Disclaimer: I don't own FY. End of story.
AN: Wow, more Otouto, and it didn't take me 6 months to do. Well, no random flashbacks in this chapter. But everyone teeters on the edge of sanity, wheee fun. I'm not sure how many more chapters there'll be. I'll stop when I've milked enough of poor Rokou's 13 year old angst, and done enough of Ryuuen's transformation. But man, Rokou is such a gold-mine for angst. And please review, I'm such an attention whore. And, again, please excuse brain and grammar farts. Oh, and FYI... "boku" is the polite male form for I, "atashi" is the feminine form of I. Nuriko uses "atashi" during the show.
Otouto
Unravel
After Ryuuen left, I ate slowly, carefully avoiding eye contact with 'Kaa-san. She simmered across the table from me. First, she merely drummed her fingers across the table top. Then, she began tapping her foot nervously. Eventually the tapping stopped, but her breathing was ragged. I stole a glance at her between mouthfuls of rice, and she seemed to have a dark cloud hovering over her head. She was bent over the table, hands in her hair, hyperventilating. Her once glossy black-purple hair was matted and dull, a dingy curtain protecting me from the burning glare of her red-rimmed eyes.
Umi tried to avoid 'Kaa-san, and pretended to be very interested in scraping bits of fish and oil out of the bottom of her wok. Occasionally I saw Umi peek at 'Kaa-san, trying very hard to seem disinterested. I could almost see her ears craning and twitching like a cat's, responding to every noise in the room, waiting for all hell to break loose. Well, to break loose more than it already had.
I really wasn't very hungry. Fear and worry and adrenaline made my stomach clench up into knots. I kept dropping bits of oily fish onto the floor for Baka, who was waiting expectantly. 'Kaa-san didn't object. I doubt she even noticed. I could barely swallow my rice, let alone my fish. I wanted to crawl back into bed... maybe I'd wake up in a few hours and all this would be a dream. Everything. Everything would be a dream. The past months would undo themselves like rough fabric, everything would unravel and everyone would be happy again.
Our uneasy peace was broken by 'Baa-san's entrance. Despite her age, she seemed to float in. "Ryuu-chan's awake," she said, voice severe, though joy lit up her face. That was when 'Kaa-san snapped.
She stood so quickly her chair tipped, and she glared at 'Baa-san through her dark veil of hair. "I know," she growled. "I know the brat's awake. I know he's awake. I KNOW HE'S AWAKE." I flinched. She was screaming.
Normally 'Baa-san would have a quick, burning reply. But she was silent. I stared blankly at my half-empty bowl of rice. I wonder how we all must of looked to her... 'Kaa-san the tallest she's ever been, radiating cold fury; Umi, backed up against the wall, pale as a sheet; me, silent and blank; and then Ryuu-chan's chopsticks sticking out of the poor table, a small spider web of cracks radiating out from their splintered tips.
"I know he's awake." 'Kaa-san's voice was a soft wail. "He's awake and doing well. He ate with us this morning." She laughed discordantly and waved her hand at the unfortunate chopsticks.
I closed my eyes tight; I knew something bad was coming. Whenever 'Kaa-san scolded us, her anger came in waves. She would scream and tear at her hair, then she would grow silent and weak, and then scream more, each scream more intense than the last, and each lull meeker than the last, until she had exhausted herself into nothingness. The time I had run away with Ryuuen, she vacillated between screaming and whimpering silence until she kicked over a vase and fell into a dead faint. 'Tou-san's anger was sharp and frequent, and his insults were biting, but his anger often melted away within a few minutes. It took more to get 'Kaa-san worked up, but once she was mad enough, she would just keep boiling and simmering until she became a human typhoon.
"He's awake and EVERYONE is happy." I heard a plate break.
My stomach clenched. I opened my eyes wide and stood up abruptly. "Gochisousamadeshita," I mumbled. Then, with controlled slowness, I walked towards the door. I could feel 'Kaa-san's eyes burning into my back.
Once I was out into the hall, I broke into a run.
Ryuuen was already in bed when I got to our room. He was asleep, but damp with tears.
"That's what we get for eating in the kitchen. Soon the whole city will know you're crazy." I told him as I crawled into my bed. He snored softly in reply.
I wanted to sleep. Sleep until everything went away. I curled myself up into a little ball and snuggled myself against the wall, shivering. I wanted everything back in its place. I wanted Kourin back. I wanted Ryuuen back. I wanted 'Kaa-san back. I wanted everything back.
