A Disclaimer- I STILL OWN NUTHIN…I mean sure I DO own EVERYTHING but apparently I can't tell anyone about it!! So…ah… cough I give credit to Disney for creating such wonderful and sexy and hot and charming and suave and…sorry got off track, where was I, oh yes…exciting characters. I own Sam though and random characters but if you wanna use them for something…a nice something then you may, just give me credit for it!!


THE FACTS ARE BACK!!!

On average, 100 people choke to death on ball-point pens every year.
Right no more school for me!!


Previously on ANF – Jack's back and Sam didn't handle it very well. He explained why he was gone so long and Will forgave him after giving him a piece of his fist and there were numerous quantities of cactus!!

Final Line of ANF – "She needs time and a lot of it" Will said as he led Jack back to the table. "She's been through a lot Jack, a hell of a lot, more then you can ever imagine".


Reviewer, oh reviewers by the handful!!!

Dimonah Tralon – HEHEHE isn't that badger thing funny, hehehe, oh don't worry about Jack and Sam, things will EVENTUALLY happen.

Zeldagrl436 – YES that is the badger song…oh it is great!! Thankin you

Amanda – AAAAHHHHHH SHERBET BOMBS gimme, gimme, gimme, sorry I can not give out the secret of the creepy guy!! But don't worry I have a feeling, Leggy will be alright now.

Arsinoe Selene – OHHH bagel, bagel, bagel, bagel, bagel, bagel, bagel, bagel, bagel, bagel, bagel, bagel, bagel, bagel, CREAM CHEESE, CREAM CHEESE, bagel, bagel, bagel, bagel, bagel, bagel, bagel, bagel, bagel, bagel, bagel, bagel, bagel, bagel, bagel, bagel, AHH A DOUGHNUT A DOUGHNUT OHHH A DOUGHNUT hehehe.

LegolasGreenleafGil-Estel – Oh my dear gumnut, how are you this day, How Did your singing go? I hope you won…something!! Yes I really, REALLY LOVE THAT STORY, don't worry my dear mellon nin, I will figure out a story to dedicate to you and it will be so utterly crazy I can expect many a flames from those who don't understand our craziness, now, what would you like the story to be about?? Anything, name it!! I meant I can already hear you scream LEGOLAS, hehehe. I actually love being the centre of attention, tis good, making people laugh is fun…but…if I was on a stage in front of heaps of people who didn't know me then it might be a bit harder, but usually I'm alright…usually. No actually my other best bud gave me that one, since we were in…umm…I think 3rd grade, but everyone calls me different things, I'm used to it. Yeah I would like to continue sending letters I reckon it would be cool, I've actually wanted to do that, but me being my lazy self, never got around to it, YAY an e-mail pal/pen pal hehehe I hope you can read my writing…BABY MAKE IT CRYSTAL CLEAR…sorry I got music blaring in my ears, it helps me write, you'll see once you get down the bottom of this chappy!! I saw Troy again last weekend, it was fun because I could make fun of some parts, like where Blinky asks Helen to "Sit by me child" you see, we have an on going joke at school about…have you seen scary movie 2, well it's in the Exorcist part at the start, when the mother goes, "It's so awful father, she won't even let me touch her anymore" and then the priest-man dude goes "Yes sometimes you have to give them candy"…so now at school, when ever anyone…and I mean anyone Teachers included…says anything suss then one of us (usually me) yells out "WATCHOUT THEY HAVE CANDY" or "Ya gonna give them some CANDY"…where the hell was I going with this…oh yeah, so when Blinky goes "Sit by me, child" We, meaning I, yell out "YES CHILD I HAVE CANDY" and sometimes candy actually gets thrown at you, which is fun because then a full blown popcorn war starts!! OH MY GOD, I just realised, when I send you an actual letter, I can send you PIXIE STIX!!! YAYAY don't worry when they come to stay I'll send Drake to Purplefluffychainsaw's house!! Oh there's a cactus part in here for you!! Oh red herrings, the hot teacher said that the other day, hehehe and I was the only, ONLY one who knew what that meant, yay with the impressive knowledge!! Oh thanks, Jack just gave me choccy, MMMMM caramel oh Thanks, Leggy gave me more choccy, OOHH white choccy, YUM, I really love this rivalry thing going on here, and yep as I suspected, more choccy from Jack and Leggy, I'm gonna get fat…oh wait, I'll feed it to Elly and Danny!! The badgers' thing at Helms is my fav it is SSSSSSSOOOOOO funny, and they fit in so perfectly…oh I have an idea…can't tell you though but you'll find out sooner or later!! Oh I gave Jack more than rum…hehehe, better answer the rest of the reviews!! Namarie Mellon Nin!!

