Your Intuition

Chapter 7: Child Psychology

My parents welcomed me with loving arms
But within an hour were back at each others throats
Normal, happy childhood back on course
Batteries not included
Life is unfair, kill yourself or get over it
Life is unfair, kill yourself or get over it
Life is unfair, kill yourself or get over it
Life is unfair, kill yourself or get over it

Natalie slept peacefully in John's arms. For the first time in months, her dreams were uninterrupted, and she did not have the urge to hide from demons that had chased her for years. Rather, she slept dreamlessly and soundly. But as was often the case when she found contentment, it was not to last. . .

The ringing of the phone jarred her from sleep to wakefulness. Groggily, she pulled away from John's body to pick up the extension next to her bed: "What?"

"Ms. Buchanan, the weather's cleared. We'll be able to depart in two hours," the voice on the other end of the line said.

Pushing her hair out of her eyes, Natalie tried to make out the time on the digital clock, and figure out what was going on. "Umm. . . what?"

"We'll be ready to take off in two hours, M'am."

"Oh, ok," she replied, as she started to realize what she was being told.

"Will that be ok with you?"

"Yeah. Sure. Whatever. Two hours, I've got it," she repeated back before hanging up and falling back onto the bed.

"Two hours, huh?" John asked quietly as he turned so that he could look at her.

"Ah huh."

"You want me to drive you?"

"You don't have to."

"Do. You. Want. Me. To?" he reiterated, annunciating each word.

"I guess."

"Then I will," he replied as he laid back down and reached for her. Once they were positioned so that she was lying against his chest, he continued: "are you sure you don't want to let your family know?"

Natalie sighed heavily as she shifted so slightly, "I'm not up to another confrontation right now."

"They're going to worry," he pointed out as he rubbed a hand up and down her arm.

"Do you think they'll even notice?" she wondered as she linked their hands together and stared at their hands. "And if they do, it'll be due to lack of arguments."

"It's not that bad, Natalie."

"You don't know the half of it. All Jess and I do anymore is fight. The one we had yesterday afternoon was even worse than the one you saw."

"What happened?" he asked as he tightened his embrace slightly.

"I finally called her on a couple of things. Only, it got ugly. She said something, I said something. . ."

"Like what?"

"Oh, I don't know. That at least I was smart enough not to get knocked up in high school."

"Ouch."

"Yeah, but I was pretty steamed at that point. She'd basically said that it was my fault that Chris was dead. And she more than handled herself. She told me that I was nothing than trash and would never be more. That I would never be one of them. She also went running to Kevin, of course he took her side," she answered as she looked at his chest and made circles on it with her fingers. "So did, Vickie. Considering what he must have heard, I'm kinda surprised that Clint didn't too."

"She called your father?" he asked, stilling her hand with his.

"No. He called to talk to me. I was on the phone with him when Kevin burst into my room looking for me. Kevin was yelling and. . ." she shrugged as she shifted closer to John, who stiffened.

"He didn't do something to you? Did he?" he asked.

"No. No! He just pulled the phone from my hand and yelled. That was it. I was scared because for a moment, it wasn't Kevin, you know?"

John stared at the top of her head for a moment before shifting and asking bluntly: "just how bad were things for you with Roxy as a kid?"

"John. . ." Natalie started warningly as she pulled back a bit.

"Look, I know— or at least I can guessfrom what you told me that you were neglected. What I'm asking is if there was more."

Abruptly, she slid away from him and off the bed. "I have to finish packing and find my passport," was her only response.

"Natalie, don't shut me out. If you forgot who he was for a second. . ."

"Drop it, John. I don't want to talk about it," she answered as she picked his shirt up from the floor and pulled it on.

Shaking his head, he rolled off the bed and pulled on his pants. "Fine. I'll go make us some coffee and leave you alone for a few minutes."

"John. . . I'm sorry. . . it's just. . . it's over. What happened happened. Talking about it. . . well, it's not going to change anything," she said embarrassed.

"You don't have to explain yourself to me. I just asked because I care, and because, if something did happen it seems to still be affecting you."

"Kevin startled me, that's all. I handled it. I didn't mean anything when I said it that way, except that it wasn't exactly in character for him to act that way. Don't go reading more into it than there needs to be!"

"If you say so," he responded, unconvinced.

"I do."

"Fine. Get your stuff together. I'll be back up with that coffee in a while."

"'Kay," she said softly as she watched him leave, wondering why she felt like he was walking away from her. "He's not going any where. And if he does, it'll be because you pushed him away," she condemned herself before moving to her closet to finish her packing.


Jessica stood on the stoop of her grandfather's house, waiting for the door to open. "Jessie, what's wrong? Why are you here so late?" her brother asked as he pulled open the door.

"I didn't wake you did I?" she asked taking in his disheveled shirt and hair.

"No. I was just finishing up some paperwork. I fact, I just brought Ace down. He's fussy for some reason," he answered as he stepped back to let her in. "So why are you here?"

"I didn't know where else to go," she answered. "Kevin. . .I. . . there's something wrong with me."

"What? Are you sick?" he asked, concern evident in his voice, as he lead her into the living room.

"No. I just. . ." she shrugged as she sat down on the couch and watched her brother pick up his son, a touch of longing in her eyes as she looked at the baby. "Antonio had to cancel on me tonight. John wouldn't cover his shift."

"He can't always, Jess," Kevin said softly.

"I know that. It's just. . . John wouldn't cover because he went to see Natalie."

"Is something going on with the two of them?" Kevin asked as he kissed his son's head as he settled the infant against his shoulder.

