Eggs, goats, and possibility, part 3
See part 1 for description, disclaimer, pairing, etc.
First, I really want to thank everyone who has replied to this story or "And So It Goes." Getting these comments is wonderful, especially given that some of you are amazing writers in your own right, whom I respect very much.
Anyway, I'm back from my hiatus, caught up on episode watching, and am back to finish this story, and perhaps weave new ones in my overactive imagination…
This final segment takes place at the very end of the episode, where, in real TV land, Luke has already seen Lorelai's face and has just asked her to his sister's wedding. In my fictitious Gilmore-land, Lorelai beat him to it and saw his face first. She however, is under the impression that nothing can come of it, accounting for her 'normal' attitude in the episode, post-what-would-have-been-my-second-chapter.
I hope you've all enjoyed this, my first foray in to Gilmore Girls fan fiction. I certainly have…
Parting words from the audience would certainly be welcomed :)
(Ideas from readers for future stories are also welcome – I have a number of little scenes running around my head, but no coherent plots to speak of… I think there's only so many episode continuations readers can take, but I may have to resort to that… My email is on my profile if anyone wants to offer suggestions. I may use them, I may not, but ideas can't hurt.)
After climbing into her car, Lorelai just sat there for a moment quietly. She wore an expression somewhere between the pleasant satisfaction of finally figuring out where her lost keys were after an entire day after hours of painstaking re-tracing of steps and the wide-eyed surprise of the classic deer-in-the-headlights. Simply put, she was completely and utterly puzzled. Dumbfounded. Stupefied… And every other synonym that Rory would surely know, that she, Lorelai, certainly did not.
What, in the name of all she owned that was pink or fuzzy, had just happened?
Luke – Luke! – had just asked her… out? Or to Liz's wedding? Was there a difference, she wondered?
As she heard Luke's truck pull away from behind her jeep, Lorelai didn't know whether to laugh, cry, throw up, or run straight to the mall for the sexiest, most flattering, slightly fruity Renaissance dress she could find. They did bustiers and corsets back then didn't they, she grinned to herself wickedly. Maybe Luke would like that…
"Gah!" That line of thought stopped abruptly as she realized what she was doing. Exactly what she had done the other night when she ran to the diner in the middle of one of Rory's movies – getting completely ahead of herself. She had no way to know what Luke had meant when he'd asked her to Liz's wedding. As much as she'd have liked it to be something, odds are he was just being a friend, that sweet guy that most of Stars Hollow didn't really get to experience, and that he really was just offering her a break. And nothing more.
He probably figured that her little scene in the diner the other night was just a mini-breakdown as a result of all the stress from inn preparations, and now he was giving her the chance to take a mental health day. Hell, he was probably doing it as much for himself as he was for her – he'd acted normal enough yesterday morning in the diner, the morning after her breakthrough-slash-breakdown, as she had dubbed it. Luke was surely not a fan of the crazy after hours visits from her, complete with tears, so giving her a rest was likely actually more self-preservation than anything else, Lorelai realized, now that she'd actually thought about it.
The goofy confused grin she'd been sporting was quickly fading.
No Lorelai, that was not a little glimmer of hope there, when you thought you heard Luke stutter, and then stumble as he walked back to his car. It was not some cutesy scene that could be likened to a ten year old boy shyly, awkwardly asking a girl to be his girlfriend for the very first time… That was Luke skittishly hoping not to set Lorelai off and running towards tears again as he offered her an out from her inn craziness. That's all the awkward fumbling over words came from. And nowhere else.
Lorelai sighed audibly. Well, she comforted herself, at least she wasn't going to let herself get all worked up over nothing this time…
Which she wasn't. Once she had slept off all the insane emotions of her late night visit to the diner the other day, she thought it through thoroughly. She was thirty-six, still single, and she didn't like it. And now she liked Luke. But she wasn't what he wanted. And she was going to have to force herself to live with that. It had taken a bit of effort and a lot of Ben and Jerry's, but Lorelai had finally made some sort of internal peace with the fact that, despite everything else, she had a lot to be happy about. Rory was amazing, her dream of an inn was on the verge of being realized, she lived in a great town, had amazing friends… If a husband and more kids happened, so be it. But if it didn't, she'd convinced herself that she could deal with that too.
And she could deal with Luke just being her diner guy, her caffeine supplying buddy. That part was a little harder; it would take a little more work…
Seeing Sookie and Jackson all cuddled up and couple-y in the zucchini patch had made her heart ache a little. They were, after all, what she wanted to be with Luke. The sparring-friends-turned-picture-perfect-happy-little-family. But it wasn't going to happen – she'd reaffirmed that to herself as she'd lain there under the stars last night. And she couldn't - wouldn't - allow herself to dwell on what she didn't have. It just wasn't worth it.
So even as she'd been walking back to her jeep not ten minutes ago, she'd forced herself to focus on the inn, thinking about all the great things that could come of it.
Then Bam, Luke. Out of nowhere. Asking her to a wedding. Which might have been something. But probably wasn't…
"Ugh!" Lorelai let out a frustrated wail and laid her head down between her hands on the steering wheel. She was getting so sick of herself! Turning everything little thing into something it's not, everything becoming this huge emotional thing in her mind. She vowed last night, as she was lying there looking at Sookie and Jackson sleep, that she wouldn't dwell on this crap anymore.
