Disclaimer: I don't own FY.

AN: Wow, another chapter in the same day. I'm on a roll. I really like my version of Rokou, as horrible as he is at times. He's just so human. Again, watch for falling grammar and spelling. And brain farts. Meh. People actually read this, right? I'll write anyway even if noone does, since it's good practice. :D :D :D

Otouto
Wicked

I am wicked. So, so wicked.

After Ryuu-chan left, I didn't worry about what 'Kaa-san would say to him about his costume. Or what 'Tou-san would say when he returned from his trip. I worried about what would happen if I was caught in the crossfire. And then, when I finally stood up and wandered out to find Ryuu-chan, it was so I could see what damage he'd done. I didn't need to look far; he was kneeling in Kourin's room fussing with his hair.

"Ryuu-chan?" My voice sounded hoarse and old.

"I can't do it," he mumbled, his mouth full of hairpins. His eyes were hollow.

I stood in the door helplessly, watching him pull his hair into odd positions. His hands were shaking.

He kept twisting and fiddling with his hair. I was transfixed. The whole sight was so horrible, so grotesque. Ryuuen was dying. He was dying. He was committing suicide right before my eyes. It was the most painful suicide. He didn't hang himself, he didn't slit his wrists, he didn't drink poison. He stabbed himself with hairpins. I felt so faint and paper-thin, like a ghost. I wanted to fade away. I wanted to fall down through the floor and into the ground, and cease to exist. It was so horrible, yet I couldn't stop watching.

I kept telling myself I'd just walk over to him and stop him. I kept imagining taking that first step, and grabbing his hand, and holding him until he said he wasn't going to die. But that first step was the hardest. I picked at the loose thread in my sleeve. The universe was falling apart at the seams. I kept telling myself to take that first step, to grab him and never let go.

When I finally took that first step, I was on top of him before I realized what I had done. I caught his hand, and he didn't protest. "Please... no."

"Nii-san..." His expressive eyes were oddly unreadable.

I fell to my knees and brought his hand to my chest. "Please..." I was crying again.

He pulled his hand free. "She's not dead."

I wanted to punch him. But I was too afraid of him hitting me back to touch him. He bent over a small box of hairpins, sorting through them with his pale fingers. His shoulder blades jutted awkwardly out his back, forming small pink wings... like he wanted to fly away.

I wiped my tears away with the back of a clenched fist. "She's dead." I sounded so pitiful.

"We'll never be apart."

"Please..."

"She's a part of me."

"No, please..."

"We'll be together forever."

I grabbed his shoulders and turned him to face me. And I slapped him. I caught him by surprise, so he fell on his side from the blow. I doubled over in tears as he rubbed his cheek, staring at me with a look of utter horror.

I'm a wicked, wicked person, otouto.

"Please, don't hurt 'Kaa-san... don't hurt me..." I'm wicked and pitiful.

Before I knew it, he was holding me by the shoulders, pinning me against the wall with his full strength. I gasped and squirmed under his grip. I tried to stop crying, which only resulted in choked, painful sobs.

"Why is it always about you?" He shook me. I could feel the wall move under my shoulders. "You never do anything for anyone." He was crying now, and a few streaks of eye makeup trickled down his cheek. Then he released me, slumping against my chest. "I'm her now."

When we were both breathing evenly, I helped him with his hair. We worked in silence. I brushed his hair as if I were washing his body for a funeral. I pinned his hair as if I were nailing his coffin. I bowed my head to him when we were done, as I would at Kourin's grave.

Ryuuen was dead, and all I could do was watch. He was pale as a corpse. His hands moved haltingly as he applied his rouge, like he had been stricken by rigamortis. His hands were ice cold. His lips almost looked blue.

I was a murderer. And the corpse of my victim smiled brokenly at me, pale and small and thin and horrible.

He sat and examined his face in the mirror. I slowly stood and left. When I closed the door to Kourin's room, Ryuuen ceased to exist. That was the last time I ever saw him.


I was napping in the courtyard, Baka curled comfortably in my lap, when Kourin decided to introduce herself to the world. When I heard 'Kaa-san's screams I opened my eyes, staring up into the growing darkness. I knew that the second I got up, the world would start moving fast again. Baka was my anchor. I couldn't move with him in my lap. Baka heard the commotion, and he looked sleepily back at the house, before resting his head again. He kept one ear trained on the noise. I petted Baka absently and wished the world would vanish. Or, at the very least, that I would vanish.

