Does Your Mother Know? – Chapter 3

Warning: Reading the first paragraph my clog your arteries.

Author's Notes:

No notes really – I just wanted to thank everyone who has written a review. I really do appreciate it and it keeps me motivated. (I think if I got such good reviews for my class papers I'd be much more motivated to write. Anyone have a burning desire to read the analytic ramblings of a linguistics student? Yeah, didn't think so.) Anyway – Thanks.

Dedicated to Teacher and Chip. The cow print and PVC are for you!

Sam couldn't help but watch Teal'c as they waited for the colonel's family to arrive at the designated rendezvous point. He had somehow managed to procure a floppy feathered purple velvet hat in the supposed style of a courtier and was serenely munching on a deep-fried dill pickle in one hand and a deep fried Twinkie in the other.

Daniel sat beside him watching the people passing by, occasionally muttering something derogatory about historical inaccuracy. The look of on his face was one of fascinated horror, much as one would rubberneck a roadside accident. Sam couldn't help but agree with him on few points. Even she knew that they didn't have cow-print fabric during the Renaissance - and European history had been the only class she had ever gotten a C in. Perhaps she should have told them that the colonel's family was going to be here; it had been difficult to convince Daniel to come in the first place. But, oh, what fun it would be to see his face when…

As she was thinking this, the show began.

Sam watched as Daniel stopped mid-mutter and his jaw dropped. She followed his gaze to see the mustachioed-Jack look-alike – which she now knew as Jack's ringleader younger brother - walk by dressed in full regalia – crown, robe, sword, tights, doublet – the whole deal. His, young trapeze-artist wife held his arm, similarly dressed in regal apparel.

With a smirk at Daniel, who by this time looked as if he might faint, she waved at the couple. "Hey Andrew, have you seen your brother around?" She called out.

Daniel made a choking noise, his eyes bugging out. Alarmed, Teal'c leaped to his feet and began pounding the younger man's back to get him to start breathing again. He succeeded, but the force of one of the thumps caused Daniel to drop the drink that he was holding – grog, the vendor had called it; it was lemonade mixed with iced tea – Sam leaped out of the way as it exploded at his feet and began puddling around his decidedly non-renaissance-related sneakers.

Andrew ignored them and answered Sam regally. "He arrived shortly after myself and my beautiful queen, dear lady. I suspect he cometh shortly." He patted his wife's hand and they swept away as majestically as one could through grog-sweetened mud.

Daniel glared at Sam. She rocked back and forth on her feet, whistling innocently. "SAM!" He hissed. "What was that?"

"I believe that was O'Neill's brother." Teal'c informed Daniel. "I was unaware that he had one."

"Three actually." Sam informed them, grinning. "Do you need a napkin, Daniel?" She asked him gesturing to his now soaked and sticky shoes.

"Three?" Daniel asked ignoring her question. "And you know this how?"

Sam smirked. "I'm going to the concession stand. Anyone want anything? More grog, perhaps?" She asked over her shoulder as she walked away.

"Sam!"

"Problems, Danny boy?" Jack asked as he approached the now red-faced archaeologist. He was closely followed by David and Maureen, both dressed in Renaissance clerical gear.

"Um. Not exactly." Daniel replied looking back and forth between Jack and his brother. "I just dropped my grog."

"Sounds like a personal problem." Jack grumbled before turning to his siblings to begin introductions. "Dr. Daniel Jackson, Murray Teal'c, the rest of my team, this is my sister Maureen and my brother Dave."

Teal'c nodded his head solemnly as Daniel wiped his grog-sticky hand on his jeans and stuck it out to shake their proffered hands. "Nice to meet you both. Great costumes. Very authentic."

"Thanks." Maureen replied, with a twinkling eye. "They actually haven't changed that much over the years."

"Oh, are you an historian? What's your specialty?" Daniel asked, eagerly.

"Nun." She replied with a grin.

"You just study general history?" Daniel asked, in confusion.

"No, I'm just a nun. The real deal." Maureen replied with a grin at her brothers. "Where did Sam get to?"

Daniel gaped as Teal'c replied through a mouthful of fried Twinkie. "She has gone to re-supply DanielJackson with additional grog."

