AUTHOR'S NOTE:
This fic continues in the timeline started by "Lost and Found" and
picks up the story in Mainframe, many hours later. It will eventually contain strong sexual content and mature
themes, although not in this chapter.
Lyrics from "It makes No Difference" are by Robbie Robertson
Lyrics from "Strange and Beautiful" are by Matt Hales
It makes no diff'rence where
I turn
I can't get over you and the flame still burns
It makes no diff'rence, night or day
The shadow never seems to fade away
And the sun don't shine anymore
And the rains fall down on my door
It makes no diff'rence how
far I go
Like a scar the hurt will always show
It makes no diff'rence who I meet
They're just a face in the crowd
On a dead-end street
And the sun don't shine
anymore
And the rains fall down on my door
Well, I love you so much
It's all I can do
Just to keep myself from telling you
That I never felt so alone before
"What's the matter Matrix?"
"Nothing." How could it be? She was so perfect – perfect in every strand of aquamarine hair, every micron of her soft, golden skin. And the touch of her hands, as they caressed his neck – that was the most perfect thing of all. Well, almost. All of his scowling and fits of temper seemed pretty silly, when you looked at it that way – he had the most perfect creature in the net for the love of his life. How could anything be the matter?
"Nothing." He repeated again, and smiled, like he had so long ago, before the weight of the net had changed him. His lips moved towards hers, and a new taste of her perfection…
"Enzo!"
"What?" The boy looked up, startled. Dot was standing over the booth, her stern gaze squarely on his own. Enzo could feel the flush on his cheeks.
"I told you – I need you to get some boxes from the storage room. We're out of straws and ram chips."
"Uh…"
"Come on – you're getting big and strong enough to handle a few boxes. So move your bitmap."
The boy gulped nervously and turned his stare down to the tabletop. "I… I can't."
"You can't?" Dot folded her arms and scowled. "Enzo, you're 1.6 now – you're old enough to accept some responsibility. I've been putting food on your table since you were 0.4, not to mention being the deleted Command.Com of this system. I don't think it's too much to ask for you to help out around here once in a while."
"But-"
"Do you think they're going to let you say "I can't" at the Academy? You're leaving in a few minutes, for User's sake!" Dot sighed deeply. "You're just lazy, aren't you? Maybe it's a teenaged-boy thing…"
"Yeah." It was – but let her think he was lazy, if she wanted. There was no way Enzo was leaving the security of that booth – not for a few micros, anyway. Not for all the credits in the net. "I'm lazy."
"Enzo-"
"I'll go in a few, OK? I promise. I was just thinking about something, I have to figure it out. Homework."
Dot regarded him thoughtfully for a nano. "Homework, eh? Without your organizer open? What's with you, anyway? You're acting funny – even for you. Are you feeling OK, Sweetie?"
"Nothin' – I'm fine. I'll get the stuff in a few nanos, OK?"
"Sometimes I wonder if Megabyte did something to that little processor of yours before we rescued you…" Dot smiled and kissed his forehead. "No, I guess you're just a boy – that's explanation enough. Don't stall too long, all right? Watching a binome trying to drink an energy shake without a straw isn't a pretty sight."
"OK." Enzo smiled weakly and Dot strode off, shaking her head. The boy tried to force himself to think about anything except AndrAIa – chemistry tests, jetball, FORTRAN lectures… But it wasn't easy. AndrAIa was all he thought about lately, seemed like. And those thoughts inevitably led to one thing – Enzo being stuck in a booth. Or under his blanket. Or curled up on the sofa, clutching a pillow.
"Maybe it'll be better once I get to the Academy." The youth sighed resignedly, daring at last to stand and head for the storage room. That didn't feel right, though – as much as Enzo sometimes wanted to be free of the beautiful specter that haunted his mind from the nano he woke till he fell asleep at night, the thought of actually being free of it was awful. Seeing AndrAIa was all that got him through the cycle, sometimes – even if he knew that was all he'd ever be able to do. It wasn't enough, but it was better than nothing. The thought of being systems away from her ripped his heart out of his chest and stomped on it till it was a pathetic, bloody pulp.
The unfairness of it all was almost too much for Enzo to bear, sometimes, when he allowed himself to think about it. Clearly, AndrAIa was the only sprite in the net for him – that much was obvious. If she loved Matrix, as much of a pill as he was – well, obviously it was meant to be. And his own feelings for her were true love, that was undeniable. Clearly, AndrAIa was the only sprite in the net for him.