"Truthfully, I'm not sure. I just. . . I went over there. I started saying these things. Part of me justI don't even know where half of it came from. I mean, I was annoyed when Antonio told me he couldn't come. I took it out on Nat. Acted like she was the only reason John didn't take the shift. I didn't even let it sink in at the time that he said that Renee was worried about her. No, correct that. I didn't care! I called her selfish, but. . . Kevin, what if I'm the selfish one? The jealous one?"

"Jessica, you're one of the most giving people I know except. . ."

"Except when?"

"It's just, you've been hurt by her so many times."

"You mean with Natalie?"

"Yeah. And you're not the only one. She's hard to be giving to. And jealous? Why would you be jealous of her?"

"Because she's the real Buchanan? The true daughter?" Jess suggested. "Because she made it work with Chris when I couldn't? Because she had the guts to get married when I can barely cope with being engaged?"

"Are you asking me or telling me?"

"Kevin," she sighed in exasperation.

"Fine. You are a Buchanan. The biology doesn't matter to anyone, Jess. People will forget. I mean, everyone thinks of Joe and I as Buchanans even though Clint isn't our biological father.

You're also the true daughter. Mom and Dad raised you, not Natalie. You were the one who stayed with Mom. You know her better.

As for Chris. . . Jessie, first loves are. . . complicated. Yes, you two loved each other, but you weren't meant to last. And to tell you the truth, I don't think he and Natalie would've made it either."

"You don't?"

"I never said it, but I always thought that she was a replacement for you. She would've caught on sooner or later. I think she already suspected it. And if not, well, sooner or later she would have tired of supporting him."

"Chris just needed time to get some name recognition."

"Chris needed to get off his high horse and hold down a legitimate job for longer than a month," Kevin rebutted as he shifted his son to his other shoulder.

"Chris loved her."

"Maybe."

"He died saving her life. He traded himself for her!"

"G-d, Jess, this isn't some romance novel! If he had let the police do their jobs he might still be alive. I know enough to know that Natalie would have preferred that," he replied. "As for your engagement, if you're unhappy do something about it."

"I want to be with Antonio."

"Do you love him?"

"I agreed to marry him, didn't I?"

"For what reasons?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You said yourself that you were jealous of Natalie and Chris, are you sure Antonio isn't a replacement?"

"He and Chris aren't alike."

"They're brothers."

"You not only dated, but married cousins. What's that say about you?"

"We're not discussing me right now. Besides, what about Jamie? Don't you think I see how you look at Ace? Is it Antonio you or his daughter?"

"That's crazy."

"Is it?"

"It has nothing to do with Natalie and me."

Kevin sighed, "maybe Natalie's not the real problem for any of us."

"Kevin?"

"Sometimes, sometimes I think that Joe's the only one to get along with her because he's the only one who knows who he is."

"I don't understand."

"Natalie turning out to be. . . to be mom and dad's daughter has had us all questioning ourselves. You most of all."

"She changed who I am, not you."

"Of course she has, Jess. She's affected us all. I used to think I was a great big brother. That I could protect my little sister from just about anything. That I never intentionally hurt her."

"You are! You do! You don't!"

"When it comes to you. I haven't done that for Natalie. If you had been the one with Paul I would've put a stop to it. If you had been tricked into a marriage with a mad man, I would've wrung his neck. As it is, I didn't do enough to protect you from him. . ."

"Kevin, I was in a bad place, and Mitch. . . you did what you could."

"For you, not for Natalie. I've done a lot of thinking this afternoon. I haven't been there for her. I've judged her and never gave credit for the things that she's done right."

"Like what? She's a drop out. She causes problems."

"She's also a hard worker. The money she's used from her trust fund has been mainly used for other people. Like when she bought the cottage for you and Mom."

"OK, you have a point. None of us give her much credit."

"We need to change that."

"Maybe."

"Jess. . ."

"She just brings out the worse in me. I don't think around her. I regret it later. Like tonight. When I left, I knew I had been wrong, but I couldn't bring myself to admit it. It's like. . . I'm the 'good' twin, you know? That's all I have right now. I have to be the one who's right. The one who takes care of Mom. The one who's trusted. I can't let her know that she was right and I was wrong. It'll give her too much power over me. If I just let it blow over. . . wait till she admits I was right and she was wrong. . . then. . . then things will be ok for a little while."

Shaking his head, Kevin rose with a now sleeping Ace: "do you still see that counselor?" he asked as he moved to place the baby in a carrier.

"What? Where'd that come from?"

"It's been a tough couple of years, Jess, maybe you'd benefit from talking to someone who's impartial."

"I'm not going to have another breakdown, Kevin."

"I'm not saying you are. Just that you should talk to someone."

"And you're so stable?"

"Jess. . ."

"NO! You've been competing with Todd again. You even nearly destroyed your marriage by sleeping with his wife! You two are out to destroy each other and I should talk to someone?"

Kevin stared at her outburst: "fine, maybe I should too," he answered.

"I don't need to talk to anyone. I just thought you'd understand. I would've been better off just driving around then coming here!"

"Whoa, Jessie. I jut made a suggestion."

"I just wanted you to listen."

"Ok. I'll know for next time."

"I have to go home. Mom will be wondering where I've been and I can't exactly tell her the truth."

"I'll come by in the morning."

"You don't have to. I have it handled."

Kevin stared at her: "I would like to see Mom, you know."

"She needs her rest. Maybe the next day. I'll call you if she seems up to it," she shot back as she grabbed her things and stalked out.

"Well, that was odd," he muttered as he ran a hand through his hair and looked at his watch. "It's late. She'll probably be better in the morning," he rationalized. "And if not, I'll just have to keep an eye on her. At least that way I can take care of one of them."

Song Credit: Child Psychology