Chapter 5: Dusty Thoughts
(disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or claim it as my own. I am only inspired by the characters and write about them. After all, isn't that what fanfiction is? I write for others to enjoy! So please do! Warning: sexual preferences. I have also put the name of the chapter in parenthesis to inform you of a time change, or change of scene)
(dusty thoughts)
Dumbledore's office was always an interesting place to be. The walls were covered with portraits of previous Headmasters and Mistresses, and they were all pretending to sleep so that they could eavesdrop. The giant telescope was up the staircase, where Lily figured Dumbledore spent some of his free time, watching the skies. She wished she had such a contraption like that to help with Astronomy.
Lily had only been in this office a few times, and all the previous visits had been on good terms. But now, she sat in a chair across from her Headmaster, with James Potter by her side, feeling ashamed. Normally, she would expect Sirius Black to be sitting where she was, but not tonight.
Dumbledore sat down in his chair, turning it slowly to face them. His normally twinkling eyes were dim, as he looked over the edge of his half-moon glasses. He sighed deeply, and shook his head before speaking.
"You must understand that as Head Boy and Head Girl, you set an example for the rest of the student body." He looked at them both, and Lily nodded her head. Potter mumbled his acknowledgement.
"This is your final year at Hogwarts. And on the first day back, you participate in a fight. I cannot dismiss this easily. I must say," he said, looking directly at Lily, "that I am flabbergasted by your actions, Miss Evans."
Lily instantly looked down at her hands, which were in her lap. She could hardly believe it herself that a few moments ago her hands had inflicted pain on someone else because of her anger. She could still feel the old man's stare, and looked up. "I'm sorry, Headmaster."
"I know you are, but that still does not erase the wrong doing that has already occurred." His eyes flashed over to Potter, and then down at his desk, where he jotted something down on a piece of parchment. "Both of you will be serving detention."
"Both of us?" Potter asked, seeming quite upset. He nearly jumped out of his chair. "Sir, it was all my fault. Evans was just trying to stop Snape and me."
Dumbledore raised his hand, signaling Potter to silence himself. Potter sat back down. "But that still does not clear the fact that Miss Evans engaged herself in the fight, hurting both Severus Snape and yourself, Mister Potter." He sighed again as he handed them each a slip. "You will both be doing something constructive with your hands, since you so fervently wish to use them. And you will be doing it together, working as a team. As Head Boy and Girl, the students look to you for guidance, and you will have to get along with each other, even if it's just for professional reasons." The sparkle seemed to suddenly reappear in his blue eyes.
"Yes sir," Lily and Potter replied.
"Very well, you may go. I must see Mister Snape about his own detention." Dumbledore smiled and shooed them out of his office.
Potter seemed to be swearing under his breath. "He gave us a weeks worth of detention, cleaning all sorts of things...and with no magic. It's bad enough McGonagall's making me and Sirius clean the livery stables with Hagrid."
"Really?" Lily replied plainly, her voice reflecting no emotion.
He must not have noticed. "Yes. She said it was because we seemed so interested in animals. Of course, it's only for tonight. I hear you gave Sirius detention in the Owlry all week."
Lily blinked, realizing he was speaking to her. She had been dazed, still thinking about her letter, which was crumpled in her bag. "What?"
Potter stopped shortly in the hall as the gargoyle slid back into place, concealing the entry to Dumbledore's office. He put his hand gently on her shoulder, stopping her. "Is something wrong, Evans? You have definitely not been yourself." He rubbed his nose, smiling at her. "I mean, I've never known you to hit anybody."
Lily looked down at the floor, examining the hem of her robes. "Why are you so interested in my problems?"
"Ah, so there is something wrong."
Lily expected him to be smiling in his usual boyish manner, happy that he had figured something out. She expected him to bother her, pestering her to tell him. But when she looked up, he wasn't smiling. But he was looking at her. And he appeared sincerely concerned.
"You wouldn't understand," Lily sighed.
