Fate: Buh. Tired. Buh.

Disclaimer: Meep.


[the sight of change]

Kurama didn't have long to mull over these new revelations. He'd roughly gotten to his third repetition of well, I am a youko, and it's not like we're celibate, and he's a demon too, so it's not like –

His thoughts were, as indicated, cut off by a large pile of clothes and books. Which were dropped on his head. Three guesses on who just got back, and the first two don't count.

"Mmmph. Nice to see you too, Hiei."

"Hn."

Kurama considered asking Hiei if he'd ever heard of the concept of just handing someone something. He then rethought it, discarded it as a stupid question, and settled for lightly sulking whilst trying to organize what seemed to be a quarter of his bedroom into a small pile.

"That's a lost cause," Hiei commented from across the room.

Kurama rolled his eyes and kept working. Hiei was, after all, a severe pessimist. Besides, this way he could go back to his somewhat panic-stricken mental reasoning.

Hiei observed that he was being ignored. He then flopped onto the futon and settled in for a light sulk as well. Ignore me now, will you?

In retrospect, maybe this wasn't the brightest idea. But it did get points for being cataclysmic.

Kurama very deliberately stopped fussing with his clothes and wound down his fifth repetition of his mental litany. "Did you want something?"

Hiei blinked. Usually this tactic didn't exactly work like this. "...hn."

"Hm. Very well then," Kurama replied, and with careful control, returned to his pile.

You can all let your breath out now.

Hiei rolled his eyes at the ceiling. "Why is that so important?" he finally managed.

"This? Oh. It's distracting me," Kurama explained.

Hiei propped himself up on one elbow. "You don't look distracted."

Kurama raised one eyebrow briefly, then smiled. "Oh, believe me, I'm very distracted."

"By Introductory Chemistry: A Foundation?" Hiei read slowly from the book Kurama had just set down.

"Actually, by you," Kurama said blandly, that ever-so-slightly odd smile still on his face. "Come over here for a tick."

Hiei gave Kurama a thorough once-over. He certainly looked much less deranged and/or wibbly than he'd been in the past twenty-four hours. So he promptly swung his legs over and sat up. "...?"

Kurama's smile wandered somewhere into the region of a smirk. Hiei had about two seconds to register this before Kurama kissed him. Hard.

Now. I'm sure you've all had similar moments. For example, those times when the elevator you're in teeters on the edge of plummeting, when your car stalls in the middle of a 100-km-per-hour speedway, when the thing in the 'object is closer than appears' mirror is not only close but dangerous, or when you're being pushed back on a futon by a redheaded youko with a devastating smirk and a knack for tonsil hockey. You know. Those ooohshit moments.

Hiei seems to be having one. Funny how those things work.

After thirty quite enjoyable seconds, Kurama finally pulled back. "You haven't lopped my head off yet," he said after a long, long pause.

"No," Hiei agreed.

"Would that be a signal that I ought to try again?"

Hiei considered this. "Hn."

Kurama's eyes lit up.

Meanwhile in the hallway, Yusuke was torn between swearing never, ever to look through keyholes again and rejoicing that he really was right about the way Kurama stood.

[-]

"This is a ruddy bad idea," Kurama announced after five minutes.

"Why?" Hiei demanded. "Not the fucking Forbidden Child thing again!"

Kurama blinked. "That wasn't it."

"Then what?"

"Er. You know. This is just a bad, bad idea."

Hiei thought about it. Hooking up with youko had never been exactly a safe thing to do. And youko tended to be damn possessive of their...er...toys. So walking out on a bad relationship really wasn't much of an option. The term relationship is used loosely, of course. Fuckbuddy might be more like it.

However, this was Kurama. Human ideals or not, he was definitely acting like a youko right about now. Which might become problematic if he decided to suddenly go back to pretending he was a human at heart. For one thing, it sort of knocked the promise of getting really good sex for once in Hiei's rather unpopulated life Right Out.

Hiei gave Kurama a long, thoughtful look, Jagan and all. "If you're worried about this, then it probably is a bad idea."

Kurama nearly pulled a full, classic double-take at this wholly uncharacteristic remark. "Excuse me?"

"I have no intention of being a youko toy or a human's mate," Hiei said simply.

"And if I prefer that you not be either?" Kurama asked softly.

"..."