XPUNKROCKGODESSX – Yay for your review, my shortest one ever, congrats!!

Purplefluffychainsaw – Ello, Ello, how ya going?? WOW very impressed all I can type into my calculator is numbers…hmmm how is Drake behaving himself? Evil as always I hope!! I think I read a story of yours… (Thinks)…yeah I think I did and I think it was good!! Oops I'm having a blonde moment; I have a copyright on them, hehehe!! WAAA I feel small, I think I'm shrinking, sigh, will I ever get taller, apparently not!! They keep telling me that I wont grow anymore…NOOOO it's not true…is it?? Tell me it's not!! Guess what, I'm gonna send over Pixie stix…eventually…but they will get there, I SWEAR IT, and then you too can taste the wonderfulness of suger in a tube!!, only a hundred more words to get to four thousand …YAY, I think I will talk randomly to you for a while…hmm so hows life?? Oh cools, I assume that if I write a letter to Megan than you will send me a message too?? I hope so, your crazy…I like that, OHHH I'm GOING TO THE FOOTY TOMORROW YAYAYAYAYA I get to see Michael and he is dead sexy, I'm telling you, he could be an elf if he wasn't covered in huge muscles and slightly short!! GNAHH I think I'm drooling at the thought of it!! Two more…YAY 4002 words, well more now, thankyou for helping reach my goal!!

LotRseer3350 – Everyone loves the fact the boys and Jack's back, good I aim to please!! I should say I AM HERE TO SERVE!! Hehehe.


Random word for the day = FUNG – the first two and last two letters of a bad word – Fuk/ng


EVERYONE Read LegolasGreenleafGil-Estel's story "Paris's battle" …it's great, and wonderful and better than the movie, and also DEDICATED TO ME.


ALWAYS AND FOREVER

Jack sat down at the table watching Will intently as he told Jack what had happened over the past five years.

"She waited every day, on a hill over looking the sea, waiting for you to return. Seven times I pulled her back from the edge of that cliff; three times I bandaged her wrists and confiscated her swords and daggers. Finally last year Commodore Norrington, seeing how depressed she was, introduced her to a young navel officer named Horatio Jacobson. At first she rejected him, but he persisted and managed to destroy the walls she had built around herself, opening her back up to the world, and they have been together ever since. So don't get any ideas about waltzing back in her and sweeping her off her feet" Will said watching for Jack's reaction.

"It's alright mate, dunno how to waltz" Jack said with a stretched smile as Elizabeth came pounding in.

"I couldn't find her anywhere" She said puffing slightly. "Damn dress" she cursed throwing herself into a near by seat. Will patted her arm.

"Well when she doesn't want to be found" he said with a sigh.

"I know…Oh where did Louis go?" Elizabeth asked looking around the room.

"He said it wasn't his place to interfere and left just after ye" Jack said giving Elizabeth a wide smile.

"Hmm there is something I was…Oh yes, Jack!" Elizabeth exclaimed standing from her seat.

"Aye?" Jack asked looking slightly confused.

"Come, we must go and see the Commodore" Elizabeth said talking a reluctant Jack by the arm while Will followed closely behind.

"Awww 'Lillibit, I don't wanna" Jack complained trying to get his arm free.

"Nonsense, you must see him so he knows that you are here and doesn't try to kill you on sight. Now stop acting like a child and get your coat!" Elizabeth ordered as she pushed them out into the evening air.

