a/n: Wow, it's been close to two years since I've worked on this fic! I was reading some of my old work the other day, (cringing the entire time), and I began to think that some of the things I wrote weren't half bad ideas! I was just so young, and didn't have the words to convey what I was trying to write. So I'm up late, and I decided to go back and sort of "update" my old fan fictions, and – while keeping the same basic idea – making them sound more polished. I thought for a long time about just deleting this story, because honestly I was embarrassed by its errors. But it did get some awesome reviews, and I wouldn't want to take it off the site completely… So, as I said, I'm just fixing. : )
OH! And as was mentioned in the a/n of this fiction before its update, I got the idea for this story while looking at fan art of Inuyasha. The picture is drawn by Druihd, and can be found here:
h t t p // d r u i h d . d e v i a n t a r t . c o m / a r t / f a d i n g - m e m o r i e s - 1 8 9 1 1 9 7
- it is quite possibly the most exquisite, beautiful piece of fan art I've ever seen. : )
NOW – ON WITH THE STORY!!!
Fading Away
Dead. Naraku was dead.
Inuyasha let the weight of Tetsusaiga drop from his hand, and stood in disbelief. Naraku let out a horrible, gut-wrenching shriek, before shriveling into a dried carcass, and falling silently onto the dry Earth.
Still warm in his hand, the sword had not yet cooled from its last attack. So few moments had passed, and yet Inuyasha stood thinking that it could have been days, years, and he still would never have believed.
"INUYASHA!" He heard the scream in the back of his mind, yet in his solace and surprise, he could not bring himself to take note of the yell. In his peace, he also did not expect the impact of Kagome running full force into him. As he tried to keep from falling to the ground, he felt her arms wind tightly around him, and looked at her as she struggled to speak.
Her face was bright, and glowing. Tears streaked her rosy cheeks, and she opened her mouth as if to talk, but seemingly was unable to. She babbled incoherently, and collapsed into laughter, shaking her head the entire time with wide, shocked eyes.
Finally, she went rigid. As waves of realization hit her, she kept her hold on him, and the tears stopped. "You did it." She whispered into his chest. She gripped him harder, squeezing him, and finally, collapsed. Inuyasha held her up, staring at her.
"We did it."
"Kagome! Kagome!" Sango's voice stretched over the empty valley. The young girl rushed to the pair, followed quickly by Kirara and Miroku. Kagome twisted out of Inuyasha's grasp, and met her friend in a hug. The women dissolved into tears, as the emotions swept over them, and they finally grasped the truth of the situation.
Miroku walked steadily, pausing briefly, as if thinking for a moment of comforting them, but decided against it. He would let them be there for each other, as they needed to be. He, instead, walked past the two, and towards Inuyasha. He stopped a few steps short of the other man, grinning wildly.
"My friend." He said, and was engulfed in a bear hug. The monk laughed, hugging his friend in return, hoping to convey how proud, how ultimately happy he was.
When they released, the women were talking calmly, and Kirara was flying into the woods. Miroku's brow furrowed in confusion, and then he nodded slightly, as if he understood. Inuyasha did not ask, but waited to figure out where Kirara had flown to.
It didn't take long for him to find out, for minutes later she returned, an excited young boy bouncing on her back. Shippo nearly injured himself, jumping off before Kirara had hit the ground, and running towards the two men.
"Miroku! Inuyasha!" He screeched, bounding into the pair.
The men smiled as Shippo spoke with record breaking speed.
"I-can't-believe-you-did-it-I-knew-you-would-I-can't-believe-Naraku-dead-Kagome-Sango-everyone-okay-I-knew-it-I-knew-it-would-happen-today-just-felt-right-I'm-so-so-so-" And his little voice broke, his eyes so wide it seemed they would engulf his tiny face.
"Kagome!" He shrieked, hopping from foot to foot. "Kagome, get the jewel, get the jewel!"
The young girl turned from Sango to look towards Shippo. Her eyes met Inuyasha's gaze, and he understood immediately what she was thinking.
This moment was bittersweet. A moment only made possible with blood, tears, sweat, pain, and unimaginable sacrifice. Sacrifice from each and every one of them, and countless others… He made his way towards her, and enveloped her in a warm embrace.
