The ship Red Kitsune cruised on through space, transmitting the following message.
"This is an SOS from the colony ship, Red Kitsune. If there is any human life out there, please respond, the crew are dead, and the only life forms left aboard are vending machine repair man, Joe Wheeler, and a creature who evolved form the ship's dog. Currently in charge is the hologram of Joey's dead bunkmate, Seto Kaiba, 2nd Class."
Transition
"I still don't see why you're trying to pass the chef's exam," Kaiba said as Joey work furiously on a seven tier wedding cake. "There's no one left to feed besides you and the Dog."
"It's simple, Kaiba," Joey said, his smudged with flour and icing, "The chef is seven pay grades higher than you, so if I become the chef, I'll out rank ya and become captain," he finished, saluting with a raspberry.
"I don't see what's so great about being captain," Inu-yasha said, slumped in a chair, "so you have tog et up an hour before Kaiba and sit in the big chair? There's dozens of chairs more comfortable than that one."
"That's not the point," Joey said, "The point is that the captain's the leader, and the leader's the hero. If I'm the captain, I'm the hero."
"Oh, then in that case, I should be captain," Inu-yasha said, "What's higher than chef?"
"Well we need a gunner's mate-" suddenly, Joey clicked her off and bonked Inu-yasha on the head with a ladle.
"Bad dog, bad. You go outside!" Joey said, bonking him.
"OW! Stop it! Ow!" Inu-yasha cried.
"Hold it, we're getting a transmission," Kaiba said. "Kagome, plan the transmission."
"Okie dokie," she said, and the screen fizzed before the image of a black hair android came on.
"Hello? Is this thing working? Oh good, I picked up your distress message, and piggy backed my signal on your carrier wave. Please help! I'm stranded here on an asteroid with all these dead people! Help!"
"Transmission End," Kagome said.
"Did he happen to send his coordinateness?" Kaiba asked.
"Yeah, but we don't need them," she said.
"Why?"
"Cause he's right outside," she said, and the three looked out the window, and there on an asteroid was a crashed ship.
"I've never seen that class ship before," Joey said.
"It's a little more recent," Kagome said. "I'm guessing it's been out here, oh, only a thousand years."
"Then maybe we can get some news," Kaiba said. "Prepare to board the ship. There's probably no air there, so we'll have to wear space suits," Then he remembered that he was a hologram, "Or, you'll have to wear space suits."
Transition
The side hatch opened, and Kaiba led the way, followed by Joey and Inu-yasha, who wore pressurized space suits, and Joey carried a box that displayed Kagome's image.
"This looks like the main control room," Kaiba said looking around. "Joey, uplink Kagome to the ship's computer and see what's been oing on for the last 3 million years."
Joey set Kagome down and took out a cable, and linked her in to the ship computer. Suddenly, on the computer monitor beside her, there appeared the face of a kid with funky spiked hair.
"Good morning," said the image with a yawn, "I'm Yugi, the artificial intelligence of the Earth Intelligence ship, Esperosa."
"Oh good," Kagome said, "Then Earth is still there."
"Nope," Yugi said, "It blew up 2 million years ago. I come from New Earth, a planet in the Tri-Lite Galaxy. The remnants of the human Earth dwell there. Or at least they did. I don't know what's been going on recently. We've been stranded here for over a thousand years."
"So? Who sent your transmission?" Joey asked.
"Oh, that would be our ship's android, Miroku." Yugi said. "He's the only survivor, since⦠well he's metal."
"Got ya," Joey said.
"So where is he?" Inu-yasha asked.
Suddenly, from behind them, a closet door opened and out fell the android form the transmission. His upper torso was blue, the bottom torso was purple. As he lay on the floor, looking up at the three strange faces, he smiled and said, "Welcome to The Esperosa."
Transition
"So why bother staying in this tin can?" Joey asked as they sat on the bridge of the Esperosa.
"It's the only home I've ever known," Miroklu said. "I was activated on this ship for the first time. When it crashed I thought I would be deactivated too, but sadly I was left alive."
"Why's that sad?" Inu-yasha asked.
"Because everyone else died, and I've had no one to serve." Miroku said. Then suddenly he perked up and said, "That's all changed, now! I have a new master!" he said hugging Joey.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Get off me," Joey said, squirming out of the hug. "Alright, you can come back. But I got one question: can you cook?"
"Of course. It's one of my primary functions." Miroku said.
"Sweet!" Joey and Inu-yasha cheered.
"Perfect, another idiot on this ship of fools," Kaiba said.
"Don't forget me," Yugi said, "Is there anything for me to do?"
"Well, we need a new VR computer," Kagome said.
"Great! I love VR games." Yugi said. "I'll start the download."
Minutes later, they were all aboard the Red Kitsune again. Miroku was inspecting every part of the kitchen, even conversing with the toaster, while Yugi was repairing the VR simulator.
"So, what's gonna happen now that we have a new robot?" Inu-yasha asked.
"It's all fixed," Yugi announced. "Everyone, get linked in. You too Kagome. I wanna take you guys on a tour of new Earth."