"I haven't done anything to irritate you, have I?" He finally smiled. "That would be setting a record if I did. The first day back, and you're already angry with me. Of course, you did hit me..."
Lily shook her head, and suddenly felt the long awaited tears of stress swelling in her eyes. "It's not you. Trust me." Before he could notice her puffy eyes, she took off down the hall, not stopping until she got to the tower.
The Fat Lady wasn't in her portrait. Obviously, she was off talking to her friends. No doubt catching up on the latest gossip, which Lily was sure would be about her and the fight. She leaned against the wall, fighting back the tears. She didn't know why she was crying. Maybe it was because she was so frustrated, and tears were her only outlets for expressing her emotions. And hitting Snape and Potter.
Lily slumped down the wall, her robes flooding around her as the tears cascaded down her cheeks. Her mother had been lying to her all these years. She wasn't who she thought she was. She wasn't being herself. She suddenly felt very alone.
"I thought you were Myrtle."
Lily looked up through puffy eyes at a tired face, which was smiling at her. Remus Lupin was kneeling down in front of her, and she had never realized before the faded scars on his cheeks. One of them seemed fairly new, perhaps one he received a few days ago.
Lupin must have sensed her staring at his wounds, because he coughed and stood up. "My mom's cat doesn't like me much." He offered her a hand, which she accepted. He easily pulled her small frame off the ground. "I saw James and he told me he was worried about you. Said something about you were upset."
Lily wiped away the tears on her sleeve. "I'll be all right. It's just the stress of the first day."
"I've never known you to give two boys nosebleeds during the other years."
Lily couldn't help but laugh. "It was only Snapes' nose that bled, and it was already doing that before I hit him."
The Fat Lady appeared at that moment, smiling at them. "I'm sorry, dearies. Have you been waiting for me?"
"Not long," Lupin smiled. "Antipodean Opaleye."
The lady smiled back at him and the portrait swung away from the wall, allowing Lily and Lupin to crawl into the common room. Many students were about, and Lily was suddenly flooded with conversation.
"That was quite a punch!"
"Did you hurt your hand at all on Potter's fat head?"
"Hey, maybe she deflated it for him!"
"I've been waiting years for you to pummel that Slytherin for his foul mouth."
"Did Dumbledore let you off easy?"
Lily was absolutely bewildered by her housemates' reactions. They were excited about what she had done. But she couldn't shake her stress and join in on their merriment. She smiled in reply to everyone, avoiding speaking. Zora and Greta pulled her to the side.
"Did you hear? Sirius punched Snape again after you two left with the Headmaster. McGonagall was very upset about that. Said something about doubling his detention." Zora giggled. "I guess he's trying to break his own record."
"Are you feeling all right?" Greta asked, noticing Lily's wet cheeks. "What did Dumbledore say to you?"
Lily shook her head. "I only have a week's worth of detention. And Potter and I have to do it together."
"With that insufferable show off? He'll probably do something stupid to impress you and get himself another week's detention." Zora ruffled her hands through her raven hair, imitating Potter. "Look at me, I'm Head Boy and I can play with a Snitch."
Greta was laughing, but Lily wasn't too amused. Not that Zora's impersonation wasn't dead on. "I'm sorry, but I'm rather tired. It's been a rather stressful day." Lily walked towards the girls' staircase, bypassing those who wanted to question her further.
Her bed never looked so inviting, beckoning to her with its fluffy pillows and soft comforter. It offered her a warm, safe place to hide from the chaos of today. But Lily didn't lie down. She couldn't sleep, even if Black put a sleeping potion in her tea, which he had done in their second year.
She pulled her chair out and sat down, finding a spare piece of parchment. She wouldn't be able to sleep unless she wrote to her mother. But what would she say? Lily stared at the paper, her black quill in hand. But she was having trouble finding the words. She didn't want to say something that would cause trouble at home. If her father found it, then he might question her mother about it. Or if Petunia found out. She shuddered to think what she would say. Of course, it might not be any worse than what she's previously said.
