Disclaimer on first page
Sorry it's been a while between updates but I'm actually on holiday at the moment. This chapter is a bit blah, but hey, stuff happens. Big thanks to my reviewers and keep them coming people.
Of
the hour long conversation Giles had at me, I managed to retain
exactly one sentence. Blah blah, blipetty blah.
I tried; I really
tried to listen but my brain just acts in self defence and shuts down
the second it recognises Watcher-in-Lecture-Mode.
The upshot of
the whole conversation was that basically, Giles doesn't have clue
what's going on. He speculates (his word, not mine) that there are
different species of werewolves, something him and Wes apparently
talked about, and that the difference in appearance probably has
something to do with the fact that different strands of lycanthropy
come from different origins, Oz looks like a demented squirrel 'cos
his is demonic wereism whereas this new type probably isn't. Again,
probably is his choice of word, not mine.
So, I spent an hour not
listening to Giles tell me that he knows jack shit. He did say that
he had to do more research, (Giles? Looking something up in a book?
Gasp!) and that he's unearthed some sort of Professor guy called
Denver or something who's supposed to be an expert on animal cults
and stuff, but apparently he isn't answering his phone. Shocking.
This dude is supposed to be situated somewhere in New York, the
State not the city, so I said since it's on my way I'll pop by
and talk to him if he doesn't answer the phone soon.
Stupid me,
volunteering for brain stuff.
It's in my best interest really.
It seems the local slayer has been taking her job uber seriously and
decimated the local demon population to the extent that I haven't
got to kill anything in four days now.
No more sightings of my
doggie friends either, it's really disappointing how unforthcoming
the supernatural world is to my physical needs. And yes, I am still
talking about slaying. We're not all like Buffy you know.
God,
I'm glad to be leaving Philly. It's an alright place I guess, but
I was going stir crazy there, with nothing to do except play with
myself. Weird city, half of it is covered in murals, the other half
is quietly rotting away.
So I packed my stuff, hopped on my bike
and made my way to New York, which is very cool by the way. Huge,
smelly, full of people and rats with wings (commonly known as
pigeons, not you know, actual rats with wings, 'cos that would be
wig-some) and loads and loads of demons.
My kinda place.
No
doubt there are a couple of Slayers around here too, city this size
needs some serious protection, but I bet if I play it cool we won't
run into each other.
I spent my day wandering around looking at
the sights, eating hotdogs, chatting up the demon vendor I spotted
outside the Metropolitan Art Museum which is wicked cool by the way,
not that we'll be telling Giles.
He'd probably squeal and try
to recruit me into his hordes of the recreationally challenged.
The
demon guy, named Mal which I find mildly amusing, was a bit useless
information wise. Seems his only connection to nefarious otherworldly
plots is the stuff he passes off as hamburger meat.
When it got
dark I went for a stroll, managed to find a couple of vamps trying to
chomp on a homeless guy who actually had the nerve to call me a
stingy bitch when I told him I didn't have any money on me. After I
saved his ass and everything! There really isn't anything like New
York. Good food though.
I want to be able to enjoy my time here,
so I checked into a hotel, not a motel this time, I'm definitely
moving up in the world, and called Giles to check whether he's got
in touch with the Professor guy yet.
He hasn't. Big surprise
there.
Giles actually sounded pissed about that, he was all on
about having to leave a million messages on the "infernal
answer-phone". Guess now he knows what it's like to be put on
hold.
We decided in a joint effort, him deciding and me nodding,
that he'll keep calling and if the dude hasn't answered his phone
by tomorrow I should go and pay him a visit. Since I have about
another seven and half hours 'til sunrise, I think I might as well
go and try to find something to stick with a sharp wooden instrument.
God my life is exciting.
My
patrol last night was a complete and utter waste of time. Not only
did I not find any vampires, I only found one demon in total, and he
was in such a pathetic state, eating out of the garbage cans outside
a highly suspect Chinese take-out, that I gave him five bucks and
told him to take a hike.
This is sickening. Lack of exercise has
turned me into a goddamned bleeding heart!
When I finally gave up
strolling the streets of New York, I went back to my hotel room and
went straight to bed. I didn't even eat I was that frustrated!
I
was having the best dream ever, in which I was chasing a giant hotdog
through the hallways of Sunnydale High and was about to stick it with
a grilling fork when the phone rang. I'm not really a morning
person in any sense of the word so when I picked up, the only
sensible thing I could manage to say was something along the lines
of:
"Neurghmrr…"
"Faith? Dear god girl, it's 9.30!
What on earth are you still doing in bed?"
"Well, I was
sleeping, thanks."
"Patrol last night. Well, I shan't keep
you, I just thought you might like to know that Professor Danvers has
still not returned my telephone call, it really is most frustrating I
have to say, so if you don't mind, perhaps it would be for the best
if you do go down to Stonehaven in person to interview him."
"Sure
thing Giles, I've got the address right here so I'll make my way
after breakfast."
"Excellent, just see what you can find out.
I should warn you, from what I have heard Professor Danvers has a
reputation for being somewhat err... difficult…I believe Willow
calls it cranky? Just try not to wind him up, he may be arrogant but
do try to remember that we need his support."