They sat in the chairs, and put on the helmets. Suddenly, they were transported to the top of a huge building. Yugi appeared as a short kid in a school uniform, and Kagome was the school girl again.
"Oh my," Miroku said. "I had no Idea that our ship's computer had such a lovely figure."
"Watch it," Inu-yasha said, "She's my woman."
"Alrighty, let's begin the tour," Yugi said, but suddenly the red light warnings were flashing again.
"I thought you fixed this," Kaiba said.
"I did, something else must have gone wrong," Yugi said as his body started fizzing out and then vanished. Then, the world started tilting, and the building disappeared, and all five of them fell down into a great black abyss.
Transition
"Game Over," said a computer voice.
"Huh?" Joey said, raising the VR helmet.
"Alright, everyone out. Your turns are over." said a guy in a lab coat.
"Over?" Joey asked.
"My head is killing me," Kaiba said as he took off his helmet. He was dressed in rumpled old clothes, and had stubble on his face.
"Kaiba, where'd the H go?" Joey asked.
"Huh?" Kaiba felt his head, and it was indeed gone.
"My ears are ringing," Kagome said as she removed a helmet. Joey and Kaiba bothe jumped, seeing her solid.
"You're-! You're-!" Joey stammered.
"Why do I still have arms?" Kagome asked.
"Oh no, I knew this would happen," said the guy in the lab coat, "They've been in the game so long their brains went cooky."
"Cooky?" Inu-yasha asked, removing his helmet, then he started flipping out, "Where are my ears? They're down here! And my teeth are flat! And- why do I have glasses?"
Miroku took off his helmet and said, "I have lungs! And skin! And real hair."
"Oh course, you do. You're not some android," the guy in the lab coat said. "Boy,. We're gonna have to be real careful with the next bunch."
"Next bunch?" asked Kaiba.
"The next group coming in to play the 'Red Kitsune' game. This is a VR Role Playing game that puts people in the situation of a man or woman stranded on a ship with an evolved creature and a hologram of their annoying room mate. The next level was picking up the android, but it looks like you guys hit an asteroid and got blown up before you could finish that level."
"I don't remember that," Joey said.
"Wait a minute, the alarms on the ship, just before the game ended," Kaiba said.
"They must have been warning us about the asteroids," said Miroku.
"And we didn't get out in time," Joey said. "I guess we failed the game, eh?"
"Miserably," said the techie, "But the people waiting in the lobby got quite a kick out of watching you guys. You're hilarious. Now take these sheets, they'll reacquaint you with your real lives. Next!" he called as the five walked out, dejected, and five other people walked in, excited and laughing.
"Mine says I'm a suit," Joey said, reading his paper. "I work in a corporation."
"Mine says I'm your secretary," Kagome said, frowning, "I liked being a computer."
"I'm a college geek with D average," Inu-yasha said, "And my name is Wayne Winkle! GAHHH!" he said, puling his black hair.
"According to this, I'm your dead beat brother-in-law," Kaiba said, looking at Joey with contempt.
"Well, I suppose mine's the best," Miroku said, "According to this, I'm a traffic cop who's on suspicion for grabbing a woman's tush."
"So you're a lecher, too," Kagome said.
"So it would seem," Miroku said, sighing.
"This sucks," Joey said, as they passed the monitor. They stopped and watched as the new crew cruised on, the 'Hero' had Lt. Sango on his arm, the hologram was standing in the back beside the android, and the Dog was typing on the computer as the AI image ran a huge diagnostic scan.
"They're doing so well," Kagome said.
"This REALLY stinks," Joey said.
As they walked outside, their heads hung in shame, Yugi's voice spoke from the clouds, "Hey! Are you all alright?"
"Yugi?" Miroku asked, "Are we going crazy?"
"No, you're not going crazy," Yugi said, "This is supposed to be a back up simulation from my ship, but in the malfunction, it got crossed with your ship's log, and now it looks like it's trying to take over your reality."
"Get us out of here!" Inu-yasha yelled, as people walked by, looking at them strangely.
"I'm working on it," Yugi said.
"Officer, those people are talking to themselves," said a lady on the corner to a police officer, "I think they're crazy."
"Don't worry, miss. Hey you!" yelled the cop, pulling a gun.
"Crap! Run!" Joey yelled, and they made a run for it, chased by the cop.
"Kagome, how does this thing work? If we die here, do we die on real life?" Kaiba asked.
"No," Kagome said as they ran, "You just go into a permanent state of vegetation."
"I should have stayed on the wreck!" Miroku cried.
"I got it fixed!" Yugi called to them, "Just lift the visors!"
Transition
As the four in the seats lifted their visors, they looked around. "Is it over?" Joey asked.
Beside Yugi's image on the screen popped up Kagome's. She sighed and said, "Back in my motherboard."
"I never wanna get stuck in that thing again," Kaiba said, getting up.
"I certainly hope not all days here will be like this one," Miroku said.
"Let's get some grub. Hungry, Inu-yasha?" Joey asked, then he saw that Inu-yasha was still hooked in, grinning his fanged smile from ear to ear.
"Bye," Kagome said, as she disappeared from the monitor.
"Dogs," everyone groaned.