But the net had it's own trick to play on him – it created two of him. But only one AndrAIa! So here he was, alone in the net – while simply by virtue of being first in line, his older self was with the ultimate babe in the net and probably the web, besides. And Enzo was left with nothing – just his fantasies.
For a long time, one of those fantasies had been that maybe there wasn't just one AndrAIa out there – maybe there really was another, and maybe he'd find her. The AndrAIa that tortured his mind every cycle was a copy, after all – just like he was! Her game was still floating out there somewhere, maybe even other games just like it. Why couldn't he find her, in one of those games? For a long time, such thoughts had kept the boy going in the face of his despair.
But no – as he got older, the young man began to realize that was just what it was – a fantasy. The net was infinite, the number of games and systems beyond his powers of comprehension. The odds of his ever running into another AndrAIa were so small that to even consider the possibility was simply setting himself up for further torture. Besides, ever if he were to find her, the new AndrAIa would be too young for him. How ironic was that? Irony was one of those new words than Enzo had learned to use lately, and he didn't like it much. No, it was the sort of story a little boy could put his faith in, but Enzo wasn't a little boy anymore. Not really.
It hadn't been so bad when Enzo was little – when he'd first come back, after the restart. They'd survived the Daemon Wars (thanks to him, not that anyone ever gave him any credit) and he'd survived being kidnapped by Megabyte, losing his father to him, before Skuzzy finally vanquished the evil virus once and for all. No, that had been different – he'd been busy, and scared, and excited, too excited to worry about stuff like AndrAIa. And even after everything calmed down, it hadn't been so bad. He knew he loved the game sprite, of course – how could he not? He was young, but he wasn't stupid.
No, he'd loved her – but he didn't really understand what it meant yet. She was just the nicest, prettiest girl he'd ever seen – nice to him even when his own code twin had been mean. He wanted her because Matrix had her, of course, but he didn't know just what he wanted her for. A girlfriend? Maybe that word had swam around in the boy's head – but he didn't really understand it. No, she was just… Alphanumeric. Nice and pretty and fun – more fun than anybody else in Mainframe. She was the coolest. And why couldn't he dream of finding her twin, floating around the net somewhere? Why not?
Because he wasn't going to find her, that was why. It was a silly little boy dream. Things like that didn't happen in real life – and his real life was going to be spent without having the girl he loved with all his heart. Never getting to be with the one you were meant to be with was bad enough, Enzo figured, but knowing it – and knowing that she was with somebody who shared everything with you except the ability to appreciate what he had – was absolute torture. And the way he wanted her now… Well, it bore no resemblance to those nebulous little boy feelings of his childhood. Now, his want for her more like a need – an acute, physical pain that never totally went away. It started with his processor and touched every line of code from his head to his toes, and it certainly didn't skip anywhere in between. "Oh, AndrAIa… AndrAIa, I love you…"
"What?"
The boy looked up, startled. Dot was standing in the doorway, staring at him, and Enzo felt the his cheeks turning red again. "Huh?"
"You were mumbling to yourself. What's with you lately?"
"Nothing, I'm fine. I-"
"Are you going to sit there daydreaming all cycle, or are you going to bring the boxes I asked for?"
"Sorry!" Enzo pushed himself to his feet – at least it hadn't been that kind of daydream – and reached for a box of straws. "I'll be right up."
They didn't seem to get together too much, anymore, the five of them. Everyone was so busy now – Dot was the Command.Com and ran the diner and now that the net was open, she was negotiating trade deals with half the systems in the net. Bob was doing more and more for the Guardian Council - he'd been a hero after the Daemon Wars, and they'd tried very hard to get him to serve full-time on the Council, but they couldn't convince him to leave Mainframe. Matrix was the official Guardian for the system now that Bob was away so often, and AndrAIa – well, she kept things running around the P.O. in ways none of the rest of them understood. Mouse knew about stuff like that, but Mouse wasn't around. Even Enzo was busy now – finishing up his training with Bob, packing, generally getting ready to leave the only place he'd ever called home. At least for a while.
So it was nice, having all of them together -
eating Dot's cooking (she rarely had the time to cook anymore), sitting around
the table, laughing, relaxing together in the living room in front of a
vidwindow. Even Matrix was in a mellow mood. Enzo was glad everyone
was together, but it just made him feel his impending departure all the more
keenly. He curled up on the sofa next to Dot, casting occasional glances
at AndrAIa's perfection and trying not to be too obvious about it. Matrix
sat beside her, arm draped around her shoulder with an easy familiarity that
made the boy's heart ache. Matrix, who was still a mystery to Enzo even
after all the hours they'd spent together, even as Enzo knew he should
understand Matrix better than anyone.