Stupid Luke and the stupid wedding! She cursed under her breath. She'd been fine, getting her crazy head and emotions back to normal, just going back to her car, just wanting to go home and shower, and he had to mess with her mind yet again…
But it was nothing. "Just a friend, Gilmore," she told herself aloud, as if hearing her own voice say it might give it more credence. Just good old friendly Luke…
Catching some movement out of the corner of her eye, Lorelai jerked her head up from its perch on the steering wheel. Sookie was standing in her front window, staring quizzically at Lorelai still sitting in her parked jeep.
Jesus Christ, Lorelai wondered, how long had she been sitting there? Sookie was already in new clothes, her hair obviously damp from a shower.
Not wanting to explain anything to anyone, lest it shake her tenuous newfound emotional stability, Lorelai quickly threw the jeep into gear and with a wave of her hand to placate her confused friend in the window, she was on her way.
All Lorelai had intended to do upon leaving Sookie's place was to go home, pluck the remaining straw from her tangled hair, and take a shower before heading to the inn. Yet somehow, completely unwittingly, Lorelai found herself maneuvering the jeep into a parking spot in front of the diner.
What the hell was she doing? She didn't want to see Luke now… Or maybe she did. "Stupid, stupid crazy brain," she muttered to herself. And stupid Luke for throwing another wrench into the plans, what with all this asking to weddings… She'd finally convinced herself that she was on an ok place with all that had happened. And she'd force herself to be fine with having good old Luke to just serve her coffee.
And that's exactly what he still is, she reminded herself, good old Luke, pourer of coffee. Just because his little question this morning made those stupid butterflies in her stomach flutter up a storm big enough to spawn F5 tornadoes, it didn't mean he was on the same page. Or did it? No matter how hard she tried, the one little thing she couldn't explain away was the fact that Luke had sought her out in Sookie's vegetable patch, very, very early in the morning to ask her to the stupid wedding. Luke may have been an early riser, but at the very least, her usual diner arrival times should have clued him into the fact that she certainly was not. And if, however unlikely a scenario it was, if ever she did chose to heed the incessant beep of an early alarm, it was even less likely that she'd do it while snoozing in a friend's garden. So for Luke to have found her at Sookie's required a bit of determination and urgency on his part. That, she was having a little trouble explaining away. She let out a little sigh as she let her head come to rest on the steering wheel once again.
Those stupid little quiz things that always popped up in Cosmo, or whatever other random magazine that would show up in her shopping baskets, always seemed to ask whether she considered herself an optimist or a pessimist. Lorelai never knew what to put. Sure her outward appearance to most of Stars Hollow would surely have her pegged as the eternal, if not overly quirky, sunny optimist. What had thus far escaped most of the nosy townspeople was the fact that her experiences with a high-society Hartford family, both in the past and more recent ones, had left certain parts of her more than a little jaded. Add to that the perpetual failures on the romance-slash-happily-ever-after front, and it very well could be enough ammo for any amateur psychoanalyst to stamp a big 'Pessimistic Cynic' in big red letters across her forehead. Then again, if you dug a little deeper, there was always that childish hope she always seemed to hang on to. The one that she always wanted to believe, the one that told her everything would surely turn out ok in the end…
Well, in her current predicament, pessimistic cynic had a huge lead – Luke wanted nothing to do with her other than to serve her coffee, use her as fodder for his periodic rants, and give her a little mental health break by bringing her to the wedding…
Hopeful childish optimist, however, just wouldn't be completely squelched – Luke has been pining for her, wants to have a family with her, and is just using the wedding as the starting block for a fairy-tale romance…
Sometimes Lorelai really hated hopeful childish optimist.
Either way, she realized, catching a glimpse of the clock only a few inched from her eyes, she'd once again been sitting in her car talking to herself for far longer than was probably healthy. Which just fortified that fact that she was in dire need of coffee. So the Luke-dilemma was temporarily sent to the back burner, completely overpowered by the caffeine desperation at hand.
Climbing out of the jeep, Lorelai caught sight of Lane up the sidewalk, apron and all, as she was heading to work.
"Lane!" She cried, "Need coffee!"
Lane, not at all thrown off by the manner in which this particular coffee request had come – it was Lorelai, after all – just grinned, "Sure Lorelai, it's ready when you are."
"Bless you my child!" Coffee would help clarify things for her poor little brain. Or at least that's what Lorelai was betting on as she reached bag into the jeep to snag her purse before heading into the diner.
She'd almost made it to the entrance – a mere ten feet away from the beloved caffeine – when she heard her name from behind her.
"Lorelai! I thought I heard your name!" Liz rushed up to Lorelai with an enthusiasm that should not have been legal at that early hour.
Mustering up a polite smile, Lorelai greeted her with a slightly forced, though cheerful, "Hey Liz." After all, it wasn't Liz's fault that she was getting married and that her stupid brother had to come along to mess with Lorelai's mind, and heart, again…
"Oh Lorelai, did you see that little guy over there?" Liz gestured animatedly down the street in the direction she'd just come from. "Wasn't he just the cutest little thing?"
