Flower: Whoo, a second chapter. Unbelievable! This anti-climax angst is really my thing. It is depressing though. Anyway, there will probably be a third chapter too - I need to do Joey's perspective. And then god only knows. Ryou? Tristan? I have yet to decide. Oh, also, for those who care; kodoku means solitude. Just a little more of my Japanesey inserts. Heh.
Chaos: Apologies to anyone who is upset, offended, or shocked by this story. I write what I write. This takes place at the same time as the first chapter, but isn't as long, sadly.
Silently Broken - Thanks! Well, to my eyes it didn't really sound like Yami so... yeah. (sweatdrop)
Shibby-One - Wow! Yay, I love over-analysts! (grin) Anyway, I love how you came up with all those theories. Hopefully this will over-complicate things for you - Joey and Tea are very cryptic later on. Hmm. (laugh)
kitkat - Yes, I know. I wrote as it came out and it just happened to be Yami I picked on. So it doesn't really sound like him. There always something wrong with my stories. (sniffle)
WEIRD - Hey again! Why aren't you guys ever on Messenger? Anyway, see above. I am duly ashamed and... hey, wait... (rechecks review) Uh... yes! His personality changed because of grief! Yes! (shifty eyes)
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
Illusion
Chapter 2
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
I can't dance anymore; I never have the full concentration I need. I feel sick for worrying. Worrying for him; I can see him falling a little more every day.
I'm scared of what will happen when he snaps. I'm scared of what will happen when he finds me. I can see him blaming me, whenever he looks up; his gaze is just a little more intense, a little more hostile, than before.
He always had a serious, focused look, but since it happened, it's turned into a flat-out glare... and he doesn't even try to hide it anymore. I don't remember when he last smiled.
There he is now, standing by himself, next to the fountain in the central square. I can see the glare getting worse even from this distance. Call it a sixth sense of mine; I can tell when people are annoyed or angry, even without looking. I can feel it.
And, right now, it's telling me to run for it. But I purposefully step towards him; I need to try and snap him out of it, even if only for a minute, before he reaches the inevitable breaking point.
I keep on acting, and it's becoming an even thinner line to tread. I can see grief slowly twisting itself into hatred in his eyes. Those eyes, that used to smile at me, that still send a little tingle down my spine sometimes.
Yugi's eyes.
When I look into your eyes, I can see
Life has buried you alive
Waiting, wishing, dreaming, drifting from me
You can't breathe
"Are you ok, Yugi?" I've used those words so many times now. They're losing meaning, especially when I get the inevitable response...
"I'm fine, Tea. What's wrong?"
He's glaring daggers at me; it's gotten worse. It won't be long now before we'll have lost him altogether... I have to talk to the others.
I just don't know what to say.
"Oh, it's... it's nothing. Yugi."
Even saying Yugi's name hurts. Especially when I see his eyes cloud over and grow dark. Hiding any emotion. My sense is practically screaming at me now, screaming at me to run because he looks like he wants to kill me.
It's funny how someone you love can be so scary. He turns and walks away, somehow controlling himself. He's clenching his fists.
I feel even worse than before. I can't keep doing this. I have to tell someone.
I don't call after him, because I know he'll scream at me. In fact, I know that he's probably going to scream anyway. I've heard him a few times now, just by chance, when he thinks he's alone.
I suppose he really is alone now. Now that his friends have deserted him, and keep telling him to pretend, and make it all better. How could I hurt him like this?
When I look into your eyes, I can see
Such a sad man in disguise
Waiting, wishing, dreaming, drifting from me
Hurts my heart to hear you cry
I snap out of my thoughts to see that my feet have carried me to the place again. Where it happened. Where we lost Yugi. Where we lost them both. I keep ending up here, whenever I slip into my thoughts. I wonder if I'm falling too.
Joey's already here. Surprise; he generally steers well clear of it. I think he suspects something lately - he's more distracted too. But when we're around him he boosts up the cover, trying to reassure himself, trying to get proof that it really is Yugi standing before him. He's always disappointed, and it makes it worse for... for him. Pharaoh isn't really a name.
"Joey!" I call, waving from my side of the road. He waves back and then crosses towards me - looking both ways, of course. He's been far more cautious since it happened.
"Tea. What's up?" his eyes smile at me distantly. He's not annoyed, more... sort of... bewildered.
"I... I need to..." I shake my head. This always happens. Just when I'm about to reveal my fears, something stops me. Like how the others might react. How it might make it worse than it already is, God forbid.
He waits patiently. I take a deep breath and try to blurt it out.
"Do you think Yugi is different since... since it happened?" He immediately changes; a sort of gloomy air appearing around him at the mere mention of the accident.
"Well, I dunno. He's probably just shocked, that's all." His voice has an undercurrent of desperate hope. It makes me want to cry.
"Joey... I don't think... I... I think we lost Yugi." The words are limp and sad. They sound wrong to my ears.
"Hmm." he replies, looking down. He folds his arms defensively before continuing.
"Perhaps you're right. I... I don't know, Tea. I don't want to lose him." his voice has the same weak quality as mine. We're both edging away from the painful words. Like death.
"Neither do I... but I think it's too late, Joey. I think we need to stop pretending."
This sounded so different in my head. It sounded okay.
It didn't make me want to cry.
He turns away from me, then finds himself staring at the dreaded road and turns back, averting his eyes from mine. "I'll talk to him." he says finally, before walking away. Hmm. All my conversations lately seem to end this way.
I walk away too; I have to get home. I have homework, and my room needs tidying. Normal, ordinary things. I can't hide from my thoughts while doing them.
Those eyes... there used to be a spark in them. A spark for me, a certain fondness that he couldn't hide. Yugi saw it too; he even tried to encourage it...
We could have been something. But fate twists everything in ways you couldn't imagine.
I don't know you anymore, wish I knew what's wrong
Can't we try to slam that door, start a brand new song
I know you're lonely and you cry, wondering why
I know it's lonely but if once, you could help me understand
Oh no, I'm crying again. And I'm not home yet, someone might see! I run for it, arriving out of breath and still sobbing slightly. I can't stop the flashback. We were all so happy that night, and his smile - ah, that was when he last smiled - still lingers in my mind. Smiling at me, his eyes sparkling fiercely through the flashing lights.
The school dance...
No! I have to fight it. I can't bear to see it again. Not again.
Suddenly the phone is in my shaking hands, and I know exactly what to do. My fingers tap out a familiar number. It only rings a few times, thank god. No time for my memories to retaliate.
"Mrs. Kodoku? Yes, it's Tea. I want to quit the dance team."
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
Yu-gi-oh! and all affiliated characters and trademarks are copyrighted to Kazuki Takahashi. This story is unofficial.
Song lyrics; Drifting, by YellowCard
Reviews are appreciated.
