Disclaimer: Um, no. I own nothing. Especially not FY.

AN: Ok, this chapter sucks. Alot. Like woah. I can't believe how much this sucks. But you'll have to deal with it anyway. Until I decide that I want to redo it, or something. Yeah. I suck.

Otouto

Baka

When Kourin was little, it was as if she had some great spirit watching over her. If both me and Ryuuen caught fevers, she never did. When she hid in the top shelf of the store, she didn't get hurt when all the fabric fell because of her weight... while Ryuuen, up there with her, broke his arm. Ryuuen always seemed to take injuries that she should have taken herself, though it hardly seemed intentional. If they both fell from an apple tree, she would get a scrape on her knee, while he got a sprained ankle. And even if Ryuuen was never in sight, she never got hurt.

One year at the Star Festival, she snuck up on the Tiger-man. That year he brought a great white tiger from up north, and she couldn't take her eyes off him. The cat was so large, so elegant. That night the tree of us were watching 'Tou-san's booth to earn spending money... and about halfway through our shift Kourin vanished. Ryuuen panicked because he loved our sister... and I panicked because I was the one in charge. Always so greedy and petty.

Ryuuen snuck off to try to find her, while I watched the booth, trying to sell hats and fans. When Obaa-san stopped by, I lied and told her they had gone across the street to watch some acrobats, we'll go look around when they come back.

"I don't see them," she told me.

"Oh, um, they're there, they're there," I lied. "See? There's Kourin!" I pointed at the crowd surrounding the acrobats, aiming at noone in particular.

Obaa-san winked at me. "I'll come back in a bit to take up shop, make sure they're back by then."

I gulped uneasily. She knew, but she wasn't telling.

While I waited, Ryuuen searched for our sister. First, he checked the acrobats. Then, the puppet show. Then, the Tiger-man. The tiger-man was sitting on the back of his wagon, eating some wontons before his next show. Inside the cart, the tiger dozed in his cage. And there was no sign of Kourin. So Ryuuen continued his search elsewhere.

Kourin, however, was with the Tiger-man. Hiding under his wagon, she clung to one of the wheels until Ryuuen left. Then she, being the daredevil that she was, somehow managed climb into the wagon through a window... without being spotted.

Our sister, the intelligent one, wanted to see the cute, pretty white tiger. And the Tiger-man, also being quite intelligent, left the keys to the tiger's cage hanging from a peg inside the wagon. So, Kourin climbed on some boxes to reach the keys... and opened the tiger's cage. And the Tiger man, being as deaf as he was stupid, didn't notice a thing, being as engrossed in his wontons as he was.

Kourin survived.

The big cat just lazed around in his cage, squinted boredly at her (despite her food-like size), and rolled onto his side, purring. Like a giant housecat. Kourin was highly amused, and petted him... and snuggled with him... and somehow did not get killed. Whatever guardian spirit was watching over her was doing a damned good job.

Ryuuen, however, did not have as much luck as that spirit. He could not find our sister, and after reaching the end of the street turned to jog back to our cart. On his way back the tiger-man was opening up his wagon to fetch the tiger for his next show. And, right as Ryuuen passed by, the tiger-man began to have a heart attack after finding Kourin curled up happily with the giant purring cat.

"Oh shit, oh shit, don't be dead!" cried the Tiger-man.

That got Ryuuen's attention. He fought his way through the crowd that had gathered to see Yuki, the Great White Wonder of the North.

Inside the wagon, Kourin sat up and grinned at the Tiger-man. "I like your cat!"

"Holy shit, kid, get out of there!"

The tiger was calm, Ryuuen claims, until it saw him. Of course. Typical of the guardian spirit to leave Ryuuen out of the deal.

In the end, the two of them got back before Obaa-san, albeit rather... winded. The Tiger-man made it out ok too, for that matter -- the chase scene, Ryuuen claims, got him lots of tips, since everyone thought it was all a part of the act.

Somehow Obaa-san heard about the incident. She didn't rain doom down upon us, but I did hear her commenting that someday that spirit would get tired of watching Kourin, and that someday her husband will be Death.