Glancing to see who exactly Liz was referring to, Lorelai caught sight of some woman, whose name she probably knew at some point but didn't care enough to try and recall now, showing off the contents of the stroller she was pushing. And unless she was as cracked as Babette, odds are it was a kid in the stroller. A baby… "Yeah, sure." This time Lorelai's words to Liz were curt. She couldn't take out her frustration over Luke on Liz simply because it was her wedding, but she'd already reserved the right to play the bitch card to anyone who shoved the kid issue in her face…
"Oh babies are just so adorable, aren't they?" Liz gushed on, unaware of Lorelai's less than receptive initial response to the baby conversation, "They're so little and fat, with their tiny shoes and their tiny clothes…"
"Yup." Lorelai replied shortly, trying to cut Liz off and give her an out before she was forced to strangle her to shut her up.
Liz still took no notice of Lorelai's apparent aversion to all things baby, and continued to gaze down the street at the stroller. "Oh hey!" She exclaimed suddenly, turning back to Lorelai. "You know Jess!"
Bitter, bitchy, baby-less Lorelai was caught off guard by what seemed to be a complete non-sequitur. Her nasty façade fell by the wayside quickly, as all she could do was give a quizzical stare, and stammer out with a confused, "Uh yeah, I guess." What the hell did Jess have to do with anything?
"So I can ask you," was Liz's gleeful reply.
Lorelai was still stumped. Raised eyebrows and a questioning shake of her head went along with her "Ask me…"
Liz gestured for Lorelai to move closer, before whispering conspiratorially, "You think Jess would like a little brother or sister?" She beamed excitedly in anticipation of Lorelai's response.
Lorelai shrank back from Liz, her breath whooshing out of her in a floored, "Wha?" So Jess wasn't a complete non-sequitur… After a kid like Jess, Liz wanted more? And now? She had to want more kids now? Lorelai wondered incredulously if the entire universe wasn't conspiring against her to rub everything in her face and make her miserable…
"Oh yeah, I think he'd just do so great with a little kid," Liz confirmed wistfully, "He's really just a softie, my Jess, he tries to be all tough and leather and all that intellectual book stuff, but I think he'd be great with a little tiny brother or sister…" She trailed off, obviously imagining the pretty family picture – ludicrous to anyone with half a brain – of Jess Mariano being cute and cuddly with a small sibling.
Lorelai shook her head, still trying to process not only the fact that she was once again being bombarded with the idea of kids she'd never had, but also trying to wrap her mind around Jess with any kid whatsoever. Never mind the thought of TJ's offspring… Oh God, TJ! Lorelai grimaced inwardly at the thought of that man ever reproducing. For the good of Stars Hollow and mankind in general, she felt she had to verify whether or not such a travesty was already on the way. Cautiously, trying not to show her obvious disdain at such a thought, Lorelai broke the silence, posing the awkward question, "So are you and TJ…"
"Oh not yet, just thinking about it, you know. We're not even married yet! Not that that stopped me before. Or hey, you either, actually!" Liz laughed, "I just see a little baby like that and I want another 5 kids, and now with TJ… I don't want to be an old fart mom, you know?"
Lorelai pursed her lips, set her jaw, and looked away, biting back a fresh round of tears. Willing herself not to agree with Liz out loud, she tried in vain to tune her out. She knew that feeling, that exact feeling… She just didn't really need Liz, or anyone else, to be let in on it. Sure, Rory had dragged her kicking and screaming into a few admissions the other day, but that's where it stopped.
Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on how you looked at it, Liz remained oblivious to everything but her own enthusiastic agenda, and took Lorelai's silence to mean she didn't understand the previous statement. So she elaborated, driving home the point that Lorelai already knew so well, "You know, the moms who are already wrinkly, old, and gray when they're sitting at the kids t-ball game or teacher conference? The ones who are like forty-five when they have the kid… I don't want to be that mom. So I don't have much time left. And I think Jess would love brothers and sisters…" Liz trailed off, now wearing an expression very much similar to Lorelai's.
At the point, Liz's sentiments so close to her own, Lorelai could do nothing but let out an involuntary "Yeah…" of agreement.
Luckily for both women, before the sense of melancholy hung in the air any longer, Liz's volatile personality took over, and she pulled a complete 180 within seconds, letting out a shriek of excitement, "Ooh, or a cousin! If I could just find someone for Luke then we could have a baby around and I could skip the whole diaper part too!"
Lorelai practically did a double-take, not sure she'd actually heard Liz say what she said, "What?"
Liz continued on animatedly, unfazed by Lorelai's interjection, "Or Luke and I could both have a kid or something, and then the cousins would be the same age, and they could grow up together…"
"Luke?" Lorelai questioned in disbelief, Liz thought Luke would have kids?
"Oh yeah," Liz nodded emphatically, "I mean I never even met the wife, but I was so happy when I found out he had finally gotten married. I knew he'd have her poppin' 'em out in no time if he got his way," Liz chuckled at her own crass description of childbirth, and even Lorelai had to crack a half-smile, unable to picture Nicole, prim, proper attorney-at-law, ever 'poppin'' out anyone's kids.
Liz's tone then took a more somber note as she continued regretfully, "Too bad with the whole divorce thing, now he's back at square one, so he's not having any kids for a while. Lucky though, you know, guys can have kids until they're practically dead, no time limit for them. So he's good as long as he doesn't keep this diner hermit thing up forever. We had such a good time growing up together, you know, brother and sister, so if he had a bunch of kids and TJ and I have a bunch more kids, then it's like one big happy family, you know?"