Lily began to scratch the inky words onto the paper, hoping that something other than nonsense would be written.
Mother,
Thank you for your letter. If you don't mind, something was forgotten, and I would appreciate it if you would send it to me, please. Give Dad a kiss for me.
Lily
Short and simple, but it would have to do. Lily didn't want to take the chance of getting her mother in trouble and never hearing the rest of what she had to say. Folding the note up and placing it in an envelope, she addressed it to her house and set it on top of her books. She would have to send it in the morning before class. Lily pulled out her schedule to see when that would be. It was Double Defense Against the Dark Arts. She tucked her schedule in her book and turned out the lights.
Finally nestling herself in her bed, she sighed deeply and drifted quickly to sleep. But it wasn't a peaceful rest. She had a rather unusual dream, where her mother was walking around with a snake around her neck and Potter was scrubbing the bedpans and wearing them on his head, with Black in the background modeling her blue dress and high heels.
(dusty thoughts)
"Well, if it isn't Evans. What are you doing up for breakfast?"
Lily glared at Sirius Black, who was smugly eating a large Belgian waffle, smothered with butter and syrup. How she so wanted to pour the jug of sticky maple down his head, but Lily resisted. "Good morning to you, too," she replied sarcastically.
"Now, now. We don't need another fight." Zora scooted over so Lily could sit next to her. Her hazel eyes weren't wavering from Black. "You wouldn't want Lily giving you a black eye now, would you?" She smiled haughtily at him. "Don't want to spoil your complexion. A bruised nose wouldn't go with a lacy dress."
Lily had never seen Black choke on his food before, even when he inhaled it like a vacuum cleaner. Little Peter Pettigrew was pounding on his friend's back, and soon a piece of soggy waffle shot over Lily's shoulder and fell on the floor.
"You told them?" Black asked angrily, eyeing Lily.
"Told them what?" Potter had just arrived, taking a seat next to his gasping friend. "That you don't know how to swallow?"
Black's head whipped around to glower at Potter. "No, about when I had to wear Evans' dress."
Potter smiled, slightly chuckling. "Those were the good old' days, weren't they, Bir?"
"What do you mean, good? That was the worst day of my life." He tore into a piece of toast.
Zora giggled. "If I gave you a galleon, would you wear it again?" Lily just barely noticed the wink she aimed at him.
Black eyed her curiously. "Really?"
"I'll give you a sickle!" Kassie piped in.
"For that you can only get a picture," Black grunted, but his gaze never wavered from Zora. She smiled haughtily at him before turning back to her oatmeal.
The hall suddenly filled with the sound of flapping as dozens of owls flew in to deliver the morning mail. Lily watched as a barn owl landed at their table to give Greta a package. Lily knew that she wouldn't have a reply all ready, even though she had sent the note to her mother early this morning.
"I can't believe I forgot this!" Greta exclaimed, clutching it to her chest as if it were a teddy bear from her childhood. "I don't what I would have done without this!"
"What is it?" Lily asked, feeling obligated to do so.
"It's my book I've been writing. I'm almost done with it. I just need a title for it, though." Greta sighed happily and tucked the notebook into her bag.
Zora stood up, slinging her bag over her shoulder. "We should get a move on to class. Professor Toddy won't want us late for our first N.E.W.T. class."
Zora was right. They had all made it to the classroom on time, but an unexpecting Hufflepuff failed to arrive before the bell. Professor Athena Toddy met him at the door, her pale eyes watching him with such intensity that the poor boy nearly fainted with fright. Her voice was almost majestic, a tone which no one dared disobey.
"Take your seat, Mister Nicklehoff, and remember to be on time from now on."
"Y-yes, ma'am." Poor Thomas shuffled to a seat in the back, near Black and Potter, who were hiding their laughter. But one look from Professor Toddy silenced them rather quickly.
