Choose Your Own Adventure Fanfic:
Severus Snape and the Thyme of Rhyme
Don't read this in order! Follow the prompts at the end of each 'chapter' or it won't make any sense! When you're done,
go back to "The Beginning", start over, and make another choice, there are three different endings! (And more than one way to get to them!) :) Enjoy!
I extend my humble gratitude to J.K. Rowling for 'letting' me play with her toys (though if she knew what we fanfiction writers DID with them, she'd probably bleach them thoroughly each time she got them back!)
You all know the Potter-verse isn't mine.
letting: Borrowing without permission. Hoping Big Brother doesn't find out. Using someone else's fabulous ideas to amuse the heck out of complete strangers (and hoping for an occasional review to feed my inner muse). Generally making a harmless nuisance out of oneself in the name of fun. (see: FFDN for further examples)
The Beginning:
Grey clouds at Hogwarts
Greeted the day
As masses of students
Marched on their way
Some climbed to towers
Some ran outside
Some pondered studying
Or daring to hide
And then some walked slowly
Whose steps hesitate
Who will not be early
But dare not be late
For dungeons await them
With odors most rank
Where sunlight is banished
And stone walls are dank
An imposing figure
With dark scathing looks
Arms folded in ponderance
As they open books
The cauldrons are bubbling
Their brews do commence
Watching rare intellect
And dreading the dense
The spidery writing
In front of the room
Spells triumph for some
For others dire doom
A dusky deep resonance
Echoing within bones
Emphasize the importance
Of the well copied tomes
Yet despite this warning
(Or perhaps as its source)
Not every student
Follows this course
A set of flared brilliance
And all eyes open wide
One light near the doorway
One at young Neville's side
But a mere moment to ponder
Is a Potion's Masters plight
He knows he must hurry
But to which blazing light?
If Snape rushes to see what horrible mess Neville Longbottom
has gotten into THIS time,go to "Neville does it again.
If Snape investigates the illumination near the doorway,go to
"A Cauldron By The Doorway".
Neville does it again:
Running aghast towards Neville
The mystery's easy to solve
Thyme has been chopped to pieces
And not made to dissolve
An explosion spews odd-smelling gases
The students turn to flee en masse
But none can escape true ineptitude
And the potion envelopes the class
"You blundering dunderhead"
Seethed Severus Snape
"You realize we could be dead"
With a flip of his cape.
Longbottom cringed wincingly
"But I did what you said"
Although not convincingly
"I just did what I read!"
And young Draco snickered
"What is this a poem"
"Are we practicing a new play"
"In your dungeon home?"
All eyes turned toward Neville
For a second time
As they slowly realized
That what's said would now RHYME!
Hermione stood up
And wandered beside
The two personalities
One cringing one tried.
"What is it Professor"
"What Neville has done"
"And is it reversible"
"Or will these rhymes come?"
"For our years remaining"
"And must we speak prose"
"I think we'd go quite mad"
"If no one here knows!"
Snape stood there still glowering
Rage bright in his eyes
At least the other fire
Had met its demise
And itself extinguised
Of its own accord
Or their problems would mulitply
A disasterous chord!
"Miss Granger, assist me"
"There are problems to mend"
"I will study this concoction"
"You must research this trend."
If you think Hermione's research in Snape's books will find the cure,go to "Hermione Finds A Cure".
If you're counting on Snape's intellectual approach with the disasterous potion,go to "Snape Studies The Potion"
Hermione finds a cure:
The books were quite dusty
But the answer was found
Hermione stopped reading
And they gathered around
"I've found the solution"
"Though the task was not light"
"But I doubt you will like it"
"If you suffer stage fright!"
Snape raised an eyebrow
The students did cringe
Oh what would it take
To end this strange binge
"We must all rhyme together"
"With thirteen total verse"
"In this prose united"
"We will end the curse"
"Everyone is included"
"At least each a line"
"I suggest they're anonymous"
"Or our nerves will waste time!"
"I suggest a theme"
"To speed us along"
"Should it be about Potion's Class"
"Or a general school song?"
"Let's decide this moment"
"I'm weary of rhyme"
"Please sort into groups"
"To salvage our time"
Do you vote a rhyme about Snape's class?
