Disclaimer: Nope. Don't own 'em. Would like to, though… —picture Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru on leashes— mmmmm… yeah, I wish.

A/N: More madness, mwahahaha. I should be doing a twelve-page research paper that is DUE MONDAY, but instead I write. Don't y'all feel loved? And yes, medlii, you get cookies. . Thank you for reviewing! Read and review, and spread the word, people! Erm, I'm also changing my story rating from PG-13 to R, because Inuyasha is such a naughty boy… my, my, where did he learn such language?

3

We Have A Problem

Sango sighed to herself, partly out of wistfulness, mostly out of annoyance. The two reasons for her exasperation sat opposite each other at the small fire, one glowering covertly at the apparently oblivious other.

What am I going to do with you, Houshi-sama? she thought exasperatedly. While flirting with Keitaro had created one of the desired effects, it had also spawned a multitude of problems. Miroku had barely even looked at anyone but her today, but since she had pointedly stayed close to Keitaro, she was pretty sure the stares hadn't been flattering. The monk's normally cheerful disposition had soured until he was almost as bad as Inuyasha. He wasn't talking to anyone, either, and he was staying away from everyone except the hanyou. That probably wasn't helping, either; Inuyasha was being even more malevolent than Miroku, and Kagome had 'sat' him so many times today it was a wonder he wasn't bruised purple all over!

This was a mistake, the taijiya thought, running one hand through her long brown hair. Sure, it's making them jealous—and Miroku, at least, deserves a little uncertainty for all the trouble he causes—but at this rate those two are gonna start planning murder, and then everything is really going to fall apart.

After a moment of indecision, Sango got to her feet. I've got to talk to Kagome-chan. And Keitaro-sama. This isn't working.

As she set an indignantly mewing kitten-Kirara on the ground, the taijiya imagined she could feel Miroku's eyes on her. When she glanced at the houshi, though, he was pointedly looking in another direction. For some reason, she felt her face begin to burn.

Stop it, she scolded herself. It isn't my fault if he's being pissy.

Oh, you liar, another part of her hissed.

Shut up.

………………………………………

Damn it, Miroku thought angrily as Sango and Kagome went off into the woods with Keitaro in tow. What the hell is wrong with them? Going all moon-eyed over some asshole with a pretty face just because he smiles at them? Shit. The monk brooded for a moment, staring sullenly into the flames. Bet he doesn't even like girls. He's waaay too pretty. Bet he's been eyeing Inuyasha… or me… Miroku shuddered and cut off that thought before it could take root. Too late.

Inuyasha growled, giving voice to the Buddhist's thoughts. "I'm gonna kill him," the hanyou promised through gritted fangs. "The instant he steps out of those trees, I'm gonna fucking kill him."

"Oh, right, baka," Shippou retorted, skipping out of Inuyasha's reach as he spoke. "You and what army? Or have you forgotten how he dumped you on your butt this morning?"

"That was an accident!"

"Yeah, right!" The kitsune had a look of supreme delight on his pointed little face. "He made you eat dirt! No wonder Kagome skipped off with him!"

Inuyasha roared inarticulately and dove for Shippou, who squealed and darted away. Kirara yowled as they nearly bowled her over.

"You're dead! You're fucking dead, you little shit!"

"Aiiiieeee! Heeeelllp!"

"Enough!" Miroku thundered, slamming his staff into the ground. The two youkai froze in the act of racing around the campfire, Inuyasha's extended claws almost raking Shippou's bushed-out tail.

"If you two are done exercizing your staggering two-year-old mentalities," the monk spat disgustedly, "what do you suggest we do?"

"I thought you had all the answers, oh mighty priest," Inuyasha snarled, reluctantly straightening from his running crouch. "You give orders like you fucking well do."

"If you don't have suggestions, I do: Shut up," Miroku snapped. "The only way we're going to get rid of that bastard is if we can organize a plan."

" 'We?' " Shippou protested. "I don't see where this is my problem! Keitaro's awesome! And the girls think so, too!"

"Shut up!" the monk and the hanyou snarled in unison.

"I mean, he's awesome with those swords of his!" Shippou continued, ignoring them. "And a bow, too! And he's polite, and watches his mouth—" Inuyasha growled involuntarily and cracked his knuckles "—and doesn't try to grab girls' butts all the time—" Miroku tightened his grip on his staff automatically "—and doesn't try to beat me up, and actually uses his brain, unlike some guys I could mention—"

"If you like your head in one piece, asshole, shut the fuck up," Inuyasha snarled, taking a threatening step toward the kitsune. Shippou skipped back a step, but didn't let up.

"—and besides, he'd kick both your butts if you tried to fight him, so I guess I can't blame you for just sitting back and letting the three of them take off—"

"Listen, you little—" Miroku began.

"—especially since the girls like him better anyway!"

"Like hell they do!" Inuyasha spat. It had an edge of uncertainty to it, though.

"Check the proof, baka," the kitsune tossed back. "Keitaro: five zillion, Dog-Breath and Pervert: zero."

"There's no way Sango and Kagome-sama would abandon us for that asshole," Miroku snapped.