"The Waltons all over again," Lorelai snapped curtly. She knew she was being rude, but she just couldn't help it… Forget Kirk, even TJ – TJ! - was going to get the happy ending now?
"Yeah…" Liz sighed, again not noticing any ounce of resentment in Lorelai's voice.
"So…" Lorelai's initial intent was to change the subject completely, and bring it back to much more comfortable territory. But she could not, for the life of her, get past the fact that Liz was so sure Luke wanted kids. It just didn't add up… How could Liz be so privy to something so new for Luke? "I'm sorry Liz," she began haltingly, "But you said Luke really wants kids? And you thought he was going to have them with Nicole?"
Even a few added hand gestures did nothing to clue Liz in to the confusion Lorelai was feeling at the moment. Liz didn't even flinch as she replied nonchalantly, "Oh sure, Luke loves kids. Always has."
Lorelai couldn't be bothered with trying to be subtle anymore – her jaw dropped as she asked incredulously, "Luke?" She'd had gotten the impression from Luke the night before that this whole father thing was very recent – just a result of his relationship with Nicole. And as far as she knew, Luke and Liz weren't the kind of siblings that shared stories about family planning with each other, especially in recent years. How was it that Liz could have Luke pegged for such a family man?
Liz had paid no mind to Lorelai's astonishment at her assumptions about Luke's reproductive future, and kept right on babbling about Luke and kids, and everything being all hunky-dory… It was only when Lorelai caught another mention of Jess' name that she focused again on what Liz was saying, "… with kids. Oh, except for when I'd have Jess around when he was little. Luke didn't really like him too much. Jess was kind of a bad little kid you know?"
"Really?" Despite her emotional tumult, Lorelai had to let out a sarcastic snort at the fact that Liz felt she needed to explain that Jess was a bad kid.
"Well yeah," Liz conceded, "But it's good that he's doing so well now."
Is this woman completely clueless, Lorelai had to wonder as Liz continued speaking.
"But yeah, Luke was so great with kids, always helping with the little baseball teams, and the summer camps when he was in high school."
"You're kidding," Lorelai was shocked. She was having a tough time picturing a high school-aged Luke, never mind one that was great with kids.
"No way," Liz scoffed, "He was a counselor for this little camp the elementary school had for all the town's kids who couldn't afford the regular fancy sleep-away camps, did it for four year or something. Always got voted best counselor. Those little brats worshipped him, and he gave them piggyback rides, taught games, did arts and crafts. Oh they loved him. And he loved it too, always said he couldn't wait to have kids." Before she spoke again, Liz leaned in towards Lorelai conspiratorially, "I think that was actually one of the things that scared that Rachel girl of his off the first time. She heard him talking about all that and hightailed it out of here faster than Luke could run those hurdles in track." As an afterthought, she added "And he was a state champ at that you know…" for a little extra emphasis.
"Huh…" Lorelai muttered under her breath.
What happened to the jam hands? What happened to it being his marriage that got him thinking about kids? Here she was herself wishing she could have kids with this man, and she hadn't even really known where he actually stood on the issue… Then again, was Liz, the woman marrying TJ, really such a reliable source?
Her poor brain in more upheaval than she'd ever wanted, Lorelai was reduced to nonsensical stammering, "But he… Luke never mentioned stuff like that. I didn't know… I never even thought he wanted kids, until…" Lorelai caught herself in what she thought was enough time. She quickly rephrased, lest Liz start prying about the 'until.' "I never thought he wanted kids. He told me he didn't…"
As quickly as the words came out, Lorelai already regretted them. She'd let another one slip, and she scrunched up her face in anticipation of the exuberant reaction Liz would surely have.
And there it was, Liz's ear piercing shrieks of glee, "You and Luke talked about having kids? Oh, Star's Hollow's own Will and Grace! Oh my god!" Liz grabbed Lorelai's hands and was practically bouncing up and down, slowing only to add a slight correction to what she'd just yelled, "Except he's not gay, and Will and Grace never even had the kid…"
Fervently glancing up and down the sidewalks, Lorelai was relieved to see that there didn't seem to be any signs of Miss Patty, or Babette, or anyone else who could have taken what Liz just said and blown it way out of proportion. Nevertheless, she did have to calm Liz down before anyone heard, "No, Liz, no, not like… No," Lorelai pressed urgently. "It just kind of came up when someone else was having a kid. We never… No." She shook her head with an air of finality, hoping that Liz would finally get the message.
She did, and immediately gushed her apologies with overzealous contrition, "Oh look at me, all crazy and jumping to conclusions, I'm sorry Lorelai. Sometimes I wonder how a guy as great as TJ can ever put up with crazy old me…"
For that, Lorelai had no response – she had no idea how anyone could really put up with her or TJ for very long, "Well, I, uh…"
"But oh yeah," Liz waved her hands emphatically as she jumped back to the previous issue, "Don't let anything Luke says fool you. Did he use the jam hands excuse?" She narrowed her eyes knowingly in the direction of the diner.
"Yeah, actually…" Lorelai admitted, impressed that Liz knew Luke well enough to know about the jam. Maybe she knew what she was talking about after all…
"Oh, he always says that one," Liz scoffed, "It's just that lonely single man thing, pretending like he hates kids because he doesn't have any of his own yet. Luke loves kids. He'll be such a great father if he ever finds the right girl…" She trailed off pensively before jumping back to life and pointing a finger accusingly at Lorelai, "Hey, you single now?"
