up inside. Words to express them just wouldn't come. Only one phrase penetrated through the haze surrounding him.
"I lo…"
Mindlessly he turned, leaving his statement unfinished. Somehow he felt as though it had all been said, even if no sound had come from his mouth.
Kyle glared at him as he left, all emotions playing on his face. Obviously this was one of the Sensors, and apparently he felt more than just an obligatory concern.
Watching the Elf leave, Kyle felt an insane mixture of hate and jealousy coursing through his body. That traitor had meant so much to Ana, and what had he done? Betrayed her. In that instance he made a vow that if she awoke he would never do anything like that to her, even if she threatened to kill him if he didn't.
Silently, he moved to Ana's side and sat down beside her. Until she woke, there was no chance of her being left alone. Gently he laid his hand on her hair, carefully stroking it. He leaned down and placed a soft kiss on her forehead, resting his own against hers for a moment before rising up again.
"Come on, Ana, you have to wake up for me. I've only just gotten to know you. Don't slip away from me before I have a chance to tell you how I really feel."
It was a long shot, but he could almost believe that she would be able to hear him. That somehow her consciousness was suspended just in reach and all she needed was the incentive to grasp it.
"There's so much we can do after this war is over. We could explore all over, meet new people. And guess what. I talked to Aragorn, he's the one that brought you here. He's alive! See, not everyone has left you. I haven't left you. Please don't leave me."
One of her eyelids seemed to move, but after a moment Kyle wrote it off as wishful thinking. Even Aimee's magic shouldn't produce results that soon. Here was the question, though. Should he tell her about the Elf that was here? It could only be one person, Legolas. She had spoken of him often, referring to him as her best friend. Where had things gone wrong with them?
"Ana, I don't know if you can hear me, but I have to be completely honest with you. Legolas was here and he says this is his fault. I don't know if that's true or not, but I wanted you to know. He says he'll leave you in peace, give you a chance to be happy. Give yourself that chance, too."
This time there could be no mistake. Whether she wanted to admit it or not, Ana was conscious and could hear every word being said.
"Hey, I know you're awake so it's no use pretending you're not."
Very slowly Ana let her eyes drift open, and after a moment they adjusted to the dim lighting and Kyle's face materialized in front of her. His eyes were filled with an ironic mixture of relief and worry. Gently his hand moved from stroking her hair to holding her face and he smiled down at her.
For a moment she let her mind drift over what Kyle had told her about Legolas. It hurt to think that he was gone for good, but somehow it had to be better than trying to make herself be comfortable with him. Something about him scared her, the way he could take one look at her and know all of her weaknesses.
Reluctantly she jerked her thoughts back to the face hovering over her own; taking a deep breath she picked out the most relevant part out of the things he had said to her.
"You said… you said you wanted to tell me how you really feel about me. What did you mean by that?"
Nervously her hand picked at the blanket covering her, some part of her already knowing what his answer would be. But what would hers be??
"Ana, when I saw you lying there I thought you were dead. That's when I realized that I might be falling in love with you."
Even though she had been expecting Kyle's answer Ana wasn't completely prepared for the waves of emotion that hit her. Some part of her still felt devoted to Legolas, no matter that nothing had happened between them. But if she wanted to stay away she needed to put all of herself into the effort.
And so she spoke the words that could change her life in so many ways. "I think I might be falling in love with you, too."
The joy on Kyle's face almost drove Ana to taking back what she had said. Almost, but not quite.
Aragorn made his way hurriedly up the path to the caves, intent on passing on the news of one of the long awaited Sensors death before Kyle found out from some other source. Just as the opening came into sight, Aimee came scurrying down the path face flushed.
"Oh! Aragorn, I didn't think you would be coming back today. Ana's doing fine, Kyle's with her now, Legolas was here before but he's left now… and I just need to stop talking now."
Shyly she ducked her head, clearly embarrassed that she had said so much.
"It's fine, Aimee, I'm sure she's being well taken care of. But there's a matter of great importance that needs to be taken care of immediately. I think I'd rather tell you, the news should be broken to Kyle by someone who knows and cares about him."
Something in his tone of voice alerted Aimee that something was seriously wrong.
"What is it? Is everyone ok?"
"I'm afraid not. Aimee, Morgaina is dead. I believe Ana may have killed her, though I'm not exactly certain why."
The girl gasped and let her hand fly up to her heart. It was a theatrical gesture to be sure, but given the circumstances it seemed to fit.
"I… I have to tell Kyle. He's going to be devastated, he and 'Gaina were so close. How am I going to tell him?"
Gingerly he laid a hand upon her shoulder, trying to give some kind of comfort in a dark moment. No matter how much anyone prepared no good way to break the news to Kyle existed. Taking a deep breath and plunging in would be the only way to accomplish anything.
It seemed as though Aimee understood that also, because taking a deep breath she turned and started to tread slowly back up the path she had only moments before bounded down. Steeling himself, Aragorn followed her.
Aimee continued trying to master her own shock and grief even as she went in to inform the person who would be the most affected by this latest tragedy. It was a momentary pause to enter and see Ana awake and talking in quiet undertones with Kyle.
Lingering in the doorway she closed her eyes briefly, attempting to hold back the tears for Kyle's sake. Someone would have to be strong; it wasn't fair to expect either Ana or Kyle to be strong for rather obvious reasons.
"Kyle… I – I don't know how to say this, but…"
Before she could finish trying to say her part, Ana interrupted her saving her the effort.
"Morgaina's dead, Kyle. I… I didn't have a choice. She tried to kill me, I had to save myself. Truly, I didn't mean to kill her, but there wasn't any other way."
Her blunt statement struck him dumb making him grasp for words. The worry on her face forced him to say something to try and reassure her that he didn't blame her. That he understood.
