Hey! I updated way faster than usual didn't I? Let's hear some praise for the author. stops and listens for applause. Room goes deathly quiet Fine then, I see how it is. Right I would just like to thank all the people who reviewed last chapter. Yep, ALL TWO OF THEM! Ok, now this isn't for you two, because you were nice and reviewed and I felt very special. This is for the rest of you. YOU MUST READ THIS! I have been sorely disappointed in my lack of reviews for this story. In fact, disappointed enough to say that unless I get 10 reviews of any type I will NOT post the next chapter. I will not give in on this, and I am annoyed enough to never finish posting this story. There are only 3 more chapters left and I'm perfectly ok with just writing them and letting my friends read them. So if you care, drop me a review! All right I'm done now.
And to…
littlekittykat: Thank you sooo much for reviewing, it made me so happy! I'm glad you like my story and it should start to get happier soon. wink wink Anyways, let me know, I'm trying to decide: should I have a really happy ending or a deep and thoughtful ending? The happy one would be kind of out of place with the plot, but people who review get to have a voice in how the story goes.
Angelsmile06: You have been so awesome thus far in encouraging and helping me with this story, and your reviews always let me know what's going on with my story. I can tell you, this story wouldn't be where it is without your influence and help. Thank you so much for sticking with me through all this and not giving up. I know you probably won't like my review demand, and I'm sorry it has to affect you that way. If I can't get them we'll work something out so you can finish the story. Right, if you'll read the note above yours and help me answer that question I'd really appreciate that, I'm really stuck. Thanks so much! Talk to you when you get back!
Disclaimer: I don't own any songs, (Dido, Les Miserables which is the BEST musical ever made!, and Avril Lavigne) or anything you recognize as Tolkien's or P.J.'s. Right, so everything else is mine.
Aimee singing
Ana singing
Both singing
I know you think that I shouldn't still love you,
Or tell you that.
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it
where's the sense in that?
I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were
I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
I know I left too much mess and
destruction to come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "it's over"
then I'm sure that that makes sense
I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All that was there
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on....
I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
The morning dawned cold and dim, fog lying eerily over the vast plains around the crippled fortress. A lone boy stood at the highest peak, daring to face the morning and try to shape its course to his will.
Kyle held his head high, staring into the horizon face, turned towards the deadly fortress of Isengard. That horrible tower which housed the bastard that had stolen everything of his past away from him. Everything that had previously mattered.
Speaking of things that mattered… Kyle could in no way blame his sister's death on his girlfriend. His Ana. Mentally smacking himself for not checking on her sooner he turned, hurriedly heading to Ana's temporary room.
"Good morning, sunshine!"
Aimee's cheerful voice pulled Ana out of the deep sleep her conscious had taken up residence in. Swatting at the face hovering above her own, she blinked some sleep from her eyes.
"Please, try to show some consideration for an invalid, will ya? It's like you're trying to drive me to suicide or something," she joked lightly, immediately regretting her words at the look on her friend's face.
"I'm sorry, Aims. Guess you're not quite ready to joke about that, huh?"
Deliberately Aimee shook off Ana's reference to her suicide attempt and said brightly, "If you're a good girl then maybe I'll let you get up for a little while tomorrow."
Ana rolled her eyes, exasperated at the younger girl's baby talk. Suddenly a thought struck and she asked, "Aimee, do you know when we're leaving this hell hole and going back to real buildings?"
With a small smile, Aimee replied, "The first group to head back to Edoras in about three days. If you're able to travel, I think we'll probably go with them. Sound good?"
"I suppose, if there's nothing better," Ana intoned, feigning a haughty tone.
Grinning, the other Sensor lightly smacked her over the head. When Kyle suddenly appeared in the doorway, Aimee beat a hasty retreat, muttering inadequate excuses as she fled.
The pair watched her departing back with open curiosity. Turning a somewhat accusing glare on Kyle, Ana probed gently to see if he harbored any negative feelings towards either of the girls.
Though it ashamed her somewhat, Ana discovered that she felt no qualms about invading Kyle's privacy. It wasn't that she didn't think he'd mind, exactly, though she was willing to bet he wouldn't.
No, this was worse. She simply could not bring herself to care about him enough to bother her. The thought made her cringe, but honestly she wished it were different.
Kyle detected merely seconds too late that Ana, in her search for knowledge, might have accidentally stumbled upon something he did not yet know himself.
A small smirk flickered across Ana's mischievous face as she understood what exactly she had found. This was something to be hoarded, not spread around. There was no telling when it might come in handy.