After the festival, Kourin decided to adopt one of the cook's mousing cats. He was just a little kitten, orange and tiger striped. But he grew. Oh, did he grow. Before long, he was a giant blob of fat who enjoyed lazing around in the sun in the courtyard, and stealing fish from the cook. Kourin liked to call him Yuki, though he looked nothing like snow, and nothing like the tiger. Ryuuen, on the other hand, liked calling the cat "Baka." Baka didn't like him very much either, and would hiss whenever he saw my brother... but Ryuu-chan would hiss right back. It was funny at first, my brother arching his back and opening his mouth wide in a hiss, but after awhile it got old... but that didn't stop Kourin from rolling on the ground with laughter every time she saw it. Sometimes she would try rubbing Ryuu-chan behind the ears to see if he would purr, but he seemed to have trouble making that sound, and he (not so secretly) disliked Baka. Alot.

A few days before Kourin died, Baka vanished. She was so sad, she ran through the house calling for him, she looked under all the beds, in all the closets, under all the porches... nothing. She even harassed Baka's mother, lifting the poor cat into the air and questioning her. After a few hours of such antics, she gave up and hid behind the Family Shrine, sobbing. Though Ryuuen was secretly glad that the cat was gone -- and so was I, he got fur everywhere -- he still hunted her down and pretended to be terribly sad. And then he would distract her by telling her, oh, the plums are ripe next door, lets go steal some before they go rotten! And then off they would go, over the fence and up the tree like bandits.

And, when Baka left, so did her great guardian spirit. Next door, Li-san's housekeeper found Kourin sitting under the plum tree, nursing a badly scraped arm. 'Tou-san was hardly pleased. Later, Kourin tripped on the stairs and spat out a molar. Luckily, it was a baby tooth. Then, she almost choked on a fish-bone. Ryuuen thought it was hilarious, and we both teased her about how Death was out to get her. The next day, I strapped pillows to her and told her that if they came off, she would fall off a balcony and die. She was scared so much; she didn't dare leave her room. Later, Ryuuen told her that maybe if she dressed in his clothes, Death wouldn't recognize her. 'Tou-san was fooled for a bit, 'Kaa-san thought it was cute, but eventually Obaa-san had enough and told us we should be ashamed of ourselves, and told Kourin that Death was not out to get her.

And then, the next day... the very next fucking day!

The next day she went and got herself killed.


That night, Ryuu-chan spoke with me across our dark room. "It's our fault, isn't it?"

I rolled over and covered my head with my pillow.

"Right? We called Death to her."

"You don't believe that crap, do you?" I mumbled from under my pillow.

"I don't know..."

Silence.

"She's probably not even dead..."

I covered my ears with my pillow.

"Ne, Nii-san?"

I curled up into a little ball and tried to ignore him.

"Ne, Rokou-nii-san?"

Ignore, ignore...

"Ne...?"

"Shut the hell up, she's dead!"

"...oh."


Baka didn't come back until Ryuuen was already... asleep. He would wander in and rub against Ryuu-chan's hand in the middle of the night, purring. He never tried to make his bed with Ryuuen, though... he did that with me instead.

The first time I woke up to Baka's loud purring, I started and sat up, thinking I had awoke from a terrible dream... In a daze I stumbled to Kourin's room and peered inside, expecting to find her sleeping form, expecting to find out that all this business of her being dead was just a dream. Her room was so quiet, so still, no soft snores, nothing. Her window was closed tight, though she loved to sleep with it open.

When I opened her window it creaked loudly with disuse, and pulled cobwebs along with it. I sneezed from the dust. As the moonlight poured in, I saw her bed, immaculate and empty. I saw her vanity, dusty and alone. I saw her dolls, lined up neatly against the wall, abandoned.

She was gone.

I cried for awhile in her bed, weak, so weak. Baka had followed me in, and hopped onto the bed. His purring and rubbing calmed me. When I stopped crying I couldn't make myself move... her bed still smelled of her hair, of cherry blossoms and sugar. I was the eldest, but I was so weak. I felt so tiny, like her room was expanding infinitely and I was growing smaller and smaller.

Eventually, I decided that I should go to bed... 'Kaa-san wouldn't be able to take seeing Kourin's bed occupied... but I still couldn't move. Baka was asleep on my legs, and he was so big and heavy, nothing but fat. I tried to lift him off, and he blinked at me lazily. I couldn't find anywhere to grip him from; he was all fat and no bones, nothing to hold. I tried hissing at him like Ryuu-chan used to, and he only yawned and meowed softly. I tried to shove and kick him, and he would paw at me halfheartedly and curl back into a ball.

I levered him off after awhile and went back to bed... but he followed me and resumed his post on my legs, only this time on top of my blankets... every time I wanted to roll over I had to shove him out of the way first.