Yusuke decided that this would be an opportune moment to hammer on the door before things got even more uncomfortable in there and proved his theory totally wrong. "Oi, oi, either of you want more coffee or anything? Keiko's ordering out for dinner, we should have food in half an hour or so. You didn't get a lot to eat, did you, Kurama?" he asked, poking his head around the now-opened door.

The events of the day all came rushing back in painful clarity and surround sound to the still somewhat dazed redhead. "Oh. No, I didn't. I can pay..."

Yusuke waved it off. "Nah, don't worry about it. We've got it covered. So. Coffee?"

"Please. Lots," Kurama added.

"It's in the percowhatsit. Come and get it at your leisure," Yusuke said, snapping a haphazard salute. "Have fun." With that cryptic remark, the door slammed after him.

"Humans," Hiei said expressively, then went to go get coffee before things got too complicated.

[-]

Kurama flopped facedown on the futon and grabbed a fistful of hair in each hand, tugging at it in a vain effort at distracting himself. Again. Argh. I didn't mean for that to happen. No, really. I didn't. Not like that, anyways. Now he's going to...well, I don't know. Probably shrug it off as a youko thing and never consider that I might have done it because I liked him and not because I'm a demon inside with a penchant for sex, illusions, and plants. One fist slammed down on the futon. Dammit dammit dammit! Why did everything have to happen...today...

Flinging himself upright, he scooted off of the futon, cleared a small corner for himself, and huddled into a miserable ball near the recently exorcised Closet of Doom. I think I hate my life right about now.

A short time after that, he managed to fall into a deathlike sleep that defied Yusuke's howl that the food had arrived, Atsoko's tripping over the coffee table and landing in the beer cooler, the TV blasting out three cop shows in rapid-fire succession, Hiei's retreat into Yusuke's room with a longing look at the rain-pelted window and much slamming of doors, and finally Keiko and Yusuke having a minor scuffle-slash-snog right outside the door.

Lucky sod.

[-]

Poke. "Wake up."

"Mrr?" Kurama blinked.

Poke. "Yusuke's squeaky bint said to wake you up." Poke. "And she won't leave me alone until I do." Poke. "And I can't kill her or Yusuke will make life annoying for me until I kill him, and that would be a lot of wasted effort over nothing." Poke. "Are you awake yet?"

Kurama blinked again. "Did you just make a speech?"

"Hn." Hiei promptly returned to the recently exorcised closet, having staked it out as the best place to be until the damn rain let up.

Awake. Not home. Awake...school! Kurama blinked again, this time in trepidation, then grabbed his uniform and bolted for the shower.

[-]

"Shuuichi-kun! Ohayou! I didn't think you'd be here today."

"Yoshi-chan," Kurama said, rubbing at his eyes. "Where's the...uh. Crowd?" he finally finished.

"Told to bugger off so help me god or I'll murder them barehanded." Yoshiko nodded in satisfaction.

"And Yomuru listened?" Kurama replied.

"Someone's pissy." Yoshiko quietly fell into step beside him with practiced ease. "How was the homework?"

"Not too bad." Kurama sighed and raked one hand through his hair, which was still somewhat wet and tangled. "I'm sorry, Yosh'."

"What for?" Yoshiko stopped on cue and glanced up at him, hugging her books to her chest.

"Something along the lines of me being a royal ass?" Kurama inquired.

"I could make many, many replies to that comment. I'm not even going to try and work out a response that wouldn't terrify you into an early grave. Shall we change the subject again?"

"Sure," Kurama agreed tiredly, setting off again for class.

"Okay. How's your boyfriend?"

Kurama froze again. "Yo-shi!"

"Yes?" Yoshiko sighed. "I can't do the fluttering eyelashes thing. Pretend I'm a fangirl and can flutter eyelashes innocently and continue."

"He's not my boyfriend. Really."

Yoshiko folded her arms and started walking again. "Hmm. I'm not convinced. Are you convinced? You don't sound convinced."

"...fine. We made out last night. Doesn't mean he's my boyfriend." Kurama was now staring fixedly at the floor with his hair covering his face as best he could manage. "It doesn't. He's not like that. And neither am I," he added.

"I'm well aware," Yoshiko said coolly. "I am your publicity agent."

"You make it sound so sinister," Kurama muttered.

"It is sinister and you should be afraid," Yoshiko said severely. "Now. Do you want help with Hiei?"