Smiling sweetly, she patted Kyle's hand, ignoring the slightly helpless look on his face. Deliberately shoving the nagging feeling that what she was doing was, well, not straightforward, Ana gently took his hand in her own and pulled him down to sit beside her.
"Kyle, you don't look so good. Did you sleep at all last night? Your eyes are exhausted."
Lightly stroking her hair, he replied, "No, actually I don't think I as much as sat down until this morning. I was outside… thinking."
Sympathy swelled in Ana's heart causing her to squeeze the hand she held. Her one purpose in life that really mattered was trying to comfort t those around her.
"Hey," she started, as inspiration struck, "why don't you lie down here and take a nap? I'll be here if you start to dream."
After a brief moment of debate he conceded, grateful she had anticipated the fear of his sister haunting the peace of sleep. Closing his eyes, a sigh escaped his lips, and a tremor ran through him when his leg brushed up against Ana's. Almost immediately sleep overtook him, leaving Ana alone with her thoughts.
Lying so close to Kyle, Ana imagined it would be easier to forget about a certain Elf. But for some odd reason, Legolas was even more intrusive on her thoughts than he normally was. Every time her eyes drifted shut those brilliant blue eyes burned brightly through the black, boring into her.
Giving up on sleep, Ana rolled onto her side, watching Kyle's face. An innocence rested there in slumber; an innocence that her years of hardness had washed from her own countenance.
And in that manner the next few hours ebbed away, as the world fell apart piece by piece. But in that small room time stood still, suspending two teenagers in a rare moment of peace.
On a crisp, cool morning three days later, Kyle and Ana stood together just outside the walls of the fortress. Kyle had an arm around Ana, supporting some of her weight. Her strength had to be conserved for the journey ahead.
"Are you positive you can ride, sweetie? I mean, we can find a nice wagon for you…"
Kyle broke off abruptly as one of his girlfriend's fingers jabbed into his stomach… HARD.
Peering up at him in an annoyed manner she said heatedly, "How many freaking times have I told you, the only thing I want to do right now is ride?!?! So will you please just check Moonstar for me and make sure she's ready?"
At the look on his face she unsheathed her sword, and holding it level with his throat growled, "End of discussion!"
Finally getting the point, Kyle handed Ana over to Aimee and went to collect her horse.
Meanwhile Legolas was embarking on a journey of his own, away from the fallen Isengard. Aragorn watched from a short distance as the Elf berated himself yet again for his thoughtless actions. A more sensible man might have stayed away, but Aragorn was not afraid to take risks, and, well, someone had to do something.
The man maneuvered his horse so the two were riding side by side, and for a moment let the companionable silence continue. At last, mustering his courage, he began.
"Legolas, stop attacking yourself over this. So you lost it for a second, it happens to everyone. Ana should understand that better than anyone else."
"I just can't do that. I wan to forget about her and all the pain she's caused me, but at the same time she ahs a hold on me. Her face, her voice, everything about her! They just burn like a brand on my mind… and my heart."
Aragorn sighed knowingly at his friend's statement, understanding fully what was happening to him.
"Mellon, answer me one question: do you love her?"
A wry smile played on the other's face as he replied, "Aragorn, Estel, that is the one question I can't answer."
With that said, Legolas urged his horse ahead to think in solitude. Aragorn's question nagged at the back of his mind, making him wonder about his own feelings.
Do I love her? Surprisingly, the answer came fairly quickly to his mind. Yes, yes, I do.
Now the time had come for a new question: what to do about it? That answer did not come quite a readily as the last.
"Ana, I am not going to argue about this with you anymore! I have told you to get in bed, Kyle, coward, asked you to get in bed before turning tail and running. Now, you are going to get in that bed before I knock you out and put you there myself!"
Realizing Aimee meant business, Ana meekly crawled into the bed she had been standing beside. Ever since their arrival at Edoras Ana had been at war with the other Sensors over whether or not bed rest was really a necessary thing.
After a moment's consideration, Ana decided sulking wouldn't do her any good. Just as Aimee finished re-bandaging her wrists Kyle slipped into the room.
Aimee watched as he quickly moved to take his place beside Ana's bedside. Squelching the acidic rise of jealousy, she turned and exited the room. Ever since finding Kyle lying beside Ana the other day, the old familiar feeling had intensified.
"They're my best friends here!" she muttered to herself. "If they're happy, I shouldn't want them to end, but I do."
