I'm BAAAAACK!
((No, my spelling really isn't that bad, I just think words look cooler when spelled with "ph" instead of "f"!))
Chapter 2: Muuuusic oph the Night! Muuuuuuusic oph the Night! Muuuuuusic oph the Night! I wanna do you!
Christine went on about her dad while a nosey stage hand (who strangely resembled Mr. Gibbs from Pirates of the Caribbean) stalked the two girls. Somehow this all ended in a song and Christine alone in her dressing room surrounded by phlowers (I guess there were quite a phew phans of "Afro-Man" during that time period).
"What's that, Kaite-Dahling?" Christine wondered, talking to her rephlection. "Why thank you. I thought I sang pretty well too!"
"Christine, are you talking to yourselph again?" Raoul questioned, walking into the dressing room.
"Raoul! Don't you ever knock! I could have been naked!" the wanna-be diva exclaimed in horror.
"That's a bad thing?" the trying-so-hard-not-to-be-a-pansy asked, ducking just in time to miss Christine's phlying shoe. "Ok! Ok! I'm leaving, but you're coming to dinner with me." Christine jumped up and shoved Raoul out oph her room. Sighing, she sauntered back to her couch.
"It's about time he lepht. His pansy-ness was getting on my nerves." The spooky voice had returned.
"Hey! Are you my dead daddy, who has come back to me as the Angel oph Music with a phreaky, scary, yet incredibly seductive voice?" she inquired.
"Umm…yes," came the haunted reply.
"Oh. Ok!" Christine giggled.
"Do me a phavor and walk toward your really big mirror."
"Why?"
"'Cause I want you to."
"Sing to me!"
"Phine…John Jacob Jingle-Heimer Schmidt. His name is my name too. Whenever I go out the people always shout there goes John Jacob Jingle-Heimer Schmidt!"
Bephore she knew it, Christine was walking down a spooky hallway, holding hands with a tall, halph sexy guy with halph a white mask on his phace. "That's so groovy cool," Christine mumbled in awe.
"You're a strange little girl. You do realize that most people would be phreaked out beyond belieph by now?" halph-sexy guy stated.
"Yeah, well, you're hot, so I'll go along with it phor now."
"Your wedding night," halph-sexy guy muttered.
"Don't you mean 'your phuneral?'?" Christine corrected.
"No. I mean your wedding night…or honeymoon. Whatever phloats your boat."
"Ooo! A horsey!" Christine gleefully shrieked as they reached the bottom oph a phlight oph stairs.
"Notice how she never realizes how weird this situation is," Madame Giry pointed out to nobody-in-particular, as she stepped out oph a door in the wall. Having made her opinion known, she went back into the wall.
Halph-sexy mysterious guy picked Christine up and set her on the horse. "So…how's liphe?" he asked, leading her deeper underground.
"Pretty good," she replied in a chipper tone, tickled pink that she got to ride a pony (which was not the same color as it was in the book!)
"Oh, well, that's good. Have you figured out who I am yet"
Christine gave him a quizzical stare. "Didn't you say earlier that you were my dead daddy, who came back to me as the Angel of Music with a phreaky, scary, yet incredibly seductive voice and a totally sexy aura about him"
"Yeah, but who am I really"
"Santa Clause"
"No."
"The Boogieman"
"I think not."
"Beetlejuice"
"Not even close."
"Christine paused, analyzing the possibilities. Then she announced"You are the PRECIOUSSSSssssss"
Halph-sexy guy groaned. "No!"
"Dracula?"
"No…though we are close phriends."
"Phrankenstein!"
"No! I don't care what Lizzie thinks," he shouted. ((Author's Note: My friend Lizzie thought that the phantom looked like Frankenstein when he appeared in Christine's mirror.))
"The Wolph-Man?"
""Do I look like a dog?" Halph-sexy guy asked. Christine stared at him blankly. "The answer is no," he hinted. "Now get in the boat." Christine continued to stare at him blankly. "Stop doing that! You remind me oph the my-size-Barbie doll I made oph you." He picked her up and tossed her into the gondola.
"Save a gondola, ride the phantom!" Christine sang contentedly, as halph-sexy guy pushed the boat along the phreaky, cloudy, green-water river/lake thing…
"Why weren't you singing that a minute ago when you were riding a horse?...wait…YES!"
Christine looked at him blankly. "Yes what?"
"You got it right!"
"Go what right?"
"Who I am!"
"The wolph-man?"
"Noooooo!"
"Van Helsing? George Washington? Bill Clinton? Al Qaeda? Al Gore? Albert Einstein?"
"No. No. Hell no. Who? No. I wish."
"Wait! I know who you are!" Christine exclaimed, while halph-sexy guy stared and waited in silence. "You are…
JAMES BOND!"
"NO!"
"Phine! Then why don't you just tell me who you are?" Christine questioned.
Halph-sexy guy rowed up to the shore oph a pretty little underground house illuminated by lots oph pretty candles. "Does the pipe organ give you any clue?"
"No," Christine stated.
"Oph all people, I had to choose a hot chick with the I.Q. oph a walnut!"
"Yeah, well, you're a poopy-head!" Christine whined.
"Remind me again why I brought you here," halph-sexy guy groaned.
"'Cause you looooove me!" she swooned.
"Why?"
"'Cause you think I'm hooooot!"
"Why?" halph-sexy guy wondered, tossing the wanna-be diva out oph the gondola. Drooling commenced when he noticed how revealing the wanna-be diva's nightgown was. "Oh."
"Sing to me again," Christine begged.
"Ok," halph sexy guy continued to drool. "Music oph the night. Music oph the night. Music oph the night. I wanna do you!"
Madam Giry popped out oph a hole in the ground. "Notice how this still doesn't bother her," she stated and disappeared…again.
Christine strolled around halph-sexy guy's house, peeking behind curtains in hopes oph phinding chocolate…or marshmallows…or graham crackers…or all three…or a bunch oph s'mores that had already been made. All she discovered was more mirrors.
"Can you not be so nosey?" halph-sexy guy requested, growing rather agitated.
"Whyyyy?" Christine giggled. But her giggles were silenced when she pulled back a curtain that hid her twin. Ok, it wasn't her twin. Actually it was that my-size-Barbie doll halph-sexy guy had mentioned earlier. Halph-sexy guy held his breath, waiting phor the shrieking to commence. "That's so phreaky cool!" Christine mumbled in a dream-like state, and then phainted.
Luckily, halph-sexy guy had been phollowing closely and was there to catch her. Having no other good ideas, he picked her up and tucked her into a swan-shaped bed he had made especially phor her.
Madame Giry appeared once again, only this time she popped up phrom behind the bed. "Yeah, that's a really smart idea. He has a window into her dressing room, a liphe-size doll that looks just like her wearing a wedding dress, and a bed ready just phor her. Everybody knows that this means it's saphe to phaint and leave yourselph at the mercy oph your stalker." She then disappeared once more.
"She's starting to bug me," halph-sexy guy muttered, then remembered his stalkee. "I wanna throw you down and ride you like a wild stallion," he whispered in the sleeping girl's ear.
Little did he know that Christine could care less. In phact, she was dreaming oph puppy-dogs, kitty-cats, and pansies (not including Raoul).
Go ahead. Humor me and review.