"What?" Lorelai gasped, caught off guard by the insinuation.
"Oh calm down," Liz laughed, "I'm just teasing you Lorelai, I've heard about you and your fancy rich lawyer guy." She raised her eyebrows shrewdly, obviously impressed by Lorelai's snagging of such a guy.
This time it was Lorelai who failed to heed the words of her fellow conversationalist, "No, I, uh, why?" She'd completely missed Liz's admission that she'd been joking, and instead was reeling from the ever-so-slim possibility that Luke could have mentioned her, Lorelai Gilmore, as a potential 'right girl' to his sister. Wide-eyed, she sputtered on, "Did he, uh, say…"
Liz waved her off again, "No, no, I'm just kidding."
After a pause on the part of both women, Liz added thoughtfully, "But don't think he'd ever say no to you if it ever came up, you know. The Will and Grace thing," she clarified. "Or anything else. He gave you the earrings." Liz gestured Lorelai's ears despite her wearing completely different earrings at that particular moment.
"Liz…" Lorelai protested as her hands flew up to her ears involuntarily, "I don't…" She fought off a growing blush on her cheeks even as she tried again to refute Liz's comment. As flattering as the such an idea was, and as much as she would have liked it to be true, it didn't really seem kosher to not object…
"Oh God Lorelai, I'm sorry," Liz wailed, "I'm getting you all crazy and upset!" In a flurry of words long enough to make anyone doubt that she and monosyllabic Luke actually shared genetic material, Liz rambled on, hoping to undo any damage she'd already done, though not really succeeding, "You've got your lawyer rich guy to take care of you anyway. I'll just get out of here and stop saying all this crazy stuff. I have to go get my dress altered and stuff like that anyway… Oh, and now I'm talking about the wedding, and you're not invited… I'm so sorry Lorelai. I really like you and all, but TJ said we could only have 53 chairs, since that's his lucky number, and there just wasn't room for you, but I would have if we had more chairs…"
It was at that point that Lorelai jumped in to try and shut Liz up, not thinking about her words, "Actually, I'll be th…" Again with the foot in the mouth! Lorelai felt like smacking herself… There was no backing out at that point, so she sucked it up and rephrased, "It's no problem Liz, I actually am going to be there."
Confused, Liz kept quiet, waiting for the explanation…
"Luke just asked me, to uh, come with him," Lorelai muttered quickly, bashfully.
"You're kidding!" Liz squealed in excitement, "I told him he had an extra seat, but he refused to bring anyone… I thought we were going to have to invite Kirk! I would have asked you if any seats turned out to be empty, but Kirk made an official waiting list for himself you know, and I didn't care, but then Luke said he wouldn't bring a date, but, ooh, now he's asked you, and he has a date." She ended abruptly, with her hands clasped together, suddenly starry-eyed at the thought of her big brother actually having a date.
"Date?" Lorelai asked curiously.
"Well yeah," came the reasoning from Liz, "That was his whole thing with not bringing anybody. He… How did he put it…" A pause as she disdainfully recalled her brother's rant, "'Didn't want to subject anyone to that horrific experience unless they were already romantically obligated to by already being in a relationship' or something crazy like that. But he asked you…" Liz pointed out to Lorelai, complete with a sing-song-y 'I told you so' voice.
"But I don't think he meant it as…" Lorelai trailed off unconvincingly, not sure who she was trying to persuade, Liz or herself.
Liz practically squeaked out her giddy retort, "I'm just telling you what he said…"
"Well, from what you said, maybe it means he really hates me and wants to make me suffer…" Lorelai quipped weakly, trying not to let her confusion show. Then realizing how what she just said must have sounded to Liz, she hastily tacked on a few more words, "Not, that, it'll be, uh, suffering or anything. Just in his mind, right. That's what he said, not me. I love Renaissance weddings." She forced a full-on smile, teeth and everything, to convince Liz how much she wouldn't be suffering at the wedding. Not because of the wedding itself anyway, the platonic proximity to Luke might be another story…
"I don't think he's doing it to make you suffer Lorelai," Liz smirked at both Lorelai's evasion of the obvious, and also her sickly sweet proclamation of her love for the Renaissance Fair life. And then her brow furrowed as she caught on to the one snag in the pretty picture she had been painting, "Oh wait, your lawyer guy…"
"Uh…" By that point, Lorelai simply had no idea what to say anymore, and decided to admit the truth. "Actually, I, uh, I'm not with Jason anymore."
"And Luke knows?" Liz demanded breathlessly.
"Yes," Lorelai nodded. "Yes, he does know that," she stated calmly, if a little reluctantly, "As of a couple days ago."
Liz squealed, her presumption having been proved enough for her, "Ooh, it is a date! I knew it! You're going to be the one having cousins for all my kids! You and Luke, and we'll be sisters, I always wanted a sister Lorelai!"
"Liz, I don't think…" Lorelai trailed off, at that point, more than overwhelmed by everything Liz was throwing at her.
