Chapter XII: Time To Go
"Hello dearest journal,
I know you must be very angry with me at the moment and I understand. I shouldn't have neglected you like I did. I am sorry. You can say I am a bad friend; always coming back to you when all I have to tell are problems. I haven't shared my most joyous moments with you thus, you can say that I only see you as a weeping napkin. But it's amazing how we tend to take happiness for granted and just concentrate on feeling pain. We don't stop to think how blessed we truly are, and how unfortunate most people are in front of us. We just tend to victimize ourselves and drown our souls in never ending sorrow that is nothing but part of our overactive imagination. I don't mean to say that there are no people who suffer, greatly and truly. It's just that thinking and watching my surroundings I've come to realize that we, teenagers, drown ourselves in a glass of water.
I haven't seen Eriol after Christmas's Day. His kiss is the only thing that seems to plague my mind lately. Thank goodness I managed to finish all my projects on time, just to give into the luxury of thinking of him. Were it a whole different situation, I wouldn't let myself to indulge in such un-productive thinking; for I've come to learn that there's always the mind before the heart.
No matter how much I think, I don't know what I'd do or say if I see him today. These kinds of things are better left out un-planned. It doesn't really matter anyways, because you most likely will do the very opposite thing to what was planned. So, why lose time and energy?
I believe I should go and pay sweet Eriol a visit and demand what's this game he's playing with me. I don't like to be at risk, and less when my heart might be what is lost. Call me whatever you want, but I like to know the ground where I stand.
I've never seen Eriol in such a way like this Christmas. He looked so lost, vulnerable and fragile. Not at all like the usual Eriol we're used to know. It was utterly confusing and scary to see him like that. In a way, I'm traumatized… I don't want to see him ever again like that. I'll do everything that's in my hands to prevent so.
My feelings? Oh yes feelings… Remember when Sakura came over for my birthday, how she talked about Eriol's aura? I believed her, to an extent; after all, our British boy here is such a tricky human being. No matter if what she said is true or not, if he loves me or not; I can only respond for myself and yes, I do love him… More than I thought. Years ago, still under the influence of childish infatuation I could never believe I was capable of feelings such as these. The need to care and protect is just unbearable, and to restrain myself causes me so much pain. I've seriously thought of giving it up, to forget it all but I don't dare to do that afraid of what's to come.
I don't like to have pending matters. They don't let me sleep at nights. So, I'll confront him and everything would be unveiled. For the better or worse. That's my decision.
Yours,
Daidouji Tomoyo."
I closed the diary and recap the purple Hybrid Gel Grip pen to then put it aside with the many others. Stretching my numb body I let out a sigh and can't stop a frown to appear on my forehead. Eyebrows knit together in unspoken worries. It's silly really. I shouldn't stress myself out so.
Looking at the display of the Sony Dream Machine I realize it's not so late. I can still pay a visit within the guidelines of good mannerisms. My appearance is also according for public appearance, if one wants to put it that way. A touch of lip gloss and fix some strands of hair is all that's needed to go out and face my demons. Aren't we being a bit over-dramatic today?
"Tomoyo, dear, can you come here a second?" I hear mom's voice when walking in front of the study room, noticing that the sliding door is slightly ajar.
"Sure, what's up?" Having a seat in the couch. Something in her eyes tells me that this is going to be serious. "Is something the matter?"
She fidgets a bit with the paper in front of her. "As a matter of fact, yes… I'm thinking of returning to Japan, soon."
Is there something I can say at this moment? Well no. My thoughts are frozen in the spot, plans crashing down on my mind. "W-what? Why's so?" Rather pathetic, but right now I couldn't care less.
"You'll see my child, Daidouji Toys Europe is doing excellent by itself and I have great trust in our staff here. I don't see a reason to stay any longer. Besides, it's been a while since I last checked on our main offices in Japan and you know just how volatile the business world is." She said, eyes locked into mine.
"When do you plan to leave?" I find myself asking almost mechanically. This is something I didn't contemplate in the whole Eriol and Tomoyo ordeal. This changes all my plans. Will I even be able to finish school here?
Mother's gaze softens as if reading the turmoil in my own eyes. "Considering that there are only three months for you to finish school and I don't want to interrupt your classes; I thought that you can stay here until the end of the school year and I'll go back in a month or so." She explained calmly.