"Yes mother" Jack sneered light heartedly at Elizabeth who laughed, giving him a push for good measure before taking Will's arm.

They walked through the streets, letting the night air envelop them as a soft sea breeze swept over the darkened town. There were very little people on the streets and all of them gave the trio a wide berth. They continued blissfully unaware of the pair of eyes watching them from the shadows, stalking them with careful movements and watchful eyes, silently cursing as they recognised the pirate.

They made their way up into the fort, slipping past unwatchful guards and soldiers, as they entered the Commodore's office. Norrington looked up with a start.

"How did you get past my guards?" Norrington asked spying Jack who just smiled in return.

"Ye forget mate, I'm CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow" Norrington looked at the smiling pirate wearily.

"So it would seem, and why are you in my office?" Norrington said standing from his desk.

"Well, Commodore, remember how I asked for Jack to be…over looked, while my wedding was to be taking place?" Elizabeth asked softly as Norrington just nodded in recognition. "Well, we have come to inform you of his arrival"

"Indeed, well it would seem that Captain Sparrow has two free weeks here in our fine town, WITHIN reason, and if Miss Swann or Mr Turner is not with you out of the house then a guard will accompany you, and any and I mean ANY misbehaviour and you will be spending the rest of your time in the cells, do I make my self clear?" Norrington finished his speech by looking Jack in his eye.

"Inescapably" Jack said with a sly smile as Norrington returned to his desk.

"Good then, I will write up the pardon papers. You are dismissed" Norrington said with a wave of his hand as the trio left the room.

"Why did I feel like I was back in school?" Will sighed as they exited the fort and made their way back towards the mansion.

They bypassed many pubs that were bustling with people, their voices ringing through the night air, but one voice stood out more clearly than the others.

"What do you mean I've no talent, I have more talent than you, you fung weirdo!"

"I think we just found out where she went" Will sighed rubbing his face as they made their way towards the bustling bar known as "The Slippery Serpent".

"I'll cut your tongue out for that"

"Oh God" Elizabeth exclaimed as they entered the bar to find a extremely drunk Sam standing on a table in the middle of the room, swinging her sword around, pointing at all the men below her.

"You can't handle a sword, you're a woman" a drunk yelled at her, she spun around and sliced the air in front of him, stopping millimetres from his throat.

"I, good sir, may be a woman, but I am a woman that could kick any fung man's arse in this room…in fact in this entire TOWN!" she exclaimed with demonstrative arm movements as the drunken men cheered and booed all at the same time. "You know Booing is applause in Latin!" she hollered.

"Funny, she could be stinking drunk and still be able to swing a sword and give out useless information" Will said/yelled as he watched her on the table. She turned around and saw the trio standing in the doorway.

"WILFRED" She hollered throwing her arms in the air, she replaced her sword in her belt and did a stage dive into the crowd, which caught her despite their own drunkenness.

"WEE" She squealed as they passed her backwards towards the trio who caught her in their arms and dragged her into the street.

"What are you doing?" Elizabeth asked as Sam pulled her arm free.

"Drowning me fung sorrows in a few rounds" Sam said skipping up to a swaggering drunk, stealing his bottle of booze and then knocking him over in the street upon their arrival.

"Samantha!" Elizabeth scolded looking at the passed out man on the street as she drank the rest of his bottle and then threw it into a nearby ally, they heard a small yelp as the bottle connected with someone.

"SORRY" Sam yelled into the ally before jumping onto a nearby barrel.

"Samantha get down this instant" Will said trying to take her hand but she just grabbed it away.

"CATCH ME CACTUS BUTT" she yelled as she dove off the barrel over Will's head and into Jack's arms.

"Ye right there love?" he asked setting her down on the ground.

"Fine and dandy like sour candy" She chirped before tripping over a coil of rope. "Woops" she said picking herself up off the ground, taking the rope with her. "I like rope, tis very handy" She slurred as she fell into Will. "I'm tired" she complained as Will put an arm around her shoulders.