Her mind wandered suddenly to Kouga, who had given them his shards only weeks before, when they told him of how close they were to defeating Naraku. His tears stayed fresh in Kagome's memory, as he finally ripped them from his legs, and handed them over, grudgingly. He had retreated to the mountains, angered at his new state of weakness.
She thought of Kohaku, too. How, the last time he had been sent to attack the group, he had burst into a fit of uncontrollable tears. Fighting Naraku's control over him, he had begged Sango through his sobs to remove the shard from his back, and to let him lay by her as he died. Sango had tried to tell him otherwise, but even she knew it was the only way he would ever die in peace. Eventually, she had complied, and that is how they gained the only other shard that was not in their, or Naraku's possession.
Kagome made her way to the carcass slowly. Her mind racing with the memories that led to this moment, and wondering what would happen after, wondering how life would change. Tears fell silently, as she kneeled, and picked up the thick, nearly complete black sphere.
The jewel shone magnificently, and the black seemed to melt away to a beautiful shining pink. The rest moved closer to watch as Kagome fiddled with the small bottle of jewels around her neck. She opened the bottle, and emptied the shards into her hands, before placing them together, and completing the jewel.
The tips of her toes, and fingers tingled. She felt woozy for a moment, and stared, almost frightened, at the perfect orb in her hands. It was done. That was it. This very second had been the one that all of their work had led up to, and it was over.
She met Sango's eyes, and her friend gave a quick nod. Miroku seemed to understand too, because there was no cry of disproval when the young girl got up, and made her way towards Inuyasha. She took his hand, and silently placed the gem in it. Her voice was small, and gentle, as she spoke.
"When I first met you, you acted like an animal. When I heard of how powerful this jewel was, and how you wanted to possess it, I knew that I would never let it fall into your hands. Now, as time has passed, and as I have gotten to know you… I'm sitting here before you, and giving you the very thing I vowed to keep from your control. Because now, knowing and understanding you, I… I know… I know there is nowhere it belongs more. And… I, I know that you'll do with it, what's right." She stepped away, never breaking eye contact with the man in front of her.
Inuyasha clenched the orb. It was cool in his palm, and he knew in that instant what he was about to do. He could hardly believe it, yet he knew that he was going to do it. Slowly, he closed his eyes. He swallowed hard and thought, chanting his wish in his head. He shook with fear, and hoped that it would work, somehow.
The boy was lifted off of the ground, and a light surrounded him. Kagome gasped, turning away to stare at Sango in horror. Her worst fears seemed to be coming true. Inuyasha could not turn into a full demon. He would forget her; forget his friends, his feelings… No matter how many times he told her it would never happen, she knew in her heart that if he were fully demon, he would forget of her completely.
As much as she couldn't bear to watch, she did. Her eyes, brimming with tears, suddenly dried. For as she watched him floating, she saw that his hair was dulling to the color of her own raven tresses; his ears dissolving, moving downward on his face, becoming human-like. His claws shrunk, his fangs rounded. He could feel his sense of smell weaken; his wounds begin to hurt more, as his body was lowered to the ground.
He was human.
Kagome stared into his eyes. Now a deep chocolate brown, she searched for the boy that she had grown to love. Barely trusting herself to speak, she managed to say, coarsely, "Inuyasha…?"
He smiled, and shrugged off her amazement. "You know I haven't wanted to become full demon for a long time now."
Her feet seemed to move involuntarily, and she felt her eyes brimming once more, only these tears did fall, as she made her way into his arms and kissed him fervently, unable to keep the emotion inside. Unaware of Sango and Miroku's bewildered stares, Inuyasha returned the kiss, tasting Kagome's tears, and thanking the Gods that he made the right decision.
After much discussion, the group began to walk back towards Kaede's village. Amidst the light, happy conversation, and laughter, Kagome stopped to listen closely. She could have sworn she'd heard… a car?
The others didn't seem to notice, or hear the noise. Yet it continued, and seemed to get a little louder. We're in the Feudal Era. She told herself, laughing nervously. The noise slowly faded, just as discreetly as it had come. Kagome kept walking, grateful that the others didn't notice her lagging behind. She put the incident in the back of her mind, trying to forget it.