"Today starts your first lesson which will prepare you for your Nastily Exhausting Wizarding Test. And I will assure you, it's name holds true." Lily couldn't help but watch the sunlight shimmer on her silver flowing hair. "I will expect you to work hard this term, to prepare for this important exam." She approached her desk, tapping her wand on top of her book, sending it flipping through its pages. "Please turn to page 394, and we shall begin today's lessons."
(dusty thoughts)
After finishing her homework for her previous classes, Lily rushed through dinner and went upstairs to her room to change for detention. McGonagall had informed her and Potter that they would be cleaning the trophy room, much to Filch's delight. Apparently, the caretaker was rather eager to have the Head Boy and Girl serve a detention for him. Said it would set an example to all that not even the top students could get away with things.
When Lily entered the trophy room, she saw that Potter was already there, scrubbing a rather large Quidditch trophy. "Where's Filch?"
"Dumbledore asked him to monitor something, not sure what." He rubbed vigorously at the shiny metal. "He'll check on us in two hours to see our progress," Potter grunted, imitating Filch's raspy voice.
"So we're just supposed to clean?"
"That's what it looks like," Potter smiled, tossing her a rag. "Pity we can't use magic. I'd be done in a minute."
"The point is to use our hands so that we learn that using your fists is not the answer." Lily pulled out a plaque from the open cabinet and began scrubbing at it with the cleansing formula in the nearby bucket.
They worked in silence for quite some time, and Lily couldn't help but let her mind wander. She wondered if her mother had received her note, and understood what she meant. Lily wondered if her mother really was a witch, and if she was, was she going to start acting like one? And what was it that she had been rambling about regretting?
"What's on your mind?"
"Excuse me?" Lily asked, not hearing what he had said since Potter had disrupted her train of thought.
"You look like something's bothering you." He had put down the second Quidditch cup he had been cleaning, and tossed the rag inside of it. "You haven't been yourself since you got back to school."
"So I've been told," Lily muttered, not looking up from the third plaque she was now scrubbing. Apparently, some boy named Tom did something 35 years ago that earned him a reward. She placed it back on the shelf and grabbed a small cup.
"Do you want to talk about it?" came Potter's voice, sounding unusually humble.
"No, I don't, thank you," Lily snapped. She paused for a moment, and then turned to look at him. He was watching her with sincere eyes, not flustered at all by her outburst. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be rude."
"That's all right." He smiled. "I'm used to getting yelled at. Seems to be something about me that makes people react like that."
"It's because you're always trying to show off. The teachers don't like that in their classrooms." Lily looked back at the small trophy and wiped her towel over it.
Potter's voice was low and soft when he spoke. "You don't like it either. Can't believe it took me nearly six years to figure that out."
Lily kept staring at the cup, but she had stopped rubbing it. Why was Potter talking like this? What happened to the arrogant, obnoxious Potter? Was her father right? Or maybe she was starting to see him in a new light. "I have to admit, Snape did look better with fuzzy ears."
He suddenly perked up, grinning from ear to ear. "See, I told McGonagall that, but she didn't believe me." Potter laughed, moving to the cabinet next to Lily. He opened the glass doors and took things off the shelves so that he could dust them. "Even Hagrid agreed. We told him all about it last night in the stables. Made him laugh so loud that old Kettleburn came out and scolded him."
"I could just imagine him trying to wag his finger at Hagrid when he hasn't got any," Lily giggled.
Potter stared at her wide-eyed, but his smile was still stuck on his face. "Was that humor from Lily Evans that I just heard?" He grabbed playfully at his chest, gasping for air. "I think I'm going to have a heart attack!"
"Oh, stop teasing me!" Lily swatted him with her rag, flinging dust and cleaning solution all over him. He coughed and brushed it off, smirking at her. His eyes were glittering with the normal mischievous glimmer he usually had, and Lily wondered what he was thinking. Then she noticed that he had picked up his rag, spinning it around. "Don't you dare..."
Potter smiled devilishly. "And why not? You did it to me. It's only fair."
"But I'm a girl. You wouldn't hurt a girl, would you?" She was now hiding behind the open door of her cabinet, her back pressed to the wall. She didn't realize that this was a bad position to be in, until Potter pulled the door back and closed it, leaving her trapped between the wall and him.