Regaining his composure, Daniel pulled a hugely grinning Jack aside and hissed. "What is going on, Jack?"

"Family reunion, Daniel. Calm down." He replied with a grin, tugging his sleeve out of Daniel's grasp. Before he could reply, Sam returned at a jog and slid to a stop in front of them all.

"I've an Ernie sighting. We have to get out of here. We're directly in their path." She whispered to the assembled group, tugging at Maureen's sleeve.

Used to being in dangerous situations (and, of course, uninformed about the Ernies) a look of deep concern passed over Daniel and Teal'c's faces.

"Should I have brought a weapon, O'Neill?" Teal'c asked solemnly as Sam, Maureen, and Dave hurried ahead in a giggling huddle, disappearing into a topiary maze.

"Yeah, Jack. What's an Ernie? Is it dangerous?" Daniel asked with concern.

Jack rolled his eyes. "I thought Carter told you. No, Teal'c a weapon isn't necessary and no, Daniel the Ernies are not dangerous, just very, very boring." Jack stepped into the maze with a smirk leaving behind a stunned looking Daniel Jackson. Teal'c followed closely with a smug grin, pleased that he understood more about Earth humor than apparently did DanielJackson.

"So let me get this straight," Daniel said later as Dave, Maureen, and SG-1 sat at a table in the Ye Olde Biergarten tent, gnawing on smoked turkey legs. Daniel waved his enormous drumstick around for emphasis. (Sam vaguely wondered how big a turkey had to be to produce such massive legs.) "Sam, you were worried about Jack because he wasn't mother-henning us during our week off and you went to his house?"

Sam had the grace to look abashed. "Yes, Daniel."

"And in the process, you found out that Jack had five siblings and countless relatives all of whom had a lifetime of dirt on him and he asked you to stay?" Daniel pressed.

"Yup." Sam replied with a smirk.

"Why is it," Daniel continued, "that when I check up on Jack when he's acting weird, all I get is nasty American beer and inappropriate sarcasm?"

"It's how I show I care." Jack replied dryly to Daniel's disbelieving scowl.

Dave and Maureen glanced at each other and burst out laughing, surprising 3/4 of SG-1. "It's so true!" Dave said around laughter. "When I went to talk to him after he graduated from the academy, he nearly chewed my head off."

"And when I visited him right after he got married, he growled at me." Maureen added. "I'm surprised you haven't figured all this out yet." She gazed affectionately at her brother. "You only hurt the ones you love." Jack rolled his eyes at her. "Stop giving away all my secrets, or I swear I'll tell the sisters about the time you broke into the high school gym and got caught skinny-dipping in the swimming pool."

"Which time?" Maureen asked malevolently. "Besides I'm sure your team would much prefer to hear about when you did the same thing."

"Hey! I was wearing clothes." Jack retorted.

"Flippers and goggles do not count as clothes, Jack." Dave added. He had been the good one in the family. Besides, he was still mad that Jack had refused to take him along. And Jack had been surprised that he had gotten caught, Dave recalled with a wicked grin.

Fortunately for the priest, his smile went unnoticed as everyone else roared with laughter.

"That was probably the shortest match they've ever had." Dave said in awe as Teal'c gazed curiously at the wooden trophy he held in his hands.

"I still do not understand the purpose of this battle." Teal'c responded. "They were most inefficient weapons."

"But you still won big guy. Good job." Jack responded, with a pat on the back. Teal'c raised an eyebrow.

"I can't say it was much of a competition. No one wanted to go against Murray after he knocked the first guy unconscious." Daniel added. "Who knew foam-covered PVC pipe packed such a wallop."

"I don't think it was so much the pipe as your friend here." Maureen broke in. "Are you sure you work in deep space radar telemetry?"

"Indeed." Teal'c intoned. "It is a most intriguing field."

"Right." Dave said, looking suspiciously at his brother.

"So you're leaving tomorrow?" Daniel asked as the group meandered out to the parking lot.

"Early tomorrow afternoon. Maureen has to get back to the convent and I have to get back to my church." Dave replied. "You're all welcome to come and visit us sometime if you like. Maureen promised that she'd show Sam some pictures."

"Pictures?" Daniel asked with a sly grin. "You have pictures?"

The End, for now