Smacking herself on the forehead, Aimee swore no one would ever know, especially not Ana or Kyle. I seriously need to get a hobby…
"Please, Aimee, it's not like I want to run a marathon. I just want out of bed! Puh-lease, Doctor Aimee, let me out!"
Softening, Aimee grinned and rolled her eyes, brushing a stray curl back behind her ear.
"Ok, dear, but take it easy, all right? And don't go anywhere without me or Kyle. I'm sure he'll take the first watch, because I have things that need to be done."
"Thanks, Aim. Kyle should be here any second."
"Good. There are some clean clothes in the chest there. I'll se you later."
As soon as the other girl left, Ana bounded out of bed… and quickly grabbed onto it again. Her legs were still a little weak.
Moving over to the chest at the end of the bed, she pulled out a pair of soft fawn colored breeches, a cream under shirt, and a dark blue tunic. She quickly changed, and was perched on the edge of the bed slipping her boots on when Kyle came in.
Ana looked up at him and smiled before rising, stretching her arms up over her head. Kyle couldn't keep his eyes off her.
Impatiently she pulled her honey colored hair back, tying it with a tattered hair band, one of four that had been on her wrist when the whole thing had started.
Kyle regained control of his wits and took an unsteady breath as Ana looked at him questioningly.
"Wow, you look… amazing," he told her.
Blushing, Ana went over and grabbed Kyle's arm, tugging him outside with her. Relishing the feel of the sun on her back and the soft breeze toying with stray pieces of her hair, she strolled along getting lost in her thoughts.
Something had happened that day up on the wall. A part of her had died, spilling out like the blood, lost forever. Like the scars on her wrists, the memory of that Ana lingered, serving as a constant reminder or her pain and suffering. There was a part of her that knew what had died. It was the depression, the one thing she had admitted to no one since she arrived.
That had been the reason for it. The mood swings, the irrational fear, and… it. Without her medication she was in deep deep trouble. But now… there hadn't been a trace of the symptoms since she woke up from the coma, and it looked like it might stay that way.
Everything should be perfect; it was only her right that it be that way. Just one little problem, though, and that problem quickly materialized before her eyes.
When Ana felt Kyle stiffen beside her, she turned to follow his gaze… And caught sight of the face that had been haunting her every thought and dream.
His eyes lifted, catching her own in a gaze so full of fire sparks were almost visible in the air. It was uncertain who broke the spell first, but when her eyes were finally free she discovered her limbs had been reduced to jelly.
Poor Kyle stood by completely oblivious as to what was going on beside him. Gently Ana slid her arm through his, turning him back towards her room.
"I'm starting to feel a bit tired. Why don't we have a dinner party, just you, me, and Aimee, in my room?"
A pair of bright blue eyes followed their progress, catching only snatches of the muted undertones they spoke in and the soft laughter which floated back to him.
Though Ana enjoyed being with her friends, when they left she welcomed the solitude. Checking to make sure no one was guarding her door (she wouldn't put anything past Aimee) she slipped out the door into the ever welcoming darkness. For as long as she could remember, the one time she felt completely at peace was sitting out and watching the stars.
The feeling only intensified after the night in Lorien with Legolas. If only the peace she had felt that night could be bottled then there could be no loneliness ever again.
But then Ana's keen senses picked up on another presence just around the corner. Stepping softly the girl moved to where she had a clear view of the other person.
Aimee's Auburn hair seemed to burn with its own flame against the ebony night, a beacon to the lost and lonely. At the moment, though, Aimee herself could have qualified as one of the lost and lonely if the tears coursing down her face were any indication. Before Ana had time to decide whether or not to reveal herself to her friend, the other girl began to sing to herself softly.
And now I'm all alone again
Nowhere to turn, no one to go to
Without a home without a friend
Without a face to say hello to
And now the night is here, no I can make
Believe he's here.
Sometimes I walk alone at night
When everybody else is sleeping.
I think of him and then I'm happy
With the company I'm keeping
The city goes to bed
And I can live inside my head,
Ana motioned for Ana to go on and keep singing. Recovering from her shock, she did as Ana said.
On my own
Pretending he's beside me.
All alone I walk with him till morning
Without him
I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way I close my eyes
And he has found me.
In the rain the pavement shines like silver
All the lights are misty in the river
In the darkness the trees are full of starlight
And all I see is him and me for ever and forever.
And I know it's only in my mind
That I'm talking to myself and not to him
And although I know that he is blind
Still I say there's a way for us.
I love him
But when the night is over
He is gone, the river's just a river
Without him the world around me changes
The trees are bare and everywhere the streets
Are full of strangers.