"Oh yeah? Then what are you waiting for? Prove it!" Shippou demanded. "Or are you gonna let him just walk off with the girls without a fight?"

Both young men glared at him. Then Inuyasha jumped to his feet. "Back in a minute."

Miroku was fast on his heels. "Me too."

Kirara and Shippou watched them almost-run to the woods, in the direction Keitaro had taken. Kirara mewed questioningly, glancing at the kitsune with what would have been raised eyebrows on a human girl.

"I was kidding," Shippou told her blankly.

………………………………………

The air was so tense in the little camp that Keitaro almost sighed with relief when Sango told Kagome and him that they needed to talk. He knew perfectly well that neither girl had been flirting in earnest, but the hanyou and the monk hadn't been able to guess the game; it had just made them angry.

My fault, partly, the young man admitted without embarrassment. I forgot that this place isn't anywhere near as complex as Court. This flirting isn't just some form of entertainment; people take it seriously. It was something of a relief, really; after a while all the intrigue and gossip grew old. Before this, he had been making excuses to get away from the Palace for short lengths of stolen time; once he'd found out he liked wandering far more than Court machinations, he'd taken what few things he needed and disappeared as fast as he could.

And now I'm slipping into bad habits again. He shook his head in mild disgust at himself as Sango led the way into the forest. Playing with people like so many pieces on a board. I should know better, at least.

He was so absorbed in thought that he ran into Sango when she stopped.

"Pardon."

"No problem. Listen, Keitaro-sama…" She hesitated, then said carefully, "I don't think this is going to work."

He found himself feigning obtuseness without realizing it. "You don't think what is going to work?"

She made a general, hopeless gesture. "This! You, and Kagome and me…"

"You two making Inuyasha and Miroku jealous of me," Keitaro supplied drily. "Yeah, I had noticed the doom-stares."

"Sorry." Even in the faint, distant light of the campfire and moon, Kagome looked sheepish. "But it was… kinda perfect… I mean, your timing and all… and you being…"

"Utterly gorgeous?" Keitaro suggested, straight-faced.

"Aagh, you're as bad as they are!" the younger girl giggled, trying and failing to project a convincing sense of outrage. Sango rolled her eyes comically and punched him lightly on the bicep.

"You don't make it easy, do you?" the taijiya asked rhetorically. "Seriously, though, we really do have a problem. The other two are already mad at all three of us, especially you. If we just stop the entire thing, it'll confuse them, and they'll react badly if they know they've been set up. They might try to attack you anyway."

Kagome frowned. "Inuyasha, yeah, but Miroku? I can't see him reacting like that."

"The houshi is good at concealing his emotions," Keitaro put in thoughtfully. "Maybe too good. I wouldn't want to be in his path if he lost control." Kagome conceded that with a nod.

"So… we need to come up with something plausible," Sango mused out loud. "We can't just stop clustering around you and act as if nothing's wrong—"

"Much as I would enjoy confusing the heck out of them," Kagome murmured. The other two grinned in agreement.

"How about one or both of you blowing up at me?" Keitaro suggested.

Kagome shook her head. "They'd take it as an invitation to kick you out, and then they'd be confused or suspicious if we yelled at them for it. We might be able to pretend you've made an ass of yourself and just give you the cold shoulder—"

"Bad idea, for the same reasons," Sango interrupted. "They've pissed the both of us off enough that they recognize some of the signs, at least. They'd still try to get rid of him."

All three were silent for a moment, racking their brains.

"We could just pretend you've said we're not your type," Kagome suggested. No one really liked that idea.

"Debilitating illness?" Sango suggested. Nope.

"You're too forward?" Keitaro offered. Both girls took mock-angry swipes at him for that.

"All right, this is getting ridiculous," the blond youth said exasperatedly, after several more ideas had been rejected. "How about we just—"

"KAGOME!"

"Oh, damn," the girl squeaked after all three of them had nearly jumped out of their skins. "He's coming!"

"SANGO! KAGOME!"

"They're both coming!" Sango exclaimed, more angry than startled now. "Those stupid, arrogant—"

"KAGOME!" Inuyasha bellowed, slamming himself down so hard the ground shook.

"What the hell is your problem?" Kagome shrieked as they ducked out of the way.

"Stay out of this!" Inuyasha snarled, advancing on Keitaro.

"Inuyasha, don't do this," the swordsman warned, both blades already clear of their sheaths. Inuyasha's only response was a furious growl and a crackle of flexed knuckles.

" 'Stay out of this?'!"

"You heard him," Miroku's voice said coldly from behind them. The two girls whirled in twin cyclones of outrage to see the monk going to help Inuyasha, staff raised. "We're getting rid of him. He's not welcome."

"Since when do you two decide who's welcome and who's not?" Sango shouted, eyes blazing.

"Who gave you two the right to naysay us?" Miroku countered, not stopping. "He just drops in out of nowhere, and you two get to decide whether or not he's dangerous?"

"That's idiotic!" Kagome cried. "He's not dangerous!"

"Oh, right," Inuyasha spat. "He's just so fucking sweet. He's such a pretty-boy, he'd never hurt you... shit, you two are so naïve! Well, too bad! He's leaving—right now!"