Kaede was outside sweeping when the five of them, and Kirara, ran up to her. She grinned and laughed in delight as they each retold their own version of their conquest. Her eyes shone with happy tears, and she told them she was happy to have lived long enough to see the death of such a horrid being.
That evening, as they sat around the fire slurping soup, Miroku noticed Kagome's troubled stare. "Kagome?" He asked, leaning forward.
When the young girl didn't respond, Sango also noticed. She watched as Miroku, perplexed, said Kagome's name again.
"Kagome? Kagome!"
Sango watched for signs of realization, yet Kagome just continued to stare with a confused and frightened look, into the fire.
"KAGOME!" Miroku yelled, setting his bowl down, and scooting to wave a hand in front of her face. Kagome jumped, spilling her own soup, and looked fearfully towards the monk.
I can't hear what he's saying. She thought wildly. The sound of his voice and everything around her was being drowned out by noises of her own time, it seemed. She could hear cars passing, voices of people out on the street, walking, it seemed.
Sango was beside her now, too. Inuyasha was walking towards the three, and slowly, sound began to return to her.
"-going on here?" She caught the end of Inuyasha's question, and shook her head feverishly.
"Nothing, nothing, I was just thinking so deeply of these past few days that I, that I didn't hear Miroku when he spoke to me."
Always a bad liar, Kagome searched the faces of her friends, hoping they had believed her. She wanted them to believe her. She wanted to believe herself…
She sipped her soup, and swallowed slowly, biding more time. "Really, everything is fine." She said firmly.
Miroku could feel his stomach churning. Something wasn't right, and he knew that the others could sense it, too. Kagome's voice was almost pleading them to believe her, to just leave the issue alone.
Unable to decide what to do, they complied with her wishes, and fell silent. Sango stared at Inuyasha, and then Miroku, before breaking their glances looking towards Shippo's small form, curled with Kirara's.
Days past, and the sounds kept coming to Kagome. Louder and louder, leaving all traces of feudal noise behind… Kagome felt that soon, she wouldn't ever be able to hear anything at all.
And then, one day, she woke to a bus horn honking loudly. She jumped, only to realize that Shippo was shaking her leg adamantly, and that Sango was looming above her, worry etched in every line of her young face.
They were screaming it seemed, and Shippo's mouth continued to move. Kagome's eyes spilled over with tears.
"I can't…hear you." She confessed, shaking her head. "I'm sorry." Her stomach wrenched with guilt as the little boy shook.
Shippo's face contorted in fear, and he clutched her leg as she stood. She embraced him tightly, and then put him down to hug Sango. Kagome could feel Sango squeeze her, trying so hard to show Kagome how much she valued their friendship. Yet Kagome already knew, and valued it just as much. The two tore away from each other, both of their eyes filled with pain, and sadness. Miroku and Inuyasha were behind her, and she felt Miroku's hand on her own. She hugged him firmly, planting a small kiss on the monk's cheek.
Tears flowed down her cheeks as Inuyasha led her into the woods a small ways, and as they got farther in, the noise grew louder. Conversations of going to the movies, to dinner, a police car in the distance, bicycle bells, more car horns, radios in cars that passed, the footsteps of people walking.
Her head began to hurt, and her pain reflected Inuyasha's anguished expression as he stopped to stare into her eyes.
"I can't stay here…" She whispered, hoping he could still hear her.
And he did, she could tell, by the way his eyes misted over. He nodded and held her hand gingerly. He closed the space between them, and brought his lips to her ear, in a last effort.
For a split second, the sound stopped, and she heard him as he whispered his good-bye, "I love you."
She gasped, and her eyes filled with more unshed tears. "I love you, too." She sobbed, squeezing his hand in fear. He placed her hand on his chest, and, calming down, she focused on the feel of his heart beating.
With each beat, the sound of her world grew louder once more. Inuyasha closed the gap between them once more, kissing her with every ounce of feeling that he had within.
Kagome felt his lips, tasted the tears falling from both of their eyes, felt the beat of his heart, the wind of the world she had come to love caress her cheek, and the warmth of the boy that was so close.
And then, it began to fade. The trees began to dull; the grass gave way to pavement. Inuyasha's pained expression as he pulled away to see her eyes searching blindly for him, it too faded. Everything was drowned out with not only the sound, but the future itself.
And Feudal Japan was gone.