Kurama thought about it for a long, long moment. "Yes."

"All right." Yoshiko fell silent for a long moment. "Kurama?"

Kurama glanced over. "Hmm?" Then he blinked. "Wait a..."

Yoshiko nodded once. "I think I'm overdue for a long talk, Kurama-kun. You've been so...distant lately. And you are my best friend."

"He said you were calling me that," Kurama muttered. "Yoshi-chan, I'm really, really sorry about all this."

"Apologize later," Yoshiko said with a glance at the clock. "We're going to be late!"

[-]

"Hang on a minute. I think I fell asleep there and dreamed this. You're a sex demon?"

"I am not!"

"It would explain so much though."

"I'm not!"

"The hair. The eyes. The way you stand."

"What's wrong with the way I stand?"

"The general attitude of both being sex appeal on legs and yet innocent."

"I'm not, I tell you!"

"The complete lack of being disturbed that you are the object of most girls' fantasies in this school."

"Yoshiiiiii!"

"You say something?"

Yoshiko and Kurama were both sitting outside for lunch. Or, rather, sitting well out of range of all other students and having a heated conversation while everyone else had lunch.

"You believe me?" Kurama finally managed.

"What earthly reason have you got to run around saying you're a demon if you're not?" Yoshiko threw her hands into the air. "It just complicates matters. You're not that sort."

"Then why did I tell you at all?" Kurama wondered.

"Because it applies to Hiei, of course!" Yoshiko gave him her best what-are-you-stupid look. "You're a demon, so he must be one."

Kurama decided that it was a good thing that he hadn't eaten, or he'd definitely have choked by now. "How the – ?"

Yoshiko sighed. "You wouldn't have told me if it wasn't a huge, glaring factor in this. So what's the deal?"

"Demons have a very different way of looking at sex," Kurama said carefully. "Nobody cares about reproduction, or families, or being nice to your mate, or anything. It's more like, 'Hey, I'm bored, let's shag. And then I'll tear your head off if I'm not interested enough to spend five days going at it.' It's a bit hard to explain," Kurama finally ended. "Humans would categorize it as cruelty. Demons don't label things."

"I'll be sure to keep that in mind next time I want to boink a demon," Yoshiko retorted. "Sounds to me like if you just wanted sex, you wouldn't be consulting me. You want human advice for a demon problem, don't you?"

"Something like that."

"And why is that? Don't you lot have love?" Yoshiko started playing with her Hello Kitty collar fitfully.

"I guess some do," Kurama finally divulged. "I never really comprehended it until I came here. Hiei's never had it either. Love is...it's another human label that you try to apply to everything, even though you don't know how it...I don't know." Kurama sighed and flopped back against the grass.

"I'm not trying to label it," Yoshiko said. "You don't want him just for shags, which goes against everything you've ever known until now, and you automatically give it a human quality just because you found it while you were in a human body. Yes?"

"I'm trying to think of demons in love and failing," Kurama groaned.

"Your parents?"

"What parents?" Kurama sat up. "I don't remember them."

"Well, I'm running out of options here," Yoshiko said waspishly.

"Oh." Kurama flopped back onto the grass again. "I just remembered one. Hiei's sister, Yukina."

Yoshiko shot him another what-are-you-stupid look. "Well, that changes everything!"

"Yukina loves Kuwabara," Kurama mused. "And Kuwabara loves her. And Yukina is the only person Hiei cares about. I think."

"You think he loves her, or you think she's the only one?" Yoshiko asked.

"He definitely cares. I'm not hedging any bets past that," Kurama replied.

As the bell tolled to summon them all back in from break, Yoshiko grinned. "You can keep your cards close to your chest, but I'm going to play the tables on this one if you don't mind. Let's go."

[-]

Hiei finally woke up when a bell sounded shrilly, followed by the hubbub of a thousand or so humans fleeing from a large building. Well, a thousand or so humans and one demon. Or two or three. There were a couple amorphous sorts whose identities were still somewhat unknown. They're at every school, don'tcha know.

"And you'll take care of yourself?" Hmm. Sounded a bit like the squeaky girl who beat the humans off Kurama with a stick.

"I'll be fine, Yoshi-chan. Really." And that was certainly Kurama. Who else would emit such a ki and yet not be dismembering humans left and right?

"Shuu-shuu-chaaaaaaaaaaan! Can I walk home with yooooooouuuuu?"