Turn to "A Potions Class Rhyme"
Do you vote a fun Hogwart's song? Turn to "An Ode To Hogwarts"
Snape studies the potion:
Snape studies the potion
With magic and mind
That answer's elusive
He's hoping to find
But many tests later
The answer appears
The potion is weakening
It will not last years
"You have been very lucky"
"No infirmary stay"
"The effects of this blunder"
"Will not outlast the day"
"You're dismissed from my classroom"
"I have essays to grade"
"You have wasted enough time"
"With this farce you have played"
Young faces went ashen
And eyes glimmered bright
"You can't send us out there"
"We'll rhyme them to fright!"
Draco stood determined
With pureblood disdain
And glared at the Slytherin
Head saying plain
"I will not tolerate"
"This despicable day"
"My father will hear of it"
"Without delay!"
"I demand that you cure us"
"With immediate haste"
"I refuse to be rhyming"
"So best you make haste!"
The others were silent
As Snape slinked into
The brazen young Malfoy's
Immediate view
"Your attitude is reproachful"
"And from my own House"
"Fifty points from Slytherin"
"For hearing you grouse!"
"Fifty from Griffindor"
"For Neville's mistake"
"And five more from each of you"
"For staying so late!"
The students ran headlong
With fear at their heels
With House points at stake
Which authority steals
"And you, young Longbottom"
"Please stay after class"
"You've a potion to tidy"
"And cleaning quite vast!"
THE END
A Potions Class Rhyme:
Potions are a nightmare
A sinister class
The fumes are upsetting
The teacher is crass
The room is too chilly
The lighting to dim
Snape's handwriting's tiny
The ingredients grim
The taskload's a challenge
I'd hap'ly undertake
Learning is blissful while
My grade is at stake
This class is beneath me
I'm bored to the gills
Though my Head of House
Appre-ciates my skills
I explode every cauldron
I mess up every time
To be without Potions
Would be so divine!
What is that bad odor
Our nostrils are fused
And we just copy Draco
Cuz we're awf'ly confused!
I impart my knowledge
To the talent impaired
I could teach you brilliance
If anyone cared
Slytherins are ninnies
Griffindors rule
Godric's kids triumph
Salazar's drool
Why do I need Potions
Snape de-tests me so
I've already saved Hogwarts
So just let me go
The things I must learn
Will turn my hair white
Though red's more my color
I'll try as I might
We take one step forward
Then fifty points back
Lucky that McGonagall
Will make up the slack
Snape's voice is hypnotic
His movements divine
His hiding beneath cloaks
Is really a crime!
We muck through this poetry
Don't stutter or fall
We want to stop rhyming
Once and for all!
Snape peered at the students
Their eyes open wide
Would a taste of their medicine
Knock them off stride?
A wicked thought surfaced
"Now how did we fare"
"Did we vanquish this bane"
"Did we strip it's bones bare?"
The stillness was shattered
A student's voice squeaked
Snape gave them a respite
Before they all freaked.
"50 points from Griffindor for starting this calamatous mess,
and 5 points from every student for that DISTURBING creation
you dubiously labeled as poetry. Class dismissed!"
Everyone fled for the doors but still heard Snape's final proclamation.
"And if I EVER discover who said my voice was hypnotic and my movements
divine, they will spend the rest of the year in detention!" A significant pause. "With FILCH!"
THE END
Ode To Hogwarts:
We're stuck with this
Repulsive curse
So we'll sing this thing
Before it gets worse
An ode to gallant Hogwarts
First and third lines end the same
We'll look into the Houses
And see what's in a name
Hogwarts oh Hogwarts
The castle divine
A sorting of Houses
Presented in rhyme
The first verses by Griffindor
The second Slytherin
Will show a rounded picture
Of the people there within
Griffindors are brilliant
Courageous and so brave
They'll fight for truth and honor
And vanquish any knave
Griffindors are pompus
Show-offs and deranged
They'll start a battle just to show
That they're nothing at all but strange
Hufflepuffs are friendly
Courteous 'til the end
Always lend a helping hand
To get you round the bend
Hufflepuffs are losers
Never get it right
At the slightest hint of thought
Their little minds take flight.