"That's what you get from drinking" He but he didn't get a reply, as she had fallen asleep. He swung her up into his arms as they continued towards the mansion. No one spoke for a while, except Sam, who kept yelling out "Free the sea monkeys" or "Kill the cane toads". When they finally reached the mansion and her room she decided to wake up and kick Jack in the shins.

"OW What the bloody 'ell did ye do that for" He hollered as she turned and entered her room.

"Figure it out, monkey man" she said before slamming the door in his face.


He watched them from the shadows, walking down the street. How he wished he could be the one to catch her when she fell. 'Oh that pirate, I'll kill him…no, no that is too easy, something to make him suffer, to make him squirm' He looked at Sam as Will carried her. 'Hmm, she is perfect, together we'll make him squirm, I know she'd help me, she hates him, after everything he did to her, she would help me…and even if she didn't well she didn't really have a choice'

He moved on from his hiding place remaining in the shadows and followed them towards their home. He moved around into the back gardens and climbed the tree that sat close enough to her window for him to see her but not close enough for her to see him. She watched as she rested her head on the bed post and sigh, he knew what was wrong, that pirate had caused her pain.

'No worries, my lovely, he will be dealt with'

A shaky sigh escaped his lips as he watched her over shirt fall to the ground as she was about to take off her undershirt she stopped and turned to the window, looking straight at him. But he knew she could see him, but he could see her…a lot of her in fact and it was a wonderful sight. She shook her head and made to turn around again, but stopped as she saw a reflection in her mirror, she spun around again and studied the tree intently with her eyes, suddenly they went wide and she made for the door.

'Damn that moon, she never sees me otherwise' He said moving down the tree as her voice was heard throughout the house.

"WILL!"

"Shit" he cursed silently as he reached the bottom of the tree, slipping on some old leaves at the bottom as he ran towards the gates that were still open, thankfully. He didn't stop running until he reached the docks; he slipped under one of the older abandoned docks and grabbed a tattered blanket.

'Best keep quite for a while can't risk them finding me out' he thought as he drifted off into a pleasant sleep.


"I swear I saw someone in that tree!" Sam protested as Will raised an eyebrow at her. They were all in her room, Jack was looking into the tree, Elizabeth was wrapping a robe around Sam and some servants were hovering near the doorway.

"You do realise that you have spent a large portion of the night drinking" Will said still doubtful that she saw anything.

"Yes I know, but I'm really great now!" she protested.

"Great?" Will asked as Sam shook her head.

"Fine, I meant I'm fine now…Will would I lie?" She pleaded.

"Yes" Will said plainly.

"That's not the point, I know what I saw!" Sam said pushing her way past Will and out the door.

"Where are you going?" Will said following her reluctantly, Jack and Elizabeth hot on his heals.

"To prove I'm right!" Sam said unlocking the back door and grabbing a nearby candelabra and heading towards the tree. "Look see" she said pointing to the ground. Jack knelt down and studied the earth, noting the handprint and footprint either side of the muddy patch.

"She's right; someone was just 'ere, looks like they made a quick get away too. Did ye get a good look at their face?" Jack asked Sam who just shook her head.

"Hmm what should we do?" Elizabeth asked as Sam yawned.

"Well, I'm tired, so I'm going to bed, you do as you please" She said making her way inside Elizabeth hot on her heels.

"How can you act like that? There was SOMEONE watching you change, SOMEONE has been watching you for god knows how long! Aren't you even the least bit worried?" Elizabeth said on the verge of hysterics.

"Well, they aren't there now, I'm tired and coming down of a drinking spree, I realise I am so beautiful that they can't help but look at me and if I see them again, well to put it mildly, I'll scratch their eye's out!" She said with a laugh before heading to bed.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE ACTING LIKE THIS!" Elizabeth screamed up the stairs.

"LOVE, PEACE AND CHICKEN GREASE" Sam replied.


Jack lay on his bed staring up at the ceiling, he knew in the room above him sat his love. So close, yet so far. He hated feeling this way; he was a pirate, not a silly love sick nobleman. It was ridiculous; he was a pirate, a bloodthirsty pirate.