I love him
But everyday I'm learning
All my life I've only been pretending
Without me his world will go on turning
A world that's full of happiness that I have
Never known.
I love him, I love him,
I love him, but only on my own.
Ana moved behind her friend and slipped her arms around the younger girl's shoulders, holding her close, giving her all the comfort she was seeking. I give comfort to other, she thought wryly, but yet I can accept none for myself.
"What's wrong, sweetie? Tell me about it."
"I can't tell you," Aimee choked out, "you'll hate me."
Stepping back Ana turned her around so the two were face to face, leaving her hand resting on Aimee's shoulders. Pushing her hair, back she soothed the girl, "No, I'd never hate you. Whatever it is, you can always tell me."
"It's about Kyle…"
To Aimee's surprise a small grin formed on Ana's face.
"Oh, is that all? No worries then. Come on spill. Shall I start? All right, then, I know you like him, does that help?"
An orange could easily have been inserted in Aimee's mouth, it had fallen open so wide at her friend's blunt statement. Never in her wildest dreams would she have predicted it would go this well.
"I was worried you'd be mad if I told you I… Ana, I think I love him," Aimee gushed, half –worried, half-frightened.
A grin spread rapidly across Ana's face as she heard the news. This was exactly the break she had been looking for.
"Aim, can I tell you a secret? Promise you won't tell?"
"Of course I won't tell. Friends don't blab."
"Great! I don't love Kyle at all. Actually, I can't believe I'm saying this, I think I'm still in love with Legolas."
Both girls squealed a little, before sobering to look at the reality of the situation. Ana was the first (per usual) to point out all the negatives of their situation.
"You know, we're kind of in a majorly screwed situation, girl. I mean, I have Kyle, but I don't want Kyle, you want Kyle. And then there's Legolas, who probably shouldn't be in my life or want to be there, but I love him anyway and… Ok I'm thoroughly depressed now."
"Yeah, me too. I think I'll just go to bed now. You coming?"
"Nah, I think I'll stay out here a bit longer. See you in the morning, Aimee."
"Good night, An."
Ana sent a little wave over her shoulder at Aimee's retreating back and perched herself at the edge of the large porch (is that what it is?) and let her feet dangle over while she looked at the stars. Slowly the tears began to fall. All the tears that had been held back for so long came flooding out, drenching her with salty wetness.
For almost half an hour she cried, letting go of some of the pain her heart still held. And during that time, some of the answers came to her already taxed brain. There was no way she could stay with Kyle. He might be kind and sweet, but he didn't know her inside and out. Not the way Legolas did. He couldn't look in her eyes and see what she was feeling.
"There's together, and there's together," Ana muttered. "Kyle and I, we're just together. And I need more than that."
Still crying bitterly, Ana pulled herself up and quietly made her way back to her room, once again not realizing that someone had been watching her.
Something just isn't right
I can feel it inside
The truth isn't far behind me
You can't deny
When I turn the lights out
When I close my eyes
Reality over comes me
I'm living a lie
When I'm alone
I feel so much better
And when I'm around you
I don't feel
Together
It doesn't feel right at all
Together
Together we've built a wall
Together
Holding hands we'll fall
Hands we'll fall
This has gone on too long
I realize that I need
Something good to rely on
Something for me
When I'm alone
I feel so much better
And when I'm around you
I don't feel
Together
It doesn't feel right at all
Together
Together we've built a wall
Together
Holding hands we'll fall
Hands we'll fall
My heart is broken
I'm lying here
My thoughts are choking
On you, my dear
On you, my dear
On you, my dear
When I'm alone
I feel so much better
And when I'm around you
I don't feel
Together
It doesn't feel right at all
Together
Together we've built a wall
Together
Holding hands we'll fall
Hands we'll fall
Together
It doesn't feel right at all
Together
Together we've built a wall
Together
Holding hands we'll fall
Hands we'll fall
When I'm around you
When I'm around you
I don't feel together, no
I don't feel together, no
When I'm around you
When I'm around you
I don't feel together, no
I don't feel together, no
A/N: Hey, it's me again! I just thought I'd remind you that I'm not updating until I get at least 10 reviews. I may be unreasonable, but frankly I don't care. Putting this up and not knowing if more than 3 people like it seems unreasonable to me. I'm perfectly ok with finishing it and never putting it up as I said before. Right, so if you ever want more then you'll review. And please, I really do like putting this on here so show me I'm doing it for a reason! Peace y'all!