I stared sadly at the wall, then the ceiling, then the wall again, until I realized I couldn't sleep. My stomach was too knotted up with fear. I didn't want to wake up and find Ryuuen asleep for good. I rolled over to face his bed. "Don't do anything stupid," I told him.
I was shivering and restless and tense and unhappy. I couldn't sleep. The birds chirped outside our window to spite me. Eventually I got up to shut our window. My knees were knocking together, my hands wavered. I could barely hold still long enough to pull the window closed.
I know we were both too old, but my unsteady feet led me to Ryuu-chan's bed. "Move over," I told him as I eased him to one side and crawled pitifully into bed with him. "Please don't leave me," I murmured as I settled myself next to him, back to back.
This is stupid, I told myself. You're the older brother; you shouldn't need comforting. You shouldn't be afraid. You shouldn't be shaking with fear and unable to sleep. You shouldn't need to sleep with your little brother in order to feel safe. You're so weak. You're such an idiot. Remember when you kicked him out of your bed during a bad storm when he was seven? You're too old for this. You're too old to be afraid.
I went on like that until our combined warmth soothed me, and I stopped shaking. I began to pick absently at a loose thread on my sleeve. It began to pull out, and the seam began to spread apart. I wanted to do that to time. I wanted to pick at the threads until these past months fell apart and ceased to exist. On impulse, I rolled over and buried my face in Ryuu-chan's hair. I was far too old for this. As I drifted off into sleep a few tragic tears stained Ryuu-chan's hair... I should be stronger than this. I'm the older brother.
I didn't want to lose my otouto. I didn't want to be alone. I didn't want any of this to be real.
I slept long and heavy. When I woke, the real world seemed so far away... my consciousness had to claw through layers of fog and doubt into awareness.
"Rokou-nii-san..."
"Mmh... go away." I tried to strike out with my arm, but both were stretched up above my head and asleep. I groaned and tried to move them, but they tingled painfully.
"Rokou-nii-san..."
I had finally managed to move my arms down to my chest. "Lemme sleep." I rolled over onto my arms, hoping it'd dull the painful pinpricks of sleep running down my arms. It was then that I realized Ryuuen wasn't in bed with me anymore.
"Rokou-nii-san... wake up..."
I opened one eye to glare at Ryuu-chan for waking me, ready to snap at him, but I froze.
Red-rimmed violet eyes stared down at me. But, there was no beauty mark. The long lavender hair was down. A pink dress...
I sat up so hard that I fell out of bed. "Ko-kourin!"
"Rokou-nii-san, can you help me with something?"
I stared. "You're dead. This is a dream." The soft ruffles of gauze and silk around her neck, her long soft hair, her delicate face, everything was the same. I shook with fear. My stomach convulsed. My heart dropped out of my ribs and into my stomach, while my stomach leapt up into my throat. I couldn't breathe. I wanted to scream, but nothing came out.
"No, no, Rokou-nii-san." She smiled weakly. One red-rimmed eye twitched. "You know how Kourin-chan used to twist her hair into loops?"
"L-loops?"
"Yeah, loops." Kourin pulled some of her hair back into a lopsided pigtail. "How'd she do it?"
"She? Do what..?"
"Yes, I wanna... I wanna do my hair in loops." Kourin was talking funny. First, she said "boku," and then she changed back to "atashi." What?
My stomach dropped back into its proper place. It was full of ice. The ice clawed at my insides and quickly shot out through my body, sending shocks of dread down my arms and legs. "Ryuuen?"
Kourin Ryuuen smiled. The red-rimmed eye twitched again.
I grabbed him by the shoulders. My arms were still asleep, but I tried to ignore the pin-like pains. "RYUUEN?"
His smile faded and he shrank back into his shoulders. "Y-yes..."
"She's dead." I shook him. "She's DEAD."
"No." He tried that pathetic smile again. "She's alive."
I felt myself crying. When I pulled that thread, it unraveled my life... it didn't turn back time. It only made things worse...
"She's alive."
My heart was racing. I let go of him and slowly backed away across the floor. I bumped my head on my bed frame. "Ryuu-chan..."
His eyes were watering. "She's ALIVE." He wiped his eyes his sleeve, and began to smile again.
I tried to back away from him again, but I forgot the bed behind me, and hit my head again.
He stood up stiffly, still smiling. "Silly Rokou-nii-san... I'll figure it out myself." And then he was gone in a flutter of silk.
I rested my head on my bed frame. The world was going even faster now, and I still couldn't make it stop...
I'm such a failure.
