LET GO (by Raven Minamino a.k.a. Kuroya) ((Written: ages ago, maybe winter or spring of '03. Published: 3/27/05))
Let go, you whisper, but no one hears you except the air and it wants to suffocate you like he does. It wants to tear your lungs out so he can see your blood and your heart and the way it beats against his skin.
Stop, but no one hears and he won't let go he won't let go and the sky laughs. It's so cold, so so cold, like Winter cold. Cold like ice that never melts. Cold like nothingness and cold like death.
He says something, but you don't hear because you don't want to, and maybe it will hurt less if you don't hear. Maybe it will go away if you pretend not to see and pretend not to hear and don't say anything at all.
He's so strong and he won't let go. His scent is evil, like alcohol and cold and so many things you never wanted to know.
They lied. They lied to you.
Let go, but you choke on the air and he can't hear you anyway. Let go.
Maybe if you weren't a demon, maybe if you were stronger, maybe if you were kinder, a thousand maybes maybe, this wouldn't happen.
You wouldn't have to feel the dew-dampened grass against your back and the cold and the way his lips feel and how his hands won't let go. Maybe you wouldn't be half-screaming and half-crying, a little afraid to make the world see your pain. A little afraid because it wouldn't understand and maybe it would spit you out like a sour grape, unwanted.
Maybe if you don't move don't speak don't think it will go away. Maybe, maybe, maybe...
He lied. He said he wouldn't hurt you, but it hurts...
He said he wouldn't hurt you but he lied and all you ever wanted was to feel something real. Maybe love, you don't know. Something you can feel so much you almost taste it. Something like acceptance and something like warmth. Something like flowers or the sun or laughing in the rain. But he can never give you that, because he's evil, god he's evil, and he won't stop it won't stop-
Maybe, maybe he will let go and maybe, maybe your tears will stop and maybe, maybe he will say he's sorry and hold you until there's nothing left to hold.
Maybe the ground will tip, so you can fall off the Earth and disappear intoa sky that you never really wanted to see anyway.
Maybe the world will forgive you for whatever you did wrong, because it must have been something. Maybe a word said wrong, a trip here, a falter there. Something undone, like plunging that knife into your chest, fire metal releasing you so you don't have to feel that heartbeat anymore.
You want it to stop beating. It's so loud in your ears like a drumbeat. Someone shut it off. It's too loud. He can hear it. He'll hurt you more.
You want to vanish and become nothing, cease to exist, because existing hurts and he lied. He lied. He promised you but he lied.
Don't hurt me, but you don't have a voice anymore so it comes out as a breath.
He hates you, like agony he hates you, he lied. You want to forget but you don't. You want to fall but you can't. You just want it all to go away.
Someone stop it, so you can't feel it anymore, so it disappears like you were never there. Someone, please, someone...
Maybe no one will come and you'll be here forever, only his heartbeat and yours and the pain like thorns the pain. Maybe no one will come because they lied. Maybe the pain won't stop and maybe, maybe, you did something wrong like not taking the knife and maybe, maybe, that knife would have stopped your heartbeat like you want it to.
Maybe, maybe someday it will go away.
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