Calming down a bit, Liz focused on Lorelai, speaking in the most down-to-earth voice Lorelai had yet to hear from her, "I know my big brother Lorelai. He find out you're single, and he's single, and he needs date, but only if it's a real date, and now he asked you… I know my big brother. He's serious about stuff like this." And as suddenly as the serious Liz has appeared, she was gone again, flighty Liz taking the reins once again. "Oh, I'm late for my dress fitting! Gotta go! See you at the wedding…" Liz waved at a dumbfounded Lorelai as she pranced away down the sidewalk. She'd already made it halfway down the block before she turned around, calling out, "And think about what I said! I'm always right about things like this!"
And that was that. Lorelai was left alone on the sidewalk to try and process the surreal conversation she'd just had. "Huh..."
When Liz had finally disappeared from sight, and Lorelai's frazzled mind could take no more, she took a deep breath and headed into the diner. It felt like it had been hours ago that she'd yelled her coffee order as she was climbing out of the car. Now even more desperate for a fix of caffeine, she quickly scanned the diner for Lane and said caffeine. Not seeing her, Lorelai slid onto a stool at the counter and let her mind drift back to Liz's insinuations as she waited patiently to be served.
She was just getting lost in her thoughts again when a large to-go cup suddenly appeared in front of her, "Coffee?"
Lorelai practically fell of the stool at sound of Luke's voice behind her. "Luke! Holy shit…" Her heart raced not only from the scare, but from the fact that, well, the fact that it was Luke.
Before she'd even had a chance to recover or even confirm that yes, of course she wanted coffee, a nagging voice chastised her from down the counter, "Language, Lorelai…"
Lorelai sent a withering glare towards the source as she responded in kind, "Sweater vests, Taylor…"
Luckily a glance down at his outfit left Taylor to sputter quietly, saving Lorelai from having to deal with him anymore. Turning back to Luke, with a far sweeter, more angelic expression than the one she'd just sported for Taylor, she nodded in acknowledgement of his proffered coffee.
Luke, appearing to be ever-so-slightly more smiley than normal - though Lorelai was sure she was just imagining that - poured the coffee sans usual lecture and even shrugged a bashful apology for sneaking up on her, "Sorry…"
Lorelai quickly downed a sip of coffee, practically moaning in ecstasy, choosing to answer Luke only once she had finally felt the surge of caffeine through her system. Once she did however, it was a carefully worded reply, "It's okay, you just surprised me. Lots on my mind."
"Chinese people?" Luke raised his eyebrows knowingly as he referred to Lorelai's quip about her ever-growing to-do list.
Lorelai tilted her head in surprise. He'd actually remembered something specific from her inane babble trail from yesterday… "Yeah," she smiled, somewhat touched that he'd actually paid attention to her.
And then Luke did something even more curious. He actually set the pot of coffee he held down on the counter and sat down on the stool next to Lorelai, even amidst the busy breakfast rush. He hesitated for a moment, hedging before he finally, nervously, spit out, "Look, I do think you need a break, but you know, you don't have to spend it with me." He twisted a rag around in his hands as he continued, "You don't have to come to Liz's wedding. Go shopping with Rory or something. Or just watch TV…"
A flash of panic crossed Lorelai's face for a split second as she immediately began to protest, "No, Luke, I want to come…" How could he already be backing out on what wasn't even a date?
Luke, apparently taking his cues from his equally clueless sister, paid no mind to Lorelai's objection to his backing out, and continued making any excuse he could think of to rescind the invitation he now felt incredibly silly about, "I mean, Caesar's off that day, so I don't want to have to leave Lane the whole time, and there's a delivery, so I probably shouldn't go. And even if I do, I can't meet you at you house anyway, so if you just…"
"I could meet you here," Lorelai interrupted abruptly.
Luke startled. That he heard. "What?" He just couldn't grasp that Lorelai could possibly be avoiding the out he was offering her.
"Luke, it's your sister's wedding. You have to go," Lorelai implored. "So I can meet you here." She desperately hoped that she was coming across as rational, and not as anxious as she truly was.
Rational as Lorelai's words may have actually been, Luke couldn't help still being skeptical. Surely she couldn't really want to go to the stupid wedding, and certainly not with him… "Nah, that's a really long break actually, all afternoon, if it's too much you should just do something else..." He stopped himself when his eyes met Lorelai's, a bizarre sense of urgency seeming to reach out from their bright blue depths.
"Luke, I want to go," Lorelai insisted with her intense gaze. "With you," she added, resolutely, "And I'll meet you here."
Taken aback at what he now recognized as true sincerity, Luke stammered less than gracefully, "Ok. So, uh, here. At two."
"Here at two," Lorelai grinned triumphantly in agreement, proud that she'd managed to hang on to… whatever this thing with Luke was. Her job was done, she had her coffee, all was well in the land of Gilmore, for the moment anyway, and she could finally go take a shower and wash the rest of the zucchini patch out of her hair.
She climbed down off her stool as Luke added his own closing remarks to the conversation and started back towards the kitchen.
"Ok then, here at two," He reiterated awkwardly as Lorelai's infectious smile caused him to crack one of his own. "It's a date." And then he was gone, having disappeared into the diner's kitchen to catch up on all the order's he'd been missing as he spoke with Lorelai.
His parting words didn't quite register in Lorelai's mind right away – call it her brain's version of a 3 second tape delay in case of wardrobe malfunctions. They did hit her, however, just as she reached the diner's door on her way out. "Date…" She echoed Luke in the barest of whispers as she whirled around to face the direction he had just gone. Date?