"Ana, I don't blame you. Ever since we've been here something about her has been off. I just didn't realize that she would ever go so far as to sell us out. Especially me. I'm her family, her twin."
She reached up and took his hand, shifting her head so it rested almost in his lap.
"I'm sorry, Ky. If there had been any other way… but she had already made her choice, it was too late to go back."
"I know, sweetie, I know. Still… I think I need some time alone for a while. See you later."
"See you."
After giving her a quick kiss he slipped out, leaving Ana to cope alone with the questioning looks from Aragorn and Aimee. Sighing she slid further down under the blankets, wishing yet again the floor would just swallow her up.
"Gandalf, I really think we should leave right away. Let's not lose any time, the sooner we go, the sooner we return, and the sooner we accomplish everything that we set out to."
The old wizard smiled wryly, knowing full well the reason Legolas wanted to leave Helm's Deep. Still, what he said did make some semblance of sense and should not be ignored.
"Perhaps you are right. There is something to be said for striking while the iron is hot, isn't that a lovely phrase? Ana taught it to me. Well, back to the point, it might not be such a bad idea to go and collect our young hobbit friends if we can find them. Somehow I think it won't be too difficult."
He chuckled lightly to himself, amused at his own private joke.
"Right, so you can go tell Aragorn we will leave as soon as the King is ready for the journey. I assume he shall want to accompany us when we visit Saruman, the wizard who brought this carnage to Rohan."
Nodding, Legolas hurried off to find his friend, relieved at their imminent departure from the source of his discomfort. Suddenly the life that before offered many years of peace and contentment seemed to loom menacingly before him, and he had to wonder whether all the work he put in was worth it. Tomorrow was just too unsure.
Ana was curled up in bed, eyes squeezed tightly shut when Gandalf entered the room. In fact, it wasn't until he had sat down beside her that she acknowledged the presence beside her.
"Whaddya want?" she mumbled, trying to bury her head even deeper into the pillow.
"Why, only to inquire about the health of a friend," the old Wizard said with a small chuckle.
Despite her fierce headache, Ana jerked up staring wildly around, eyes finally settling on Gandalf's face. Blinking repeatedly she lifted a hand to her forehead, and then rested her head between her knees. They had told her he was alive, but there was a small part of her that just couldn't believe that.
As if sensing her feelings he said gently, "It's alright, Ana. I'm here, and you're going to be fine I'm sure."
Still somewhat in shock she stared down at the brilliant marks on her wrists. Though the cuts had been healed the scars might never fade, and the new skin was still tender.
Suddenly, with a small whimper, Ana flung herself into her mentor's waiting arms, burying her face into his shoulder. This moment somehow made up for all the moments with her father she had been robbed of.
"Now, child, there is a matter that we must discuss," he began as Ana repositioned herself so she sat beside him, leaning on his shoulder. "Your latest… how can I put this… adventure does not please me in the least. In my opinion you could not have made a worse decision."
The girl hung her head in shame, and Gandalf briefly scolded himself for forgetting that she was only a child who needed some special care.
"But what's done is done," he continued, "and it's no use saying if only so you will just have to move on."
"I'm sorry, Gandalf, and this may not be the right thing to say, but I didn't intend to be a bother to anyone. I didn't plan on being saved."
"Yes, and that's what worries me so much. Wanting a break from life is natural, wanting out is not. I want your promise that you will not try this again."
"I promise. I'm glad I'm not dead, if that means anything."
"It does, my dear, it does. Well, I should be getting ready to leave now, there's some business that the rest of the Fellowship and I need to attend to. And you need to rest, re-gather your strength. This war is not yet over."
Ana crawled back under her blankets as Gandalf stood and prepared to leave. Though she longed to beg him to stay, she bit back the words and smiled at him.
"May the Valar bless your journey, my friend."
Smiling down at her fondly, Gandalf left, confident Ana was in capable hands.
Up on one of the high points of the outer wall, Kyle stood watching the small band prepare to leave Helm's Deep. His heart was heavy with sorrow, Morgaina's face burning bright in his mind.
Even though he knew Morgaina probably didn't realize how big her choice was until it had been made, Kyle still felt a deep sense of betrayal. His twin had never been good at thinking of how a decision was going to affect more people than herself.
The one point that bothered him most was that he had never gotten to say goodbye. In all the years he had wished 'Gaina would just be normal and stop bringing her weird friends through their house, he had never imagined life without his twin. It just seemed to be a given that she would always be there, annoying him, watching out for him, just being his sister.
"Oh, 'Gaina, why?" he cried. "You had to know it was wrong, why didn't you tell me!?"
Despair crept into his voice as he dropped to his knees, and clutched his head between his hands, trying to block out the image of her face. If she really had gone over to evil then he would never see her again. There was no place for evil in the world beyond.
"I'm going to miss you so much," Kyle whispered.
Na na
Na na na na na
I miss you
I miss you so bad
I don't forget you
Oh it's so sad
I hope you can hear me
I remember it clearly
The day you slipped away
Was the day I found
It won't be the same
Oh
Na na
Na na na na na
I didn't get around to kiss you
Goodbye on the hand
I wish that I could see you again
I know that I can't
I hope you can hear me
I remember it clearly
The day you slipped away
Was the day I found
It won't be the same
Oh
I've had my wake up
Won't you wake up
I keep asking why
I can't take it
It wasn't fake
It happened you passed by
Now you're gone
Now you're gone
There you go
There you go
Somewhere I can't bring you back
Now you're gone
Now you're gone
There you go
There you go
Somewhere you're not coming back
The day you slipped away
Was the day I found
It won't be the same
Oh
Na na
Na na na na na
I miss you…