I tried to relax, but the commotion was getting closer and closer. My heart echoed in my ears. I tried to force myself back to sleep, but I couldn't do it.

I'm sorry, Ryuu-chan. I'm such a coward. I've never been strong, you know that.

I'm such a coward, that when 'Kaa-san chased Ryuu-chan out into the courtyard with a broom, I hardly budged. I can pretend that Baka was keeping me pinned, but he's a cat... and who's bigger? I watched her yell and shake the broom at him as he backed into a bench, eyes wide with fear. I watched her pull herself to her full-height, her black-purple hair flying wildly as she moved. I saw servants peeking nervously out windows, whispering. 'Kaa-san moved like a panther. But Ryuu-chan... he moved like a corpse fresh from the grave. I'm sure if I looked close enough I would have seen grave dirt under his nails from clawing his way out of the underworld.

She swung the broom, Ryuu-chan ducked. She roared and charged at him, and he ran awkwardly around behind a tree, nearly tripping over his skirt.

"Take that off this instant, young man!" She pointed the broom at Ryuuen. He trembled. "Don't you dare disgrace your sister's memory like that!"

I didn't even bother pretending I was asleep anymore. I sat up, staring. Baka was still in my lap, utterly disinterested. The cat yawned, his jaw popping, before going back to sleep.

"I'm her," Ryuuen said softly. "I'm her."

'Kaa-san waved the broom at him again. Ryuuen responded by grabbing a stone bench and holding it between him and her.

"Ryuuen, please... take it off..." 'Kaa-san looked so frail now, like the slightest wind would blow her away. Her panther-like strength had drained out of her.

Ryuuen said nothing. It took me a second to realize that he was staring at me, his eyes wide and helpless.

"Rokou, I need your help." 'Kaa-san was looking at me, growing smaller and smaller by the minute.

I stood, forcing Baka off my lap. I looked from Ryuuen to 'Kaa-san. I wished the ground would open up and swallow me. I looked around, hoping Obaa-san would intervene. She was indoors chasing the servants away from the windows. The servants were watching me now. Obaa-san turned to watch me. Everyone was watching me. I took a step back nervously, bumping into the tree I had been sleeping under.

"Rokou, come here." Her voice was heavy and commanding.

I looked from Ryuuen to 'Kaa-san. The coward in me wondered, who do I fear more?

I don't have an honorable bone in my body, Ryuu-chan. I'm a terrible big brother. I should have stood by him.

But instead I walked to 'Kaa-san and watched him. When he saw me join her, his face broke. He dropped the stone bench. It landed on its side and cracked the pavement.

Ryuu-chan, I'm so wicked.

I don't deserve to be anyone's big brother. After Ryuu-chan dropped the bench, I went and collected him. He shied away from 'Kaa-san, but he went with me, looking at me with those terrible, powerful eyes. I couldn't meet his gaze. I washed off his make-up, and helped dress him in his old clothes. He didn't take his eyes off me. And, even when I washed his face, I didn't meet his gaze.

And after he was asleep in bed, 'Kaa-san sat me down and shared some tea with me. She smiled at me faintly. "Thank you, Rokou... I don't know what I'd do without you."

I couldn't smile. I couldn't even look at her. I stared at the debris at the bottom of my cup.

"I know this is hard." She put her small, paper thin hand on my arm. She tried to meet my gaze, but I looked away.

"I feel like I betrayed him."

"He just," she paused, "He just needs to learn that she's gone... she won't be back..." Her voice cracked.

I shook off her hand. I felt her blow away from me in a mighty wind.

"You're all I have left." She sounded so far away. I looked at her, and she was still as close as before, watching me. "Promise me you'll find a nice girl and marry and have lots of children, and keep them safe. You're the only one who can be happy."

"Happy?"

"Yes... normal and happy." She stood up, her joints moving strangely, like a puppet being moved by a drunken puppeteer. "Good night," she whispered, before drifting upstairs.

The wicked don't deserve to be happy.

I picked at my sleeve nervously. I really needed to stop doing that...