"Well, fuck," Girl Who Beat Other Girls Off With A Stick snapped. Hiei glanced down from his perch to see her snap a fan out from what looked like a garter and proceed to give a tiny, bouncing, sparkly haired...thing a sound thrashing about the face. "Shut! Up!"

"But Yoshiiii-sempaaaaiii! I just got my face done just for thiiiiiiis!"

THWACK THWACK THWACK. "Kurama-kun? Run." THWACK THWACK THWACK.

"Bye, Yoshi-chan. Sorry about this."

"Go!"

"Deeeeeeeeeeeeeemo..."

THWACK THWACK THWACK.

As Kurama took off, Hiei started to wonder if the GWBOGOAS might have had some demon blood in her. It would make a lot more sense that way.

"That was impressive."

Kurama tilted his head back and glanced at Hiei. "Yoshi-chan?"

"That girl from the other night," Hiei confirmed.

"You can come down now. I'm sure I look ridiculous talking to a tree, and you are wearing human clothes."

Hiei sighed and dropped to the ground. "Now what do you want?"

Kurama raised one eyebrow. "I got a call from Yusuke," he began slowly.

Hiei kept walking. "...?"

"I can go home. Do you want to see what I'm going to do with it?"

[-]

"Aven Vincent. Take a break," Koenma announced, popping into the cell. "Botan, I need you, right now."

"Yes, sir," Botan rasped, her voice grating along disused vocal cords. She began stumbling through the puddles, no longer caring about the state of her clothes or her skin, but only about getting the next bit of work over and done with. She barely even noticed when she slipped and had to be caught by Aven Vincent.

"Cor," Aven Vincent muttered, hustling her out of the cell. "Don't faint on me. I hate it when people faint on me. Didn't anyone tell you not to sit down? You look a mess. If you're going to hover about, you need to look better. You're going to die on me, aren't you? I hate it when people die on me!"

"Let...go," Botan mumbled, struggling in the direction of the office. "I have to...go see..."

"Yeah, yeah, don't get your knickers in a twist, we're going," Aven Vincent retorted. "If I leave you here, Koenma-sama will be all annoyed and I won't get to finish with my human. So let's go."

The interrogator managed to haul the half-unconscious girl into Koenma's office and get her more or less propped upright against one clawed hand. "Reporting, sir! The human – "

Koenma looked up from where he was standing on the desk. "You're going back in there by yourself from now on," he broke in. "I need Botan, and I need my Team Urameshi. We've just picked apart the source of that vigilante ring, and we got there from some ningenkai contacts."

Botan blinked hazily. "But a demon vigilante using humans? I thought we ruled that out?"

"Using them, we ruled out. But recruiting them...we never thought about," Koenma said with a heavy sigh, flopping onto the desk. "And recruiting them he is. Aven Vincent?"

"Yeah?"

"Go in there and start asking about Ramandai the Exterminator. But first get Botan back to her quarters. She's to be fully rested before we move in. We have time."

"Then why are you sending him back in?" George inquired, pointing a claw at Aven Vincent.

"I want to have as much information as possible before I send out my team," Koenma replied. "Aven Vincent, Botan, you may go. I will send for you when I need you."

Botan managed to say, "Ha..." before her voice gave out entirely. Aven Vincent sighed and began hauling her out of the office. As soon as the doors had shut, Koenma turned to his personal oni. "Find everything we've got on Ramandai the Exterminator."

"That one again? But he's not a – "

"Yes, well, he's all we have, and if I don't get this cleared up, my father might not like the idea of having a human in the dungeons so much anymore," Koenma started fretfully.

George sighed and strode off to the filing rooms, one hand pressed to his aching head.

Pity the idea of unions never caught on in the Makai.


Fluffy: Ar.

Henrika: I'm not trying to pressure you. Sorrysorry! And it does.

HieilovesBotan: Ah, good.

Liviania: XD Wait for it. Waaaait. Evil things are afoot with the showers.

Kerei Kitsune: Mhm! That would be the pairing. ducks and waits for thrown things

Goddess-Shalamar: I'm glad. grin

Higashikaze: Ahh, that part's a secret. And I'm sorry it made you cry!

Mare Serenitatis: You're not a bad person! Really! And yes, there is more freedom. You'll see. Soon. Bwahaha.

Duel: Mrrrg.