Sometimes the young sprite had looked at himself in his bedroom mirror, trying
to see his brother staring back at him instead of the little boy he usually
felt like he was. He was getting taller, certainly, and some of the
boyish roundness of his face was dropping away. But his body was thin,
wiry - muscles just didn't seem to want to stick to it. His hair was
scruffy and his chin was smooth and Enzo could only see a boy looking back at
him. He didn't exactly want to see Matrix in that mirror most of the time
- not really. But the scary part was, he didn't know just what he did
want to see. Except AndrAIa, right there next to him for the rest
of his life.
AndrAIa…He'd been dreaming again – dreaming of her hair, her eyes, her smell – when his attention was jerked back to reality by the word "supercomputer." "What?"
Four pairs of eyes turned to him, surprised. The boy realized he'd probably been quiet for a while. "I said, I think it'd be a good idea for me to go with them – I have a couple of pretty sizable clients I've been wanting to get some face-time with for minutes."
"Go where?" Enzo said dumbly.
There were chuckles, and Matrix sneered and shook his head. "Don't you ever pay attention anymore?" Dot sighed. "Bob and Matrix have to go to the Supercomputer for a security conference in two cycles. I was just saying it would be a really good opportunity for me to drum up some business."
"Supercomputer? Coolness – can I go?"
"Of course not."
"What? Why??"
Dot smiled and shook her head. "School, Mr. Basic. You'd have to miss two school cycles, and you can't afford that right now."
"But-"
"Listen – have you forgotten that one of the conditions for admission to the Academy is that you get passing grades in all your classes this term? You can't afford to take any chances with that!"
"Yeah, Kiddo." Bob added. "You're so close – don't do anything stupid and risk it all now. Besides – you'll be seeing all you want of the Supercomputer and more when you get to the Academy. Till you're sick of it."
"Crash!" Enzo scowled, folding his arms in front of him and fighting the urge to pout like a little kid. As usual, he was left out of the good stuff – some things never seemed to change.
"Act your age." Dot chided. "You'll survive missing one trip to the Supercomputer."
"Yeah, Little Sparky." AndrAIa added brightly, using the nickname Enzo both loved and hated. "I don't get to go either – someone has to stay here and handle the games, right? We'll make sure the system is safe while these slackers are off partying."
"Partying?" Bob laughed ruefully. "You've never been to a security conference. They're the most effective sleep-inducing program I've even seen."
"I guess." Enzo sighed. A thought popped into his processor. "So I have to stay here by myself?"
"What's the matter Kid – you scared?" Matrix grinned.
"No!" Enzo shot a glare at him. It was a weird thought – he'd never spent the night by himself before, unless you counted the one when he was still Megabyte's prisoner. Maybe it'd be cool, to be by himself… But definitely weird.
"Hmmm." Dot scratched her chin thoughtfully. "I didn't think about that – I'm not sure I want him here all by himself."
"Oh, Dot! I'll be fine. I'm 1.6, I'm not a little kid-"
"I have an idea. Maybe AndrAIa could stay with you."
"What?" Enzo felt his heart jump into his throat.
"Sure – it's only for one night, and our bedroom will be empty anyway. And I'm sure AndrAIa doesn't want to stay at her place without Matrix. How about it, AndrAIa?"
The game sprite shrugged cheerfully. "It sounds fine to me. I'll make sure he eats something healthy and gets to bed at a reasonable micro. What do you say, Enzo?"
Enzo's head was spinning so fast he felt sure it would fly off his neck and hit the ceiling. "I don't need a babysitter." He said softly, more out of reflex than anything else.
"Of course you don't. But wouldn't you get lonely here all by yourself? And this way, if a game cube drops you'll be together, so there's no risk of one of you getting stranded in there by yourself."
"I… I guess, Sis." AndrAIa – here? In his own home, for the entire night? With no one else there? The boy wasn't sure he could deal with that. But still – AndrAIa there, in his home… Maybe it wouldn't be so bad.
"Don't worry – we'll have fun." AndrAIa giggled. "I'm not babysitting – we'll just be friends, keeping each other company."
"Sure." The young man smiled weakly. "It'll be pixelacious."
"That's settled then!" Dot said brightly, clapping her hands. As usual, her will had won out. "Ones less thing for me to worry about. Now – who wants some cocoa?"