Jeez, from hearing
Giles talk you'd think I have problem controlling my temper or
something.
"Sure thing G-man, I'll breeze in, suck up to him,
get the info and breeze right out again. No big."
"Right,
good, excellent. Do try not to call me that again. Take care"
"Yeah,
whatever."
Well, at least the phone call woke me up, now for a
good long stretch, a shower and some food. Then I might as well jump
on my bike and make my way to upstate New York and go see the snob.
I'm so looking forward to this.
Stonehaven
is gorgeous. You can see where its name came from, it's a big grey
stone house set in the middle of a huge patch of land, covered in
woods with a little river running from north to west. This house has
got to hold the record on longest driveway in history; I thought I
might starve between the post-box and the front door. This whole
place screams privacy valued, complete with numerous 'Keep Out'
signs, minus the landmines.
I parked my bike, adjusted my top,
(trademark black, why mess with a classic) and bounced towards the
front door, and knocked with gusto.
And then I waited.
For like
and hour!
No, in all honesty it was probably more five minutes but
I like to think that I have the patience of…something that doesn't
have a lot of patience…bear with me while I think of something
suitably cool. Since no-one was answering the phones or the door, I
was having visions of Professor Denver or Colorado or whatever lying
inside dead or dying and/or unable to answer the door.
Well, it's
not that weird a thought…Professor means old, old means alone,
alone means hip replacement and horribly lonely miserable death in
your front parlour with only your pets as witnesses to your untimely
demise because you've fallen over and can't get up. And when the
neighbours finally notice the smell (which isn't gonna happen in
this place believe you me) and the nice men in the white coats come
to get you, the only means of identifying you will be the
registration number stamped on your fake hip 'cos after days of
being trapped in the room with only your decomposing body for company
your beloved corgis will have chewed your face off.
It happens
all the time!
I saw it on the Lifetime Channel!
Anyway,
pondering these very thoughts I decided to sneak round the back to
see whether there might perhaps be a conveniently open door or window
somewhere, 'cos the front door wouldn't open.
Unfortunately,
when I rounded the final corner my whole rotting body theory was shot
to hell because there was a woman lounging in a sun chair, catching
some rays and wearing headphones which would explain why she didn't
hear me knock.
Now I am officially an evil person. I have the
documentation and prison time to prove it. I offer this information
not as an excuse but as explanation as to why I snuck up behind her
and then coughed very loudly.
I can't help it. Watching her
squeak and jump halfway to Madagascar was so totally worth it. And I
managed not to grin. Genius!
"Hi there, I'm sorry I didn't
mean to startle you."
"Oh that's alright, I just didn't
hear you."
She's attractive, in her forties I'd say, with
auburn hair, tall and somewhat familiar but I couldn't place where
I've seen her before. Also, I was getting the feeling that she's
not entirely human. The tinglies I was getting from her are nothing
like the ones I got from the weirdo werewolves the other night but
there is something a little otherworldly if not unpleasant about her.
Anyway, whatever she is doesn't seem to pose a threat, so I let it
go. Now, I could just up and out ask her what she is but I think that
would a) be rude, which lets face it is not a big problem to me, but
it would also blow my cover, imagine if I were to meet this professor
guy only to start the conversation with: "Hey didya know your wife
was an unholy thingamajig?" Not the most subtle conversation
starter in my book and who cares if the 'Faith Book of Etiquette'
consists mainly of a cover and a picture of the author. At least it
means I've heard of the word, even if it's only to ignore it.
Still smiling at the Unidentified Possibly Unholy Fiend (or UPUF
for short, what can I say, Wes was my Watcher.) I introduced myself
and explained my reason for being here. She raised her eyebrow at me
when I mentioned the phone part and really needing to speak with
Professor Danvers.
I really hate people who can do that. I spent
five whole days in prison practicing in front of a mirror and I still
can't do it. I just tend to look like I'm having a mild
seizure.
"Well, the phone habits in this house do leave a lot to
be desired, I agree with that. I'm not sure whether it was a good
idea for you to come all the way out here though, the inhabitants of
Stonehaven value their privacy."
I smiled at her sweetly. It's
another thing I had to practice. For more than five days in this
case.
"I appreciate that 'mam, and I certainly don't want to
impose on anyone but it really is very important that I speak with
Prof. Danvers. As soon as I've got what I came here for I'll
leave you all to your much valued privacy, cross my heart and hope to
die."
"Well, I certainly hope it won't come to that."
And
with the smile that came with that last comment I know where I've
seen her before. Wow, my very first celebrity.
"Oh hey, you're
that lady from TV who speaks to dead people right? I'm sorry but I
didn't recognise you before. I used to watch your show all the time
when I was in pr…the Pep Rally. Err, go Pep!"
"That's
right. Oh it's terribly rude of me to just have you stand there,
why don't you sit down, can I get you as snack maybe? I'm afraid
Clay has gone for a…err, jog with the others and won't be back
for a while."
That explains the tinglies. Magic user, or some
form of diluted demon hybrid maybe. Who cares, she's just offered
me food. We are now officially new best friends.