But Luke was gone, and Taylor was still there, and Patty and Babette were hovering, and Kirk was surely amidst the crowd somewhere… There would be no clarification of what exactly Luke had meant by date, not that morning.
Which left Lorelai, much to her dismay, once again utterly confused by where she now stood with Luke.
Date? It's a date, as in, the precursor to all things romantic, like Liz had been talking about?
Or, it's a date, as in the same words any two of the most homophobic of manly macho men could use when confirming the time and place for and oh-so-manly football game or beer run?
Which was it Luke? Lorelai felt like running back in and screaming at him, sick and tired of the mind games she'd been playing with herself for the past few days. But Patty would have a field day with that little scene, no matter how it played out.
So she ix-nayed the whole yelling and violent wringing of Luke's neck idea and trudged over to the jeep instead. The duration of her short drive home was a mental tug of war between the rational and the emotional, that pessimistic cynic and the childish optimist. Should she believe Liz, and take Luke's mention of a 'date' in the way her heart wanted her to see it? Or should she go along with that stupid sensible side of her, and avoid setting herself up for heartbreak if it wasn't all it was built up to be? And did it really matter, when, as she'd managed to convince herself in Sookie's garden only a few hours earlier, that everything else in her life was amazing, Luke or no Luke?
Yeah, that last one's probably the one to stick with Gilmore, Lorelai admitted to herself as she pulled up in her driveway. She couldn't let it matter. The rest of the emotional crap was just too exhausting. Anything else that happened, she'd just deal with it as it came, she supposed…
Lorelai was still fairly deep in her contemplative daze when as she crossed the porch and let herself into the house. She tossed her purse and keys in the direction of the small desk near the foyer, but was only half sure that she'd actually hit her target. All she wanted to do what take that shower, wash Luke out of her hair – so to speak, and hopefully move on to a normal day. People in books and movies always seemed to have big clarifying, epiphany moments in the tub, so maybe it'd work for her too… She snorted skeptically at the thought, and began trudging up to the second floor in anticipation of a boring old regular non-life altering shower.
"Mom?" came a sleepy voice from the living room.
Lorelai nearly jumped out of her skin at the very unexpected sound of her daughter's voice, stumbling on the stairs as she cried out, "Jesus Rory!" Her hand flew to her chest as she struggled to catch her breath and lower herself to a sitting position, "Don't do that when you're not even supposed to be there! Do you want me to die before I'm forty too?"
Rory peered sleepily over the arm of the couch, apologizing meekly, "Sorry."
Once her breathing was back to normal and the adrenaline rush was beginning to wear off, Lorelai waved off Rory's apology, "Thankfully, I expect a speedy recovery, so you're off the hook." After taking another second to push away everything that had been on her mind to focus on Rory, she inquired as to why she had just been given her second heart attack in less than an hour, "What are you doing here anyway? Did I not just send you back to Yale's hallowed ivy covered halls?"
Rory pulled herself into a sitting position to face her mother as she nodded in response, "Yeah, but… Well, studying pretty much sucks right now, and Paris keeps asking what she should bring to London, and she's being Paris…" That spoke for itself – Lorelai knew Paris enough to need no other explanation, but she was already getting lost in her own thoughts again, so Rory took the silence as a an opening to continue with her reasoning for her impromptu return to Stars Hollow, "So I needed a break, and I know you guys were all crazy with inn stuff, so I thought I could help. Make my break give you a break too. But then you weren't here last night, and I fell asleep watching TV, and…" Rory's voice faded out as she heard her own words. Lorelai was just getting home now? What the hell? "Wait, where were you last night?" Rory asked abruptly, confused. Jason was out of the picture, so there wasn't really anyone for her to be spending the night with…
"Zucchini patch," Lorelai replied matter-of-factly, as if such an event were as commonplace as a trip to the mall.
But it left Rory utterly perplexed, "What?"
Lorelai nodded in confirmation, this time purposely offering up less information than she knew Rory was after, "Yup, slept in the zucchini patch." She couldn't help it – Rory always had the upper hand in figuring things out, so sometimes she had to have her fun and confuse the kid a little. A grin slowly began to grace her face as she watched the expressions of confusion flicker across her daughter's features.
"The zuchinni pa…" Rory trailed off, one extraordinarily disturbing possibility finally creeping into the back of her mind. "Wait, that's not some weird code name for…" She squirmed uncomfortably, leaving Lorelai to fill in the blank.
Which she couldn't quite do, at least not right away. A confused expression mirroring Rory's from a moment ago left Rory to give a knowing shrug, complete with a suggestive eyebrow raise to get her point across.
The insinuation finally hit Lorelai, "Oh Rory, don't even say it!" She yelped in disgust, "Majorly dirty!" Her mouth wide open in mock horror, she shrieked again, "My perfect sweet little pure angelic daughter does not ever, ever think up dirty meanings for zucchini patch!"
Rory giggled at Lorelai's reaction as she sputtered to defend herself, "Well I don't know, you didn't come home, and when you do you look happy… Really happy… I thought, well… And, actually, your hair's kind of messy… I thought…" Rory paused for a split second, realizing she was making no progress at all. Deciding it was better to just be blunt when it came to Lorelai, she resorted to her tried and true question, "Did you do something slutty?"