I got used to sleeping with Baka after awhile. Though sometimes he would invade my dreams.


When you sleep for too long, dreams become strange and haunted. You see things you'd never see, you do things you'd never do, and fragments of things you see half-awake become integrated into your dreams. Sometimes, 'Kaa-san would invade my dreams, ghostly and smelling of the fish she fed the catatonic Ryuuen. She was dressed all in white, and she would run down the halls wailing in grief, and people came from throughout the land to see the great ghostly wonder! Other times, Ryuuen would come, and he would be a corpse, and I at his funeral... or he would be small and alone and blood-covered, his lips blue and his shoulders shaking from cold I could not feel... or he would be a zombie, limping and cold...

But usually, Baka would invade. I would dream sometimes that he was talking to me with Kourin's voice, and she was telling me that I killed her. Other times, he was death, and every time he scratched someone they would die. When I felt him jump up on the bed with me, my dream-self was being tackled by a giant Baka, claws out and teeth bared. When I heard him purring to make his little nest between my legs, I dreamt of the real Yuki sleeping with Kourin in the Tiger-man's wagon, only this time Kourin was mauled, bloody, and dead. I would walk up behind her, and think she was sleeping. Then I'd touch her shoulder, and she would fall away from him, the unseen half of her body covered in blood and bite marks.

So, when I saw Baka hop from my bed and cross the room to rub against Ryuuen's hand, I thought I was dreaming... and when I saw Ryuuen sit up and lift Baka into bed with him, I knew I was dreaming. And then, when Ryuuen got out of bed and walked out to the hall on quiet, uneasy feet, I was absolutely certain I was dreaming...

So I lay in bed and watched shadows move across the ceiling. And then, when my bed didn't suddenly grow legs and walk away, I realized... it's not a dream.

I followed Ryuu-chan out into the hall, and saw him disappear into our parents' room... only 'Kaa-san would be there, 'Tou-san was off in Hokkan-koku, buying some wool... and likely, as 'Kaa-san liked to bitterly comment, sleeping with a prostitute right now.

"'Kaa-san, I can't sleep..."

He speaks!

"Mm... baby, aren't you too old for this...?" She didn't sound like she realized who she was talking to.

"Kaa-san..." he whined.

"Ok, come on, get in, Ko-- ah, oh, um, come on..."

A rustle of sheets.

I just had to be dreaming.


That morning, when I saw Ryuu-chan's bed empty, I realized that it wasn't a dream. Uneasily, I peeked in 'Kaa-san's room... empty. Eventually I found my way to the kitchen, where Umi, our cook, was emptying some fried rice onto Ryuu-chan's plate.

'Kaa-san grinned at me, her cheeks bright for once. "Look who's up!" She said, happily, gesturing at Ryuuen.

I just stood there... he was awake...

I just about tackled him when I gave him a hug, making him choke on his rice and knocking him from his chair. He was fine! He was eating! I wasn't some evil demon of a brother, I didn't break him, I didn't do anything wrong! Suzaku loves us, soon he'll send Kourin skipping through the door, the world is so good!

He coughed, trying to swallow his rice. "Rokou-nii-san...?"

He spoke to me! He acknowledged me! "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." I buried my face in his shoulder and cried.

I'm sure Umi-san and 'Kaa-san stared, but I didn't care.

"Rokou-nii-san... let go..." He weakly tried to pry me off. I should have realized right then that something was wrong. Before, he used to relish in tossing me into walls with that strength of his.

Eventually, I let go and he righted his chair and sat down.

I began to eat my own fried rice, watching him as he examined a piece of carrot with a skeptical eye.

Then Baka came in, purring, tail high. When Ryuu-chan saw him, he did something very strange... he lowered his hand to floor-level and called Baka over. And began to rub the cat behind the ears.

"Ryuuen, not while you're eating," 'Kaa-san scolded.

"Mou..."

This was weird, considering he used to hate the cat. "What, no hiss?" I asked him, nudging him with my elbow.

He elbowed me back. No strength. I didn't go flying. "Why would I hiss at Yuki?"

Ok, right then I knew something was wrong. Yuki? He never called that cat Yuki... noone did anymore.

"Ryuu-chan, tea?" 'Kaa-san asked, frighteningly perky.

"'Kaa-san," he said softly, his violet eyes wide and confused, "Why do you keep calling me that?"