"So I get to be alone for two months?" I asked not believing it. Alone? Again?
"I'm afraid so honey… Do you have a problem with that?" Resting her chin on her open palm.
"I don't want to be alone again…. But if that's what you want then it's final," I said breathing deeply to steel myself, "now, if you please excuse me, I'm going to visit Eriol-kun."
"Alright, please be careful!" She exclaims before returning to her paper work. I was already at the door.
Now more than ever I have to make my move. Everything has been thrown out of balance. Grabbing the keys to the Benz along with the handbag I make my way towards the private elevator. Anxiety swirling in the pit of my stomach. On my way towards Eriol's manor I used some music to relax and calm down. However, it all was fruitless once I drove through his driveway.
I couldn't help but throw myself at him when I saw him standing in the doorway of the great manor. His face was a mix of emotions.
"Hello Eriol-kun!" I exclaimed into the collar of his shirt, arms tightly clasped around his neck.
"Tomoyo-san, what's wrong?" He asked, concerned, while his strong arms circled my waist.
"I'm going back to Japan!" I blurted out without thinking. All rational thoughts flying out the window.
"W-what? When? Why?" He assaulted me with questions embracing me tightly, crushing my body against his. "Let's get inside." He said and maneuvered me inside the vast residence until we were seated on his creamy couch in front of the fireplace.
"I was planning to come earlier but when I was about to leave, mom called me and told me that she's planning for us to go back to Japan since Daidouji Toys is doing great by itself here," I say hugging a cushion for dear life, facing Eriol who sat in front of me, "but that's not what troubles me the most…"
"Is there something else?" He asked. He sounded completely clueless but somehow I feel that he has his suspicions.
"Yes and no… You'll see… I am most worried as to what's going to happen with us! I don't know what to think, let alone believe anymore!" I said trying to look for answers in his deep azure eyes that were beginning to look stormy. "What do you want to do with me? I am so utterly confused…. I seriously don't know what to do anymore." I was getting overly emotional and it showed in my eyes; unshed tears gathering in the corners and blurring my vision. "I know that you love me, but I don't know in which day you do." That's it! Damn it all.
If I was hoping to get a spoken answer, then I got none. Just the feeling of shaking yet gentle hands cradling my face and warm, soft lips caressing mine with such tenderness and veiled passion that I wanted to cry all over again. I gasped and he used it as an advantage. Eventually we lost control of our bodies. Coming to a halt because of lack of the much needed oxygen we looked at each other's eyes panting for breath.
"Oh Eriol, I love you so much I don't want to go!" I said in between sobs and clung to him like there's no tomorrow. Maybe for us there isn't. "Please tell me something and I won't go!" Hot tears running freely down my cheeks, soaking his pristine shirt.
Death crushing embrace answered my pleas and his face buried itself in the crook of my neck. "My sweet Tomoyo… It took me long to realize just how much I love you. I don't want to know what I'd become if deprived of your loving presence. Look at me! I haven't seen you in two weeks and I'm already a walking mess. I can't seem to concentrate anymore. Any kind of rational thoughts are elusive to me without you by my side. You're driving me crazy." His breath tickling my neck and the nape of my ear, sending delightful shivers through my body. "I don't want you to leave…"
His words truly shocked me, being spoken with such fierceness and conviction. I know he is not lying, he never would. A warm feeling ran through my veins, soothing my self-inflicted pain and whispering everything will be alright. If I thought this was everything, I was in for a big surprise.
"I want you to marry me, I want to be yours forever to keep," he said. Taking my hands in his while his azure eyes were fixed on my own. Now I am at a loss of words. What could I possibly say besides yes?
Again I find myself in his loving arms, and again I find myself crying with renewed vigor. We are still young, very much so. His proposal can very well be the childish reaction of a troubled boy. But, how is then that I feel my heart overflow with happiness? Why is then that I somehow know this is anything but a joke? Why is then that I want to jump off the cliff without as much as a glance back, with no second thoughts? I already made up my mind. Might God bless us all.
"Yes." That's all I can say and I know it's enough, judging by the way his arms tightens around me.
Tsutsuku
Thank you imouto-chan for telling me this is wonderful even though I don't believe so. I tried.