She was outside of the well house, staring into the face of Goshinkboku. A cry of agony tore from her throat, and she sprinted into her house, and into the embrace of her mother, who comforted her heartbroken young daughter, who had lost everything that she had come to love.
……………
Years later, Kagome, leaving for college, was packing her belongings. Her room was cluttered with remnants of the past. Movie stubs from Hojo's and her dates, pictures of her and her friends. A small box labeled "Do Not Open" lay under her bed, wrapped in many layers of duct tape. She stopped momentarily as she came upon this box, and felt the old pang of sorrow within her stomach.
She shook her head, determined to forget. The box was shoved into the pile of things she wanted her mom to throw away after she left. She finished packing, and sat on her sheet less bed, staring around the room. Kagome had come so far from where she had been, after all… that happened.
For months, she had lain around, guilty and tortured by the past. Slowly, she built up the strength, emotionally and mentally, to move on. She barred all thoughts of her old life… of all the happy times. Of how unfair it was that everything was going right, and she was… was torn away.
The old tears started up, and she wiped her eyes dry. Standing, she yelled to her mother.
"I'm done Mom! My room's all packed!"
She walked through the living room, past Souta and his girlfriend, who were watching a movie on the couch. Giving them half a glance, she continued out the back door, and into the yard. Her eyes wandered to the old well house, that she'd had her grandpa bar up nearly four years ago. He had died last spring… Lords, how the time had passed.
Kagome came to a stop at Goshinkboku. Her eyes went to the blossomed branches, that, in the coming fall, were shedding their flowers. She no longer marveled at the beauty of such a tree. She hated it, in fact. Despised the thing, and had wished for it to be cut down, and made into some type of horrid, ugly piece of furniture.
Walking around it, trying to understand why in the hell she was deciding to confront forgotten feelings, she hit the trunk in anger. It felt so good, to take it out on something. She kicked it, and knowing that it hurt her more than the tree, kicked it again, not caring.
As she continued to walk around the trunk, her foot caught something in the ground, and she tripped, caught off balance. Unable to grab hold of the tree, she hurdled towards the ground, and met with a hard thud, in the dirt.
She got on her knees, and turned to see what she had tripped on. Sticking up from the ground was the corner of something. Curious, she moved closer to it and began to dig it out with her fingers. Her eyes widened as she realized it was a metal box, and she furiously dug harder.
When it was out enough for her to grasp, she pulled it hard, and tugged it out of the Earth. The clasp had rusted off, showing the container's age. It seemed to have been closed for years. Centuries. She rubbed the dirt from it, and stopped when she felt engraved letters on the top of it.
Kagome
Her eyes were wide with pain and shock as she struggled to open the box. Tears filled her eyes, as she pulled a small, thin, leather-bound book out. Beautiful, looped cursive filled the few pages of the book, handwriting that was so unmistakably Sango's, it made Kagome's head spin.
My Dear Kagome,
It has been years since you were taken from us. Stolen back to your time, we presume that's where you are at least, for whatever reason. It has been many years, and yet you linger still in everyone's minds. I know that we linger in yours… and I want you to not worry. We are all doing fine.
After you were gone, Inuyasha didn't talk for months. Miroku exploded on him one night, demanding that he be happy, for your sake. We used to cry a lot. We don't now, because we have learned to remember you in a happy way. Inuyasha still finds it hard to speak of you, sometimes… but we can usually manage to speak of you with smiles, and laughter. It is a bittersweet remembrance, but it is smiles, and laughter, all the same.
Miroku and I married about three years after you left. We've had three beautiful little girls. Kagome is almost eight, Eri is six, and Kaede, who was born just recently after Kaede's death.
Kagome put down the letter, and a sob let loose from her throat. She had missed it all. They had gone on without her – and she was so happy that they had! Yet it was still leaving a gaping hole within her, to know that they had lived, and been fine without her… Kaede had even died, and she had not been there… Guilt filled her, and as she shook, she continued to read.
Shippo clung to Inuyasha as much as he could, after everything. They become closer, and I know that Shippo remembers you as plainly as if it were just yesterday that you were here. We all do, but when Shippo comes to visit Kagome and Eri, he tells them stories of you, "the girl from the future", with such detail that it almost brings tears to my long-dry eyes.
