Your Intuition

Chapter 1: Refrain of Regrets

Follow your heart
Your intuition
It will lead you in the right direction
Let go of your mind
Your intuition
Is easy to find
Just follow your heart, baby

Intuition, Jewel



"I'm sorry the news isn't better, Mr. Buchanan," the doctor said simply.

Clint sighed at that as he looked down at his hands, trying to ignore the fact that they were blurred. "What are my options?" he asked in just as matter of fact tone of voice, all the while mentally questioning how a simple 'fender bender' could have such dire consequences.

"Surgery to remove the fragment," the doctor informed.

Raising his head, Clint frowned: "the doctors said that it was too risky to consider at the time. Has the technology really changed so much in 20 years?"

"There are risks of course, but if you want to save your sight, it's our only course of action."

"And the risks."

"Probably aren't all that different from 20 years ago, although the odd of success have improved."

"Somehow I doubt they've improved that much," Clint commented dryly.

"Mr. Buchanan, you are aware that the fact that the fragment has shifted, even with the tissue growth near it can be a signal to other, more serious problems. If it shifts again. . ."

"I could loose a lot more than just my sight," he deduced before adding, "How much time do I have?"

"That depends. The fact that you haven't had problems other than the occasional headache is a good sign. However, your family history being what it is. . ." he trailed off.

"Tell me this, Doc. My younger brother just died and my ex-wife just had a heart transplant, how do I tell my family that I need brain surgery that can have lasting after effects."

"I'm sorry; I can't answer that for you."


"I'm sorry; I can't answer that for you."

"Well, that's helpful!" Natalie sighed as she glared at her sister.

"What do you want me to say, Nat?" Jessica asked.

"Well, that's something I can't answer!" she retorted angrily.

"Why are you trying to make me choose sides?"

"I'm not. Besides, you already have!"

"You're overreacting," Jess accused in a condescendingly calm tone.

"Oh? Am I?"

"Everyone told you that Paul was bad news."

"You mean John did."

"Well. . ."

"So, what? You think I got what I deserved? You think it was ok for Kevin to lie and protect Kelly?"

"She is his wife."

"And I'm his sister, but I guess that doesn't count."

"You know that's not what I meant."

"Well, you sure as hell implied it, not that you had to," Natalie sulked as she plopped onto her bed at Llanfair.

Jessica rolled her eyes at her twin, "when are you going to let it go? You're a member of this family."

"When it's convenient."

"Natalie. . ."

"Don't Jess. I'm not Jamie, so stop talking to me like I were."

"I didn't think I was."

"You never do," Natalie sighed as she looked out the window.

"That still doesn't negate that you are a member of this family."

"Really? Because half the time it sure as hell doesn't feel that way, especially when it comes to you and Kevin."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, let's see. Mom's sick and I certainly didn't have a fiancé or future step-daughter to inconvenience or a business to launch, but no, don't stay with mom. After all, I don't know her enough to know if she's playing me."

"First off it wasn't like that, secondly, you said you understood and it didn't bother you."

"G-d, you are naive! Tell me, what else should I have said? 'I know you don't trust me and it will cause tension amongst us, but I'm staying with Mom?'"

"Natalie, it's not that we don't trust you, but you've made some really stupid moves. Blackmailing Todd and Kelly. Dating Paul. Marrying Mitch. Getting. . ." Jess stopped abruptly.

"Getting Chris Killed? Isn't that what you were going to say?" Natalie demanded as she got to her feet.

"I. . ." Jess started as she backed away from her sister.

"What? Afraid? Think I might throw you out a window the way you accused me of doing to Ben? Yeah, I've made mistakes. I'm not perfect like you and I'm sorry that I ruined your place as only daughter, but I am not going to let you walk all over me. I'm not going to pretend anymore! I'm not the only one in the wrong!"

"Really? What have we done but take you in?" Jess demanded as her back hit the wall. "Forgiven al the trouble you caused? How much more are we supposed to turn a blind eye to? You weren't even at the hospital half the time, how could we think you'd be at the house? How could we ask you to look after Mom?"

"I wasn't at the hospital because no one told me how bad it was! Because you and Kevin had to be in control!"

"I called you!"

"Once! One g-ddamned time! Tell me Jess, if it were the other way around how would you have felt? Oh, wait, it wouldn't have been because I would've called more than ONCE!"

"You don't know what I was going through!"

"And you have no idea what I was. You talk about me not being there but you won't take any of the responsibility or see that some belongs to Kevin. If he hadn't 've lied I wouldn't have had to go and try to clear my name!"

"Well if you weren't so irresponsible as to date Paul. . ."

"Well at least I wasn't so irresponsible as to get knocked up when I was in High School!"

"How dare you! Get out!"

"No. It's my room, YOU get out!"

Breathing heavily and fighting back tears, Jess yanked the door open, "you'll regret this. You want a war, you have one. You're right; you aren't a member of this family. And the truth is you never really will be. You're nothing but trash," she said coldly.

"Yeah, well, tell me something I don't already know," Natalie answered plainly as she stalked to the window and stared out of it, cringing as the door slammed shut. "Now what?"


"Now what?" Cord asked as he sat in his father's study, trying to digest what Clint had just told him.

"I'm not really sure," Clint admitted.

Leaning forward in his chair, Cord took in the strain on Clint's face. "Have you told the family yet?" he asked, although he was pretty sure he already knew the answer.

"No. And for the most part, I'm not going to."

"Clint. . ."

"Hear me out. Asa's still reeling from Ben's death and the kids from Vickie's transplant. I can't put them through this."

"They deserve to know."

"When the time's right," Clint sighed as he rose from the sofa. "Natalie's having a tough time of it. I think that I'll ask her to come."

"Why not Jess or Kevin?"

"Because I already know the things I need to where they're concerned."

"I don't understand."

"When I lost my sight before I was able to get through because I could picture you all. I know the looks you get when you're happy. The way your eyes change when you're excited. How you express annoyance at each other with a look. I've seen you find new things. Explore and learn. I can't say that about Natalie. When I talk to you, Kevin, or Joey and Jessie on the find I have a clear picture in my mind of what you're doing as we talk. Of what your faces look like. That picture maybe wrong, but I still have it. Natalie's a different story."

"You can't picture her?"

"I've only seem to know her fear and tears, and maybe a smile tinged with disbelief. I need to know more and I want her to have some memories should the worse happen."

"You sound like you think it will."

"No. I'm only preparing myself for the possibility. This family's been through too much for me to give up now."