Disclaimer: I don't own FY.
AN: Wow, it's been awhile. Otouto's something I've been meaning to continue for awhile, but I either don't have time, or have no clue how to proceed. So, this afternoon while I was waiting to be picked up for spring break, I decided that I just needed to plow through my writer's block. And, well, I plowed. I didn't plow very well, but I plowed. Watch out for bad grammar and spelling mistakes... and completely nonsensical prose. This chapter's really short and weak compared to the other ones, but I just needed to get through this part fast and painless and get it behind me so I can continue. Oh, and the first line is the same as the last line in chapter 3 because I really needed somewhere to start from. And, for the record, no, 8 year olds aren't that hard to carry... The size is akward, but they're still not that heavy.
Otouto
Tremor
"'Kaa-san," he said softly, his violet eyes wide and confused, "Why do you keep calling me that?"
I choked on my tea. I heard a distant clatter as 'Kaa-san dropped the cup she was holding out to Ryuu-chan.
He looked genuinely confused. "'Kaa-san? Daijoubu?"
I kept my cup at my lips and nibbled uncertainly on the rim. I kept thinking, maybe if I didn't speak, this moment wouldn't be real. Maybe the universe would come to its senses and everything would go back to normal. And Kourin would fall out of a cupboard giggling, about how she fooled us all. And Ryuu-chan would laugh too, and tease 'Kaa-san for being so surprised. Or maybe, it wasn't really Ryuuen, and instead it was Kourin sitting there in his clothes, and they'll both fall to the ground as one, laughing and pointing. And they'll point at me, and laugh, laugh at the tea all over my face, dripping off my chin. They'd laugh at how I was fighting back coughs after choking on my tea. They'd laugh.
But there was no laughter.
"'Kaa-san? Rokou-nii-san?" Ryuuen looked from her to me and from me to her, his eyes growing wider by the second. "What's wrong?"
'Kaa-san slammed her fist on the table. I made the mistake of meeting her eyes. They were like fire.
Ryuu-chan met her eyes too, and he began to shrink into his shoulders. "'Kaa-san?"
"Ryuuen. Don't you say garbage like that. Ever again." Her voice trembled. Yet, despite the trembling voice, and her frail, sickly frame... I feared her. She seemed to tower over us. Her presence flowed into every corner the room, suffocating me.
Ryuu-chan nearly fell from his chair. "Y-yes..."
I could feel the heat being drawn away from my body. My limbs began to tingle from cold. My hands shook as I wiped the spilled tea from my face, my hands quivered and chopsticks shook as they guided bits of fish to my mouth. I turned to look at Ryuuen, who was poking at his rice. His chopsticks swayed in his uncertain hands, his eyes were wide and blank.
When we were younger, we knew Ryuuen would be a hero. After all, the legends said he would be. The three of us would lie around and imagine all the great adventures he would have as a seishi, defending his Miko. And then the three of us would roam the house, acting out all our stories, us three fighting evil up and down the stairs, through the kitchen, under the porch, and up several trees.
We always wondered when the Miko would appear. At night I'd see Ryuuen sitting by the window, watching for a shooting star, insisting that was how she would come to Earth. Soon, the falling star was not a sign of the Miko's appearance, but the Miko herself... We began to imagine her as a goddess from above, a star, literally plucked from the heavens, to save us all.
When the Miko never came, we began to wonder if she ever would. What if she got lost? What if she was captured? What if?
So we ran away.
It was my idea, really. I decided we should go search for her, make sure she was safe. And we'd have our adventure. Ryuuen would be the brave Nuriko, I would be his brave retainer, and Kourin would be our brave look-out at home. After all, we wouldn't get too far in our search if 'Tou-san and 'Kaa-san knew we were missing, would we?
Our adventure didn't carry us very far, though. By the end of the day, we were huddled in an alley behind our house, drenched with rain.
The water ran across our faces, swept hair into our eyes, covered us in mud, clung to our eyelashes and dripped off our noses. My pants clung to my legs, sending sharp pinpricks of cold through my body. Mud and water squished between my toes, my shoes were flooded and heavy.
Ryuuen sat near me, turned away, sulking. He hugged his wet, muddy knees to his chest; his eyes were sad and lost.
"Ryuu-chan, we should go back."
No response.
"Ryuu-chan?" I reached out to touch his shoulder.
He swung his arm back at mine to scare me off. I scooted away.
"We should go back..."
He sniffed softly from the cold and curled himself tighter into a ball. "Why should we give up?"
"'Tou-san and 'Kaa-san will be mad..."
"So!" His face vanished between his knees and arms. His hands were plastered to his back, shaking like twin white leaves. A few minutes later, he turned to look at me, still hugging himself. "Why do you only care about getting in trouble?"
"Because 'Tou-san knows better than to hit you." My anger made me colder. My fingertips tingled. My back hurt from shivering.
Ryuuen buried his head in his arms again, this time tucking his hands into his sleeves. "I'm Nuriko." I could barely hear him.
"What?"
"I'm Nuriko," he whispered, "So I should never give up."
I wanted to scream, "You're Nuriko, so you're the special one. You get gifts, you get pampered, you're never blamed for anything, nobody would lay one finger on you." But the words just wouldn't form. So I sat there, cold, wet, and muddy, staring at his pitiful, hunched over, shivering silhouette.
Jealousy, anger, and bitterness were about to consume me when I felt Ryuu-chan lean gently on my shoulder. I almost didn't feel the weight, what made me notice was the warmth.
"Nii-san, what's it like to die?" He was so pale. "What will the Miko do if I die of cold?"
As I carried him home, I wasn't sure what I was afraid of more... being punished for almost leading an 8 year old to his death, or almost leading Nuriko to his death. I held him close, yet I resented him. I wanted to drop him in the mud and leave him there. Every step was heavy and terrible. I was walking to my death. Kourin was too young and cute to be blamed. Ryuuen was going to be a hero. And Ryuuen was a little gentleman. That left me... clumsy, boring, irresponsible Rokou.
Ryuuen didn't look like a hero anymore.
He sat hunched over, chopsticks shaking, eyes wide. Hardly heroic.
When he returned my gaze, his eyes were glazing over with tears.
I was too scared to speak. I stared at him, frozen, afraid to finish chewing, afraid to breathe, afraid to let my heart beat. I wanted that one moment to extend into eternity. If time stopped, things wouldn't get worse.
"Nii-san, is she really dead?" Time started again, and it was going too fast. Before I could respond, the tears that had been dangling precariously at the tips of his lashes began to skip down his quaking face. "She's not."
I tried to slow time again. I tried to stretch each moment, each heartbeat, so that things would not get worse.
But time refused to cooperate; it kept speeding up, faster and faster, until Ryuuen stabbed his chopsticks deep into the table and stormed out of the room. I was afraid to look at 'Kaa-san, fearing her gaze, her presence, her anger, her sadness.
I realized I'd been holding the same bite of food in my mouth the entire time... I tried to swallow, but I chewed it too much. My stomach churned.
The world was moving too fast, and I couldn't stop it.