"No!" Lorelai gasped at Rory's implication, the remark actually stinging a bit for once in her life. So many times before it had been just a joke. But now… Rory knew she was very much single. Did she really think she actually was slutty enough go out and randomly sleep with… Well, with whoever? "Oh, Rory…" She sighed, "Sookie and Jackson thought the zucchini might freeze and not make it for the soup for the opening, and Michel was just being a pain, so we all slept in the zucchini patch to make sure they stayed warm enough."
Now Rory knew her mother well enough to catch the nearly indiscernible flicker of pain flash across her face upon hearing the slutty comment. She also knew that an apology would be brushed off, especially since Lorelai knew her just as well and was pretty likely to have already caught the look of remorseful guilt that was sure to have just crossed her own face. Of course, Rory also knew that humor was the best way to bring a smile back to a Gilmore girl. Especially dirty humor… Crawling towards the end of the couch, she planted her elbows on the arm and rested her face in her palms in a very 'sleep-over gossip' fashion. Sticking to that theme, she questioned Lorelai in a teasing tone, "So it was even dirtier? It was like a whole big zucchini orgy?"
The humor worked. "Oh yeah, exactly…" Lorelai chuckled as she pulled herself to her feet to get a better view of the reaction she was sure to get from Rory for this one… Leaning over the banister towards the couch where Rory was still perched, she spoke in a melodramatically hushed voice, "Me and Michel and the zucchini… Rory, let me tell you…"
Rory recoiled in sheer disgust instantly, "Ew!" Whining, she flopped backwards onto the couch, practically writhing in repulsion at such a thought, "Mom! Oh, ew!" She continued squealing as Lorelai doubled over in laughter on the stairs, "And you were yelling at me for being dirty? My poor ears!" For emphasis, she clapped her hands over her ears. "And brain! I'm scarred for life!" came the next cry, as Rory played up the scene even more, burying her head under a throw pillow. "Oh my God, I can never go near anything zucchini again! So dirty!"
Lorelai smirked as she caught Rory's last few muffled whimpers from under the pillow. Exactly the reaction she was going for. As she gazed at Rory, who continued to over-dramatize, her smirk of self-satisfaction slowly transformed into a peaceful smile of contentment. This was why she wanted more kids. And someone to share them with. Completely random, completely perfect moments like this.
But for the first time in a long time, the moment wasn't also tainted by a sense of melancholy sadness at experiencing it alone. There was always…
Lorelai was once again dragged from her contemplation and daydreams as Rory finally surfaced from beneath her bunker of couch pillows.
She'd paused for a moment, taking in the oddly serene expression her mother suddenly wore. Now Rory knew things were crazy with the inn – the fact that Lorelai had apparently willingly slept outside in a vegetable garden was a testament to that – and that the whole baby conversation had thrown her for a loop a few days ago, but now… Now Lorelai looked like she should have been peacefully tanning on a tropical beach somewhere with not a care in the world. Rory was seriously beginning to consider bipolar disorder as the only explanation for the erratic moods... "Mom?" She questioned softly.
"Hmm?" Lorelai murmured in response, forcing herself to focus on Rory, the goofy smile still plastered on her face.
"You look really happy for having slept with the zucchini…" Rory reiterated her initial point slowly, leaving an opening for any sort of explanation.
Lorelai took a deep breath and answered simply, "I am happy."
"Are you sure you didn't do something slutty?" Rory went for the suggestive joking again, hoping Lorelai would open up a little.
She didn't. She no longer had a need to vent to Rory about this particular issue. She was good. As she moved to head upstairs to finally take that much needed shower, she sighed once more – a happy sigh, "No. Ror, this is way happier than slutty."
And it was way happier than slutty for Lorelai, she mused as she continued up the stairs to her room, a wistful grin still gracing her tired face. She couldn't put her finger on why, exactly. Nothing had really changed. Not in the past hour, or in the past day, or even the past week. She was still Lorelai Gilmore, of epic singledom, and mother of only child, Rory. She was still stressed out of her mind trying to prepare for the opening of her very own inn, she still loved her cutesy t-shirts and her coffee.
Nothing had really changed. Nothing except the fact that Luke, Luke Danes himself, of the perpetual scowl and flannel, had invited her to accompany him to his sister's wedding.
A little out of the ordinary, yes, but really, how common was the marriage of his sister? And they were friends, after all. Had it happened three years ago, or three years from now, he may have still asked her. And maybe it would have still just been as friends. And maybe that's still what it was, even this time.
But maybe, just maybe, that's not how he meant it.
Maybe it could be something more. Maybe he wanted them to be something more. Maybe it was meant to be a date, a date that would signify the beginning of an amazing relationship, with more dates, and their own wedding, and children, and vacations, and anniversaries, and grandchildren…
Or maybe it wasn't. Maybe it was just two friends going to a wedding. And Lorelai was ok with that. If nothing came of her and Luke, either now, or ever, she'd be ok with that. She'd made peace with that.
Because she knew that maybe, just maybe, it could be more. That glimmer of possibilities out there on the horizon... The happy ending… Lorelai knew she'd always have Luke, in one way or another – as a friend, if nothing else.
She also knew she'd always hold fast to the dream of those extra things that were also always going to be there with him…
The possibilities.