It feels strange to write this, because I know when you read it we will all be gone. And not just, gone for fifty years… we'll have been gone for a long time… Yet we want you to know that we all loved you. We do love you, even if we are not there with you. In a way, we always will be.
Shippo swears to try and find you, if he can. I hope he does.
I put a few things to remember us by. A lock of each of our hair (Kirara, and the kids included), labeled so you know… A picture that was painted of us by a town artist recently, my slayer mask, Inuyasha's rosary (he realized that it came off many years ago, and refuses to look at it now… it's only right that you be it's final owner). There are Miroku's prayer beads, no longer needed, since the curse has been lifted, and a top from Shippo. We put in some cherry blossoms; Inuyasha insists they smell just like you. The Cherry Blossom Festival just happened, and we know you loved that…
We all have, and will continue to live wonderful lives. Thanks to you. It really is all thanks to you… And I thank you so, so, so much.
How to end this letter, I'm not sure. It's as if I'm saying my very final goodbye. And I'm not sure I can handle that… I'm tearing up now for the first time in so many years. Faltering at how to say how much your friendship has meant to me.
You stumbled upon a rip in time. And I'm so glad you did. you are truly a miracle, and a gift. You are my best friend, and I will never forget what you have done for me. We love you so much Kagome. Never forget us, because we will never forget you...
Lovingly Yours,
Sango, Miroku, Shippo, Kirara, and Inuyasha
Kagome, it's Inuyasha… the others don't know that I'm writing this, but I know I have to. When Sango told me she was writing you a letter, I refused to be a part of it. It hurt too much. But she told me to bury it, and I can't do it unless I write too. I think that's why she let me be the one to bury it… so I could add something, if I wanted. And I do… I want to add… everything. I want you to know that I love you. I always have, and when I became human, I did it with the intention of spending my entire life with you, Kagome. I have no regrets now, and I never will. I want you to live a happy life, Kagome. I want you to fall in love. I want you to have kids of your own. You must listen to me! We were in love, I've never been surer of anything, but it just wasn't meant to be. And please don't' cry, because you know I hate it when you do. You showed me how to live, Kagome. I'll never forget that. I'm under Goshinkboku right now, and I can't help but think of it as "ours". I think of you when I look into its branches… I hope you do too.
I love you,
Inuyasha
Unable to hold the letter or the box anymore, Kagome felt it fall from her hands. She was trembling and shaking so hard, and as sobs racked her body, she felt as if she would pass out any minute. She missed them so much; it hurt everything inside of her.
For so many years after she was forced away from them, she would return to the well and jump, determined to return. After so long, she ordered it boarded up so that she'd never have the impulse to try again…
Now, the box having fallen from her grasp, she picked up the things that had fallen out. Sango's mask, the rosary, Miroku's beads, locks of hair, Shippo's top, the picture… She stared intently, through tear-filled eyes at her aged friends. Miroku had his hand around Sango's shoulder, and Sango held a newborn infant in her hands. Her smile was more mature, older. Lines of motherhood and wisdom were carved on her face.
Kagome felt goose bumps on her arms, as she realized her friends had truly grown without her. Miroku's hair was grayer, and lines too were on his face, showing the years that he had so obviously lived without Kagome knowing. Kaede's arms were outstretched towards Inuyasha, who stood on the other side of Sango. He didn't look much different at all, and his familiar smirk sent Kagome into a fit of tears once more. It was a while before her eyes returned to the portrait.
In front of Inuyasha was the oldest girl, Kagome. She was in the middle of laugh, it seemed, and beside her, was Shippo. In front of Sango, a smaller girl stood: Eri.
Everything was so different, and yet, when she glanced once more, before gently putting the painting inside the box, it was as if things hadn't changed in the least.
Walking back inside, Kagome gripped the metal box tightly in her hands. She knew what she was going to do… and as she made her way to her room, and stopped her mother from putting the "Do Not Open" box into the trash, she began to open it, and stare at pictures, and memories, that had been put away for so long, that it seemed as if these times had never even existed.
But they had, and Kagome knew it. She cherished the times, and knew that had it not been for them, she would not be who she was today. With a heavy heart, she packed the two boxes in with her things for college, and dried her eyes once and for all.
Her friends needn't worry. She would remember them forever.
Who could ever, ever forget?