"Well, if I'm not supposed to hurt girls, what am I supposed to do?"
He was towering over her, and Lily couldn't help but look up into his eyes, which were oddly quite charming at the moment. Maybe it was because her emotions were already jumbled together in an invisible blender.
He placed a hand on the wall, leaning against it for support, but also blocking her from sliding off to the side. His smile was so warm, and so close to her own nervous lips. "Maybe I'm supposed to kiss them..."
"I thought Sirius was the only one you kissed." Lily could feel her heart pick up its pace, and she wasn't sure if it was because she wanted to run or was anticipating his move.
He frowned slightly. "That was just play. I wouldn't kiss somebody I didn't love."
Lily's eyes widened. Love. He had just said it himself. She had known for years that James Potter was crazy about her, but love? She couldn't respond, because that emotion had been swirled around in her blundered thoughts and she was having trouble sorting through them.
"What are you two love birds doing? I told the Headmaster it would be bad for you two to work together."
Lily was actually grateful for the first time since Filch started working at Hogwarts to see him. His interruption was just what she needed. "We were just discussing which cabinet to clean next."
Filch eyed them with a scrutinized glare. His pet cat, Mrs. Norris, was cradled in his arms, and he subconsciously scratched at her ears. Lily remembered Zora mentioning something about how he had a rather unusual attachment to the cat. Of course, she had said it in a mocking tone.
"Get back to work, and keep your hands to yourself." Filch was grimacing at Potter, who had quickly moved away from Lily. "Honestly, what ever happened to using the old punishments? If I were Headmaster, I'd have you shackled and hanging from the ceiling. And whipped." He smiled and then left the room, hearing a noise down the hallway.
"Kinky little bastard, isn't he?" Potter whispered.
Lily couldn't help but smile.
After another two carefully watched hours of scrubbing dust off of trophies until they glimmered, Lily and Potter were free to go to their dormitories. Lily rubbed at her sore arms, yawning all the way to the Fat Lady's portrait.
"Antipodean Opaleye," Potter yawned, and the weary pair tumbled into the common room. There were only a few students still awake, bent over their homework that was lit by their candles. Lily noticed the red head from the sorting ceremony. His book was open, providing a pillow for his head as he slept.
"I wonder if we should wake him?" Lily whispered, pointing to him.
"He reminds me of Sirius." Potter approached him and tapped his shoulder. "Hey, mate. Go on to bed."
The boy jolted up in his seat, a red mark across his left cheek where the pages had pressed against it. "What time is it?"
"Late," Potter replied, picking up the boy's belongings. "You need to get to bed."
"Thanks," the boy stuttered, still half asleep. He blushed when he saw Lily watching, and grabbed his things before he disappeared up the boys' steps.
"I suppose that's my cue to go to bed as well," Lily sighed, still rubbing her shoulder. Perhaps a good night's sleep on her fluffy mattress would do some good, as well as a hot shower in the morning.
"About earlier..."
Lily shook her head. "No need to explain, Potter." She started walking towards the stairs, but he held out his arm and caught her sleeve.
"What do I need to get you to notice me?"
She looked at him disbelievingly. "I've always noticed you. From the first day on the train. I wouldn't be talking to you if I didn't notice you."
He sighed. "I don't mean like that. What is it going to take for me to win your heart?"
Now she understood. Lily looked at the floor for a moment, and then straight into his hazel eyes. "Just be yourself. No showing off, or any pranks to grab my attention. You've had it. I'm tired of people acting like someone they're not."
"I can do that," he said positively. "I swear." He smiled with his usual boyish grin and bounded up the stairs. Lily shook her head, amazed that she had said that. What happened if he did change? Would that affect how she felt?
It was all too much to think about, what with her mother's shocking news. She shut the door to her room and crawled into bed, still wearing her dusty uniform. Her muscles were aching too much to do anything but sleep.