"A love sick pirate" a little voice beside him said. He turned and saw his shoulder devil, DJ, standing there. "You're pathetic"

"Piss off" Jack mumbled swiping at the hallucination

"Hey who you callin a hallucination?" Shuddup I'm the author that means, to you, I am god.

"Ah the almighty banana" Yes, fine, just back to the story…sorry. Just then his shoulder angel, AJ, popped up and hit DJ over the head with a bat.

"Sorry Jack, he is so hard to control! You are fine, it's normal to love, you are human, let your heart speak Jack, she'll come back, if that author knows what's good for her, she will return to you" Right, that's it, you're a bloody angel, your meant to be nice.

"Nice isn't as fun" That's it GET OUT OF MY STORY!!

"Make us" RIGHT, (gets out eraser) bye-bye.

"What the hell is going on?" Hang on Jack; be with you in a second. COME HERE YOU TWO!! Jack sighs and walks out on the balcony looky at the stars. "Let your heart speak" Maybe the angel's not so crazy after all. (In the background- Aus chases AJ and DJ with big novelty eraser) Jack took a deep breath. (Everything in Italics is drawn out. Eg Meeeee and if it's Italics then it's really drawn out. Eg MMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEE)

"Desperately waiting for her to arrive
Longing for strength that I lack
Tears fill my eyes when I realise she's gone
I know that I can't bring her back

She used to make it so easy to love her
She used to make me shine
So stay if you will and I'll show you
The way she loved me for a time

His husky voice carried on the night breeze as his words grew stronger and stronger. Unknown to him someone was actually listening to him as he sung.

Empty, I lie on the bed that we made
But now I can't get to sleep
She had a way of wearing my clothes
And made them look better than me

She had a heart that could light up the ocean
She told me she was mine
So lend me an ear and I'll tell you
The way she loved me for a time

Ooohhhh, I long to hold her
Ooohhhh, I want her here to see
Ooohhhh, how I ache for her next to me

So, Desperate I wait for the day that I see her
Hold to her deep inside
The most perfect love that I wanted to be her
From the moment she caught my eye

I light a candle for her every eve
Pour me a glass of wine
I will remember so clearly
The way she loved me for a time
Yes I will remember so dearly
The way she loved me"

Shannon Noll – The way she loved me

OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (Jack turns around to find Aus, AJ and DJ all hugging) I'm sorry No I'm sorry I'm not bloody sorry but I will leave now!! Yes I must go too and I better finish this story before my readers kill me!!

Jack sighed, feeling stupid for getting so caught up in his emotions, usually it was easier to hide them away, but it was becoming more and more difficult these last few days, especially when he saw her the first time, or just an hour ago, when she was in 'trouble'. Well just because they weren't together anymore, didn't mean that he couldn't look after her. Jack leaned heavily on the railing before returning to bed.

(Meanwhile on the balcony above, just picture the camera panning up, if this was a movie!!)

"Oh" Sam sighed watching as Jack retreated back into the bedroom. "Uh oh" She said as she felt a flutter in her stomach. That old flame was rekindling in her, no matter how much she tried to resist it.




Can you believe that I was actually going to stop at the part where she goes to bed!! Luckily I was listening to my Shannon Noll CD and that song came on and I thought, OH MY GOD that is perfect. And I all know you wanted to hear the hunky Captain sing, you know you did!!


Elladen walks in a smile plastered on his face.

"What are you so happy about?"

"Nothing"

Elrohir walks…no I mean skips in. "THAT, was too gay even for you!"

"Sure"

"I don't like the sound of that"

"You never like the sound of anything" Legolas growls as he marches into the room and throws himself on the lounge "Except maybe Jack"

"Oh I see you're still peeved about the other day aren't you?"

"There's nothing to be peeved about" he snaps…sigh he really hot when he does that.

"FINE" Aus grabs Legolas by the scruff of the neck into…newly named…"closet of evil"

"Hey elves, where be Aus?" Jack asks as the twins exchange secret smiles.

"We're not at liberty to say" noise erupts from "COE"

"ELF"