Drabble 003: Nothing
Rating: T (PG13)
Warnings: Dark, disturbing, slightly twisted. Touches on the subject of death. Much angst.
Notes: As un-fluffy as you can get, which is unusual for this pairing. Inspired by the Tool album 'Ænima', mostly by the song 'Stinkfitst'. I hope this doesn't squick anyone.
Also, I do not own anything, and this work is purely for my own entertainment.
"All those times we've nearly died and really died. All those times we've crawled back from hell. All that hate, that horror, that loss and grief. What's a few seconds of pain to us? Nothing. Nothing at all."
The sun has set but there's still some light. For a few seconds, it is neither night nor day, and the sky is made of cold grey steel. The birds hush up. The night slides over the landscape, slowly suffocating those last glimmers of activity. It's autumn time, so it's cold. Frail curtains billow at the faintest breeze, inviting the night into the silent room. It caresses pale naked bodies, raising hairs with its soft icy breath.
One of them doesn't mind. He's used to it, he even likes it. The other one shivers, teeth chattering for a moment, skin prickling with goose-bumps. He thinks about closing the window, but doesn't.
It doesn't matter. Even if he did they would still be cold. Their spirits would still be broken; their souls would still be grieving.
They are older now, but not much. Not that it matters. They lost any sense of innocence and wonder a long time ago. Hope's a dirty word these days; nobody hopes for anything anymore. Hope's for the ignorant. They just fight for the will to stay alive.
He reaches out, cups his hands around that once gentle face. Green eyes gleam with tears, but none spill. It wouldn't make a difference. They have cried enough already, they need to do other things now.
Like love. They would if they could, but what they have been through has taken away so much of their humanity, it's hard for them to remember how to love. They want to; they try to.
He moves and he kneels between legs streaked with battle scars. One kiss, one moment and a spark – of love? But it's soon gone, forgotten. His hair falls into that sad face, obscuring it for a moment. It's just lust now. Green hair is splayed across the pillow and the body below him arches up, inviting him. Those eyes are half closed now, and a moan escapes him.
He doesn't like the pain.
"Be gentle."
But he knows it is brief – a moment of pain in exchange for some pleasure. A gasp escapes him, but it goes unnoticed.
"It hurts."
That little body winces, and wriggles. But it doesn't matter. Pain isn't really something they mind anymore. It reminds them of what was there before the pain.
Even though that was so long ago.
The pain transmutes, and becomes that sweet gnawing feeling. They always confuse it for something, but it remains nothing. It is no reflection of what they feel for each other, although there are feelings there. But they keep them locket up, and prefer to pretend that nothing's wrong.
They try. Try to find a meaning to it all, try to show their love. Those years of fighting and dying and living as shadows have numbed them; and suddenly, all they have is not enough.
Not that it matters. They have grown accustomed to it. They would not have it any other way. They have discovered that this momentarily alleviates what cannot be cured. But it doesn't satisfy them and it doesn't make anything better in the long run.
It's not even something they want, but rather, something they need – so they can feel – even if it's just for a moment – something other than what haunts them. Even if that something is nothing.
And it often is.
"Do you think the pain ends when we die? For the sake of all those lost, I hope it does. I want death to be nothing but empty white space. I hope death is nothing; peaceful and blank. With what we do, we die a little each day, but I like it. I look forward to when the kind nothingness I experience with you is permanent. I only regret that I won't be able to share that peace with you, my love."
A/N : Very short, but I really couldn't drag this one out- it's so depressing. But it's out of my system now, and I apologise if it upset/annoyed anyone. R&R if you feel kind enough to.
(go listen to Tool, for the are awesome.)