Ravenclaws are intelligent
Answers always near at hand
When you are stuck with questions
Then you must ask this band
Ravenclaws are too smart
For their own feath'ry good
Distant and elusive
We'd hex them if we could
Slytherins are cunning
But quite annoy us all
We'd be much better without them
Hide their bodies behind the wall
Slytherins are the pinnacle
No mud-bloods or squibs allowed
We don't run with that lowly
And sadly pathetic crowd
Yes Hogwarts oh Hogwarts
We pledge our loyalty
We are the top of the pile
Our house reigns within thee
Snape glanced around at the students, Slytherin and Griffindor glaring
at each other with venom in their eyes. Best to diffuse the situation
before another catastrophe struck.
"Slytherins dismissed. Griffindors stay and finish cleaning your latest disaster."
Shouts and cheers followed a green and silver tinged flood of students to the
doorway. Gold and red were all that remained... and the colors were topped with scowls.
"Oh, and 50 points from Griffindor for our latest... experiment. Get to work!"
THE END
A Cauldron By The Doorway:
The Professor stalked
Toward the doorway light
The nearby faces
Filled with fright
Poor Nevilles potion
Had burbled with glee
But it then simmered down
Quite harmlessly
The very last cauldron
By the door however
Was being stirred
By one far too clever
And Hermione tried
To cover in vain
A unique concotion
Whose problem was plain
A upraised eyebrow
A twisted sneer
Would reduce any first year
In quivering fear
Only made her defiant
And she met his gaze
"I am improving the potion"
And they stared on amazed
"The original mixture"
"Was far too weak"
"I've added more Thyme"
"And a suspension of Leek"
Someone snickered on
The far side of the room
And Snape's dark gaze
Silenced the gloom
"Miss Granger has trespassed"
"Into areas forbidden"
"Don't laugh at her mistake"
"Don't think your flaws hidden"
Then the Potions Master paused
And considered his speech
And then peered in the cauldron
Just within his reach
"It seems you have found"
"And unusual property"
"The cure for a stutter"
"Makes us rhyme with surety"
And Hermione stared
With a chill at her table
Though making this potion
She easily was able
For her to return
Both herself and the Master
To regular speech
She needed knowlege much vaster
"Apologies, sir"
"I've stepped over my bounds"
"Perhaps you have knowlege"
"To end this speaking in rounds?"
He slunk like a predator
To his office of books
Returning with dusty tomes
From dark hidden nooks
"Now explain quite exactly"
"What your potion entailed"
"I would send out for Poppy"
"If my antidote failed"
As the students looked on
Master and student
Dug through the volumes
For references prudent
Snape finally surfaced
From a book leather-bound
"It's rather abnormal"
"But the antidote's found"
"It concerns every student"
"Inside of this room"
"To create and read poetry"
"To save us from doom"
He turned to the assembled
And glared with dark promise
"We will choose a topic"
"And remain anonymous"
"For time is essential"
"So kindly do hurry"
"I'd prefer my normal speech"
"To save me some worry"
"Thirteen stanzas"
"Are what we require"
"Be it Potions or Hogwarts"
"Please kindly conspire"
Do you vote a rhyme about Snape's class? Turn to
"A Potions Class Rhyme"
Do you vote a fun Hogwarts song? Turn to "An Ode To Hogwarts"
Rated 'PG' - It's just a little sillyness.
I only included the 'PG' rating in case I offended anyone's sensibilities by hinting at a student having a crush on a teacher.
Author's Note: This was inspired by two completely unrelated recent events:
1) I'm in the midst of looking for a second job. I got SOOOOO bored filling out applications, printing resumes, and making cover letters that I typed one of my cover letters up COMPLETELY in prose. It rhymed from start to finish (except for my name and address). I didn't get the job, but the law firm I applied to sent me a thank you note for making them smile.
2) I had a few minutes to spare this morning and was in between novels so I picked up a teeny tiny little mystery book my teenage nephew left lying around. Turned out to be a 'choose your own adventure' novel... inspiration struck!
PS: I just realized that this thing came out sounding like Dr. Seuss with writer's block.
